Soo very, very fired... by Fremdfirma

REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

Soo very, very fired...

POSTED BY: FREMDFIRMA
UPDATED: Tuesday, December 16, 2008 07:33
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VIEWED: 1145
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Friday, December 12, 2008 11:26 AM

Ayep, I knew this was coming about a week ago, see, and decided to make a full on spectacle of it, just finished the final cut of Dave's tape too, which took a little longer than expected as it wasn't fully compatible with my equipment.

Well, you wanted to know, so let's just skip to the good part, and we'll be glossing over anything that could get me in trouble, heh.

You know the old saying, "if you're gonna hang anyway, do something worth the rope!", right ?

Now, the other members did attempt to file an injunction (and changed the locks) but the judge they took it to decided I was indeed acting within my authority, and in a bit of a shocker, sided passionately with me in his statement regarding the matter - doesn't make sense, leastways not to me, but they couldn't do nothin to me, ha!

Till Thursday morning, when my change of address becomes official, which I pre-emptively sealed, all but the zipcode, which is clearly no longer that podunk little town, thus making me ineligable for the position, and they were all waiting quite eagerly for that, to the point of lingering about the post office so they could get their hands on it without waiting the normal course of delivery.

But - you have to get up pretty damned early to beat a nocturnal paranoid, and they only walked right into my nefarious plan all the more...

Fast forward, Oh-God-Thirty in the morning, I call up Dave, who's not best pleased to be kicked out of bed that early, but I promise to make it worth a while, and tell him to bring the villan rig and a camera, one WITH audio, mind.

Dave makes retro-silent movies, so he has the whole full bore villan rigamarole, right down to the black leather mask, top hat, white gloves, half cape, cane, wingtips with spats, etc, and we're the same size... drew the line at the mustache though.

You see where this is going, yes ?

So I creep up on the place nice and early, while they're clustered down at the PO like a pack of mutts begging for a treat, and scoff quietly - Kwiksets, which are, contrary to all advertisements, NOT proof against lock-bumping, especially when you've got a custom bumpkey for exactly that brand - hell I prolly opened it faster than they did with the cheap, badly diecut jobbies that came with these pathetic locks... *snort* amateurs.

Dave follows in behind me, carrying the camera and the cat (Ghoster) cause you just really need a white cat if you're going to homeage Ernst Stavro Blofeld.

So he takes a seat in the corner of MY office and waits, as I put Ghoster in my lap and wait for destiny, sending a quick text message of the scoop-in-progress code to the journalism students as I hear the front door rattle open, Dave starts rolling tape.

They note the open office door and come have a look, followed by jaw dropping double takes, a little sputtering, and "You're not supposed to be in here!"

(Insert LARGE HAM here)
"Is that so ? hmmm, this being MY office, where else then should I be ?"
*point cane at neighbor*
"You! - be a good little minion, and get me a cappucino, a real one, try to pawn off something from a gas station on me and I'll have you executed, go on then, chop-chop!"
*waggle of cane*

They quickly retreat around the corner, unaware of just how good my hearing is...

"Is he really that far gone, or is he toying with us ?"
"No, he's fucking with our heads, he's BEEN doing that from the very start!"
(Revisionist history, this - I did NOT start this mess.)
"So.. now what (garblemumble)"

So they go to the last remaining member of the local PD, said office being down at the other end of the hall, I put the reciever in my ear...

"No way!, I am NOT locking horns with that guy, he's like a supervillan or something!"(*snort-chuckle*, wait till he sees the outfit!)"Why don't you call the county, guys?"
(this meaning county sheriff, which they do)

Fast forward about twenty minutes...

Two county deputies come in, doubletake...

"Uh, were, um...*cough*.. going to have to.. *snort*.. ask you *guffaw*.."

He finally gets control of himself, after a bit, and politely asks me to leave the building, I stand up, give my very best huuuuge psychotic grin with big open empty eyes, and a little twitch just for added effect...

"MAKE me..."

They freeze, but I don't prolong this given how touchy things are around here, for damn sure I do not want em taking me seriously, so I turn it off like a switch and flop into the chair, put my feet up on the desk and stroke the cat, who's on the desk now and miffed about being dumped from a nice comfy lap.

"*I* want a cappucino, a real one... and... you're going to need more guys, if you wanna throw me out of here, at least two more."

And I give em a HARD grin, but top it with a wink to keep em guessing.
They go outside to discuss, unlike the locals they DO know how good my hearing is.

And about ten minutes later (ten? damn, must be a slow day for em) here come two more, with the rookie of the pair actually carrying a damn cappucino, I kid not, and from the restaurant a block down cause it's in one of their glasses, heh.

He sets it on the desk and quickly scuttles back OUT of reach, heh heh.

"Why thank you Earnest, now allow me a moment to complete my resignation."
*pulls out a neon green crayon*
"Let's see, how to proceed, oh, yes..."

To: Town of XXXXXX
OMGWTFBBQ11!
D00D3z U suck, N00bLetZ

I QUIT!

"There we go, all proper and legal now, yes ?"

And to my car we go, cat in arm, and with thoughtfully provided escort, and as Dave (still rolling tape on this) kindly opens the drivers side for me, I turn to deliver my final proclaimation... right in front of the two journalism students, who've been watching with glee for a couple minutes now.

(Insert VERY LARGE HAM here)
"YOU'LL PAY DEARLY FOR THIS, AND WHILE YOU HAVE STOPPED ME FOR NOW.."
*dramatic fist shake*
"YOU SHALL RUE THE DAY YOU CROSSED.... THE DYNAMO!"
And with a quick half spin that gives the cape a nice flourishy flutter, into the car, hand the cat off to Dave (and she's loving all the attention) and drive off...

I make it about 3 blocks, before I have to pull over, laughing SOOOOOOooo hard I start to wheeze and hack to the point where Dave pulls out his asthma inhaler and offers it to me - what the hell, I take a hit, GLUUURRGGG, GACK, that stuff is horrific, how do they stand it, hack-gag-cough...

One of the county cruisers is behind me, I notice as the driver taps on my window impatiently with a frustrated expression on his face.

"Can I help you, officer ?"

"Are you DONE yet ?"

"Ah.. yes, actually, I was just temporarily incapacitated by good humor."

"Well, while YOU might think it's funny, no one else does - we're supposed to make sure you leave this town, and take it as a suggestion...
Don't. Come. Back."

"Oh-ho, giving orders, are we ?"

"It's a suggestion, a STRONG suggestion, from top, and not from me, he says you've pushed these folk a little too far, and he doesn't want the trouble you're going to cause on his plate now that there's no one else to pass the buck to down here. - Keep it up and we WILL arrest you, it's only cause he owes you that we didn't nail you for trespassing already."

"Right, well don't worry about it, I'll be shaking the dust of this podunk burg off my wheels in a block or two and we can get on with our merry little lives, okay ?"

"Yeah, see to it you do that, and stay the hell away from here on out, cause if we don't bust you, someone in this place is likely to do worse, and no one's gonna be too sorry when that happens, if you take my meaning."

I just grin and close the power window as I put it in gear and roll off.

And the moral of our little story...

Be Careful What You Wish For - You Just Might Get it.

-Frem

PS. Didja know that the same locals who oh so eagerly, then apathetically, supported me are now cheering at the fact that I got run out of town on a rail?
People are fickle, ain't they ?
(Of course, going all gonzo over the top like that prolly didn't help.)

Got a call from the Sheriff later, bitchin me out - he had told em to do whatever necessary to get me to leave without incident, and actually billed me for the cappucino and glass.

Speakin of, Dave wants me to do a couple scripts for him now as payback, says I do the villan gig way better than he does... heh heh.

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Friday, December 12, 2008 11:31 AM

FREMDFIRMA

This is Blofeld, for them who didn't get the reference.

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Friday, December 12, 2008 11:32 AM

FREMDFIRMA

This is the standard-issue "Villan" get up, close to it, tho Dave's is a bit more detailed than this.

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Friday, December 12, 2008 11:33 AM

FREMDFIRMA

And this, is Ghoster, the obligatory white cat.

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Friday, December 12, 2008 11:54 AM

CHRISISALL

Well, you're not as cool as Max, BUT JUST ABOUT!!!

Well played, my friend, and as Sala said, I'm so glad you're not dead!

Man, your post had me ROTF...

You showed those

all right.

Troublemaker.

The laughing Chrisisall

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Friday, December 12, 2008 1:51 PM

OUT2THEBLACK

Quote:
Originally posted by Fremdfirma:
And this, is Ghoster, the obligatory white cat.

SWEEEeeeT !

Good on ya for having a good-humoured white kitty , willin' to play sidekick to a Villain.

You're no plain-Vanilla Villain , Frem !

Of course we got the Blofeld reference !

ALL good pussy-strokin' villains would !

It's sort of an Evil League Of Evil requirement...

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Friday, December 12, 2008 3:16 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)

Y'know, Frem, I don't know how I feel about this. On the one hand, I'm glad you're out - for your own safety's sake. On the other hand, though, I loved reading about your adventures in sticking it to The Man, and I think in the long run that little burg will be better off for your "destructive" tendencies.

But it sure had me worried for ya, and it's a damn shame they're not smart enough to keep you around.

Keep watchin' yer back, 'cause these folk strike me as the kind to hold a grudge no matter how much good you do for them.

Mike

"It is complete now; the hands of time are neatly tied."

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Friday, December 12, 2008 3:55 PM

FREMDFIRMA

Oh I am well aware of it Mikey - that's just the funny, you didn't see the ugly.

Of course, doing that makes the funny all the better since truth be told, that took some big brass ones given the situation, if I had stopped at any point to sit and think on it I woulda been paralyzed with terror, given the level of provocation already delivered and glossed over on the advice of an attorney.

But see, they WANT you to be afraid, too fearful to act, and it was very important to me to deliver an act of pure mockery right in their very faces, in the heart of their own lair, and in such a way that tales of such will carry for a very long time.

Nope, they won't be forgetting THAT stunt any time soon, and by railing about it, unknowingly feed the kind of bullshit legend-making that made Jayne Cobb a "hero".

And those two journalism students are sure to inject that innoculation against fear of the powers that be into the student body, to it's eventual benefit.

This wasn't a spur of the moment thing, it was a calculated act as a finale to the general plan I orchestrated that weekend, a final coup-de-gras slap in the face as a pointed reminder that some people in this world cannot be cowed by fear and threat - and not all of them are well meaning but unskilled amateurs.

While I also must gloss over other contingencies other than those stated or hinted at, I am sure they're gnashing their teeth over the inability to effectively retaliate, cause I made damn sure to dump sand in THOSE gears *first*.

They were out of their league from the moment they put me on that ballot, Mikey, and to their eventual chagrin, completely unaware of that fact.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BadassBookworm
"However, when that's tried, the villains learn to their sorrow how gravely they've underestimated the character as he wipes the floor with them."

Really, the snarky little 5'6" 130lb cripple well past middle age who spends much of his time in a wheelchair and has a strange sense of humor can't be THAT threatening, right ?

Right ?

Never. Saw. It. Comin.

-Frem
It cannot be said enough, those who do not learn from history, are doomed to endlessly repeat it

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Friday, December 12, 2008 4:36 PM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.

I musta missed a previous post on the topic.

Last I heard, you had given all of the cops a surprise drug test, which is why I assume your ex-town has only one cop left.

And then.....?

---------------------------------
Let's party like its 1929.

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Friday, December 12, 2008 10:26 PM

FREMDFIRMA

And then it got ugly, REAL ugly, Siggy, to the point of having to actually draw (but thanks be not fire!!) my weapon in self defense against one of those soon to be ex-officers, an experience I really coulda went to my grave without knowing.

Also included a bogus call to 911 indicating a domestic disturbance and "shots fired" at my address in an attempt to provoke a firefight with whoever responded, but I was prepared for that by having a reserve county officer with me that day who quashed it before anything came of it - and we caught the bastard who did it too, I figure you can guess, right ?

Beyond that, due to the legal implications of what followed I ain't allowed to discuss, up till the end, which I related here.

I'm pretty sure if you sat and thought about it, considering what set matters off in the first place, you could figure out most of what I did after that likely to enrage them to offer lethal-grade violence against me.

Cops really, REALLY don't like being on the receiving end of that which they dish out so commonly to us mere peons, and that's a fact.

So given that environment, to walk into the lions den and yank his damn tail like that took almost more cojones than even I got - but I was gonna do it, and damn well DID do it, cause imma stubborn jackass that way.

-Frem

It cannot be said enough, those who do not learn from history, are doomed to endlessly repeat it

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Friday, December 12, 2008 10:49 PM

NAVYSEILS

I've not been following the events that lead up to this point, but kudos to you sir on the finale. If I ever wind up in a similar position I hope I remember this story. Bravo.

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Saturday, December 13, 2008 12:05 AM

FREMDFIRMA

Gack, I have like 3 minutes to be out the door, someone else fill him in with the cliff notes capsule version if possible, k ?

-F

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Saturday, December 13, 2008 6:05 AM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.

Ah. It's one thing to tweak politicians' tails. Quite another to tweak the cops'.

You have more huevos than I do. (Well, you do anyway but you get my drift!)

---------------------------------
Let's party like its 1929.

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Saturday, December 13, 2008 6:35 AM

WULFENSTAR

http://youtu.be/VUnGTXRxGHg

Ok, so you got your ass fired, ran out on a rail like the basturds you replaced.

Did you do any good tho?

I mean its cool and all that you threw a wrench in the gears...but why couldn't you have stuck it out and actually made sure shit got fixed?

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Saturday, December 13, 2008 8:52 AM

FREMDFIRMA

Ok, Quick capsule recap for those who didn't see the beginning of this.

After standing up to the local, quite corrupt, city council - the local population of this tiny little podunk burg started pondering running me for that office, at first as a joke (I happen to be a damn Anarchist) and then when the local business owners suddenly got behind it, quite seriously to the point of putting me on the ballot despite my objections, since nothing says a candidate must consent for that to happen.

And having stood up to them repeatedly, and quite successfully, including having the original leader and secretary busted for embezzlement and corruption, see...

Well, the locals shoved me into the position in prettymuch a landslide.

Which caused the existing members to clam up, refuse to work, and ultimately quit, all but one leaving town in disgrace as I *already* had enough proof of their corruption to have them prosecuted if we felt the need to do so.

Thus leaving me prettymuch the entirety of the council in the body of one person, something everyone figured might happen, and it was a great measure of trust that they did not expect me to abuse that, as easy as it would have been.

Then come to find out the local business folk who pushed this so hard were expecting me to cause a disaster they could then rush in and clean up, riding in as the conquering heros and taking power for their own corrupt little clique that they could not have garnered via the election process cause the locals did not trust them much more than the existing batch of corrupt berks, see.

And that is when their plan went to hell, cause Anarchists are not, contrary to what the powers that be would have you believe, only interested in spreading chaos, misery and violence - we operate by the principles of taking whatever action causes the least harm to others, and mutual respect of individuals.

So I rounded up the least corrupt locals capable of doing the job, which I was not qualified for alone, something I *told* them but no one seemed to care, and more or less shanghaied them reluctantly into filling out the council to it's proper number.

And then proceeded to actually DO THE JOB, which nobody much has done around here in nearly thirty years - and in a way that didn't make me very many friends with the entrenched and fully corrupt local political system.

I damn well knew it would blow up in my face from the moment it started, and included that factor in my plans all along, I just didn't expect some folk to take things quite as far as they did in retaliation, but expecting it, and planning for it - two very different things, mind...
And thus remained a couple steps ahead right up to the very end, which I posted here.

And that's prettymuch the cliffs notes version, k ?

-Frem

PS - Get to your statement in a minnit here, Wulfie.

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Saturday, December 13, 2008 8:55 AM

FREMDFIRMA

Shit *did* get fixed, Wulfie.

Old corrupt city council, and hangers on - run clear out of town, every single one.

New potentially corrupt local businessfolk - roadblocked and stymied when I more or less shanghaied the least corruptable folk in town and installed them, making sure there was enough disagreement between them to forestall any cliquemaking for a while.

Killed off untracked credit cards for councilmembers via local bank at 18.99%
Killed off ruinous and ineffective healthcare plan for councilmembers.

Altered policy so that all small purchases must be made up front and then submitted for reimbursement later, and all large ones must be put to public bid.

Laid sufficient stocks of salt for city road salting, at well below market rate instead of buying at last minute and getting reamed.

Changed city employee heathcare plan, via bidding process, to one with more benefits for less expense, and managed to keep most of their existing physicians on board with it.

Changed waste removal contract to a better service at a far better rate, damn near half of what we were paying, again, via bidding process, and this company actually shows up earlier in the day and reliably.

Refined utility service agreements for some small financial benefit and cut out a lot of needless paperwork, something only pure laziness let go that badly.

Went through and cleaned up the books, damn near having to rewrite them entire (and account for everything) and even with a reimbursement of a financial specialist, who graciously gave us his time at a cut-rate, still put us way ahead of our budget curve.

Ended all off-books largess and graft.

Refined budget to cut tax millages nearly thirty percent, and mailed proposed budget to every address in town on my own dime to make sure any attempt to go back on it will meet firm resistance.

And, of course, cleaned up our thoroughly corrupt local PD.

That last one was political suicide for the job, and damned dangerous, had to step on a lot of toes to get it done, and knowing full well that it would make me very unwelcome in that place anymore I made sure to have all contingencies in place before starting THAT boulder rolling down the hill.

The alternative was to play ball, don't rock the boat, keep the status quo, so what would you have me do - sell out to stay in power, to make incremental gains that always get offset by political paybacks anyway... or use that power to benefit the city even if my own name became mud in the process ?

I did what they wanted, what they quite specifically hired me for, they just didn't think it through to the logical endpoints, but one can hardly blame them for not actually expecting anything to change, given how rare that is.

In fact I am pointedly reminded at this time of a story by Asimov, The Life and Times of Multivac.
http://www.atariarchives.org/bcc1/showpage.php?page=111
I rather doubt they were thankful to Baskt, in fact, they probably lynched him.

Besides, they might hate me now, but having fed the bullshit local legend factory one hell of a bit to work with, some day they might put a statue up in the town square, thus further proving further the assertion that anyone who's had one of em is some kinda sumbitch or another.

The school papers writeup was especially good.
City Council fights local villain!

And *they* do have the support of the locals, which, given that they were good and decent folk who didn't want the job no more than I did, puts them in a pretty good position to forestall corruption as long as such is possible in a thoroughly toxic political system.

I do think it's the best possible result, given how it coulda gone.

-Frem

It cannot be said enough, those who do not learn from history, are doomed to endlessly repeat it

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Tuesday, December 16, 2008 7:33 AM

NAVYSEILS

That's quite a tale. Knowing the background makes your villain antics all the more impressive. You're crazy the right way. Well done for standing up to it.

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