Other people's children by MAL4PREZ

REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

Other people's children

POSTED BY: MAL4PREZ
UPDATED: Thursday, May 22, 2014 05:54
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Sunday, May 18, 2014 10:24 PM

Recent threads included a link back to the epic Protest/Traffic thread, which I skimmed. Truly, it was epic. A meeting of people with very different, clashing takes on the subject (though I still believe we agreed on the majority of it, just not in the particular expression of examples.) We reached no agreement but we actually tried to talk.

The world needs more of that kind of thing.

Let me share a recurring annoyance I faced today (yesterday too). The neighbors in the property behind mine have a young daughter. They also have several outdoor child amusement contraptions, and weekends and summer days are often filled with crowds of insanely loud little ones amusing themselves for hours on end.

The contraption in use today was a trampoline. The daughter (1st grade-ish, I'd guess) had friends over and they jumped and flopped and screamed on the trampoline from noon until about 7 PM with only a few very short breaks. The mom, I noted, spent the majority of this time on the deck drinking wine.

Clarify: this was not the usual few hoots and hollers and laughs of kids amusing themselves on a lovely Sunday afternoon. This was the "MY HAIR IS ON FIRE AHHHHHHHHH!" kind of intensity you see in children who've been holed up in some horrible silent classroom for hours but are allowed 15 minutes freedom for recess and must make the most of it.

The shrill, hair-splitting shrieks that echoed off neighboring houses and got through my closed windows and volume-up music went on for 7

seven

SEVEN

one-two-three-four-five-six-SEVEN

hours.

(And don't even get me started about the birthday party the same family threw last summer with a dozen shrieking little girls on a backyard waterslide for hours and hours - an event that drove me from my home.)

Hey, I like happy children. I like children who are given the freedom to run and jump and laugh and enjoy being children. But seven hours of this, in a small back yard surrounding by several neighboring houses? When the shrill shrieks of high voices can heard blocks away... for seven hours with not more than a few minutes' break here and there...

Why is this OK?

Does the kids' need for freedom to be kids (which surely they have) mean a total loss of my freedom to not have shrill shrieks piercing my walls every Saturday and Sunday afternoon, noon to sundown? Is there value in teaching kids to moderate themselves to some extent?

What are the bounds when it comes to compromise? Is there a Way that allows peaceful co-existence for all involved - children can be children, yet neighbors can find a few peaceful moment to sit by their gardens and enjoy the sun and the delicate sounds of the soft breeze in the trees?

To be less philosophical: posters who are parents, I hope you are *aware* enough to not allow your children to scream for 7 hours straight in a crowded neighborhood, but if you were not aware in this way, can you imagine a way a neighbor could approach you that would lead to understanding and compromise? Can you offer advice as to handle this issue which I imagine will be ongoing this summer?

FIST: screaming children
NOSE: my delicate eardrums

What are the boundaries re the FIST hitting the NOSE?

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Monday, May 19, 2014 12:01 AM

CHRISISALL

My best advise, make shit up. Contact the neighbours & say you have a sick puppy temporarily staying with you that needs rest to convalesce, and that the constant noise might kill her chances.
Kids grok puppy needs.

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Monday, May 19, 2014 12:37 AM

MAGONSDAUGHTER

I'm impressed that the kids remained outside so long.

Very annoying, but is it a one off or occasional thing?

I feel the same way about adult parties. I live in a very quiet area. Seriously quiet. Parties disturb my calm. But I do understand that occasionally a neighbour will want to let their hair down and have a good time.

New Year's Eve I spent in a sleepy seaside resort. The people next door partied ALL night long. I mean they were still going at 7am. They weren't even particularly young. I felt like screaming at them to go to bed because surely there is a limit to how much you want to drink, listen to music and talk.

Hell is other people. Their children. Their pets. Their power tools. Dirt bikes. Motorbikes. Their hacking smokers coughs.

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Monday, May 19, 2014 1:08 AM

AGENTROUKA

In Germany there are - by law - both mandatory quiet hours in residential areas and the protected right of children to make noise. In doubt, the children usually win. There is suffering involved for other people, especially in hardwood floored apartment buildings on weekend mornings.

Unless they were screaming into the night or before 7 a.m., this would have been perfectly legal here. Except potentially around noon. Which I find perfectly agreeable.

But if it was as hair-splitting as you say, it's still a bit rude on part of the parents not to do an occasional "Yo, turn it down!".

I don't know how you can approach them in some magically effective and non-confrontational way, especially if the kid is just generally allowed to scream and used to it. Changing that behavior would be a lot of extra effort for the parents and they might not care to invest it, especially if they themselves are deaf to the noise.

How considerate and friendly are they, generally? Do you know them, at all?

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Monday, May 19, 2014 3:00 AM

MAGONSDAUGHTER

earplugs are useful too

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Tuesday, May 20, 2014 9:09 PM

MAL4PREZ

Hey folks. Sorry, I had no time to be online yesterday.

Yeah, claiming sick puppies. Headphones. I'd pondered all that and just decided on minimal conflict co-existence.

But hey - now I've got neighbors on the side yard who I believe are only there occasionally because they are only renting and live in Europe, but when they're in, like tonight, the daddy works on junior's soccer skills. They've dinged the side of my house several times and tonight they broke the fence. It's only a matter of time before I'm out enjoying the sun and get a soccer ball to the side of the face.

Children.

Sad thing is, the children are never really the problem. It's the clueless parents who make things sucky.

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Wednesday, May 21, 2014 9:18 AM

AGENTROUKA

Quote:
Originally posted by MAL4PREZ:
They've dinged the side of my house several times and tonight they broke the fence. It's only a matter of time before I'm out enjoying the sun and get a soccer ball to the side of the face.

Children.

Sad thing is, the children are never really the problem. It's the clueless parents who make things sucky.

If they're damaging stuff, that's actually worth having a little visit and discussion over. No need to make it confrontational, obviously, but I don't think there is any such thing as a right to hit your neighbour's house with a soccer ball. Or kill a fence. They can kick the thing toward their own house if that's how they roll.

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Wednesday, May 21, 2014 12:36 PM

BYTEMITE

Quote:
Sad thing is, the children are never really the problem. It's the clueless parents who make things sucky.

>_> Sometimes the parents know, and just can't do anything about it.

Children are kind of inherently destructive as far as I can tell, with a broad spectrum between unintentional and deliberate malice. Just like everyone else, really.

I guess you can try talking to them, but don't be surprised if they redouble their efforts just out of spite.

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Wednesday, May 21, 2014 12:49 PM

CHRISISALL

My puppy idea is best, trust me.

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Wednesday, May 21, 2014 2:55 PM

WISHIMAY

Except when the don't ever see said puppy and call ASPCA...

Our problem here is 4-wheelers, dirtbikes, motorcycles. We're right on a street in the front and hubs sleeps during the day, being third shift and all. Sometimes they zoom back and forth hundreds of times on weekends, especially, but all summer long too. I've thought about putting out a sign that says "Day sleepers here. Tell your kids to rev engines elsewhere, or I will come by YOUR house while YOU are sleeping with a marching band"

Maybe you should blast some classical off your porch in THEIR direction while the little darlings are out. If there's anything that drives most kids nuts, it's classical...

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Wednesday, May 21, 2014 4:42 PM

OONJERAH

Quote:
Originally posted by Wishimay:
Maybe you should blast some classical off your porch in THEIR direction while the little darlings are out. If there's anything that drives most kids nuts, it's classical...

Oo-ooo! I like it!

... oooOO}{OOooo ...
Every problem has a gift for you in its hands. ~Richard Bach

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Wednesday, May 21, 2014 7:28 PM

MAL4PREZ

Quote:
Originally posted by AgentRouka:
If they're damaging stuff, that's actually worth having a little visit and discussion over. No need to make it confrontational, obviously, but I don't think there is any such thing as a right to hit your neighbour's house with a soccer ball. Or kill a fence. They can kick the thing toward their own house if that's how they roll.

Yeah, I do plan on talking to them. Not going to knock on the door, but wait until they're out there one day and shoot the breeze with them.

Good thing: the fence is on their property. Their problem.

Also: the shot the broke the fence happened when I was sitting out there, and when the poor kid tried to put it back together I asked him -- in a pretty chill way, I think -- to chat with his parents about this.

I'm kind of entertained by seeing if he talked to them or not.

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Wednesday, May 21, 2014 7:33 PM

MAL4PREZ

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
>_> Sometimes the parents know, and just can't do anything about it.

Children are kind of inherently destructive as far as I can tell, with a broad spectrum between unintentional and deliberate malice. Just like everyone else, really.

I guess you can try talking to them, but don't be surprised if they redouble their efforts just out of spite.

Well... I don't know. I don't know if it's genetic or if it's in the training, but I've seen chill cool parents have chill cool children and manic crazy parents have manic crazy children. I'm a teacher, right. Almost every time I see a kid with strange tendencies and wonder what's up, I later meet the parent and understand.

I don't think it'd be hard for that dad in the house next to mine to say - no, hitting the neighbor's house with a soccer ball isn't OK. Let's make some changes. Or the mom with the insane screamers to suggest doing something quiet for a while to build a new habit in them. But I think that mom is fine with whatever the kids do as long as they get out of her hair for a while. (I've had 4 years of observations of these people.)

I think kids learn from what parents *do*. The subconscious behaviors.

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Wednesday, May 21, 2014 7:40 PM

MAL4PREZ

Quote:
Originally posted by Wishimay:
Except when the don't ever see said puppy and call ASPCA...

LOL! Yeah. I think this kind of thing works best when it's real. Honestly, it's not an unhealthy thing to be driven from my home some days when there are lots of fun things to do not far from my home. I'll wait until I have a serious reason to need quiet, then I'll talk to them. If it ever happens.

Quote:
Our problem here is 4-wheelers, dirtbikes, motorcycles. We're right on a street in the front and hubs sleeps during the day, being third shift and all.

Yick! Yeah, in my old location I'd have the packs of bikers during the summer. I swear one day the Harleys went by for a solid 10 minutes.

Quote:
Maybe you should blast some classical off your porch in THEIR direction while the little darlings are out. If there's anything that drives most kids nuts, it's classical...

I had an annoying neighbor in an apartment complex once. I won't get into details, except to say that Holst's Mars through the heating vent was my revenge.

Bwahhh ha ha ha!

BTW, part of what is bringing this to a head now, as opposed to the previous 4 years I've lived here, is that I have a garden now. I'm preparing for the summer conflicts.

Back to someone's earlier comment about late night parties: OK sure, that's a problem. But parents have an assumed right to complain about me living a single life that interferes with their little ones, and I have no right to complain about their little ones fucking with my life.

It annoys me.

Tangent to co-workers demanding that I take on more work and cover for them because they are parents and life is soooo hard for them. Don't even get me started...

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Wednesday, May 21, 2014 11:02 PM

1KIKI

Goodbye, kind world (George Monbiot) - In common with all those generations which have contemplated catastrophe, we appear to be incapable of understanding what confronts us.

"... Holst's Mars through the heating vent ..."

I would LOVE a neighbor that did that! I might even put in a request for Venus ... and the others too. Now I just have to listen to some ... ta ...

OONJERAH - We are too dumb to live and smart enough to wipe ourselves out.

"You, who live in any kind of comfort or convenience, do not know how these people can survive these things, do you? They will endure because there is no immediate escape from endurance. Some will die, the rest must live."

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Thursday, May 22, 2014 12:01 AM

MAL4PREZ

Quote:
Originally posted by 1kiki:
"... Holst's Mars through the heating vent ..."

I would LOVE a neighbor that did that! I might even put in a request for Venus ... and the others too. Now I just have to listen to some ... ta ...

Get the video from

http://teacherlink.ed.usu.edu/tlnasa/reference/imaginedvd/Files/apod/a
pod/ap110418.html

but dear Powers That Be don't watch it with the built-in soundtrack. Play Mars by Holst over it. I recommend giving the video a 5-10 second start. Perfection.

Mars will always be my "rage against the neighbors" music.

Unless things get really ugly, in which case I pull out my cello and rosin up my bow. And then those bastards REALLY suffer LOL!

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Thursday, May 22, 2014 5:48 AM

FREMDFIRMA

I think trying to gently negotiate in good faith is probably the best initial plan - you can still meltdown later, cause that always remains an option, yes ?

As for entertaining children in ways that don't make so much noise, well, I happen to be pretty good at that, and I've never really comprehended why.

Oh, and Cellos can be... impressive, under the right conditions.
Case in point.

Seriously, that was AWESOME!
(The kid in the red dress rockin out at 2:34-2:36 cracks me up soooo hard)

-Frem

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Thursday, May 22, 2014 5:54 AM

FREMDFIRMA

Alternatively, there's the way my Ex "plays" the Violin...
God help us all.

-F

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