I swear, if you want it done right.... by Fremdfirma

REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

I swear, if you want it done right....

POSTED BY: FREMDFIRMA
UPDATED: Sunday, October 18, 2009 23:25
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VIEWED: 1324
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Saturday, October 17, 2009 9:48 PM

(Warning, long, profane and mechanically-inclined rantage abounds!)

Quote:
Sayeth Mikey
Frem, I've gotta ask, because it sounds like you could use a laugh to decompress a bit...

Do any of those stores happen to sell PITCHFORKS?

Actually they do, both plastic ones in the seasonal-halloween section, and real ones in lawn & garden.

You do remember I live just north of an agricultural district and the local Ace hardware sells tractor parts, yes ?

Torches as well, if ya don't mind citronella lawn torches, which have the added bonus of keeping off them pesky bloodsuckin skeeters.
(and I always wondered if citronella would repel vampires, don't ya know)

Annnnyhows - since you of all people will most appreciate this, imma share with you what set my frenzy button off, as it was something else, and worth a laugher NOW.

Took the car in for service Thursday, not cause I wasn't capable of fixin what was wrong, but because I really, really didn't wanna tear apart mosta the dash to get to that stupid climate control blower, which I only really need in order to defrost the front window so I can see to drive.

And I needed two cheapass tires, as two of the ones on it were bad and I don't drive that car enough to shell out real money for new ones.

So I take it somewhere that's been resonably decent in the past, but the only tires they got are a little narrower and taller than the ones supposed to be on there - and I am like "Will. They. Fit. The. Rim. ?" and they whinge about the handling issues and all that rot and I am like, "LOOK, replace the right rear, left front, and then put both of the skinny ones on back, those are just rollers since it's FWD and I am not goin to daytona here, boys."

I shouldn't oughta hadda tell em that, but hey, being a little overprotective, I can work with.

So the mechanic checks out the climate control blower and pulls the blown resistor board, has a new one on the way, ten minutes, yay.

Gets the new one, puts it in, heater works, all is well, totals up to bout $170.00 USD, cheap at the price - and I pull out some plastic to settle up since I can partially write this off and I wanna record of the transaction...

The mechanic comes back - "Uhh, it won't start".
Damn thing is locked into the GM Passkey2 Failure Loop (google this, it's a nightmare) and my FIRST response - "Check the body control module fuse."

They go back there, pop the lid off the fusebox under the hood, poke at it, turn it see if I am watchin (which I am, but from where they can't see me) and then put it back on without checking - now I am annoyed, and they keep going through the override proceedure by-the-book, which didn't work the first three times, and therefore the next four times were just wasting time (which I refused outright to pay for cause it ran when I brought it in, right ?) my time, one of my rare days off, and they stall till closing time, then spare me a ride home, since I CAN, in a pinch, walk to work.

So I look this crap up myself, and call them Friday to try to talk to em, even offered to purchase and authorize the installation of a bypass unit, since this problem is notorious enough that SEVERAL companies make them - but the mechanic is having none of it, so I am like "Fine, that's it, I will be there Saturday morning with a flatbed."

I don't play that holding-my-car-hostage game, and my ex lives five blocks away, with a large slab to park it on and a the equivalent of a fully equipped two stroke shop in her garage from when I lived there.

Not to mention I'll never want for tools over there anyways cause the girl has a bad case of what I call seven hammer syndrome - can't find it, in a hurry and frustrated, she goes and buys another one, and pretty soon she's got seven friggin hammers and can't find a one - hell, she calls ME to ask where stuff is, WHY she never married me is a question for the ages...

And so I tow the beastie off, after paying them ONLY for the work they did.
And get into a verbal exchange with the mechanic and his dad - but noooo, they're ASE certified and have a four thousand dollar diagnostic machine and they know everything, don't they now ?

Fuck em.

Mind you, they wanted to replace the instrument cluster entire - when I looked this up on line, the folks who went that route, usually wound up replacing the instrument cluster, then the fuel pump, then the whole damn ignition, which plus labor comes to a damn pretty penny, and worse, these are the folks still bitchin cause IT DID NOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

Those who DID manage to solve it, the problem came in one of five varieties, each with about 3-4 solutions, NONE of which are especially expensive or even involved cept for the resistor trick - and the fact that you have to rip the whole bloody dash to bits (you know, the one thing I was desperately trying to AVOID having to do myself ?) in order to do most of em.

So I get off at 3am, to bed at 5:30am and back up at 8:30am and have my ex swing me over there while I get us a flatbead on my cellphone, and we haul it off to her place before they get a chance to "make sure" it doesn't work, which I at this point did NOT trust them not to do, you understand ?

And I start takin the damn dash apart, at which point the ex starts damsel-in-distressing on me over all the stuff she was oh-so-carefully NOT saying (which makes me worry worse and she bloodywell knows it!) like "How long can you run on a bad battery...?" and so I am gettin repeatedly interrupted at this in order to replace the battery in her truck, fix her showers plumbing again, do a quick and simple repair to her heating unit (season switch) so it works and she has heat, while replacing the lightbulbs down there cause they were ALL blown and she was too scared to go down into the dark and do it, meh.

Oh, and she needs a bookcase put together.. *eyeroll*
And as usual, she's evidencing the same skepticism she always does at the beginning of one of my miracle repairs despite their 100% success rate, but for once she manages to restrain herself and not SAY anything, for which I am mighty grateful.

One funny moment of that was trying to get that damn corroded battery out of the truck and she's trying to help (she's not, but imma humor her) by applying a wrench to the other terminal, which keeps coming a wee bit close to mine - metal wrenches, mind you...
*Egon Spengler Voice* "Don't cross the streams, that would be bad."
Ex - "How bad ?"
"You wanna do the electric boogaloo ?"
"Oh!"

So anyways, there's me, cussin and fussin and with nothin nice to say about GM, ASE certed mechanics, or diagnostic widgets, and of COURSE the first thing *I* check is the BCM fuse (blown) and pitch & replace it, but that don't fix the problem, hmm..

And through the whole damn laundry list down to the bottom with the dash in pieces all around me, in between interruptions, and I decide if imma do the resistor trick imma do it on the other end of the circuit instead of up here at the ignition cause it'd be easier to get to that way - go buy a multimeter (and some star drivers to get her tail light unit off to replace the blown tail light she got pulled over for and didn't tell me about..) and eventually get down to pulling the Body Control Module...

Bear in mind that over the course of this, I've worked up into the full on ISTP mad crafter, mech-savant frenzy - imagine doctor frankenstein on a rough day loaded on booze and meth, with a bad case of tourettes and you kinda come close, Gilgamesh Wulfenbach does a polite version here...
http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20021218
I am sooo NOT kidding - we're talkin everything but glowing red eyes and steam rolling out the ears, and the ex has wisely hidden.

My buddy Rev calls this "The part where they start bending reality."

"ASE certified..yeahhh.."
*cuss-cackle-cuss*
"Four thousand dollar diagnostic machine... riiiight.."
*grumble-spit-cuss*
"But nooo, can't check the fusebox..."
*growl-cuss-bang head on dash*
"Incomppppetant asssssholessss"
*hiss-spit-cuss*

You get the idea, I'm sure.

And so I finally pull apart the bottom of the other side of the dash, and lo and behold, there's the Body Control Module, with connector L1, retaining clip popped, hanging loose, only maybe half connected...
Obviously some "highly qualified" nimrod pulled it loose monkeying with the climate control motor and didn't even check.
(Cue Shriek of rage, storm of profanity)
So I pull it, toss a shot of crud-buster in there, and bend the pins out a hair with my thumb, and slam the connector home with a resounding CLACK.

Reach over to the ignition, hanging free in the empty space where the instrument cluster (now resting on the back seat) usually is, and kick the key over - and the car starts right up without a hitch.

And NOW I have to put all that crap back together, oh joy wonder...

So I finally get all that sorted, tools back where they belong, despite murderous thoughts and a strong urge to go down to that shop and tear a long bloody strip off the lot of em but really what's the point of that ?

Go in and her first response is "fixed ?" - "yeah."
I tell her the bookcase is gonna hafta wait, my fingers are sore, I'm tired, covered in grunge, and I gotta work tonite, which I am doin now, mind - on not nearly enough rest.

And driving it home, hit one of the oh so many bumps and potholes up here, and wouldn't you know it.. the climate control blower quits.

So now I got a choice between some more DIY and another shop, and I tellya, if I take it somewhere else to monkey with it, them guys are gettin the OTHER end of the classic ISTP madboy ragefest right up front as a preventive measure.
http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20060306
Cause imma be sore tempted to hit someone with a wrench if anyone ELSE screws up on me this weekend!

Iffn ya ever wondered WHY I am so gawdawful scornful of official qualifications, there's a classic example for ya, it is.

Above all things, I loathe incompetence.

-Frem

It cannot be said enough, those who do not learn from history, are doomed to endlessly repeat it

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Sunday, October 18, 2009 2:24 AM

GEEZER

Keep the Shiny side up

Glad to know there's another "Girl Genius" fan here.

The one thing I've learned about cars is that if something electrical doesn't work, check all the connectors in its circuit first thing. It's amazing how those little locks that are so hard to open when you want them to can just fall apart on their own.

"Keep the Shiny side up"

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Sunday, October 18, 2009 7:37 AM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)

I feel your pain, Frem. Sucks.

I'm lucky, in that I've got a "support group" of Honda owners to fall back on. Hanging out on the boards, you pick up some stuff pretty quick.

Car won't start? First, look for the little bits of crumbled clear blue plastic in the driver's side floorboard. Why? Because there's a clutch-interlock switch, and the plunger is activated by a little plastic plug that snaps into the clutch pedal arm. That plastic bit gets brittle with age (the new ones are white nylon plastic), and at every summer there's a rash of "Car won't start" threads that crop up on the board. How'd I learn? Because all of my Hondas have done it at one time or another. It's so common that I carry a jumper cable in the car so I can hotwire around that thing when it happens again.

And when the brake lights stay on? Same thing, because there's another one of those plugs on the brake pedal arm!

Lots and lots of tricks like that.

When it comes to electrical stuff on cars, I treat it like voodoo: I don't necessarily BELIEVE in it, but I'm gonna go ahead and respect it anyway, just in case. :) The one lesson I've learned the hard way, over and over, is to always check the cheap stuff FIRST. Nothing quite matches the seething rage that boils up when you've replaced the starter, the battery, the alternator, the distributor, the ground wires, the plug wires, the igniter unit, the ignition switch, the electronic control unit (ECU)... and then you find the fuse marked "Engine Control Module" - and it's blown.

What sucks even more than that is when you PAY a supposedly qualified shop to do all that work, and more - and they don't even fix the goddam problem!

Mike

Let the wild rumpus start!

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Sunday, October 18, 2009 8:05 AM

FREMDFIRMA

Quote:
Originally posted by Geezer:
Glad to know there's another "Girl Genius" fan here.

The one thing I've learned about cars is that if something electrical doesn't work, check all the connectors in its circuit first thing. It's amazing how those little locks that are so hard to open when you want them to can just fall apart on their own.

Oh indeed, I call em guaranteed failure points, myself.

And yes, I am VERY much a fan of Girl Genius, especially since, actually BEING an ISTP Crafter-Artisan with hyperfocus ability, I happen to be the real world equivalent of a freakin Spark myself - even the Geek Farm gets weirded out on occasion by the stuff I'll knock together.

Not to mention that I identify quite strongly with Klaus, since trying to run ANYTHING with humans involved is indeed usually somewhere between running a pre-school and herding cats.

-F

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Sunday, October 18, 2009 8:39 AM

FREMDFIRMA

Quote:
Originally posted by Kwicko:
When it comes to electrical stuff on cars, I treat it like voodoo: I don't necessarily BELIEVE in it, but I'm gonna go ahead and respect it anyway, just in case. :) The one lesson I've learned the hard way, over and over, is to always check the cheap stuff FIRST. Nothing quite matches the seething rage that boils up when you've replaced the starter, the battery, the alternator, the distributor, the ground wires, the plug wires, the igniter unit, the ignition switch, the electronic control unit (ECU)... and then you find the fuse marked "Engine Control Module" - and it's blown.

What sucks even more than that is when you PAY a supposedly qualified shop to do all that work, and more - and they don't even fix the goddam problem!

That last bit is what always drives me into a rage, cause if I wanted to do it myself, I woulda just freakin done it, yeah.

And checkin the simple stuff is a mantra for me, sure, the problem here is that other than the fuseboxes, all the simple stuff is buried behind the friggin dashboard and you hafta dismantle it to check - and given HOW that failure occured, it's almost a certainty that one of the climate control motor connectors is loose, which means I either gotta go in there AGAIN, or find a shop with a mechanic I can frighten enough to do EXACTLY WHAT I TELL HIM - cause I've found that the biggest problem dealing with shop mechanics isn't their overconfidence, reliance on "the book" or diagnostic machines (which human eyeball STILL trumps, as shown here) or even their usual incompetence, nope - it's their damn egos.

I know exactly WHAT to do, I'm just too tired, busy, old and battered to be climbing under dashboards no more if I can help it, and given how damn simple the problem is, I may well try to bribe one of my bullygirls into doin it, and pay them mechanic rates, since I know they can follow simple instructions...

As for support - funny thing about that, is under another identity I happen to be, or at least was, till the lack of respect and cult like attitudes caused me to stop - one of the gold standard support sources in the two stroke engine community, specializing in old school mopeds and Tomos brand in particular.

They played at being hardcore, mostly tongue in cheek, I really WAS hardcore, try riding a moped in the ghettos of southwest Baltimore otherwise, yanno ?
Hell, first thing I did with any bike I had was swap the brake levers so I could run throttle and rear brake right handed and swing that length of chain in my left thigh pocket without goin over the bars.

Anyhows, the internet is a wonderful support resource, and I am pretty sure there's plenty of dealerships and workshops pissed off about it cause folks can roll up DIY solutions instead of being critically dependent on a knowledge base they would NOT share and actively hid from the public in order to ensure this - at times I've even hacked dealer networks to raid them for TSBs related to automotive problems, and in one specific case (the KGIS - Kia Global Information System) talked a dealership into GIVING me access by explaining the problem, which THEY were going to get stuck solving otherwise, heh heh heh.

Believe me, they did NOT want to replace that heater core, oh hell no they didn't, it's one of them things where you couldn't pay someone ENOUGH to make them actually want to do it.

Btw, the car in question here is still that 99 Alero GLS, which nothin works on, the trunk lid latch is broken and it's held down inside with a pair of pallet straps, radio don't work, rear defroster don't work, heater & AC still don't work, brakes eat rotors, etc etc...

But it STILL bangs out a quarter mile in well under 17, even with an automatic, and that damn 3.4L GM LA1 3400 E-Type engine in there is nigh indestructible, 168,000 miles and the only thing I've ever hadda do was replace the alternator, which was thankfully a 15 minute job.

I suspect if I ever do have to trade it in though, when I finally pull it in to do so it's gonna do a bluesmobile failure on me.

-F

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Sunday, October 18, 2009 11:57 AM

BYTEMITE

Quote:
Originally posted by Fremdfirma:
Quote:
Originally posted by Geezer:
Glad to know there's another "Girl Genius" fan here.

The one thing I've learned about cars is that if something electrical doesn't work, check all the connectors in its circuit first thing. It's amazing how those little locks that are so hard to open when you want them to can just fall apart on their own.

Oh indeed, I call em guaranteed failure points, myself.

And yes, I am VERY much a fan of Girl Genius, especially since, actually BEING an ISTP Crafter-Artisan with hyperfocus ability, I happen to be the real world equivalent of a freakin Spark myself - even the Geek Farm gets weirded out on occasion by the stuff I'll knock together.

Not to mention that I identify quite strongly with Klaus, since trying to run ANYTHING with humans involved is indeed usually somewhere between running a pre-school and herding cats.

-F

Ah, Girl Genius, come for the goggles and steam punk, stay for the explosions. Found it last August off of tvtropes, during the phase just after I'd seen Dr. Horrible and before I'd seen Firefly.

I've tested numerous times ISTP, but on mechanics and electronics, I'm a fiddler who accidentally solves the problem more than I am someone with any know-how. But it's fun, and I'm curious about how stuff works. I get more spark-y about math/science equations, and there was a couple times in my computer modeling classes where I'd be helping someone, look up, and notice everyone slowly edging away from me.

That's always a good time to practice your insane laugh.

Good job solving the problem. Why in car engines do they hide stuff behind/underneath other stuff to make it so hard to get at? Stupid. And just a disconnection (that those guys at the repair shop probably caused)? Yep, they're idiots.

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Sunday, October 18, 2009 5:49 PM

GINOBIFFARONI

The Canadian Frem

Either your with the terrorists, or ... your with the terrorists

Lets party like its 1939

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Sunday, October 18, 2009 10:34 PM

FREMDFIRMA

Oh my, that's a scream - I gotta find me some more of that to watch, heh heh.

I forgot to get a velcro patch at the store today, was gonna velcro the BCM back up in there so it wasn't hanging free in the passenger footwell cause I ain't bothering to replace the kickplate it was resting on top of....

Zi-Zippp, yep, you guessed it, duct tape.
More uses than krazy-glue, seriously.

Even funnier, I HAD a K-car once, a friggin 1982 Dodge Aries, got shoved into buying a car by members of my family who thought I should have one despite getting by fine on my Puch Austro-Daimler.

Stupid thing blew the transmission all over the road five days after the warranty ran out (there's another $900.00USD) and would without fail, throw the damned belts every 300 miles or so, and being all crammed up sidewise like that, they'd richochet off the side, come back, and chew up or dismount the other belts, in one case the power steering belt in the middle of a sharp turn, causing the car to go out of control and take a nice chunk of grass and dirt out of that little hill there... thanks be it wasn't no worse!

But the thing that REALLY hurt - how much it COST to keep in parts, fuel and emissions, not to mention the pure-fire *nightmare* insurance cost inside the beltway is for a young male driver!

SEVENTY PERCENT of my income, was going into that car, and payin the insurance ate my damn reserve and the next payment, I was gonna have to decide between rent and insurance...
My Rent ? $350.00 USD - per month
Car Insurance alone ? 396.00 USD - PER MONTH
For a car bought for $2,350.00 USD, on three years of perfect driving record.

I traded that bastard in for a 1988 Tomos Golden Bullet TTLX - IMHO, one of the smartest moves I've ever made in my life, as back then in MD you didn't even need registration or anything, just a drivers license and a set of serious cojones to play dodgeball with car traffic on it.

So yeah, I traded THIS, and some dosh...

For THIS, and a new helmet.

And an everlasting hatred of insurance companies too.

-Frem
It cannot be said enough, those who do not learn from history, are doomed to endlessly repeat it

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Sunday, October 18, 2009 10:59 PM

GINOBIFFARONI

I had a little Honda 125 dirt/street bike for a while, a total hoot...

Except it was an hour and a half on the highway between my parents farm and school... a little underpowered for the highway and man did it get cold on that machine...

Then I drove a Czech Skoda for a couple years, underpowered too, but what a neat car. Easy to fix, cheap on gas, geared really low so it was great to learn to drive standard in.

Had a neighbor who had several K cars... one that ran and three for parts. His brother had an old VW diesel bug, that thing wouldn't quit

Either your with the terrorists, or ... your with the terrorists

Lets party like its 1939

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Sunday, October 18, 2009 11:25 PM

PIRATENEWS

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!

Wanna git paid without fixin the problem.

Sounds like medical doctors.

Skodas are cool, $3,000 brand new back in the 80s. Rebuild the engine with only a screwdriver.

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