The rest of the crew where enjoying their time away from Zoë. They were all sitting around a table drinking. “I feel bad about lying to the captain.” Kaylee took a sip of her drink. “What the captain don’t know won’t hurt him.” Wash added as he clanged his glass with Jayne. “What did you tell Mal was wrong with Serenity.” Inara asked amused at how much fun Wash was having without his wife. “I told him the dagrelizer was broke and we needed a new one.” “What’s a dagrelizer?” “I don’t know I just made it up. Captain don’t know the difference.” Wash hugged Kaylee. “Awe ain’t that sweet our lil Kaylee is growing up…she lying to the captain now.” “It was your idea Wash.” She pushed him off of her. “That it was and a fine one at that…” He held his glass in the air. The others followed suit. “To my lovely wife and mother of my children…I pray to God, Buddha, Santa Clause and who ever else is out there that she deliver today!” “Yeah!” Everyone clinked their glasses together. Jayne was eyeing a girl who was sitting at the bar. “I’ll be back.” He slammed down his drink and fixed his shirt and headed in the direction of the girl. Simon was feeling a bit out of place in the bar he shifted in his seat. “Nara you got any money on you?” Kaylee asked. “A little why?” “They got a jukebox. I wanna dance.” Inara handed Kaylee some coins. “Sheh-sheh.” Kaylee kissed Inara on the cheek and grabbed Simon’s hand. “Come on doc dance with me.” Simon didn’t have time to protest. Kaylee put the money in the jukebox and started dancing. Book stood up and extended his hand to Inara, “May I have this dance?” Inara took his hand and gracefully bowed, “Yes you may.” Book and Inara joined Kaylee and Simon on the dance floor, leaving Wash and River alone. Wash looked at River who seemed to be engulfed in watching everyone dance. “I suppose you want me to ask you to dance?” River perked up. “It’s starting they’re coming!” River jumped up and headed for the door. “You coming?” she asked Wash. “What’s starting? Where am I going?” “You’re going to miss little Mal!” River protested grabbing Wash’s hand. “Definitely won’t be missing little Mal, River what’s gotten into you?” Somehow River managed to drag Wash out of the tavern. “You know for a 90 pound girl you’re freakishly strong.” Simon ran out into the street out of breath. “Zoë’s going into labor!” “What! Without me?” Wash grabbed the com from Simon. “Zoë baby don’t have Wash’s baby 1 and Wash’s baby 2 without Wash.” “Less chatting and more getting back to the ship would be nice…Shouldn’t I be breathing?” Mal said over the com. Wash and Simon ran back to Serenity leaving River standing alone in the street. River shook her head, “They never listen.”

“Ok…good…alright…their on their way….” Mal was pacing back and forth in the bunk. “Ok I can handle this…I’m the captain...” Mal started taking deep breathes. He looked at the distress Zoë who was on his bed. “Why nothing goes smooth, is that too much to ask. Cause I don’t think that it’s too much to ask… I think I’m a man of all kinds of reason…Zoë…I don’t think I can go through this!” “Sir can you stop pacing its getting on my nerves.” Zoë said breathing deeply. Mal stopped. “Yeah…ok…why aren’t they here yet…” Mal took Zoë’s hand. “You ok?” Breathing, “Yes sir, I’m fine.” “Good cause I’m not. Zoë I don’t know nothing about birthing no babies…” Mal started to pace again. Mal got back on the com and barked, “Where in the gorram hell are you two…I can’t take this…I can take a lot of things but not this…” Simon climbed down the stairs with his med kit. “How far apart are the contractions?” He quickly went to Zoë’s side. “Con…what? How far apart is what…Doc you got to help me cause I have no idea what you’re yammering about.” Simon turned around to look at Mal, “I was talking to Zoë.” “Yeah…Zoë.” “Doctor, where’s my husband?” “He said he had to find the camera.” Inara climbed down the ladder, “Is this everything you need Simon?” “Yes thank you.” “What’s going on here…doc why ain’t you moving Zoë to the infirmary?” “Zoë is in no condition to be moved. She’s going to have to deliver here…Inara can you hand me that please.” “No…no…no…there will be no delivering of babies in my bunk.” Zoë let out a loud scream. “Sir, I don’t think we got a choice.” Mal started pacing again, “Not like anyone listens to me anyway I’m just the captain.” Wash fell down the latter into Mal’s bunk. “I heard screaming is everything ok?” “Yes, Zoë started her contractions…” Wash took his wife’s hand. “Nice you to join me, husband.” “Wouldn’t be anywhere else honeybee.” He kissed her hand.

The rest of the crew where waiting outside of Mal’s bunk. Jayne was pacing and biting his nails. Book stood standing with his Bible in hand. Kaylee was about to burst rainbows, bunnies, puppies, and kittens waiting to see the babies. River was curled up in a ball. “300…299…298…297…296…” Jayne gave River an odd look, “What’s crazy doing?” River whispered, “counting…295…294…293…” “Ain’t it gonna be fun Shepherd having two cuddle little babies on board? Maybe Cap’n won’t be so grouchy, people can’t be grouchy with tiny sweet babies.” Kaylee looked at Book. “Can they?” Book laughed, “I think it’s going to take a lot more than babies to make Mal less grouchy.” “If he got laid he’d be a whole lot less grouchy if you asked me. Ain’t natural a man going that long without gettin’ sex.” Jayne gave River a puzzled look as River was still counting. “Jayne!” Kaylee yelled. “You can’t be talking like that with the babies around. We don’t want their first word to be a swear.”

“Ok honey breath…breath…you’re doing good…she’s doing good right doc?” Wash looked nervously up at Simon. “Yes…Zoë you’re doing fine.” Simon patted Zoë on the leg. “Your contractions are about 5 minutes apart so…” “I don’t think the captain is doing too well…Sir you ok?” Zoë said almost laughing. Mal was breathing hard. He had a deer stuck in the head lights look on his face. He could barely get out, “Shiny…I’m shiny…you shiny?” Mal looked at Inara. “Mal why don’t you wait upstairs with everyone else.” Inara tired to lead Mal to the door but he wouldn’t budge. “I’m ok…I promised Zoë…” Mal looked at Inara. “Really I’m…” Zoë let out another scream and so did Wash. “My hand…my hand…” Wash tried to take his hand from Zoë’s death grip. “Ok Zoë, you’re dilated about 10cm so the next contraction we’re going to push.” “Let go…I need my hand to fly…sweet pea.” Wash pulled his hands from Zoë. “Cap’n why don’t you hold Zoë’s hand and I’ll help Simon at the other end.” Zoë cut her eyes at Wash. “Or I could stay here with you and hold your hand sweetums, I can always fly with my feet.” He gave her a big grin. “It’s ok Wash…I can handle this…really I’m a manly man…I’m the captain, I lead 2,000 plus soldiers…I think I can handle this.” Mal put his hand on Wash’s shoulder. “I want to do this.” He gave Zoë a loving look. “Sugar Bear is it ok if Mal hold’s your hand?” Wash said in a sing songy voice. “Wash will you please stop talking to me like I’m a gorram baby!” Zoë yelled as other contraction came. Wash quickly placed Mal’s hand in Zoë and grab the capture he had in his pocket. “Ok…Wash’s log…the year 2525…the month, hey does anyone know what month it is?” “October 6.” Inara added wiping Zoë’s brow. “Yes…the year 2525 the day October 6…the event…the birth of Wash’s baby 1 and Wash’s baby 2. Starring Wash’s lovely wife Zoë.” He zoomed in on a clearly annoyed Zoë. “Don’t worry Wash’s baby 1 and Wash’s baby 2 Mommy doesn’t always look that mad, well yes she does, but she loves you very much…” “Ok Zoë when you feel your next contraction coming I want you to push ok.” Simon prepared himself. “Co starring is Dr. Simon Tam, he’s the best doctor in the whole verse.” Wash got a close up on Simon. “Wash please…” Simon put his hand in front of the camera. “Also co starring is the lovely Companion Inara Serra who is the nurse maid.” Inara just smiled at Wash’s camera. “And here Wash’s Baby 1 and Wash’s Baby 2 is your grumpy god daddy Captain Malcolm Reynolds…” Wash turned the camera on himself, “And your narrator and best daddy…me!” Wash climbed the stairs of the bunk. “With special guest stars, Shepherd…hey Shepherd what’s your first name?” “Derrial…Don’t you think you should be capturing the birth.?” “Got plenty of time…with special guest stars Shepherd Derrial Book playing the role of preacher.” He pan over to Kaylee. “also starring the ever so cheerful, the best mechanic in the whole verse Ms. Kaywinnit Lee Frye, but we call her Kaylee.” “Hi babies…can’t wait to see ya.” Kaylee blew a kiss to the camera. “And Wash’s baby 1 and Wash’s baby 2 this is River Tam.” Wash tilts down the curled up River. “She’s…” Wash turns the camera on himself “She’s a bit crazy, but that’s what we love about her.” He now turns the camera to Jayne. “Here is our burly ape Jayne Cobb. Don’t worry Wash’s Baby 1 and Wash’s Baby 2 he won’t hurt you…Mommy won’t let him.” “I wouldn’t hurt no baby…not unless he’s planning to shoot me…then I would have to think about it.” Book turned to Jayne, “Why would a baby have a gun pointed at you?” Jayne just shrugged. Zoë screams again. Wash turns the camera back on himself again. “Ok…it’s time for you Wash’s Baby 1 to make you’re grand entrance.”

hmmm...my head and hands aren't working together very well lately...can't seem to get what's in my head on paper. This is what I got so far...I hope I can figure it out. Hope you enjoy. Wacky fun!