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Prosecutor: One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump.

Defendant: That's not mine.

Prosecutor:(reading)One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, signed
Judge A.D. Powers.

Defedant:I'm telling you, baby, that's not
mine.

Prosecutor:(reading)One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by
Judge A.D. Powers.

Defendant:I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.

Prosecutor:(reading) One book: Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby, by Judge A.D. Powers.

Defendant:OK, OK man, don't get heavy...

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"My god! A judge was arrested for using a peterpump on himself in court?! During a murder trial?! It doesn't surprise me."
-My cousin, the state appellate court judge, Xmas dinner

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"Oklahoma's attorney general wants a state judge removed on suspicion he frequently masturbated and used a device for enhancing erections while his court was in session, a spokesman for the office said Thursday. Attorney General Drew Edmondson filed a petition Wednesday with state judicial authorities seeking the removal of Sapulpa District Judge Donald Thompson, 57, for 'conduct constituting an offense involving moral turpitude in violation of the Oklahoma Constitution,' Edmondson's spokesman said Thursday. The judge flatly denies the charges made in the petition, his lawyer, Clark Brewster, said Thursday. He said the judge received a penis pump for his 50th birthday as a gag gift, which became a source of a running joke in the courthouse. 'The allegations are bizarre and preposterous,' Brewster said. "Recently, some members of local law enforcement that are upset with a number of his rulings, used this situation to embarrass and attack him.' In the petition, the attorney general charged Thompson used a penis pump, a device billed as providing sexual pleasure and promising better erections and larger penis size, during trials and exposed himself to a court reporter several times while masturbating on the bench. 'On one occasion, Ms. (Lisa) Foster (Thompson's court reporter for 15 years), saw Judge Thompson holding his penis up and shaving underneath it with a disposable razor while on the bench,' the petition reads. Several witnesses, including jurors in Thompson's court and police officers called to testify in trials, said in the petition they heard the 'swooshing' sound of a penis pump during trials and saw the judge slumped in his chair, with his elbows on his knees, working the device. The witnesses said the pump sounded like a blood pressure cuff being pumped up. According to the petition, Thompson admitted he had a penis pump under the bench during a murder trial but he told investigators it was a gag gift from a friend."
—CNN TV News, CNN.com, Reuters, "Judge suspected of masturbating in court," June 24, 2004
www.cnn.com/2004/LAW/06/24/odd.judge.reut/index.html

"Oklahoma - Everyone always asks, 'What's under that Judges Robe? What exactly is he wearing?' Most of the time, no one really wants to know. But if you can hear it, chances are, you don't want to see it. District Judge Donald D. Thompson violated the code of judicial conduct 'by his repeated use of a device known as a penis pump during non-jury and jury trials in his courtroom and in the presence of court employees while serving in his capacity as a district judge,' Oklahoma Attorney General Drew Edmondson wrote in a petition filed Wednesday with the Court of the Judiciary. The sound of Thompson using the pump was heard by a number of witnesses, who said that the noise sounded 'like air being pumped or released' from a blood pressure cuff. Allegations that a district court judge engaged in improper conduct involving sexual acts are false and are part of an effort to attack and embarrass him and Thompson is 'horrified' by the accusations, his attorney said. 'The whole genesis for the allegations involves a well-known courthouse joke,' Brewster said. 'About the time he turned 50, he was given a gag gift by a hunting buddy, a penis pump, in poor taste. It sat in the courthouse the past several years and was in various places.' Many of the lawyers and court personnel were aware of the pump, which became the butt of jokes, he said. 'The individuals that we believe are behind this attempt to embarrass the judge took that opportunity to blow it into a much more sinister set of allegations.' The petition also alleged that Thompson masturbated in view of his female court reporter during a number of court proceedings. The judge admitted the penis pump was under the bench during a murder trial on Aug. 22 and at other times but denied using the device, Edmondson's petition states. 'A couple of police officers upset with rulings he made tried to make it something it was not,' he said. 'He's not going to tolerate these falsehoods.' Sapulpa police officers wouldn't comment on Brewster's statement Thursday. The officers, the police chief and court personnel are listed as witnesses who were present at a criminal trial in Thompson's court. Lisa K. Foster, a court reporter for Thompson for 15 years, told investigators she witnessed the judge's sexual behavior '15 to 20 times.' She was fired after the judge heard she had cooperated with an investigation into his activities, Edmondson said. Also fired was Zelma Hindman, the judge's secretary, who talked to investigators, Edmondson said. 'On one occasion, Thompson sent Hindman to run an errand and when she returned to the courtroom, she saw that Thompson had the pump in his lap,' the complaint said. 'He jumped when he saw her. Hindman thought she saw his penis.'"
—BikerNews.net, DoughnutGang.com, Outsider's 1%er Bad Cop News, "Judge on bench busted with cock in pump," June 25, 2004

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Originally posted by canttakesky:
I didn't find that transcript on Drudge. Where did you get that gag, or did you read the real transcript and decide to satirize it?

Anyway, your post doesn't make it clear that the transcript is a joke, taken from a scene in the first Austin Powers movie. I just wanted to clarify, in case someone hasn't seen the movie and thinks it's a real transcript.

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Originally posted by washburnefan:
A pump placed on the hands or nose would achieve the same effect.

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Originally posted by SoupCatcher:
It's going to be hard (heh) to top pdcharles' one-liner.

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"...the system worked just like you hoped it would."

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Originally posted by ShadowFLY:
The whole thing is quite embarrassing.

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