Disclaimer: Not mine, no pay.

Thanks: To Jacqui, Josh and to Rion, my own personal BDH. You guys are the greatest.

Rating: PG-15, heavy angst - it's all Jacqui's fault.

Remarks: Jayne and Kaylee struggle to define their relationship. It’s the night before the big job.

Set following my most recent story “The Birthday Gift”, after “Objects in Space”. Inara has departed from Serenity and things on board ship are getting more difficult. Click on my name to read the backstory. They’re all backstory.

Feedback: It only takes a minute and is genuinely appreciated. What did you like? What doesn’t work? You can post below or email to Lumenea@aol.com

Leaps of Faith

Chapter Seven

Kaylee knows Jayne won’t be sleepin’ much the night before a run. Usually she’d leave him alone, knowing he’s always edgy before they pull a job. Especially since the scene in the shuttle earlier in the day, she’s hesitant.

But tonight, somethin’ won’t settle and she finds herself up her ladder before she knows it. She scans the corridor and finds it empty, then steps across to his door, quietly swings it open and descends the rungs.

“I knowed it was you.”

His voice is low, flat. He’s cross-legged on his bunk, loadin’ ammo into a magazine. His eyes are focused on the shells he feeds into the clip. He hasn’t even looked up.

“How come?” Kaylee shifts from foot to foot.

“Only one don’t knock first.”

He’s been agitated ever since Mal announced the job, harsh even with her.

“Why’re ya over here?” He asks. “Ya know I need to get ready for the job.” He pops the last shell in and sets the clip aside, picks up another empty magazine and continues filling it from the box beside him.

“Well…” She stammers, “I, uh, I was worrin’ about ya and couldn’t sleep and…”

“And?” His voice is sharper. “It don’t help me none for you t’be frettin’, Kaylee. Ain’t like this is the first job I been out on since hirin’ on here.”

She bites at her lower lip, hands in her pockets. “I know. It’s just…” She can feel herself flushin’. “Jayne, why are you bein’ so mean?”

He looks up at her and it’s like something in him is closed off to her, like he’s a stranger, not the man who’s been her lover goin’ on three months. He’s anxious and afraid, trying not to let her see it, pulled in and tryin’ to focus on what’s ahead.

“Ain’t bein’ mean.” Another shell clicks home. “Anyways, why are ya so concerned all of a sudden?”

They stare at one another in strained silence, each trying to read the other, not succeeding.

“Well, before, it was different.”

“Whaddaya mean?” He snaps, his jaw tight.

”Well, we weren’t… we hadn’t… “ She struggles to articulate her fear, her need.

“Wu de tyen ah, Jayne. You could get killed tomorrow!”

“You think I don’t know that, Kaylee?” He looks away sharply, struggles with what he’s feeling, then turns on her, blunt, harsh.

“Gorramit, girl. I’m a mercenary, I do whatever I gotta, to get the job done. Sometimes that means killin’ people. Sometimes means I get hurt, maybe even killed myself.”

“Kaylee, this is what I do.”

Her eyes fill with tears as a sob tears free from her throat.

What he sees makes his chest ache and his breath rushes out of him like a decompressing airlock. He can’t bear her confusion, her fear. He hates his ineptness with words, how he always seems to say the wrong thing, can’t say what he really feels, hurts the one person he most wants to love.

“Aw hell, Kaylee, c’m’ere.”

He sets the clip he’s loading aside and makes room for her beside him on the narrow bunk. She looks like a child someone has slapped and he immediately regrets his harshness.

Don’t matter I love her. Ain’t got no business puttin’ her through all this.

He shifts and draws her onto his lap, her head against his shoulder as her arm slips around his waist.

“I’m sorry.” He feels her trembling, gropes for what to say to comfort or reassure her. Her head’s down, almost like she’s afraid to look at him, afraid of what she’ll see.

He sighs, long and deep, and with his big, calloused hand gently turns her face toward his. “Look, girl, I’m sorry I been such a chou wang ba dan a late. It’s just this gorram job Mal’s done set up. I ain’t got a good feelin’ about it and knowin’ you’re worryin’ over me ain’t makin’ it any easier.”

Her voice catches. “Can’t help worrying. Too much stuff’s uncertain, unsettled.”

“You mean the job?” he asks, thinkin’, That ain’t the half of it. Girl, there’s so much you don’t know, an’ how in God’s name am I gonna tell ya?

He leans back some, strong arms holding her close against him, tryin’ to will the tension out of his body, to absorb the comfort her presence so often brings him.

Kaylee listens to the deep steady beat of his heart, the soft warm caress of his steady breathin’, can’t help feeling the fear coiled tight inside him. Ain’t the time to be getting’ into all this, she tells herself. I’m just throwing him off. After the job. We gotta talk then…

He kisses her forehead gently, nuzzles the fragrant softness of her hair. “I ain’t got no intentions a getting’ myself all shot up, Kaylee.” His voice is so, so tired.

She looks up at him plaintively.

“I really don’t wanna go back to my bunk tonight, Jayne.” Her voice reminds him of a small, frightened child. “I’ll be real quiet, keep outta your way…You can do whatever ya need to. Please? I just need to be near ya.”

He starts to tell her no, then realizes he wants her there with him, needs the comfort he finds in her presence. He pauses, then runs his hand through the soft flow of her hair and presses a kiss on her forehead, like a promise.

“Alright, babygirl, alright.”

(More to come...)