This is going to be it for a while until I can get the next story in the series to a point where I actually like what I've written. I don't know how long that will be, maybe a few days, maybe longer.

Thanks for the great support while I've been writing this. I really expected a lot more people would be upset. I was told by one very upset person who knew what I was going to be writing that people would stop reading and just hate me. I'm glad that person was wrong.

People handle this type of trauma in different ways, and I really wanted to explore what would happen if it happened to someone in the Firefly 'verse.

As always, please let this play out to its end. Right now there are quite a few stories left in this series. You may be surprised, or not, where it ends up leading.

This chapter ends with a bit of a shock, sorry, but, I do love drama :)

Some things will become clearer, or more confusing to some, as the stories and chapters go on. But don't worry, everything will be explained eventually.

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Chapter 5

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Simon didn’t know what to do with himself. It had only been a day; a day without his wife by his side, waking up beside him, snuggling into his arms, sighing against his mouth as he kissed her good morning.

After cleaning the infirmary, reading a few medical texts, researching treatment on traumatic events and walking aimlessly around the ship, Simon was at his wits end.

He needed to speak with Kaylee. He needed to help her. He rounded the corner into the cargo bay and stopped short as River blocked his path.

“River?” Simon blinked. He mentally chastised himself as he looked down at her. Her hair in disarray, her skin pale and her eyes red-rimmed. He’d been so wrapped up in Kaylee for the last few days, he hadn’t taken the time to see how his psychic sister was handling everything had happened. “Mei mei? Is there something you need?”

“You need more than I do.”

Simon sighed. He was really in no mood to try and decipher her cryptic words. “Yes, I need my wife. I need – ” He moved to go around her but she shifted in front of him and took his hands.

“She needs you, too.”

He glanced up at the shuttle and when he started toward it, River stopped him.

“Not right now. Soon.”

Simon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “River –“

“I couldn’t stop it, Simon.”

Simon’s eyes snapped open as his sister’s voice shook. “What?”

“Couldn’t stop it.” Tears dripped down River’s cheeks and her fingers trembled as they squeezed his hands. “I wanted to, but – it was supposed to happen. It wouldn’t be yours, if I’d stopped it. It wouldn’t be –“

Simon wrapped his arms around River’s shoulders, Kaylee forgotten in the wake of this recent breakdown. After Miranda, she’d gotten so much better, but now, she acted like the old River – the crazy one – moping and muttering in incomprehensible sentences. He hadn’t had time to see to her, with his own injury to deal with and as worried as he had been over Kaylee.

He led his sister into the infirmary and positioned her on the stool. When he turned around to prep a low dose sedative, wincing when his shoulder pulled as he tried to hurry, River immediately began to rifle through drawers and cabinets.

Simon dropped the needle onto the tray and frantically reached for her arms, trying to stop the destruction she was leaving in her wake. When her fingers closed around the appropriate vials, she smashed them, muttering incoherently as the liquid spilled onto the counter and the floor.

“River! Stop! We need those. Please. River.” Simon pulled her against his chest and once his strong arms closed around her slim shoulders, she collapsed against him, panting heavily. Simon sank to the floor with River as her legs gave out, wincing inwardly as she struggled against his wounded shoulder. He pressed his cheek to her head and hugged her tightly, whispering soothing words to her in his confusion.

As she quieted, Simon relinquished his tight hold on her shoulders. He glanced around at the mess River had made and sighed. Thankfully, he had stashed some of those vials in his room months ago. The Captain would be none too happy to have to replace such a necessary medication right now. They weren’t cheap.

River turned lifeless eyes on him, her voice barely above a whisper. “Doesn’t matter now.”

“Everything matters, mei mei,” Simon brushed her tangled hair from her face and kissed her cheek.

River’s bottom lip trembled and tears slid down her cheeks as she looked at her brother. “Not anymore.” She buried her face in his chest and cried.

When Jayne lumbered into view uncounted minutes later, River didn’t even flinch.

“Hey, doc?” Jayne stood in the doorway and stared around the room. “Gui gui long de dong happened here?”

Simon glanced up with a sigh. “River had an – episode.”

Zoe looked over Jayne’s shoulder with a raised eyebrow. “I’d say.”

“That girl ain’t been right. She’s –“

“Thank you, Jayne.” Simon was in no mood to listen to the big ape berate his sister. He stood slowly, pulling River to her feet. “Come on mei mei. I want you to lie down.”

“Too late,” she murmured as Simon led her toward Jayne and Zoe.

“Let me take her, doc. Jayne needs some tendin’.”

Simon hesitated, but River made the decision for him as she walked out of his arms and into Zoe’s. Simon retrieved the hypo from the table and quickly injected River’s arm.

“I’ll be by to check on her as soon as I’m done with Jayne.”

Zoe nodded, already leading River toward her room.

Simon rubbed his eyes and sighed. With a wave of his hand, he indicated Jayne sit on the chair in the middle of the room. “So – what’d you do?”

“Ain’t what I did. Zoe was a bit too rough. Twisted soma my fingers too hard, I think.”

Simon raised an eyebrow. “Uh – no, I don’t think I want to know.”

Jayne sneered. “You got a dirty mind, doc.”

“No – uh well, yes, I do. But no, thinking of you in any way like that is just,” Simon shook his head, trying to purge the image from his mind. “No. No. Ugh. So – do I want to know what happened?” Simon pressed down on the digits Jayne held out to him.

“Zoe got a bit too excited. Thought I was one a them – ow!”

“Sorry, yes, it’s badly sprained. You’d be complaining more if it was broken.” He turned to ready a brace and a painkiller. “Go on.”

“Oh, anyway, we was wrestlin’ and she locked me, bent a bit too hard.”

“I – see.”

Jayne frowned, thinking Simon disapproved of his methods of getting rid of his excess tension and anger. “Well, hell, doc. You got sex to use up all that energy, me an Zoe, all we gots is weights and wrestlin’.”

Not at the moment I don’t, Simon thought miserably. Simon finished binding Jayne’s wrist and hand, gave him a shot for the pain and sent him on his way. “You’re fine. Just don’t put any stress on it for the next few days.”

“Long as its better ‘fore we reach Persephone.”

Simon tensed and leveled an unreadable look at the mercenary. “It will be better.” He knew Jayne was eager to do some harm. And if Simon thought too long and hard about it, so was he. Never had he been so willing to overlook the Oath he’d taken. But he would, just this once, if given the chance.

~*~

“You’re angry,” River observed as she walked with Zoe at her back down the hallway to her bunk. “Yes. I am.” “Had to happen. Doesn’t make the reality of it any easier.” She could feel Zoe’s hand on her arm, spinning her around before it actually happened. She blinked calmly into the older woman’s dark eyes. “What did you say?” “Heard me. Don’t want to listen, though. No one ever wants to listen to the Crazy girl.” Zoe tensed, her muscles clenching even as her grip on River’s arms didn’t increase. “I’m listening now.” “Doesn’t matter. It’s all done. It’s over. Future set into motion that cannot change.” Zoe’s eyes narrowed. “What future?” River turned out of Zoe’s arms and lowered the hatch. She climbed down, leaving Zoe standing there staring at her back before choosing to follow. “River?” The girl’s back was to the warrior woman and when she turned around her eyes were full of tears. “Couldn’t stop what happened. Could only let it happen like it was supposed to.” Zoe swallowed hard, fighting to keep her rising ire in check. It would do no good to berate and yell at the girl now. The damage had already been done. “You – knew this was going to happen? You knew they would be –“ River turned away and wrapped her arms around herself to stave away the sudden chill that swept through the room. “Didn’t know when.” Zoe reached out and pulled the girl to face her. Her anger barely in check now, she gritted, “Yes, we could have. If we’d known. You let this happen. Why?” River’s bottom lip began to tremble. “No one understands. Simon would be dead now. You and Jayne and Captain daddy, all gone. Who would protect them then?” Zoe shot her a disbelieving scowl. “Family hurt now but can be fixed. Would have been irrevocably broken. Couldn’t let that happen.” Zoe considered herself an intuitive woman. She could read expressions and body language well. While not as well versed in reading what a person didn’t say as someone like Inara could, she had a good inkling of what River had not yet revealed. She wouldn’t voice it, not yet, but when River eyes met hers, it was all there, hidden beneath the surface, covered by the unshed tears. Zoe inhaled deeply, suddenly very nervous. She found herself asking, even though she might not want to hear the answer. “Will everything be all right now?” “Yes,” came the answer she didn’t expect to hear. Zoe nodded and turned back toward the ladder. As her hand gripped the rung, River’s voice rang in her head, chilling her to the bone. “For now.”

~*~

Simon didn’t knock before lowering the hatch into River’s bunk and climbing down the ladder. He illuminated the room just enough so that he could see where to go without knocking anything over or running into anything. He was surprised, then, when he found River sitting cross-legged on the bed looking at him.

Concerned, Simon reached for her. “Mei mei?” The sedative should have knocked her out.

“It’s too late.”

Simon settled himself beside her on the bed and cupped her cheeks with his hands. He gently wiped the tears away, not understanding. “Everyone’s okay. You weren’t too late. You got everyone back in time.” He pulled her against his chest and closed his eyes. He didn’t know how to assure her, to help her. He was tired of this helpless feeling. “No one died, mei mei. You weren’t too late.”

“I was.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Simon.”

“Oh, mei mei, stop.” Simon brushed her hair out of her eyes and pressed her head against his uninjured shoulder. “Everything is ok. It will all be okay.”

She looked at him suddenly and placed a hand over her brother’s heart. “He will be okay. Safe. Loved. Protected. Bright eyes. Dark hair. Pretty smile.” She turned her head and stared at the ceiling. “She’ll come back tomorrow. You need to sleep. Rest. She’ll let you hold her then.”

Simon’s heart fluttered in his chest. In all the excitement, he had forgotten about Kaylee. Guilt welled in his heart as he thought about his wife, sequestered away in Inara’s shuttle. He wanted to go to her, but River’s words at once confused and lightened his heavy heart.

River squeezed his hands and crawled away from him, hugging one pillow to her chest while yawning into another.

“Right, yes.” Simon shook his head and slid off the bed. “I’ll go. Please come see me if you need anything.”

River said nothing as she watched Simon slowly climb the ladder and close the hatch. She trembled as she struggled to see a timestamp on what little of the future she had been permitted to see. She was left drained from the effort and returned her gaze to the ceiling with a heavy sigh.

The confusion and anguish flowing from Inara’s shuttle rushed through her. But hidden within the intense emotions were the ones that would get them through the shock and heartache to come; love, adoration and commitment.

It was with those thoughts that River finally closed her eyes and fell into an exhausted, dreamless sleep.

~*~

Inara laid the pendant onto the table and spoke softly to Kaylee, drawing the mechanic slowly out of her hypnotized state.

With a short shake of the head and some rapid blinking to clear her vision, the younger girl was back to her normal self, a hopeful look in her eyes.

“Anythin’?”

Inara swallowed guiltily and shook her head. “Nothing. Honey, I don’t know what else I can try. I’m by far not an expert in this art, but I am no novice either. Perhaps there really is nothing for you to remember.”

Kaylee nodded, tears of happiness welling in her eyes. She hugged Inara tightly. “Oh ‘Nara. I’m so glad! I was so afraid.”

Inara smiled tenderly and returned the embrace. “I know, sweetie, I know.” She leaned away and looked at the younger girl, noting her exhaustion. “Lay down and get some sleep. I don’t want to send you back to your husband all exhausted.”

Kaylee giggled and curled beneath the covers. Inara tucked her in and smiled gratefully when she noted the younger girl was instantly asleep, the tension fleeing her body as her worries were laid to rest.

Inara slowly, carefully put everything away, tears of shame sliding down her cheeks at the secrets she had chosen to keep. There was no need for Kaylee to know. There was no reason anyone needed to know. The men who had done this were dead. It was done. And it was over. It was time for life to move on.

END

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Chinese Translations:

Gui gui long de dong – what the hell ---------

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