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The Conservative Political Action Committee is meeting this weekend in Washington, D.C., as they do every year. CPAC guests so far have included Ted Cruz (whose speech on Thursday was red and meaty), Mitch McConnell (who waved a gun around trying to look bad-ass)

Bobby Jindal, Donald Trump (really? can’t you stop encouraging him?), Paul Ryan (who thinks kids should starve to feel loved) and Mike Lee (Cruz’s sidekick). Still to come are Rick Perry, John Cornyn, Oliver North, Rand Paul, Newt Gingrich, Michele Bachmann and (of course) Sarah Palin. Look for remarks from these brain trust members over the next few days.

Many other right-wing “heroes” will be signing books at CPAC. Dr. Ben Carson will be there as will Christine O’Donnell (remember her? no, she’s definitely not a Witch; we wouldn’t have her). John Bolton is there shilling his book, Surrender Is Not An Option (but being a chickenhawk is!). Yes, the whole hee-haw gang is there with their (ghostwritten) books so that the RWNJs can spend money on signed stacks of paper that they will never read. Because reading is elitist, dammit!

The panels and discussion groups are always the most fun thing at CPAC… at least, for those of us who write about it. Because it is here where the average right-winger gets to make an ass of himself speak out. Who can forget about the guy who defended slavery in a forum on racial tolerance last year? We can tell why that didn’t happen at this year’s minority outreach panel:

We all know that minorities are very important to the GOP. But their constituents? Not so much. In fact, they never met a minority they didn’t hate (or want to keep from voting).

Some of the panels and discussions look like they would be fun simply for the amount of crazy that will be on display. Here are a few that look interesting:

Does the U.S. Congress Matter Anymore? Executive Orders AND the Hopelessness of EVER Curtailing Federal Spending.

Since Congress can never cut federal spending, should we stop caring about who’s elected to Congress? President Obama is paving the way toward severely altering the balance of powers – can he be stopped? CAN Congress ever reassert itself? This is moderated by David Keene of The Washington Times. On the panel: Tom Coburn and George Will.

You have to admire the use of the word “hopelessness.” It gives the whole thing a lovely air of depression and self-hatred, exactly what CPAC needs. Gotta love the words they CAPITALIZED, too. Does Congress matter anymore? After all, they don’t really get much done nowadays. And President Obama just ignores them anyway. Except when he’s trying to work with them on repairing the economy. Or immigration. Or healthcare. Or infrastructure. The truth of the matter is that Executive Orders were more predominant during Bush II’s presidency. But don’t bother CPAC people with the facts. Listen, if Congress doesn’t matter anymore, it’s their own fault for turning both chambers into ground zero for stubborn childishness.

Healthcare After ObamaCare: A Practical Guide for Living When No One Has Insurance and America Runs Out of Doctors.

The new medical realities we all face: Rationing, denial of care, doctor shortages and a loss of religious liberty under Obamacare. Moderated by Amy Frederick of the 60 Plus Association. Panel: Sen. John Barrasso (WY), Alex Smith (College Republicans Chair), Rep. Tom Price (GA) and Ken Blackwell (Prof. at Liberty U. School of Law).

This is the “oh noes, Obamacare!” panel of CPAC. And it runs in two parts! Gotta get all that fear-mongering in there, I guess. Rationing? They must mean like insurance companies used to do before the ACA. Denial of care? Also something prevalent before the ACA. Doctor shortages? An effective fear tactic, but that’s all it is. Loss of religious liberty? Oh, right. That means that employers won’t be able to force their religious morals on their employees when it comes to contraception. No, that’s not a “loss of religious liberty.” That’s drawing a line between employers and employees. What employees decide about their family planning is none of their employers’ business. Suck it up, prudes.

The American Dream vs. The Obama Nightmare: Income Inequality.

Why has President Obama given up on the American Dream in favor of income redistribution? Moderated by Al Cardenas, Chairman of the American Conservative Union. Panel: Evan Sayet (Author, Kinder Garden of Eden), Rich Lowry (National Review) and Steve Scalise (Republican Study Committee on House of Representatives).

In which a quartet of rich people kvetch about how terrible it is that the unwashed masses would dare to want a piece of The American Dream™. After all, they didn’t inherit it from their billionaire daddies, as it should be. Attendees will receive a special CPAC pin reading, “I stand up for the rich (even though I’m poor and always will be).”

What’s the Deal with Global Warming?

An Al Gore fever dream? Real but with caveats? Real but irrelevant? Moderated by Joe Bast of The Heartland Institute (not a scientist). Panel: Steve Milloy (Murray Energy Corp., not a scientist), Marc Morano (Climate Depot, not a scientist), Dr. Marlo Lewis (Enterprise Institute, not a scientist), George Landrith (Frontiers of Freedom, not a scientist) and Shannon Smith (Abundant Power Group, definitely not a scientist).

So we have here a panel of non-scientists, all of whom work for or represent climate change deniers and their companies. So, what is the deal with global warming? Why is it snowing outside if the globe is warming? Why do I get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to spread misinformation about climate change? Where is Australia and why is it hot there? That ruins my talking point about snow! Why do I hate this planet? Why do I hate myself and work to destroy this planet? Eh. Money talks. And at CPAC it’s really, really loud.

Rocky Mountain High: Does Legalized Pot Mean Society’s Going Up In Smoke?

Moderated by Rep. Janak Joshi (CO House of Representatives). Panel: Mary Katharine Ham (Editor, HotAir.com).

How many outdated pop culture references can we use in a snappy title for this “panel?” Two people whom one can only listen to if one is too baked to care. I wonder if they had munchies at this one? Note that the actual “panel” consists of one person. Maybe everyone else can read the tea leaves and understand that decriminalization of pot = new revenue stream. At CPAC, money always wins (see rich people panel).

Can Libertarians and Social Conservatives Ever Get Along?

Is there common ground between the two most energetic wings of the movement? Moderated by Tom Minnery (Citizen Link). Panel: Dr. Matt Spalding (Allan P. Kirby Jr. Center for Constitutional Studies & Citizenship), Matt Welch (Reason Magazine), Michael Medved and Alexander McCobin (Students For Liberty).

No.

After Obama, Day 1: What Are the Big Alternative Ideas Conservatives Should Present as Obama’s Term Ends?

Moderated by Matt Schlapp (Cover Strategies). Panel: John Allison (CATO), Lawson Bader (Competitive Enterprise Institute), Scooter Libby (lulz) and Tom Fitton (Judicial Watch).

Do Conservatives even have “big alternative ideas?” Because they haven’t had a very good track record on this. Their “big alternative ideas” have consisted of big stupid ideas like the Iraq war. Or making sure that Obama is a one-term president. Those didn’t work out very well for them. And what the hell is Scooter Libby doing on this panel? Maybe his “big idea” is to out every CIA agent in the agency. While that would qualify as “big” and even an “idea,” I think it would end poorly for them. No, we’ve seen what happens when conservatives have “big alternative ideas.” Those never seem to work for us, either.

Can America Survive Obama’s War on Fossil Fuel?

America’s energy future: North American fossil fuel fortress? Is there a role for the federal government? Can we recover from Obama’s alternative energy frauds? Moderated by Becky Norton Dunlop (The Heritage Foundation). Panel: Tom Pyle (American Energy Alliance), Alex Epstein (Center for Industrial Progress), Charles Gerow (Quantum Communications) and William Perry (author, Sagebrush Rebel).

The feel-good panel of the CPAC weekend, where representatives of Big Oil get to bitch and moan. That they are starting from a false premise doesn’t matter. They want to whine and, by god, they’re going to do it! Attendees will get a coupon for 10 cents off their next fill-up. So generous!

More Guns, Less Crime: How Law Enforcement is Beginning to Embrace a Well-Armed Civilian Population.

The police have discovered that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans may be the best defense against guns in the hands of criminals. Moderated by Chris Cox (NRA, of course). Panel: Emily Miller (The Washington Times), David Clarke (Sheriff, Milwaukee County, WI) and Sandy Adams (former U.S. Representative, FL).

Because we all know that more guns are the answer to gun violence. Despite a Buzzfeed article full of half-truths, armed citizens have not prevented mass shootings. Out of the 9 examples Buzzfeed gave, Slate notes, only one was a verifiable prevention of a crime by an ordinary citizen. Now, do a Google search on accidental shootings, Heck, do a search here on Addicting Info: three pages dealing with accidental shootings. Can law-abiding citizens prevent crime? Sure. But the ratio of that sort of thing happening when compared to accidental shootings is very lop-sided. But that’s okay by CPAC attendees. Because ‘murica and gunz!

Why Conservatism is Right for Women: How Conservatives Should Talk About Life, Prosperity & National Security.

"The real war is the fight against ideological stereotypes." Moderated by Tammy Bruce (The Washington Times). Panel: Kate Obenshain (Author, Divider-in-Chief), Crystal Wright (Conservativeblackchick.com), Sabrina Schaeffer (Independent Women’s Forum) and State Rep. Marilinda Garcia (NH).

The obligatory “women like us, too” panel tries to explain why conservatism isn’t hostile to women. Those restrictive abortion laws? Not the “real” war. The refusal to make women’s pay equal to men’s? Not the “real” war. The fight to control contraception? Not the “real” war. No, to CPAC attendees the “real” war is the left’s insistence on pointing these things out. That darned “liberal media,” how dare they point out that we really want to have all women turn into Stepford wives!

More wacky CPAC fun!

There are also lots of workshops at CPAC. Most of them deal with working social media to one’s advantage or how to be big man on campus/in the campaign. Oh, and a “tribute” to Firing Line, which is a “debate” between Ann Coulter and Mickey Kaus. I’m sure that William F. Buckley would be begging for earplugs after 5 minutes if he were still alive, As it is, he’ll be spinning in his grave enough to power a small city.

The CPAC entertainment — and I use that term loosely — appears to be supplied by Big Dawg Music. I wasn’t sure exactly what kind of music one gets from people who hold Andrew Brietbart up as a “General.” Then I watched this video and, after I stopped laughing, decided that it’s the sort of music I don’t like. Well, here… you give it a listen:

Are you okay? Sorry you had to see that. But now we have an answer. And it’s not pretty.

You can take a look at the CPAC schedule at http://www.cpac.org/schedule-events. It makes for a fascinating glimpse at the psyche of those who attend CPAC. It’s a scary picture but one we need to examine. As the old adage goes, Know Thine Enemy. And then laugh. http://www.addictinginfo.org/2014/03/07/liberal-look-at-cpac-2014/

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- By now, and by god, it should have settled permanently in the consciousness of the nation what a huge and untoward gamble with the country John McCain and his campaign took in 2008 when they elevated Sarah Palin from her rightful place on the tundra to the political celebrity she currently enjoys. McCain should pay a heavy price for unleashing this ignorant, two-wheeled bilewagon on the country's politics. If you think she's a legitimate political leader, you're an idiot and a sucker and I feel sorry for you.

Yesterday she gave a wildly received speech to ring down the curtain at CPAC. The applause, as far as I know, may still be going on. It was as singularly embarrassing a public address as any allegedly sentient primate ever has delivered. It was a disgrace to politics, to rhetoric, to the English language, and to seventh-grade slam books everywhere.

This ambulatiory bag of rank resentment pulled out all the tricks. The cheap shots; "Aw, John, why the long face?" to the Secretary of State. The sneering, wheedling playground taunting -- "You can't make a phone call without Michelle Obama knowing, 'This is the third time this week you dialed Pizza Hut Delivery'" -- and a full panoply of funny voices that are the trademark of dipshit comics in every two-drink minimum club in America. We got "hope and channng-ey," and how "some members" of the GOP establishment are saying to us, "Hush, America. Go to sleep, little lambs." And, in what is being celebrated as the piece de resistance , she turned Green Eggs And Ham into an extended taunt.

"I do not like this spyin' man, I do not like ‘Oh, yes we can,' I do not like this kind of hope, and we won't take it nope, nope, nope."

(Dr. Seuss, a noted progressive, was having dry heaves in the Void.)

If you laughed, you're an idiot and I feel sorry for you.

"There is no free birth control. There is no free phone. There is no free health care. There are no free Fritos. There is no free lunch."

Says a woman who's been on the grift full time for five years now, and who did, in fact, manage to work in a plug for her next inevitably cancelled television show, citing "the places where most of the people who do the working and tax-paying live...and that's where you'll find... AMAZING AMERICA!" The folks at the Very Big Fish Channel or whatever it is must be thrilled.

We even got the inevitable gloat. Back five years ago, somebody wrote down on a little card for her that allowing the Russians to invade Georgia -- as though there was anything we could have done about that -- would embolden Vladimir Putin to move on Ukraine. She dutifully read it in public and now, of course, she is the smartest geopolitical mind in the country.

"After all, who could have seen this one coming?"

In 2008, we should remember, she wasn't sure how many Koreas there were, thought Saddam Hussein was behind the 9/11 attacks, and was unclear whether or not Africa was a country. So, in an act of Christian charity, I will grant that some anonymous staffer, who very likely has only now recovered from the serious heroin habit he developed while working with Palin on foreign policy in 2008, was slightly clairvoyant about the intentions of the Putin government. Well done, unsung hero. If you respect her knowledge of anything beyond where her next speaking fee is coming from, you're an idiot and I feel sorry for you.

A friend bailed on the speech, making the very plausible case that Palin is simply another political celebrity freakshow, like Donald Trump. I can see the point there but, with Palin, and watching the hysterical reception her puerile screed received, there is something more serious going on. She is the living representation of the infantilization of American politics, a poisonous Grimm Sister telling toxic fairy tales to audiences drunk on fear, and hate and nonsense. She respects no standards but her own. She is in perpetual tantrum, railing against her betters, which is practically everyone, and volunteering for the job of avatar to the country's reckless vandal of a political Id. It was the address of a malignant child delivered to an audience of malignant children. If you applauded, you're an idiot and I feel sorry for you.

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Originally posted by Jongsstraw:
Oh gee, another hit piece on Sarah Palin! What's that ... the five millionth one? How special! Meanwhile, Obama has ruined America's economy, healthcare, and foreign relations. He's a liar with no credibilty, and has made America a laughing stock in the world. He will go down as one of the worst presidents in history.

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Originally posted by Jongsstraw:
^^ So say the whacked-out leftist psychos at the Daily Kos. What a source! Such desperation. LMAO at all of it!

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Originally posted by Jongsstraw:
How special! Meanwhile, Obama has ruined America's economy, healthcare, and foreign relations.

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Originally posted by Jongsstraw:
^^ So say the whacked-out leftist psychos at the Daily Kos. What a source! Such desperation. LMAO at all of it!

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Originally posted by Jongsstraw:
Absolutely hysterical to see the last line of Obama defenders desperately holding on for dear life. That's right ... you hold!

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