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Most parenting guides begin with the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?" and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, "What do kids need -- and how can we meet those needs?" What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them.

One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.

More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting -- including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.

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Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
I've never known anyone at any age who really listened to their elders, no matter whether they were positive or negative features in their lives.

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Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
This sounds kind of smothering to me.

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Originally posted by Storymark:

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Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
I've never known anyone at any age who really listened to their elders, no matter whether they were positive or negative features in their lives.

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I can't think of a single person I know who didn't.

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Originally posted by canttakesky:
Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval.

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“As long as the child will be trained not by love, but by fear, so long will humanity live not by justice, but by force. As long as the child will be ruled by the educator’s threat and by the father’s rod, so long will mankind be dominated by the policeman’s club, by fear of jail, and by panic of invasion by armies and navies.”

Boris Sidis, from “A lecture on the abuse of the fear instinct in early education” in Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 1919.

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Originally posted by BYTEMITE:

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Originally posted by Storymark:

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Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
I've never known anyone at any age who really listened to their elders, no matter whether they were positive or negative features in their lives.

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I can't think of a single person I know who didn't.

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In terms of "this is your grandmother, she has good stories" then yes. In terms of "don't do this or that?" I doubt it. Kids are their own persons and they're pretty stubborn about the choices they make, whether it's burning their hand on the stove or eating cookies before dinner.

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Well, you're the one with self-admitted social problems.

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I'm going to stick with what I have personally experienced over a misanthrope saying "Nuh-uh."

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Originally posted by canttakesky:
Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0743487486?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&
creativeASIN=0743487486&linkCode=xm2&tag=homesteadingsurvivalism-20

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Most parenting guides begin with the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?" and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, "What do kids need -- and how can we meet those needs?" What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them.

One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.

More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting -- including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.

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Haven't read the book, but I like this idea.

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Originally posted by Magonsdaughter:
but its not really that groundbreaking.

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