BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - HUMOR

GEEZER

Southdown Abbey
Friday, March 5, 2004

To be broadcast early Sunday mornings, on low-power stations.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3169    RATING: 8    SERIES: FIREFLY

Initial Treatment for Southdown Abbey Commercial

--------------- (Aerial shot of abbey – Slow zoom in to main building)

Voice-over: “Southdown Abbey”

(Montage – Abbey Scenes: Peaceful Shepherds praying, gardening, reading, doing chores, etc.)

VO: “A peaceful retreat for the man of God who needs some time out of the world.”

(Travel shot – Follows Shepherd Book through docks)

VO: “But our Shepherds are active in day-to-day life too.”

(Montage – Book climbs ramp onto Serenity. Ramp closes. Ship lifts.)

VO:”…even on other planets.”

(Close-up – Bible on wooden lectern)

VO: “Southdown Shepherds are authorized and licensed to perform all Holy functions.”

(Interior shot - Book, with open Bible in hand - two women and a man standing in front of him.)

VO: “Weddings…

Book: ”Do you, John, take Mary and Lucille…Do you, Mary, take Lucille and John…Do you, Lucille,…” (fades to…)

(Exterior shot – Book, with open bible in hand before 5 graves – Jayne standing beside the graves, dirty and leaning on a shovel.)

VO: “Funerals…

Book: “Lord, please receive the souls of these five bandits that we…” Jayne, interrupting: “I…” Book: “…that Jayne killed. Look kindly on…” (fades to…)

(Interior shot – bedroom – River tied to bed with Simon and Mal holding her arms. – Book in full Shepherd garb, swinging a smoking censor. River’s head swivels around 360 degrees and she projectile vomits to the ceiling)

VO: “Exorcisms…both traditional…

Book, chanting: “Exorcizo te, omnis spiritus immunde, in nomine Dei Patris omnipotentis, et in noimine Jesu Christi Filii ejus, Domini et Judicis nostri…”(fades to…)

(Interior shot – rural church. Crowd praying and singing. Book sermonizing in front of the altar, wearing white suit and tie. Zoe, wearing a flower print dress and on crutches, is led to the front by Wash and Kaylee. Book raises his hands in prayer and then strikes Zoe on the forehead with the palm of his hand three times as he speaks)

VO: “…and contemporary”

Book, loudly: “Yes-a, Lord! Gonna cast-a out this evil! Out, you devil! Out, you demon! Out, you mother-humpin’ son-of-a-bitch. Hallelujah, Hallelujah!”

(Cut to Serenity crew in mess hall, talking and laughing. Book happily serving meal to everyone.)

VO: Yes, when you think spiritual service, think Southdown Shepherds. For a free prospectus, or to join the Shepherds, wave 1-877-MYSHEEP.

(Wipe dissolve to wave # and mail address superimposed on glamour shot of abbey front.)

End

(Approved: JCB) (Note: maybe JEJ for VO?)

COMMENTS

Tuesday, May 4, 2004 5:27 AM

DELIA


This made me laugh. Great job!

Monday, August 1, 2005 2:17 PM

CHRISISALL


Hey Geezer, that was pretty good. I see why it's in script form, it would come across great as a short film or video! You might even be able to do it with real FF footage, just change around some of the words a little.
Thanks for the laugh.

Friday, August 19, 2005 6:40 AM

FIGHTON4GOD


Oh, that was gorram shiny! It cracked me up when Book called the devil/demon a mother-humpin’ son-of-a-bitch. So great.


Keep Flyin' Under the Radar!
- Anna -AKA- FightOn4God-

Wednesday, October 5, 2005 2:55 AM

DARKEYES


I thought this was great and funy, and I'm sure that makes me an evil person on some level.
...
I'm goin' to the special hell.


POST YOUR COMMENTS

You must log in to post comments.

YOUR OPTIONS

OTHER FANFICS BY AUTHOR