More Honest Feedback-Dark Hawk Pale Dove by BigBadJayne

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More Honest Feedback-Dark Hawk Pale Dove

POSTED BY: BIGBADJAYNE
UPDATED: Tuesday, March 11, 2008 05:37
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VIEWED: 3573
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Friday, March 7, 2008 2:36 PM

Open letter to shippers reagrding "Dark Hawk ..Pale Dove"

Hey all.....

I've noticed readers on the storyline..and asked for comments. A few have responded...so I'm opening the flood gate and asking the eternal question:
What do you like or don't like?

I would truly appreciate some answers on this that are constructive, not just slams. If you have a problem with the storyline (too full of OC's, maryjanes, so on) by all means say something. I'll listen to all as long as it's constructive. I write to make myself happy but if no one's reading it (and I am honest and egotistical enough to admit readership matters to me) then there's no point.

I don't want to have my ego stroked, either. I'm looking for ways to make the storyline either more interesting or more enjoyable for the readers out there. Truly.

So please, honest critiques always welcome!

Hoping your all having good days-
keep on shipping

BBJ

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Monday, March 10, 2008 9:23 AM

KATESFRIEND

You're asking for some pretty big generalizations here, as shipping seems to be about as individual a thing as fingerprints. I can tell you what I like, but I'm only one voice here. I wasn't drawn to your stories at first because Jayne is not my favorite character, so I had to read some to formulate a reply.

I prefer canon stories by far, as there is so little canon in the verse that I see it as a very precious and scarce resource, and anything that pulls the fan away from canon dilutes the verse a little bit more. So I prefer stories that center on Mal and his struggle to become whole again. That said, most stories that center on Jayne seem to transpose Mal's character on Jayne and Mal becomes a dimwitted crabby old man. I liked your stories, but I love canon more by far. I like being able to read a fic and be able to see it as a future episode of Firefly. But like I said, that's just my opinion. When somebody changes the verse, it becomes their own, and not Firefly anymore.

Your writing is your own creative process, so it has to go through your own personality and filters. If you are enjoying the creativity, enjoy! If you want others to enjoy, see what other fic out there is popular and try to see why. Just because your head thought up something unique, doesn't make it right for everyone else out there too. Hope this helps.

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Monday, March 10, 2008 3:51 PM

PLATONIST

Well, asking me what I like or don't like is a fairly loaded question, BigBadJayne. (LOL)

But, I'll attempt an answer.

I have limited time, but a penchant for fanfic, especially Firefly/Serenity fic. And because the show was prematurely canceled, I come here looking mainly for fic that encompasses the themes of the series or movie. I like original character exploration, OCs that aren't Marysued and don't overshadow one of the BDHs or take one of their places in a romantic pairing. I like a well developed plot that has action/drama with a touch of romance and humor. Stories with all the crew present or with post BDM Book and Wash flashbacks are best. In short, a fic that is able to propel me to the ‘verse in 2 seconds flat and let me escape my otherwise stressful existence.

I don't consider myself a particular "shipper", but I do find the canon pairings (W/Z), (K/S), and (M/I) to be interesting enough for me to have my hopeless romantic side satisfied. Future romantic fic with River, when she is more lucid and older is alright, but I see her with an OC and not a BDH.

In an effort to maintain an open mind, on occasion, I will read a one-shot alternate pairing (no smut, though) or that "what if" scenario, but not a whole freaking series or verse. If it starts to feel wrong, it usually is wrong. I lose interest.

To be honest, I haven’t read your current series (no time), so I’m probably not the best reader for insightful feedback or helpful criticism. Since you asked, I can only tell you what I’m looking for.

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Tuesday, March 11, 2008 5:37 AM

MAL4PREZ

Hi bigbadjayne! You're a brave one, asking for any and all feedback LOL! Others have asked and withdrawn the request later, so I hope this goes better...

To tell you my state of mind - honestly, I'm a little burnt out on the fandom. I can't muster enthusiasm for my own stalled fic right now, so I'm surely not a fair judge of others. Even so, I feel your frustration at getting very little feedback, so I looked over some of your chapters and I'll do my best.

It's better than many fics, imho, as far as clarity and varying sentence structures that flow nicely. You generally keep a consistent POV, which I applaud! The dialogue and actions are well timed and easy to follow. I can tell you put a lot of thought into this - it shows.

There are technical weaknesses, though. You get the dialogue punctuation wrong as often as right (a big pet peeve of mine!) and the ~ for thoughts is just odd. Most novels I've read use italics.

Your scenes could be more visual. You probably have a vivid picture of the backdrop and staging in your mind - take the time to share it. If you don't tell me, I'll assume the most boring, average setting, and that won't help your cause.

As far as storyline, I didn't read enough to work it all out. Honestly, I'm having a hard time getting drawn in. That could surely be my own deal - it takes a lot to hold my attention these days. But I feel there's no hook to get me emotionally invested. The scenes aren't lively or visual enough to hold me on their own, and there's no plot question I'm just hopping up and down waiting to get answered. Example: in Homespun's Rabbit Hole I want to know the lengths Simon will go to, and if Mal will live (ok, I'm sure he will, being Mal and all

but I'm still all nervous over it...)

As for your OCs - not bad at all. Dove isn't quite my taste; the opening chapter with her seems overly dramatic and maybe even a bit contrived, like she's a cartoon character more than a real person. This is just my taste though, I'm sure others would disagree.

Oddly, I feel like your OCs are more vivid and alive than the BDHs, who are coming off a bit flat. Chapter 5 and the most recent chapter read like you're more interested in Wolf than Mal and Jayne, which makes it hard for me to be interested in Mal and Jayne either. And I don't like that! Does that make sense? I don't mean that I need the BDHs present more often, but when they're in a scene they need to BE there. Big personalities and all.

OK, hope that helps, and doesn't come off as a slam. Good luck!

-----------------------------------------------
hmm-burble-blah, blah-blah-blah, take a left

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