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If you want perfection then by all means go and watch Liverpool, for example. But is it art? To my mind, watching Liverpool has all the attraction of watching a piece of technical drawing. But the way Dean Austin looks up before he sweeps the ball out for a throw in… now that's real quality. He is a master of his art.

•Palace are the New York Dolls to Liverpool's Elaine Paige
•We are The Young Ones to Liverpool's To The Manor Born
•We are Firefly to Liverpool's Star Trek
•We are Hurricane Higgins to Liverpool's Steve Davis
•Palace are ice creams with flakes on the beach to Liverpool's Ferrero Rocher at Stuffy Diplomatic Receptions
Maybe more people would choose the Liverpool options in that list, but they would be utterly wrong.

Given the drama and unpredictability of it all, I can't believe Palace isn't sold out years in advance. No scriptwriter could come up with anything more unlikely or that would keep you guessing to the last page of every chapter.

In just over a decade since I first bought a season ticket we've seen promotion achieved by coming back from 3-1 down; the most thrilling FA Cup semi final in history; five trips to Wembley including a last minute defeat and a last minute victory in consecutive seasons; a divisional championship; three relegations; three chairmen, all in their own sweet ways deranged egomaniacs; somewhere in the region of 11 managers (if you dont count Noades and a few other five minute wonders) one of whom did the job three times and three others who did it twice; bankruptcy, administration and salvation; a last gasp escape from relegation; and four other major semi-finals (all against either Liverpool, Man U or Arsenal).

We've gone almost an entire season without winning at home, we've seen Ian Wright, Salako and Staunton all score from the halfway line, we've had Lombardo AND Craig Foster… in the same team!!!! We've taunted Fatboy Miller and hero-worshipped some of the worst players known to mankind.

And don't forget Tomas Brolin's size 42 shorts, being linked with Maradona, the disappearing Argentinians, the Israelis who couldn't play football, Venables and Fenwick, the Cantona Kung-fu kick, Fan Zhiyi's assaults on referees, Brucie missing a last minute FA Cup penalty v Nigel Martyn who was then cheered off, a £2.75m centre half being outjumped by Carl Leaburn, Iain Dowie's smile, Dean Gordon's last minute shot v Derby and the abject terror of Riccardo Fuller when he came on as sub against Wolves… and that's just bits and bobs I can remember off the top of my head.

We've taken more **** in the last three years than most fans will take from their clubs in a lifetime. We've celebrated a 1-0 win at Norwich with more passion that ten times as many Liverpool fans could muster for winning three trophies. Our fans have got more wit and passion than anyone in the league and are mostly nice people with it, not thugs or arrogant Premiership prima donnas.

Crystal Palace is cult viewing, like a late night TV show that only a few people know about, like a precious record that was never number one but makes everybody who knows it want to dance and sing… and sometimes cry.

To have seen the way Geoff Thomas ran like a duck, to have seen Mark Dennis's haymaker aimed at Gazza that would have floored Tyson, to have seen us win at every top ground in the country and lose at Hartlepool, to have seen The Ninja put his elbow into Keown's face, to have seen Dougie leave Stockport's defence on its arse, to have seen Stevie throw his jacket into the crowd, to have seen Butch Wilkins last half an hour; to have felt an explosion like dynamite under your feet when Dave the Mod tucked home that penalty against Blackburn, to have been there when Pembo set off on his mad run, or when we won a penalty shootout 6-5 having missed five pens in a row before that… money couldn't buy those things. Except money does buy it… a Crystal Palace season ticket is the best investment we'll ever make.

Time for another promotion I think…

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