Title: Shattered Rating: NC-17 Synopsis: Kaylee remembers it all. Anger and heartache ensue.

Timeline: 7 1/2 months after wedding, 6 1/2 months after All good things must come to an end

Notes: Next part of a series beginning with : And So It Begins, Kiss Me, Coming Together, Tell Me, What’s Proper?, Tears , Peekaboo, Impatient, Waking Up is Hard to Do, The Talk, I See You, Exhaustion, Moving Day, Celebration, Surprise , Vacation, Reunion, Manipulation, Baby Talk, A First Time for Everything, The Way It Is, A Special Day, Girl Talk, The Gift, Breaking It In, Making Plans, Friends and Enemies, Where I Belong , Private Time , All good things must come to an end, Moving On, Questions and Answers, The Secrets That We Keep, Revelations, All a Flutter

Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on the copyright of any person or company related to the trademarked characters and situations depicted in the Serenity movie or Firefly series. I make no money from this. Only done for fun – and a desperate craving to have more stories told about this wonderful ‘verse Joss Whedon created.

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WARNING: This story depicts events that might be disturbing to some readers. I have tried to write this scene as tasteful as possible but still get across what happened in the most clear and concise way.

People handle this type of trauma in different ways and I really wanted to explore what would happen if it happened to someone in the Firefly ‘verse.

This specific story has 4 chapters. Please let the events play out before getting too upset.

I do appreciate constructive criticism so if you have some, by all means, leave a review and let me know what you did or did not like, or even if there is something that you would like to see happen.

Don't worry Mal/Inara fans, they return in the next chapter.

I suggest that any new readers not start with this story. Things will make much more sense if you read the entire series up to this point.

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“You’re sad.”

Zoe glanced sharply toward River as she slowly ascended the stairs to join the older woman on the bridge. Zoe was sitting in Wash’s seat and had been immersed in memories of their time together on the smuggling ship. She’d stared at the dinosaurs that had been left there in his memory, remembering how annoyed she’d been with Wash and those little plastic toys on more than one occasion.

Zoe tried hard to mask her annoyance at having her most private thoughts interrupted. “Sneakin’ up on a person get you shot one day, River.” She looked away, out into the black, out into the space that Wash had loved so dearly. It took her another moment before she added. “And I’m not sad.”

River tilted her head and gave the older woman a skeptical look. “Can’t lie to me.”

Zoe’s eyes shifted to River and her generous mouth twisted into a wry smile. “I’m aware of that.”

“Wish he’d left you with a little one.”

Zoe’s hands instinctively went to her flat stomach. “This isn’t something I want to discuss, River.”

“They’ll need you, you know.”

Zoe swallowed convulsively. She knew what River was trying to do but she couldn’t find it in her heart to appreciate it.

“The babies will need all their mommas.” River forced a smile, wanting desperately to lift Zoe’s melancholy spirit.

Zoe’s response was a barely audible whispered, “It’s not the same, River.”

River looked away so she wouldn’t have to see the pain Zoe tried to hide. “Doesn’t make it any less true.”

“I know.”

~*~

Kaylee giggled as Simon flattened his hand atop her swelling stomach and then leaned down to rub his cheek against it. He hadn’t told her how incredibly sexy he thought it was that she still slept in the nude, even though she was a little over six months pregnant.

“I want a girl.” Simon’s voice was muffled by her belly.

Kaylee slid her fingers into his hair and tugged gently. She always marveled at how he was able to keep it so silky and clean.

Simon glanced up at Kaylee as she looked down at him. “One that has her mom’s bright eyes and wide, infectious smile.”

“Naw, I wanna little mini Simon.” She tugged again on his hair, wanting him to come up to her. It was increasingly difficult to bend.

“We could always ask River. Better and cheaper than any medical equipment, I tell you.” Simon repositioned himself and kissed her gently, leaving his hand rubbing absent circles along the soft swell of her abdomen.

“She won’t say. I already asked.” Kaylee gave him the prettiest pout and his heart flipped over itself.

“Do you want to know?” Simon asked, concerned that they hadn’t been able to purchase some of the equipment he would have liked to have on hand. He could fairly easily monitor the babies without state of the art equipment but if they wanted to know the sex of the baby, they would need to stop somewhere to have it done.

It had taken all the money they had saved to buy the supplements, medicines and even clothes for the moms and babies. But if Kaylee wanted to know the sex of the baby, he would ask Mal to stop at a clinic somewhere so they could give her a proper ultrasound. It probably wouldn’t be a bad idea for them to get a proper check-up anyway. Simon decided he would talk to Mal in the morning about it.

Kaylee shook her head, drawing him out of his thoughts. “I like surprises.”

After a moment of simply looking down at her, he leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss to her cheek. His eyes were tender as he trailed short little kisses along the smooth skin, ending at the corner of her mouth. Ever since they’d discovered her pregnancy, he had noticed the glow that seemed to permeate her skin. Not that she didn’t glow all the time but her whole being seemed to radiate even more now. “I love you,” he whispered as he nuzzled her neck

“How ‘bout you show me instead a tellin’ me?” Kaylee’s eyebrow’s arched suggestively. She rubbed her hands over her swollen belly, still a good deal smaller than Inara’s even though they were due at the same time. “Gonna need to be usin’ that book soon.”

“The one you won’t let me see?” Simon’s hands trailed over her belly and he leaned down to rub his cheek over it in hopes of feeling the baby move. He was rewarded with a solid kick to his cheek and a surprised gasp from Kaylee.

“Soon ‘nuff.” Kaylee breathed, rubbing her stomach.

Simon’s hands traveled, the pads of his fingers brushing over the firm peaks atop her swollen breasts. The change in her body, both physical and emotional had been a marvel to watch. He didn’t think he could love Kaylee any more, but as she grew heavier with their baby, he found himself just simply entranced with her at the oddest times not to mention fiercely protective of her and the little life growing inside her.

“No teasing, Simon.” Kaylee shuddered as his fingers closed over one sensitive nipple at the same time his mouth closed over its twin.

Her body tingled from head to toe and she arched her hips sharply against his hand when it slid down her body to probe between her legs. She was so much more sensitive and so easily aroused, it amazed her. Or – she reflected with a giggle – she just had a talented husband. She knew he wanted to make sure she was ready, but there was really no need. She was always ready for him. Even at the most embarrassing times.

Being pregnant had changed her body in so many ways, mostly good – the mood swings, the cravings and the morning sickness at any time of the gorram day, the only real bad side effects – made her more sensitive to the slightest pressure and Kaylee found herself coming almost immediately as his fingers brushed over her clit. She could feel him smile against her breasts and with one last pinch of the sensitive little nubs, he repositioned himself slowly between her legs, carefully not putting much pressure on her rounding belly. They wouldn’t be able to make love in this position much longer, probably shouldn’t be doing it now, but the baby was still small enough and Kaylee was still comfortable enough with it, that Simon didn’t complain. He wanted to kiss her, and look her in the eyes as they made love. And it was clear Kaylee wanted the same.

As Kaylee closed her eyes, savoring the feel of her husband kneeling between her thighs, a new image, the one from old nightmares, stared down at her, laughing. She inhaled sharply, but then Simon’s mouth covered hers and his hands lifted her backside to meet his first, solid thrust.

“Hold ‘er gorramit!”

Kaylee gasped as she felt every solid inch of him slide into her. She grasped Simon’s shoulders and opened her mouth to scream but so caught up in the pleasure of the moment, Simon thought she was trying to return his kiss.

The big man held Kaylee down, exclaiming gleefully,. “Aiy ya is she slick! Who ya been ruttin’ with this mornin’, pretty?”

Simon kissed her gently, softly, his lips moving from her mouth to her neck as his hips rocked against her. He groaned when Kaylee gripped his arms tightly and quickened his pace, encouraged by the clenching, tensing of her body around him.

Kaylee only moaned in response, not quite conscious.

Kaylee whimpered, her grip tightening on Simon’s shoulders, nails breaking the skin as he began to thrust harder. She was so wet and so slick, but she could feel every solid inch of him as he moved within her.

“I want ‘er. Hurry up!” The man holding Kaylee over the crate whined. “We gots a job ta do!”

Kaylee tried to speak, tried to whimper, but no sound came out, and she simply clutched Simon tightly. Her breathing ragged and her heart rate rapid. He didn’t notice her eyes snap open in panic as the memories of the attack came back to her in such a rush she was left breathless.

Barely conscious, she felt the body behind her jerk sharply, and then his hold on her waist was gone.

Simon groaned and his body went rigid as his release thundered out of him, leaving his body weak and wondrously sated. Kaylee cried out with every sharp jerk of his hips, groaning and whimpering in a panicked, erratic fashion.

The other man took up position behind her and Kaylee could only sob weakly, her head throbbing and her body aching.

When Simon lifted his head from her neck, his heart plummeted into his stomach. Tears flowed out of the corner of her eyes and the terrified look on her face and the horror in her eyes sent icy chills down his spine. He rolled off her immediately finally noticing the pain in his shoulders where she’d clawed them so hard, she’d drawn blood.. “Lao tian ye, Kaylee. Bao bei, what is it? What did I –“

“They raped me. Lao tian bu. They did!” Kaylee curled herself onto her side in a fetal position, her back to Simon, as the full realization of what was done to her solidified in her mind.

Simon’s mouth fell open and a disbelieving, “what?” fell from his lips.

Kaylee pulled the covers to her neck and cried, long and hard, the entire bed shaking beneath them. All of the other times she and Simon had been together since the attack, she’d never remembered this. Why didn’t it happen the first time? Why now? Her voice was hoarse as she cried, murmuring things that stunned Simon into complete and utter silence.

Simon stared at her in disbelief. No, that wasn’t possible. Mal killed those men before they – Simon shook his head and reached for her. “Kaylee –“

“It can’t be yours.” Kaylee sobbed, cradling her swollen stomach.

Simon jerked as if a dull knife had just been thrust into his heart. His mouth moved but no words came out.

“It can’t be.” Kaylee’s anguished cries ripped him apart. “We both take the shots. Those men didn’t –“ She clutched her pillow and screamed again; a horrified and grief-stricken scream that chilled Simon to the bone.

Simon closed his eyes and swallowed convulsively. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. He reached out again to touch her but she shrank away from him. “Kaylee, please.”

“Go away,” came her muffled response.

Simon took a deep, shaky breath. “No. Kaylee, we need to –“

Kaylee rolled over as best she could, cradling her swollen belly, and pushed against his chest, the unexpected motion nearly knocking him out of bed. “Go!”

All of the pain, shock and sorrow she could muster in that one little word sucked the air out of the room and Simon stumbled out of the bed, unable to breathe. He backed against the far wall, his eyes wide, disbelieving. He watched as she rolled over without looking at him and continued her loud, anguished cries, muffled as they were by the pillow she had clutched to her face.

Simon struggled into some pants, his hands shaking so badly he could barely hold the material. He stood there, watching her, and took a step forward, wanting to say something, do something. He needed to comfort her, comfort himself, but she screamed at him again and any words he struggled to form fled his mind in a rush of emotion and heartache. The anguished gasp that left his lips was too loud to contain.

Not bothering with a shirt, he hurried out of the room, hot, agonizing tears stinging his eyes.

TBC

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Chinese Translations:

Lao tian ye - Jesus Lao tian bu - oh God no -----------------

This chapter is short for a reason. I believe with the hard emotional impact it didn't need to be any longer.