BLUE SUN ROOM

RE: RE:

POSTED BY: ADAMSTEVENSON
UPDATED: Monday, July 21, 2008 04:20
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 6923
PAGE 1 of 1

Thursday, July 17, 2008 6:25 AM

ADAMSTEVENSON


OK I've been going off the rails a bit and I need some help with dialogue that I wrote in a script. This is like a challenge. I will post in Script form what a guy just younger than you or your character will say. And I would like you to come up with an implusive reply. keep in mind that you like(take like anyway you want) this guy, have just met and you have decided to spend the whole day with him. The best ones I will use in my script.

This is not for the faint hearted and it came to me while under the influence.


INT. SMALL LIBRARY - DAY

A girl and ADAM enter a small Library they sit in at a table in a corner facing each other, there is no one else in the library.

Their eyes meet never leaving each other.

ADAM
This is who I am. Tennis and Terminator shows keep me up at night, I have these memories of my childhood and what the bullies did to me and what the teachers said to me, it still effects me. I feel age bearing down on me and I’m only 21, I have these crazy thoughts about hurting people and
(beat)
Rape.

ADAM (cont’d)
I have no life, spent time trying to fight the system when I have nothing outside of the system, internet, MSN, TV that’s all I have. I sit alone drinking in my room cursing the world and society all the while voices in my head mostly from films with questions or quotes then i hear a softer voice and it keeps taunting me with the same fucking question.
(beat)
What does it mean to be human?

ADAM (cont’d)
(As he starts to cry)
And I don’t have a clue what it means, not one. And i see my friends getting on with there lives, dating and I think why can’t I be like them? Why do I cry myself to sleep some nights? Why do I daydream about a life of frame and problem free relationships instead of doing something about it?

ADAM (cont’d)
Its because am not like them at all, I’m different and I’m not special like my parents used to say I’m something else I worry about bullshit that no one else cars about and I think of crap that could drive people crazy
(As he has a quick look around)
like what is this place, you, me what does it all mean? Does it mean anything?

A door banging alerts the two that someone else has enter the library indicating that time is short.

ADAM (cont’d)
And amist all of this is a aching feeling because I don’t know if I’m a good guy or a bad guy.
(starts to laugh out loud but it has a sad tone)
In a world where I believe in only black and white I may be the only grey area I can accept.
(beat)
One of the worst things is that I have always wanted to tell you this. Before I knew anything about you, Just when I first saw you and learned your name I wanted to open up to you and let all of it out. Upon you.
(beat)
Now what does that make me?












If living was as easy as dying, we wouldn't bother

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Thursday, July 17, 2008 7:26 AM

FREELANCERTEX


well.. hm...how does the scene *start*? i mean, cuz the first line says "ADAM (cont'd)" so how did this whole thing start? why's he talkin about it? and when u say *JUST* met, like ten minutes ago or ten days ago? i'll help where i can ^_^


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Thursday, July 17, 2008 11:20 AM

ADAMSTEVENSON


lol soz I used to have a voice over but must have deleted it and forogt to delete the cont'd my bad.

Just met as in they know each other in passing but a few hours ago is when they have just started to get to know each other.

I'll edit my mistakes.

If living was as easy as dying we wouldn't bother

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Thursday, July 17, 2008 11:40 AM

TILLIESONG


I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand what it is you're trying to do; do you want a person of the specified gender and age to write the dialogue, or do you want the dialogue in the language of a person that age and gender?

Do you want other people to do your writing for you?

Are you trying to find out which posters to the thread fit into those categories? If so, why?


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Thursday, July 17, 2008 11:48 AM

ADAMSTEVENSON


Yes I want someone of pacific gender and age to write a reply to the dialogue I have set out as that is the age the character will be and I want a gut character reaction to the dialogue with as little editing as possible.

Its a personal thing, like a experiment with writing that I'm trying plus this kind of writing helps me get my feelings out.



If living was as easy as dying we wouldn't bother

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Thursday, July 17, 2008 4:31 PM

FREELANCERTEX


Quote:

Originally posted by AdamStevenson: lol soz I used to have a voice over but must have deleted it and forogt to delete the cont'd my bad.

Just met as in they know each other in passing but a few hours ago is when they have just started to get to know each other.

I'll edit my mistakes.

voice over? like his thoughts in his head?

gotcha

lolz dont worry im editing ur mistakes already XD how long of a response r u looking for? or just whatever comes out on paper? :-P


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Thursday, July 17, 2008 4:55 PM

FUTUREMRSFILLION


Quote:

Originally posted by AdamStevenson:
OK I've been going off the rails a bit and I need some help with dialogue that I wrote in a script. This is like a challenge. I will post in Script form what a guy just younger than you or your character will say. And I would like you to come up with an implusive reply. keep in mind that you like(take like anyway you want) this guy, have just met and you have decided to spend the whole day with him. The best ones I will use in my script.

This is not for the faint hearted and it came to me while under the influence.


INT. SMALL LIBRARY - DAY

A girl and ADAM enter a small Library they sit in at a table in a corner facing each other, there is no one else in the library.

Their eyes meet never leaving each other.

ADAM
This is who I am. Tennis and Terminator shows keep me up at night, I have these memories of my childhood and what the bullies did to me and what the teachers said to me, it still effects me. I feel age bearing down on me and I’m only 21, I have these crazy thoughts about hurting people and
(beat)
Rape.

ADAM (cont’d)
I have no life, spent time trying to fight the system when I have nothing outside of the system, internet, MSN, TV that’s all I have. I sit alone drinking in my room cursing the world and society all the while voices in my head mostly from films with questions or quotes then i hear a softer voice and it keeps taunting me with the same fucking question.
(beat)
What does it mean to be human?

ADAM (cont’d)
(As he starts to cry)
And I don’t have a clue what it means, not one. And i see my friends getting on with there lives, dating and I think why can’t I be like them? Why do I cry myself to sleep some nights? Why do I daydream about a life of frame and problem free relationships instead of doing something about it?

ADAM (cont’d)
Its because am not like them at all, I’m different and I’m not special like my parents used to say I’m something else I worry about bullshit that no one else cars about and I think of crap that could drive people crazy
(As he has a quick look around)
like what is this place, you, me what does it all mean? Does it mean anything?

A door banging alerts the two that someone else has enter the library indicating that time is short.

ADAM (cont’d)
And amist all of this is a aching feeling because I don’t know if I’m a good guy or a bad guy.
(starts to laugh out loud but it has a sad tone)
In a world where I believe in only black and white I may be the only grey area I can accept.
(beat)
One of the worst things is that I have always wanted to tell you this. Before I knew anything about you, Just when I first saw you and learned your name I wanted to open up to you and let all of it out. Upon you.
(beat)
Now what does that make me?
If living was as easy as dying, we wouldn't bother



ageist



I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

FORSAKEN original






NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Friday, July 18, 2008 12:49 AM

ADAMSTEVENSON


Yeah whatever comes out on paper as long as the female character doesn't storm out on the male character then I guess anything goes. Sorry if I am ageist or whatever but I guess its like a writers audition and am looking for a female writer who falls into that age group.

But I'll make it up to the rest of you with another challenge browncoats honor.



If living was as easy as dying we wouldn't bother

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Friday, July 18, 2008 7:13 AM

FREELANCERTEX


lolz i actually wasnt planning on having her storm out :-P cuz that wouldnt be sumthin i'd do (i'm weird)


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Friday, July 18, 2008 8:13 AM

FAITHLOVESPURPLE


Is this for a class or something? Or just for the hell of it? Is this just to get a gist of what the girl would say, or will you put it in your own words later? Just wondering.

Anywho, here's my shot. It was a bit tough without rearranging some of the dialogue...because, I mean, there are some places where I would interrupt, but there wasn't much freedom with playing around with that.


INT. SMALL LIBRARY - DAY

A girl and ADAM enter a small Library they sit in at a table in a corner facing each other, there is no one else in the library.

Their eyes meet never leaving each other.

ADAM
This is who I am. Tennis and Terminator shows keep me up at night, I have these memories of my childhood and what the bullies did to me and what the teachers said to me, it still effects me. I feel age bearing down on me and I’m only 21, I have these crazy thoughts about hurting people and
(beat)
Rape.

GIRL
(says nothing, taking in what he just said. Gives a slight nod to continue the explanation.)

ADAM (cont’d)
I have no life, spent time trying to fight the system when I have nothing outside of the system, internet, MSN, TV that’s all I have. I sit alone drinking in my room cursing the world and society all the while voices in my head mostly from films with questions or quotes then i hear a softer voice and it keeps taunting me with the same fucking question.
(beat)
What does it mean to be human?

GIRL
We all have problems, dark days, bad thoughts. Life isn't easy, you know? But there's good things out there--you just have to get them. Your life is what you make of it, and drinking won't help. Friends...friends can help too, if you let them.

ADAM (cont’d)
(As he starts to cry)
And I don’t have a clue what it means, not one. And i see my friends getting on with their lives, dating, and I think why can’t I be like them? Why do I cry myself to sleep some nights? Why do I daydream about a life of (fame?) and problem-free relationships instead of doing something about it?

GIRL
(puts a tender hand on his shoulder)
It's okay...don't cry... I don't know what else to say about that--we all go through tough times. Hell, I'm not exactly where I want to be either. What's holding you back from getting those things? Why do you think you have to dream about a good life instead of actually having it?

ADAM (cont’d)
It's because I am not like them at all, I’m different, and I’m not special like my parents used to say. I’m something else--I worry about bullshit that no one else cares about and I think of crap that could drive people crazy
(As he has a quick look around)
like what is this place, you, me what does it all mean? Does it mean anything?

GIRL
It means plenty. And what...what things do you think about?

A door banging alerts the two that someone else has entered the library indicating that time is short. **Mm..this part doesn't quite make sense. Rephrase? Maybe something like, "indicating the departure of privacy, and a signal to cut the discussion short"?**

ADAM (cont’d--ignoring her question)
And amidst all of this is an aching feeling because I don’t know if I’m a good guy or a bad guy.
(starts to laugh out loud but it has a sad tone)
In a world where I believe in only black and white I may be the only grey area I can accept.
(beat)
One of the worst things is that I have always wanted to tell you this. Before I knew anything about you, Just when I first saw you and learned your name I wanted to open up to you and let all of it out. Upon you. **Upon her?...**
(beat)
Now what does that make me?

GIRL
Um. I don't know. It's a little weird, honestly, but...
(chooses to dismiss the creepy sentiment)
I don't mind listening. I'm a good listener, so, feel free. But..
(looks at the person who had just entered)
...maybe we should take this somewhere else?


**I fixed a bit of the grammer mistakes. If you need help with editing or collaborating, I wouldn't mind ;) I'm actually a writer as well, and welcome an excuse to help another writer!**

--Faith

"I can't get it right...get it right...since I met you."

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Friday, July 18, 2008 9:53 AM

ADAMSTEVENSON


To be honest Faith am not sure what I'm going to do with it yet, its just for the hell of it one night I got really wound up and the scene before you is what I wrote that day to get my feelings out. Next day I was like hey lets see if I can get a girl to reply to this and how better than a browncoat.

I liked what you did with it and I liked how you interrupted his long drawn out speech I had no idea it was that long almost 3 pages!!

The fact you dodged the last bit was kind of ok but kind of a cope out aswell and yes it was upon her, as in the girl.

Still it was a very good read and thanks for the help once I have enough replies I'll move on to another scene I think.

If living was as easy as dying we wouldn't bother

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Friday, July 18, 2008 9:54 AM

ADAMSTEVENSON



NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Friday, July 18, 2008 5:51 PM

FREELANCERTEX


OKAY. Finally got around to posting this.
bit of a warning though.

I am a weird person, and I don't exactly respond to situations like this the way most normal people would, so what follows is how I would respond if faced with someone telling me this, it seemed only natural. (some of it i improvised what some of her own demons might be; they gotta have something in common, right? )

I left in the bit you wrote, Adam, didnt know what the girl's name was, so i just left it as 'girl' :-P

INT. SMALL LIBRARY - DAY

A girl and ADAM enter a small Library. They sit in at a table in a corner facing each other, there is no one else in the library.

Their eyes meet, never leaving each other.

ADAM
This is who I am. Tennis and Terminator shows keep me up at night. I have these memories of my childhood and what the bullies did to me and what the teachers said to me…it still affects me. I feel age bearing down on me and I’m only 21, I have these crazy thoughts about hurting people and
(beat)
Rape.

ADAM (cont’d)
I have no life, spent time trying to fight the system when I have nothing outside of the system. Internet, MSN, TV, that’s all I have. I sit alone drinking in my room cursing the world and society all the while voices in my head—mostly from films—with questions or quotes then I hear a softer voice, and it keeps taunting me with the same fucking question.
(beat)
What does it mean to be human?

ADAM (cont’d)
(As he starts to cry)
And I don’t have a clue what it means, not one. And I see my friends getting on with their lives, dating, and I think why can’t I be like them? Why do I cry myself to sleep some nights? Why do I daydream about a life of fame and problem-free relationships instead of doing something about it?

ADAM (cont’d)
Its because I’m not like them at all; I’m different, and I’m not special like my parents used to say. I’m something else. I worry about bullshit that no one else cares about and I think of crap that could drive people crazy
(As he has a quick look around)
like: what is this place, you, me, what does it all mean? Does it mean anything?

A door banging alerts the two that someone else has enter the library, indicating that their time alone is short. (or, “library, disturbing their privacy”? dunno, throwin’ things out there)

ADAM (cont’d)
And amidst all of this is an aching feeling because I don’t know if I’m a good guy or a bad guy.
(starts to laugh out loud but it has a sad tone)
In a world where I believe in only black and white, I may be the only grey area I can accept.
(beat)
One of the worst things is that I have always wanted to tell you this. Before I knew anything about you. Just when I first saw you and learned your name, I wanted to open up to you and let all of it out. Upon you.
(beat)
Now what does that make me?


GIRL
It makes you human.

ADAM scoffs.

GIRL (cont’d)
Really. (reaching for his hand) Adam, we all have our demons; we all have things we can’t deal with, things we wish would just go away and stop haunting us, go bother someone else. The problem is we don’t do anything about them. We live under this impression that something is expected of us, that we’re supposed to be like all of our friends, that we’re supposed to live up to this cookie-cutter image of success, and if that’s what’s worrying you then I gotta tell you, it’s okay that you’re not like your friends, that you’re not ‘special’ like your parents always said you were.

He tries to look away but she squeezes his hand, forcing him to look at her.

GIRL (cont’d)
People worry about little shit. They may never admit it openly, but they do all the time. It’s human nature. I cry myself to sleep some nights because I don’t know who I am, and it kills me. But I’m doing something about it. I’m going out there and trying things, trying to find my niche because I’m scared I won’t find anything. And maybe I never will.

ADAM
But at least you’re trying. All I do is dream; I can’t take that next step.

GIRL
(Smiling warmly at him)
But maybe all you need is the proper motivation. Someone to push you that extra inch, to accept you for exactly who you are so you can find your identity knowing that nothing is expected of you.

ADAM
That’s bullshit. Someone is always going to expect something of you. That’s one given I’ve learned in life.

GIRL
Adam. (she tugs his hand, silencing him.) Listen to what I’m saying. I like you. I expect nothing of you except whatever you have to give. I find it extraordinary that in the infinitesimal amount of time that you and I have known each other, you found it easy to tell me thing’s I’d have a hard time telling people I’m very close to. That says you’re human. It says you’re worried, and you care, and you want to do something about your situation.

The library patron enters an aisle near their table, and GIRL glances in the newcomer’s direction. She looks back at ADAM.

GIRL (cont’d)
Shall we continue this somewhere else?



NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, July 19, 2008 5:35 AM

ADAMSTEVENSON


Hey that we pretty good and more of a response I was looking for apart from maybe the taking of the hand but then it worked in the scene.

a few more replies and I could maybe complete that scene and move on to another one maybe in a field somewhere, problem is I don't have any anger or anything to get me juiced up enough to write the next part.

But I still have sometime.

If living was as easy as dying we wouldn't bother

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, July 19, 2008 6:57 PM

FREELANCERTEX


need help with the anger bit?

*needs something to do*


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Sunday, July 20, 2008 4:46 AM

ADAMSTEVENSON


lol I feel maybe its something I need to do, I need to feel angry to make my character go on a rant like that. If you have any ideas on how to get angry please let me know.

If living was as easy as dying we wouldn't bother

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Sunday, July 20, 2008 1:19 PM

FREELANCERTEX


lol that depends. what pisses u off?


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Monday, July 21, 2008 2:30 AM

ADAMSTEVENSON


I'm not sure right now lol. Political correctness is one, people who are overly left wing. People that are so up there own ass they don't take the time to think or look at other people.

Those girls in high school that thought that they were it and high school was the end all and be all of life.

Stuff like that.


If living was as easy as dying we wouldn't bother

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Monday, July 21, 2008 4:20 AM

FREELANCERTEX


lolz, i totally saw that coming. XD too bad i don't know anyone like that :-P i do run into a lot of idiotic people though, but theyre more funny than they are infuriating.

ive got an idea, watch a political debate, see if something doesnt piss you off XD i can't even watch em, i go through the roof


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

YOUR OPTIONS

NEW POSTS TODAY

USERPOST DATE

OTHER TOPICS

DISCUSSIONS
The Guild, Serenity, Mal, and Inara
Sun, January 14, 2024 14:21 - 74 posts
Ballad of Serenity (re-expanded)
Sun, January 14, 2024 14:17 - 6 posts
The Expanding Verse
Sun, January 14, 2024 14:10 - 79 posts

Mon, February 17, 2020 15:36 - 30 posts
Appreciating the Feedback All-Stars
Sun, February 3, 2019 10:27 - 4 posts
The Writer's Resource Package
Sat, May 26, 2018 00:24 - 32 posts
Bookmarks
Sun, April 29, 2018 13:19 - 2 posts
The crow?
Sun, March 12, 2017 13:03 - 1 posts
Eager student looking for patient fanvid teacher!
Wed, November 30, 2016 19:11 - 14 posts
Tall Card Deck
Wed, September 21, 2016 21:30 - 6 posts
Any good fics on this site?
Tue, February 16, 2016 19:42 - 4 posts
My Fanfic Plans
Thu, August 6, 2015 11:38 - 1 posts

FFF.NET SOCIAL