Part II

Kaylee stared at the doorway for a long minute before Inara appeared at her side. She put a comforting arm around the mechanic’s shoulders and began to lead her out of the room but Kaylee shook free of her arm and whirled on Jayne.

“Ya had ta do that, didn’t ya? Had ta cause problems? Why can’t ya just be happy for us and leave Simon alone?”

“I ain’t the one that lied, sweetheart.” Jayne started sharpening his knife, unconcerned with the teary tone in her voice.

“Why you gotta be mean to Simon all the time? He ain’t done nothin’ to you.” Kaylee turned around and hurried out of the room before any tears slipped down her cheeks.

Inara shot Jayne a scathing look that made him consider taking all of his toys and returning to his bunk to hide. Her gaze softened a bit as it landed on Mal, but she still shook her head and followed Kaylee out of the room.

“That prissy boy don’t belong here and everyone knows it.” Jayne finally said once Kaylee had gone.

“Doc’s got a place on this boat same as you, Jayne.” Mal finally said, trying to decide the best course of action now that the ship’s resident happy couple had had their first serious spat. “You’d be dead a few times over weren’t for him.”

Jayne stared at Mal and quickly shot back, “Yeah, I’d have a few less scars and bullet holes weren’t for him an his crazy sister bein’ on this boat too.”

“Leave Simon and Kaylee alone, Jayne. I mean it.” Mal shook his head and walked back toward the bridge muttering something beneath his breath about shipboard relationships.

Zoe glanced casually at the scraps of paper again, recognizing Jayne’s large, bold handwriting compared to Kaylee’s more delicate script, and then back at Jayne.

Jayne didn’t bother to look up but he could feel the smirk spreading across her face.

“No wonder you’re angry,” Zoe said as she left the room.

~*~

“Kaylee?” Inara stepped cautiously into the engine room, looking around for the ship’s resident mechanic. She could hear tinkering coming from the back of the room and as she crept closer, she could see Kaylee’s legs sticking out from beneath the engine. “Kaylee?”

Kaylee’s voice was muffled but Inara could tell she was crying. “Hi ‘Nara.”

“Why don’t you come out of there before the tears blur your vision so terribly that you hurt yourself.”

“Don’t matter no more.”

Inara winced at the dejected tone in the younger girl’s voice. “Of course it does, mei mei. Come out.”

Inara could see Kaylee was not moving beneath the big piece of machinery. She was probably just under there so she could hide. Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to let Simon and Kaylee share a bunk without separate corners to retreat to if they had a spat. Inara shook her head. Not that the couple would have listened to anyone’s protests anyway. And they already did have a place to hide if needed. Simon had the infirmary and Kaylee had the engine room.

“Out mei mei, now. You need to talk about it.” She winced at the firm tone, but when Kaylee was upset over something, Inara had learned that you either left the girl alone to deal with it on her own, or you gave her a little push.

Slowly, Kaylee pushed herself out from beneath the engine.

Inara’s heart broke for the girl, whose face was streaked with tears and engine grease.

“Oh, honey.” Inara knelt beside her and took her hand. “What happened?”

Kaylee shook her head and pushed herself to her feet. “I ruined it. Us. Simon hates me now.”

Inara wondered at that. As long as it had taken the skittish Simon to respond to Kaylee’s advances, she didn’t think one little spat could ruin their relationship for good. They’d been together for nearly a year now and never once – that anyone had ever seen or heard – had they fought. She’d been meaning for months now to sit Kaylee down and ask her her secret. Mal was increasingly infuriating even as Simon had gotten over his hang-ups. It seemed, for all intents and purposes, the men had switched places, with Mal being the bumbling idiot around her where Simon was now confident and secure in his relationship with Kaylee.

“Why does he hate you?” She’d heard part of the conversation but couldn’t quite put it all together. And she wanted to hear it from Kaylee’s point of view anyway.

Kaylee grabbed a rag and wiped her hands and face, cleaning her hands but smudging the grease from them across her face. “Jayne was pickin’ on Simon somethin’ fierce and I – I wanted him to stop.”

Inara smiled tenderly at Kaylee. “And Simon couldn’t do this himself? He’s gotten pretty good at standing up to Jayne over the last few months.”

“He weren’t there.” Kaylee quickly corrected.

“Ah.”

“So Jayne was raggin’ on account of him bein’ so small.” Kaylee sobbed wetly into her dirty rag. “Just ‘cause he’s sorter than all the guys don’t mean he’s small.”

Inara nodded, suddenly seeing where the conversation was heading. She remained silent and listened patiently.

“Jayne kept goin’ on an on. So I tol’ him Simon weren’t small where it counted.”

Inara covered a grin with a delicately manicured hand. She and Kaylee had had this conversation already. In far more detail than she truly needed. Kaylee had been all too excited when she and Simon had first gotten together and had probably told her more than she’d ever wanted to know about Simon.

“An’ Jayne didn’t believe me. So – so I said I’d prove it to him.”

For clarification, Inara added. “And that’s where the papers with the numbers come in.”

Kaylee sighed dejectedly. “Yeah.”

Silence fell for a moment as Inara waited for Kaylee to continue.

“Oh ‘Nara. I lied to him. I tol’ him I just wanted ta know. Since I’d never, you know, cared before.”

Inara winced. Even if a man wasn’t worried about his size or pleasing his lady, hearing that come out of his girlfriend’s mouth had to have stung a bit.

A momentary dreamy look passed across her face and Inara could tell she was reliving the experience. “He just laughed and let me do what I wanted.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “Then sexed me so good only the thought a rubbin’ Jayne’s nose in it got me out of bed.”

“And Jayne didn’t believe you.” She had heard this part of the fight.

“Nope. An Simon walked in while we was arguin’ over it.” Kaylee collapsed into a heap on the metal floor. “Oh ‘Nara, he was so upset. I hurt him so much. I shoulda just told him why I wanted it. He trusted me while we was – “ she hiccupped and buried her face in her hands.

Inara knelt beside her friend and rubbed her back in gentle soothing circles. “I imagine that Simon probably feels a bit betrayed – especially if you didn’t tell him the truth about why you wanted the information.” She tried to temper her words, but winced even as they left her lips.

“An –“

Inara put a finger to Kaylee’s lips. “Let me finish.”

Kaylee nodded.

“And he probably feels he can’t trust you right now. I saw the look on his face. It wasn’t one of hate. It was one of hurt and disbelief.” She wiped at the tears dripping down Kaylee’s cheeks.

“He’ll never forgive me.”

“Oh, I’m sure he will.” Inara couldn’t believe such a thing would break the couple apart. Knowing how sensitive men were about their size, once Simon got over his this hurdle with Kaylee, she could imagine he would be quite proud to be in Jayne’s – league. “You might want to make sure you go to him and clear things up though. Sooner rather than later.”

“Can’t. Not right now. Am a mess. An – an I know he don’t wanna see me right now.”

Inara lifted Kaylee’s chin with a finger. “Never go to bed angry. If you have to stay up all night fighting and yelling, do it. But get it all out before you go to bed.”

Kaylee just nodded and pushed herself to her feet. “Got some work that needs doin’ before bed anyhow.”

Inara made her way toward the entrance and cast one last look over her shoulder at Kaylee absently tinkering with something on her desk. Perhaps it was a good idea if Kaylee let Simon cool down a bit before trying to talk to him.

Everyone on the ship knew how obstinate the good doctor could be when he was hurt. That, and in past, he hadn’t been so good at talking to Kaylee when he was in a good mood. Simon talking to Kaylee now, in a bad mood because of her, would probably have a detrimental affect on their relationship.

~*~

Simon had been in the infirmary for hours, busying himself with menial tasks and things that didn’t really need to be done. But he did them, and did them again anyway. He needed to do something to keep his mind off of what had happened. He felt betrayed and hurt and more than just a little angry. Kaylee had taken something immensely personal between them and told – Jayne of all people. He wanted to go to her, demand to know why, to understand. But he was so mad he needed to stay away. He needed some time to cool down.

By the time the lights had been dimmed for the night, Simon had still not tempered his anger and hurt enough to go to Kaylee himself. It wasn’t truly his fault anyway. She had done this. She needed to come to him. He wasn’t even sure if he could accept an apology right now.

Simon stubbornly flipped off the light in the infirmary and went to his – now their – bunk. He flopped onto the bed and sat lost in thought for a few moments before snatching the data tablet out of a drawer and searching for anything that might occupy his mind.

After a while, he found himself staring at the words, not really reading, and he slammed the tablet shut out of frustration. He knew he was being stubborn by not going to Kaylee and asking for an explanation. But he just couldn’t bring himself to give in.

Muttering angrily to himself, he stripped down for bed, leaving on only a pair of loose fitting sweatpants, and slid beneath the covers. It was a long time until he could even close his eyes. Every time he did, he could see Kaylee’s hand reaching for him as he backed away and the hurt in her eyes as he walked out of the room not allowing her to explain.

Just as he decided to swallow his stubborn pride and go talk to her, he saw a shadow outside their door slowly reach for the handle and slide it open.

Childish though it may have been, Simon closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. He could hear her rustling around, knew that she was carefully putting dirty clothes into their proper place. Would she come to bed as usual wearing nothing but that which she was graced at birth?

He could sense her standing over him, probably looking down, wondering if he was going to say something. He felt the blanket lift and her start to slide beneath the covers, but then she stopped and he suddenly realized that he hadn’t left enough room for her in their narrow bed. He’d closed his eyes too quickly and hadn’t thought about moving over.

Under pretense of sleep, he yawned and rolled backwards, giving her more room. He hoped that she would take it. They needed to talk. They needed to work past this. But she needed to make the first move.

With a heavy sigh, Kaylee slipped into bed with him, carefully keeping her body from touching any part of his. She usually slept curled in his arms, and he slowly opened one eye and then the other and found himself staring at the back of her head. He could feel her soft sobs as they shook the bed. He knew she was trying to hide them.

Slowly, tentatively, he reached out and slid his hand around her waist – and came into contact with material. She didn’t often wear clothes to bed. He could hear her breath hitch as he drew her back against him. He was upset. She was upset. They needed to talk. But he, as usual, didn’t know what to say.

He was spared further contemplation when she quietly whispered, “I’m sorry, Simon.”

His heart fluttered at the heartache in her voice and he cursed himself for his stubbornness. He could have gone to her sooner. They could have talked and worked this out hours ago.

“Kaylee – I –“

She pulled his arm tighter around her and continued, “I shouldn’t have done what I did. Jayne jus made me so mad. Wanted him to jus leave ya alone.”

Simon swallowed thickly. He knew she had done it for admirable reasons. But it still didn’t completely nullify the ache of betrayal in his heart. “I don’t care about him, you know. I don’t care about what he thinks or what he says.”

He felt her stiffen in his arms and he suddenly got the feeling he’d said the wrong thing.

“About me,” Simon added hastily. “I’ll punch him for saying anything about you. But the big ape knows better.”

“Oh Simon,” Kaylee rolled over and buried her face in his neck. She clutched him tightly, afraid that if she let go he would slip away from her. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean ta hurt ya. Or trick ya. I just –“

He placed a gentle finger on her lips. “I understand why you did it. Your heart was in the right place. You did it for the right reasons. You just –“ He struggled with the words that had tumbled through his head all night long. Now wasn’t the time to hold anything back. “– you didn’t need to lie to me. That hurts bao bei. You’ve never lied to me.”

Fresh tears spilled from her eyes and he hurried to cup her damp cheeks in his hands. He brushed away the wetness with his thumbs and leaned his forehead against hers. “It hurt that you took such an intimate act and –“ Simon didn’t know how to continue. He wasn’t good at expressing romantic feelings, much less when he was angry and hurt.

Kaylee kissed him, as much to not have to hear the pain in his voice as to hear the words. She knew. She knew everything he was going to say. Or thought she did. Even when she planned what she’d done, in the back of her mind she knew how he’d feel if he found out. She just didn’t think. Just wanted to lash out for him. Instead, it had backfired.

“I’m sorry. Simon, I’m so sorry. Please, can you forgive me? Can you trust I won’t do nothin’ like this again? I’m so sorry.” Each word was punctuated by a sob or a kiss as she clutched desperately onto him. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“Oh, bao bei.” Simon wrapped his arms around her so tightly she could barely breathe. “You won’t lose me over this. It will just –“ He couldn’t tell her that it would take some time for him to trust her again. But it would happen. He would get over it. She meant it for the best. Her heart had been in the right place. “What good is a relationship if we don’t fight once in a while? Hmm?”

“Don’t wanna fight at all.” She snuggled against him, scrunching her eyes shut.

“Well, it’s been almost a year.” He chuckled, despite himself. “I suppose one fight in a year isn’t a bad thing.”

Kaylee looked up at him, her eyes brightening and her sunny smile returning tentatively to her pretty face. She dropped a finger to his mouth and traced the soft outline. “I love you, Simon. Don’t ever think I don’t –“

He placed his finger over her lips, silencing her with a smile. “I know. I love you Kaylee.” He glanced down and tugged gently at the shirt she wore. “What’s this?”

Kaylee smiled sheepishly. “Thought I’d wear your shirt so I could feel like I was sleepin’ in your arms if ya – if ya kicked me out.”

He brushed the back of his hand along her neck, enjoying the feel of her soft skin against his fingers. “Aren’t the real things preferable to a piece of material?”

“Mmm Hmm.” She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch.

His fingers trailed the valley between her breasts, loosing each button along the way. “I’ve gotten used to you coming to bed with nothing on.” He parted the fabric and scooted closer to her, her lower body brushing against his. “Don’t want that to ever change.” He slowly, hesitantly, drew the material over her shoulders and bent to kiss her neck. He wanted to get back to where they were earlier today. But an apprehension, that hadn’t been there before today, stayed his hands and his mouth.

Kaylee shimmied her arms out of the shirt and slid her hands over his shoulders, leaning against his mouth with a breathy sigh.

Simon squeezed his eyes shut and tried to push the uncertainty away. He slowly kissed his way along her collarbone and his fingers danced along her sides wanting to slide lower. But the fear that something would happen, break his trust and hurt him yet again, gave him pause. With a sigh, he simply pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.

Kaylee could feel the subtle change in him and lifted her head. “Simon?”

“I just want to hold you tonight, Kaylee.”

Confusion flickered in her eyes but she only nodded slowly and settled into his arms, worried that something more was wrong and he just wasn’t telling her. Neither one of them fell asleep for a long time, each lost in a mutual misery that they could not explain and had no idea how to fix.