Disclaimer: Not mine, no pay.

Thanks: To Jacqui, for friendship, great beta and encouragement, to Josh the Paramedic for medical info and to Rion, my own personal BDH. You guys are the greatest.

Rating: NC15, for adult references, heavy on the angst.

Remarks: Jayne and Kaylee struggle to define their relationship. Set following my most recent story “The Birthday Gift”, after “Objects in Space”. Inara has departed from Serenity and things on board ship are getting more difficult. Click on my name to read the backstory.

Feedback: It make the world go round, makes my day, makes me write like a fiend. Please and thank you.

Leaps of Faith

Chapter Five

Mal strides up the ramp, takes a quick look behind, waves farewell to Monte and shouts over his shoulder, “Jayne, Zoë! Get those crates secured now!” He hits the button to close the ramp and bay doors, then give the order to lift off.

“Wash, get our asses off this rock pronto!”

“You got it. We’ll be outta atmo in about five minutes.”

“Take us out over one of the poles. We’re less likely to bump into any Alliance patrols that way. Just keep your eyes peeled and fly quiet.”

There’s a stack of heavy gray and blue freight containers they’ve just hauled into Serenity’s cargo bay. Jayne leans over one and uses his knife to split the Alliance seal that indicates each crate has been secured, then pops the latches. He raises the lid and whistles when he pulls back the packing.

“Lao-tyen boo, ai ya women wanle! I know you said these was Alliance arms, but gorrammit, Mal, this is state-of-the-art stuff here.”

Mal reaches in and re-covers the weapons. Jayne can barely get his hand clear before Mal slams the lid shut and re-latches it.

“Thank you, Mister Cobb! In case it hadn’t occurred to you, we need these seals intact, so our buyer don’t go wonderin’ if we’re sellin him crates of mutton or some such thing.”

“Gear like this, don’ya think somebody’s ruttin’ well gonna notice it’s gone missin?” Jayne growls.

“Yeah, I expect they will.’ Mal snaps back. “That’s why we gotta fly smart, get this stuff to Emerson quick as possible. Don’t want no Alliance arms burnin’ a hole in my boat. Gwon nee ju jee du shu, and don’t you go getting’ no ideas that you wanna add a few of these to your collection.”

“Cao! Jen dao mei.” Jayne grits his teath and glances sharply at Zoë. She shakes him off, the warning on her face apparent. Nothin’ to be done now but make the run and dump the goods, clean and fast. They get the crates bunched and stacked and cable them down.

Wash’s voice comes over the comm. “We’re out of atmo. No bogies on the scope. I’ve got us runnin’ low for Aberdeen.”

“Kaylee!” Mal yells through the comm-link.

“Yeah, Cap’n?” Her voice from the engine room sounds harried.

“Damp her down. We wanna make this trip with as little wake as possible. Don’t need to be drawin’ any unnecessary attention.”

“Already done it. She’s flyin’ clean.”

+++

The trip is relatively short, a few days, but it feels longer because of the tension everyone’s feeling. Miraculously, they encounter no Alliance traffic as they clear the space off Santo and Kaylee’s careful work on the Firefly’s engine keeps them running quietly, heading out for Aberdeen.

Kaylee passes Jayne in the corridor. The man looks haggard, like he’s been up all night, his jaw dark with several days growth of stubble.

“You busy?” She smiles up at him.

“Nah.” He scratches his tousled dark hair. “Seems like I’m mostly just pacing the ship from stem to stern, waitin’ for this piece ’a go se job to get over.”

Kaylee gently lays her hand on his arm. “You’re lookin’ pretty rough around the edges, honey.” The little mechanic flashes her best flirtin’ smile at him.

“Mal wants me to give the second shuttle a thorough goin’ over, just make sure we’re shiny before Aberdeen. I was thinkin’ if you was willin’, you could help me out some. It’s been awhile, ya know,” she hints broadly, looking up at him.

Jayne looks down at her sweet face, beautiful as ever even with grease smeared across her rosy cheeks and the tip of her little nose and he tucks a lock of her hair back behind her ear, the gesture a subtle caress.

“Yeah, I know. The past few weeks have been a chou san ba, Kaylee-girl, an’ I guess I ain’t been much company for ya.” He pauses, then takes the heavy tool box from her with a deep sigh and turns around toward the shuttle. “Let’s go see what needs doin’.”

+++

No doubt about it, Kaylee’s missed Jayne’s lovin’, especially missed his companionship. She’s hungry for answers to the questions that are haunting her. And most of all, she’s frustrated. He’s been so edgy lately, it almost seems like he’s doin’ his best to keep her at arm’s length. She re-calibrates the small thrust jets that maneuver the shuttle, hoping the privacy and close proximity will lead toward some of the intimacy that’s been scarce between them of late.

Even now, the merc is unusually quiet. While her back is turned, he watches Kaylee work, thinks about his talks with the Shepherd, struggles with how to talk to her about the reticence he’s feeling.

Part of him is awed by her, loves her with an intensity that frightens him. Another part wants to yank her coveralls off and take her right there on the floor of the shuttle, no talk, no past or future, just his cock buried in her wet heat. A third part of him wants to bolt out the shuttle’s hatch and dodge the press of questions he can feel growin’ inside her. Love, lust and fear, all dukin’ it out inside his chest.

The tension builds until Kaylee gets tired of waiting for Jayne to speak or touch her.

“How come you’re bein’ such a ‘Silent Sam’? You been ignorin’ me for days, Jayne. Ain’t even hardly touched me.” Her voice has a whine she tries to will away.

“I s’pose yer right.” He hopes to placate her.

“You just don’t never volunteer anything, get all testy when I ask ya.” She hands him a torque wrench, plunges ahead. “What’s going on with us, Jayne?”

“Whaddaya mean?” He checks the pressure-dial as he tightens the couplings to spec, thinkin’, Where the hell did that come from?

She rolls onto her back to get to a cable under the comm panel, then blurts out, “Jayne Cobb, we been sweeties goin’ on three months and I can tell you every freckle and scar on that swai body of yours, but I don’t know jack shit ‘bout you beyond a few stories and tall tales and how you like your diao sucked.”

The big man’s eyes go wide and his jaw tightens.

“Now Kaylee, that ain’t so. There’s things just hard to talk about. You, of all people, oughta know that. Ain’t nothin’ to be served by gettin’ back into summa that stuff.” This is territory he just does not want to cover with her.

She sits up and tosses the cutters into the toolbox with a sharp bang.

“Ain’t I got the right to know somethin’ about the man I’m sleepin’ with? Know what he’s done and what he’s feelin?” Her voice is agitated. She doesn’t mean to pick a fight, but the confusion and frustration she’s been carryin’ inside come spiralin’ out, makin’ the shuttle suddenly feel too small for the two of them.

They sit cross-legged, glarin’ at each other.

“Jayne… What’s goin’ on?” She pleads. “Just don’t shut me out. Please.” She leans toward him, reaches to touch him, wanting him to draw her close. If he’d just take her into his arms, reassure her, let her inside the invisible armor.

Instead, he pulls back beyond her reach.

“Bao bei?” Her voice rides the sharp edge of tears.

The pain and confusion in her endearment claws at him and he gives way, lowers his steel-blue eyes, just stares down at his hands while his brain chatters.

Wu de tyen ah, where do I even start? Do I tell her about the burglaries, about all the men I killed, a long string of ‘em? Do I tell her about how gorram near I come to dyin’ from some hundan’s blade or bullet?

Do I say ‘Kaylee, I tried to sell out that fong luh girl an’ the doc back on Ariel’? Or, how ‘bout, ‘I stand a good chance a dyin’ tomorrow in this deal Mal’s set up with Emerson.’?”

“Kaylee, I can’t do this now.” He stands up abruptly, trailing his fingers across her shoulder as he moves past her and out of the shuttle.

In the silent space that seems now impossibly big and empty, Kaylee sits bewildered, her lower lip trembling as her eyes fill with tears.

(To be continued...)