TSA covers air travelers in urine by piratenews

We should just start a thread for archiving TSA horror stories. More and more are coming.

Can't Take (my gorram) Sky

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Saturday, November 20, 2010 6:30 PM

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!

I must admit even I underestimated the horror.

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Saturday, November 20, 2010 10:08 PM

HKCAVALIER

This story brought me to tears. This is so vividly wrong. Sick and wrong. I wish this shit would finally end and stop proving OBL right time after time.

And Christ-a-mighty, did y'all hear Obama's mealy mouthed "I understand yer pine" (sorry, that's my attempt at capturing W.J. Clinton's dialect) speech? His counter-terrorism folk say this shit is necessary and Obama believes them? Does anyone really think OBL is gonna go with planes for his next trick? I better hope Obama's counter-terrorists don't start doing some real thinking about this, or we could see these TSA contraptions in bus terminals, schools, hospitals, y'know: anywhere a ter'rist might want to hate on our freedom with his or her ultra-sophisticated boob and/or colostomy bombs.

HKCavalier

Hey, hey, hey, don't be mean. We don't have to be mean, because, remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 5:25 AM

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!

BREAKING NEWS!

Frem just beat a TSA screener to death with his peg leg.

News at 11.

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 6:05 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by HKCavalier:
This story brought me to tears. This is so vividly wrong. Sick and wrong. I wish this shit would finally end and stop proving OBL right time after time.

That's what bureaucracies are for...to enable the terrorists to have a "win".

Wouldn't want terrorism to fade from the scene , right ?

Just imagine the domino effect...It could put many thousands of inept boob fondlers out of work , contributing massively to the unemployment problem.

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 6:06 AM

Well, now to someone whose junk was recently touched: humorist Dave Barry.

MELISSA BLOCK, host:

Last week, he went through a TSA full-body scanner. What the screeners saw, they did not like.

And Dave Barry, you have discovered that you are suffering from a rare disorder. What exactly is that disorder?

Mr. DAVE BARRY (Humorist): They told me I have a blurred groin.

BLOCK: A blurred groin?

Mr. BARRY: Yeah. I was in that machine - like a phone-booth thing, where they make you hold your arms up. And then it sends a scan of your naked body to -they claim - a TSA person in another room. But it could be to Bangladesh to hacker - you don't know where.

BLOCK: But word came back you have a blurred groin. Did you know what -

Mr. BARRY: Yeah. They were letting everyone else go. Everyone else had a nice, sharp groin, I guess. But when I went through, they pulled me aside and put me in this - kind of like little pen. And after like - I don't know - three or four minutes of standing there, I asked one of them: Why am I here? And he said, you have a blurred groin. And I went, what? Because you hate to find this out at the airport.

BLOCK: Yeah, you would want to know.

Mr. BARRY: And I had just had a physical - I mean, literally, two weeks earlier -which was pretty thorough, if you know what I'm saying. So I'm standing there, you know, after another few minutes. And then another man came over and said: You have to come with me - to this little room. And he gave my boarding pass to another guy. And as we're going to the room he said, your groin was blurred. And so...

BLOCK: You said, I know. I know.

(Soundbite of laughter)

BLOCK: So what happened?

Mr. BARRY: So right now, like - everybody in Miami knows I've got a blurred groin.

BLOCK: Well, what happened next?

Mr. BARRY: Well, they take you in this little room. And it's an unpleasant little room. The man is putting on the blue gloves. He's telling me how he's going to touch me. And he makes a big point about when he's going to be using the front of his hand, and when he's going to be using the back of his hand.

And I'm thinking, I don't really care. Like, it's not like if I'm going to have a guy touching me, I'm going to look down and go, oh, it's okay; it's the back of his hand - you know what I mean?

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. BARRY: And then while I was in there, the other guy with the boarding pass came in. And he says, oh, I'm a - you're Dave Barry. I'm a big fan. And so I had this kind of surreal conversation with one guy telling me what a big fan he is, how much, you know, he likes my - and the other guy is groping me.

BLOCK: We asked TSA for some response to what happened. And they sent us some general information about the pat-downs. One, they're not punitive. They say it just makes good security sense.

Mr. BARRY: Well, I would say whoever wrote that it's not punitive was not having his or her groin fondled at the time.

BLOCK: But they do point out, look, you know, we remember the would-be Christmas Day bomber last year with explosives in his underwear. They say if there's an anomaly - and I guess you were an anomaly - if it's detected during screening, you're going to get a pat-down.

Mr. BARRY: I, you know, I'm not going to argue that it's totally unnecessary. I'm not going to say that. I do think - and this is not an original observation - you see a lot of - I do - a lot of elderly ladies being pulled aside for one issue or another. And I suppose terrorists could use an elderly lady to attack a plane. I just don't think they ever have. It just seems like it'd make more sense to focus your efforts on things that are more likely to actually happen.

BLOCK: Did you have a conversation with your wife after this, Dave - like, honey, you know, I have something I have to tell you?

Mr. BARRY: Yeah, I got on the phone right away. And I called my wife, because they say you should share that with your partner.

(Soundbite of laughter)

BLOCK: And her reaction was?

Mr. BARRY: She thought it was pretty funny. How do I put this? My wife doesn't have any complaints about my groin - that I know of.

(Soundbite of laughter)

BLOCK: Well, Dave Barry, safe travels.

Mr. BARRY: All right. Thank you. I'm feeling much safer now, knowing that they're not going to let me on there without checking me.

BLOCK: Humorist Dave Barry's blog is called Dave Barry's Blog.

AUDIO @:
http://www.npr.org/2010/11/15/131338172/humorist-dave-barry-and-the-ts
a&sc=nl&cc=es-20101121

Copyright © 2010 National Public Radio®. All rights reserved. No quotes from the materials contained herein may be used in any media without attribution to National Public Radio.

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 6:09 AM

WHOZIT

Do they know or care when they go too far?

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 6:18 AM

“I am a good American and I want safety for all passengers as much as the next person," Sawyer said. "But if this country is going to sacrifice treating people like human beings in the name of safety, then we have already lost the war.”

Mr. Sawyer should get ACLU to take his case pro bono, and sue the TSA under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), for failing to make reasonable accomodation.

Might muck 'em up for years...

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 6:36 AM

HK, here's another one. Breast cancer survivor.

Interview:
http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/politics/tsa-forces-breast-cancer-surv
i.html

Written story:
http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=13536352

--Can't Take (my gorram) Sky

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 10:11 AM

FREMDFIRMA

Quote:
Originally posted by piratenews:
BREAKING NEWS!

Frem just beat a TSA screener to death with his peg leg.

News at 11.

LMFAO...

Actually I won't even go IN the airport now, cause I make the machines go crazy anyway - and I recall mentioning when these goons did yank a guys leg and threaten to hit him with it it...

My custom designed mechanical leg unit is connected via an iceross gel sleeve with a mechanical pin lock of a sort you're only going to unlatch if you know how - it would take a goddamn hydraulic press to remove it from me without consent, mind you.

No to mention I'd not at ALL be above horribly embarrassing and humiliating a TSA agent by coming onto them in response to a patdown of this nature...
"Hey, ain't you gonna kiss me first ?
OOoh, touch me like you love me baby!
Oh yeah, right there, no, back up a little...
You know I like it cold and impersonal, honey!
Ohhh Yeaaahhh!!
Aww, that's all you got for me you wimp ?
Hey, wait, where you goin, don't you wanna cuddle ?!"

Trust me, hitting them would be far, far more merciful than what I am likely to do when really peeved at em.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MindRape

-Frem

I do not serve the Blind God.

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 10:26 AM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!

“And every time I tried to tell them about my medical condition, *they said they didn’t need to know about that.”

* This is moron-in-a-uniform speak for " we're in charge, you're just the cattle, stfu, don't tell us how to do our job".

Folks, this is only going to get unbelievably worse, through out the holiday travel season.

" I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend. "

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 12:22 PM

This one made me tear up.

Young Boy Strip Searched.

--Can't Take (my gorram) Sky

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 12:26 PM

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!

Quote:
Originally posted by canttakesky:

We should just start a thread for archiving TSA horror stories. More and more are coming.

Can't Take (my gorram) Sky

TSA retaliates with work slowdown to delay travelers and stop airlines:

TSA admits placing cocaine in woman's luggage:

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 12:27 PM

KANEMAN

CTS, that video is SO wrong, but that's what happens when we can't profile. Not only is it a waste of time, it keeps moderate Muslims from being so pissed at their extreme couterparts.

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 12:45 PM

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!

TSA removes pants from man with leg implant on his 50th wedding anniversary, screaming "I HAVE POWER, I HAVE POWER!":

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 12:52 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by kaneman:
CTS, that video is SO wrong, but that's what happens when we can't profile. Not only is it a waste of time, it keeps moderate Muslims from being so pissed at their extreme couterparts.

Racial profiling is a waste of time--lots of false positives. It is also dangerous--lots of false negatives.

Behavior profiling isn't either. Let's limit our strip searches to people with shifty, beady eyes.

--Can't Take (my gorram) Sky

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Sunday, November 21, 2010 8:03 PM

Some air travelers are getting PISSED :

http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article26886.htm

'...Back in the USA, the legal volleys have begun. Two weeks ago, the Electronic Privacy Information Center, a public interest research center, filed a lawsuit in federal court against the Department of Homeland Security. The suit alleges violations of the Fourth Amendment, the Privacy Act, the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, the Video Voyeurism Prevention Act and the Administrative Procedure Act (which calls for public hearings).'

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Monday, November 22, 2010 2:10 AM

They're not budging.

Pat Downs Stay Put.
http://www.usatoday.com/travel/news/2010-11-17-tsa-pat-downs_N.htm

--Can't Take (my gorram) Sky

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Monday, November 22, 2010 5:11 AM

FREMDFIRMA

Funny thing about that, other than, as usual, the "rules" don't apply to the dickheads writing them...

From an editorial posted in the Public Education Thread...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jonathan-kim/rethink-interview-cevin-s_b
_439460.html

Quote:
The only hope for change would be if Zero Tolerance policies could be applied to teachers and administrators. Reform generally comes when extensive abuse of bad policy reaches people in power. McCarthy wasn't stopped until he accused the army of harboring communists. The Salem witch trials didn't end until the governor's wife was implicated. I would argue that if people are serious about ending Zero Tolerance, they should demand more of it such that it applies to everyone working at schools and even parents. I am certain this would work, but it would be an ugly process.

Well, yeah, obviously... which is why you won't see our so-called leaders making too much of an issue about this bullshit, you see.

Cause THEY don't have to put up with it, only us peons.
http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20101119/14485711948/why-congress-isn
t-so-concerned-with-tsa-nude-scans-gropes-they-get-to-skip-them.shtml

I call this bullshit neo-feudalism for a REASON, people.

ETA: Looks like one of the Geekfarm concepts has gone live, which is lookin good for my wallet, cause I get a cut of that...
http://www.aolnews.com/nation/article/underwear-invention-protects-pri
vacy-at-airport/19727966
The Geekfarm variant has a large cartoon bomb instead of a fig leaf or praying hands.

-Frem

I do not serve the Blind God.

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Monday, November 22, 2010 5:38 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Fremdfirma:
Cause THEY don't have to put up with it, only us peons.

That's bullshit (the policy I mean).

Quote:
The Geekfarm variant has a large cartoon bomb instead of a fig leaf or praying hands.

Oh I want that. Except I don't fly anymore.

--Can't Take (my gorram) Sky

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Thursday, November 25, 2010 3:51 AM