My Grams is passing... by 6IXSTRINGJACK

REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

My Grams is passing...

POSTED BY: 6IXSTRINGJACK
UPDATED: Sunday, January 10, 2016 11:36
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Friday, December 4, 2015 5:51 AM

I have no shame. If I did, I left that behind long ago here in the RWED...

When I hear that today from a trusted source that if I want to say goodbye to Her I better do it tomorrow, i don't know how to deal with that. She was one of the nicest people I've ever known and I talk to her all the time...

I wanna be all Louie, Louie that she'll finally be at rest with my Cubs-fan-till-death Gramps, but all I hear now is Everybody Hurts....

But even in that song... a song I know she never listened to, she would listen to it right now and learn all of the positive things about it and just accentuate them while disposing of all of the negative things....

"Don't Throw Away Your Hand" would be Her message....

"You feel like you're alone.......

No. No.. No.... You're Not Alone."

I love Her more than almost anybody or anyone who I've ever come across and She deserves it...

Even if Grams can't talk, I want to listen to this one song in person with her. Lindsay Sterlings "Crystalize". I remember showing her how amazing Lindasy and that video was a few years back and she just loved the song. Even if she can't speak back, i want to share that one last thing with her while i still can.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm crying... well... at least my tear ducts are lubricating...

Honestly, I wish I was capable of doing it more often.

Short of a Miracle, here goes a woman who would have done anything to make me smile, knowing that I would rock the earth to do the same for her.

I'm lucky to have had her in my life, and especially lucky to have been as old as I am and she was still here.

I can't think of any "grandma" songs out there, and there rightfully probably aren't any, so I'm just going to listen to Kenny Loggin's and Pooh Corner now...

I love You, Grams....

i think Gramps has been up there giving God enough Shit for too long and that's why you're finally being called to give him a break.

I know he's probably wrong about most things, but maybe you can help him convince the Man that it's about time the Cubs win it all, huh?

I know he's missed you so much and he's going to be so happy to see your face again.

Who knows....? Maybe I'll turn my life around and do enough good things that I'll meet ya all up there one day? :)

Wouldn't that be something?

I love you so much Grams...

I seriously haven't cried in like 20 years... and I've been balling like a baby here so bad that my nose is stuffed up and I can hardly breathe now.

Even with the worst of news out of You, somehow it ends up being something amazing.

oh shit... i'm crying again...

;)

i know it's awful, but you've given me an emotional release i think i've needed for decades Grams.

My eyes are usually so dry i wonder when the eye-doctor is going to tell me that I have to switch back to glasses usually.

It's defiantly not an "inability to perform".... :)

Don't hate me for being the negative son here.... You know that's my nature. Of course I hold that hope in the back of my mind, Grams...

But I finally found the song I will cherish you with...

When I was 13 years old I thought about other cute 13 year old girls when I heard it on the radio....

I know that might sound kinda gross, but when you listen to the lyrics they were made by Boyz who where already Men and these lyrics are very versatile....

I hope You're always with Us tomorrow, but if God takes You, please know that we love You, and although we will find the strength to carry on, at least for right now, it's so hard to say goodbye to Yesterday.

I Love You. :)

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Friday, December 4, 2015 12:26 PM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.

I'm so sorry, Jack. Please communicate with her what you feel, otherwise you'll have guilt as well as sorrow to contend with.

--------------
You can't build a nation with bombs. You can't create a society with guns.

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Friday, December 4, 2015 6:18 PM

WISHIMAY

Sorry, Six.

Nothin' I could say make it any better... but, I sympathize...

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Friday, December 4, 2015 11:16 PM

1KIKI

Goodbye, kind world (George Monbiot) - In common with all those generations which have contemplated catastrophe, we appear to be incapable of understanding what confronts us.

Jack - go. Now. Do whatever you need to do to get there. You can cry now, or on the way, or later, it doesn't matter. Just go.

SAGAN: We are releasing vast quantities of carbon dioxide, increasing the greenhouse effect. It may not take much to destabilize the Earth's climate, to convert this heaven, our only home in the cosmos, into a kind of hell.

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Tuesday, December 8, 2015 4:06 AM

SHINYGOODGUY

Hey Six, sorry to hear about your grandmother..........I feel your pain, I lost mine over 50 years ago (I was 12) and it still tugs at my heart.

Go and be there, hold her hand or whatever, just go and be you. She'll know!

SGG

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Tuesday, December 15, 2015 2:26 AM

6IXSTRINGJACK

I didn't make it....

I cleaned up/sobered up finally and the morning I was going to call my mom and say "let's go see Grams" i got a call from my brother an hour earlier telling me that she passed away.

I'm okay with it though. I live with a lot of guilt about a lot of things, but I won't feel that way with Grams. She knows all about my severe aversion to death and the dying. She outlived two of her five kids and until I set her straight she was with the common misconception that I missed her eldest daughter's funeral because we were arguing. Nothing could be further from the truth. I loved Her so much and we never fought.

I don't even know where the family got that, but I just assume it's because both me and Her have said plenty to piss of the entire family over the decades that they just assumed we didn't like each other when she passed I guess...

In the last 5 years of Grams' life, I know I spoke with her more than anyone else She loved. I'm not bragging about that. In fact, being a 36 year old male spinster, sans kitties, it's not something to brag about. I'm just saying the truth...

I'm sure She hoped I would finally come to say goodbye, but She knew better. I won't feel guilty about this because I know that She knows that I love Her. I know that She knows that the reason I didn't make it was out of laziness. If anything, Her passing has spurred me to spend more time with my family and has finally woken me out of a very miserable 4-month funk I've spent almost entirely by my lonesome.

I'm so happy to see my Mom is coping so well. The religion and meds have worked more wonders than I previously thought. I know Mom had her private cry-fest like I did, but she's soldering on with a strength I never knew she was capable of growing up.

Grams was one of the most wonderful human beings you'd ever know.

I know that a lot of politican and lawerly like people say that shit all willy-nilly about anybody....

But that is for real here... This ain't your average family. You can't even imagine how far backward she had to bend to make things right at times...

An old ex-girlfriend who is still near and dear to my heart told me that KC and JoJo were singing about a family member and I never believed it...

But for now, let us suspend our disbelief and imagine one last dance with Grams to the tune of Fun, We Are Young. :)

Haha... She always loved this song and didn't even ask about the subtle things... Trust me... there's no way she even understood any "subtle" references to cocaine or other drugs here... She never said "Fuck", let alone "Shit" or even "Damn"....

You walked me to school when I was 5. I walked you through computer viruses and Windows Updates when I was 35. :)

At the end of any given day, rain or shine, it was a pleasure helping you because without any doubt the only reason you wanted something done was to be in "the loop".

If I had that type of Dirt I'd be one step away from blackmailing somebody ;)

I kid, I kid...

I'm not even joking when I say this was the thing in my Adult Life I remember Grams enjoying the most...

What's not to love?

Do Right, Be Right. :)

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Tuesday, December 15, 2015 4:58 AM

6IXSTRINGJACK

I'm still pretty long away from being the old white guy, but the Indian singer is (possibly) younger than me still. ;)

Grams never saw me sing Karaoke. Most of my family never saw it. Here's one of the songs I can rock the mic, and I love this show so much I don't feel bad plugging it, years after the fact.

Win or lose, I really loved "Chuck".

There were no parents, but there was a thick familial bond between siblings and friends more tight than anything I've ever experienced in my life.

I hardly even recognized that "Chuck" was the guy on Heroes Reborn that is making up for the bad shit he did because his wife went on a crazy shooting spree against "inhumans".

Do Right, Be Right. :)

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Tuesday, December 15, 2015 5:10 AM

6IXSTRINGJACK

What people don't understand is that when you grew up with the words because they were familial you make up your own shit and don't even realize the other things....

Ledbetter....

The last name of a worthless drunk gambler...

"Yellow"... I don't know how. How could you pin him down long enough to paint the stripe on him?

What I don't think anybody ever considered is that I'm more than happy watching bad people suffer. Even more happy if I can be the one inflicting the torture.

The only thing they might not be so happy about is that they have to prove to me that they are indeed worthy of that pain...

I'm not running for Prez and will give up whatever position I have post-haste when it's officially run out.

In the mean time, It's kind of fun to be the only goddamned voice of reason...

Go ahead and shock the prizoner's balls.... Shock mine while you're at it and we smile for the camera!

Do Right, Be Right. :)

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Tuesday, December 15, 2015 11:20 AM

JAYNEZTOWN

I came across these last month and thought I might put them in your thread

Perhaps they are not the stars,
But rather openings in heaven where
The love of our lost ones pours through
And shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.

------

underground a reef has shifted
the earth stumbles
unsettled the sky gasps
it plunges backwards
leaving us colder poorer lonelier

when his breath left him in the night
the stars reeled as if asphyxiating
because everything was entangled now
wrestling with death
death and his death alone

time has turned to grief
we’re standing in a big shadow
glass breaks through us; stones splinter
our thoughts flee in desperate churning groups
pegging the ground like assegais quivering

in Qunu the cattle refuse to leave the kraal
at Lusikisiki the fish lie close to the surface
in Mveso the bustards make no sound

-----

Yesterday is a memory, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift,
which is why they call it the present.
What the caterpillar perceives as the end;
to the butterfly is just the beginning
Everything that has a beginning has an end;
make your peace with that and all will be well.

-----

It is not the end of the world,
when it is the end of a life;
it is the beginning of another life,
in ‘another’ world.

The best way to honour a relationship
is not by despair that it is lost,
but to be grateful for what it was worth.

It is not the end of a relationship,
when it is the end of a life;
it is but the temporal suspension of it,
till another time.

---

Remain O house of sorrow,

Standing lonely there,

To be gazed at by all men.

When the pillars were up-raised

And the side-walls completed

An imposing sight it was, indeed.

From ancient times was taught

The house-building art of Ruatahuna;

Adorned with sparkling pieces,

like wind-blown petals.

Then came the rainstorm;

Heavy-seas, foaming seas,

And the Red-woven-panels,

The admired-woven-panels

Are now heaped up on the beach.

All this was the pride and joy of me, Turongo;

In which I rejoiced exceedingly.

It was a woman who brought

The axe of jade

To shape the wall-pillars

And dress them to the form desired.

You were fed by your father

From the oven of sighs,

Hence the unsettled sleep.

Your unspoken words, your hidden thoughts,

Subdues the urge to grasp the axe,

And tear-dimmed eyes do but gaze at all

That now lies out there.

Though it was a sheltered resting place

Within the courtyard,

I am now as one unclad, and groaning within,

As I lay me down to sleep.

----

My heart’s in the Highlands, my heart is not here,
My heart’s in the Highlands a-chasing the deer -
A-chasing the wild deer, and following the roe;
My heart’s in the Highlands, wherever I go.

Farewell to the Highlands, farewell to the North
The birth place of Valour, the country of Worth;
Wherever I wander, wherever I rove,
The hills of the Highlands for ever I love.

Farewell to the mountains high cover’d with snow;
Farewell to the straths and green valleys below;
Farewell to the forrests and wild-hanging woods;
Farwell to the torrents and loud-pouring floods.

My heart’s in the Highlands, my heart is not here,
My heart’s in the Highlands a-chasing the deer
Chasing the wild deer, and following the roe;
My heart’s in the Highlands, whereever I go.

----

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.

-------

O our Father, the Sky, hear us
and make us strong.

O our Mother, the Earth, hear us
and give us support.

O Spirit of the East,
send us your Wisdom.

O Spirit of the South,
may we tread your path.

O Spirit of the West,
may we always be ready
for the long journey.

O Spirit of the North, purify us
with your cleansing winds.

-----

Fortunate the titi, as it cries in its flight,

It has the company of its mate;

As for me, my bird, I am like

The egg, abandoned by the kiwi at the tawai roots.

They spread and embrace it;

When the mother returns for the hatching,

The progeny is such as me.

It was my own forgetfulness

I did not join in the journey

Of Te Hirau, now disappearing

Over the mountains at Huiarau.

All that remains is to pour out my tears

Like the waters that fall at Ngauemutu.

I alone am left here, alas!

Sentinel of the approaches to Te Matuahu,

To regard the world around,

To glimpse a sail speeding away.

Belated I rise to my feet,

But it is gone in the distance;

Who can overtake it?

-----

All the things we have swallowed back
Everything that has been taken away
Hidden and fallen beneath the cracks
To silently wizen and die
In spaces where we are neither and both
In places where we are borderlands
She came shining
Stood beside us
Taking our hand
Naming our nightmares
Speaking them slowly out of power
Farther from where we must be
Walking between worlds
Without belonging to either.

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Saturday, December 26, 2015 10:52 AM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.

Bless you JAYNZE, that was healing.

--------------
You can't build a nation with bombs. You can't create a society with guns.

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Saturday, December 26, 2015 3:33 PM

WHOZIT

I'm sorry to read this, please accept my respects.

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Saturday, December 26, 2015 11:42 PM

6IXSTRINGJACK

As with anything else in life, you learn to adapt to what's new and you proceed from there.

I haven't yet dialed her number, but for some strange reason I haven't yet removed it from my phone either. I don't know if I'll ever do that. That is an act of finality that I don't feel the desire to make, just as in the way that I never removed the phone number of an ex girlfriend from any of my various cell phones over the years. One day I drop my cellphone on the ground or in a toilet or accidentally put it in the wash and then I need to get a new one. On this new phone those old numbers are never entered and so they slowly fade away from memory in time.

It was a beautiful service, and I'm glad that I went. Most of my affluent family were wearing suits. I'm the oldest of all the grand children and I was wearing a baggy pair of jeans and a hoodie under my beat up leather coat and some ratty old shoes. I used to try to set the example and dress to impress around them, but I don't care about that stuff anymore. I think I actually made an active effort to dress down for the service. It was the first time I've been in a church other than voting since the last funeral I went to.

Rather than shun me, like I thought they would do if I showed up like that, they all talked to me as if we never missed a day. It was actually a really great time, and I think my Grams would have loved seeing us all get along so well. In fact, my brothers and I are getting together with a cousin and his two kids later this week. I haven't seen him since his dad's funeral 6 years ago and never met his kids before.

I'm going to miss talking to her. We knew so much about each other over the years. She played a large part in raising my bros and I after the parents divorced when we were little kids. I had insomnia as a kid and I remember calling her up at midnight just to talk to somebody when everyone else went to sleep and "left me" when I was in grade school (we'd laugh about that together sometimes)....

She was a great woman. One of the kindest souls I've ever had the pleasure of being touched by. If for no other reason, I hope there really is some magical afterlife where she is reunited with my grandpa after all these years. I can't think of somebody more deserving of eternal happiness, if there really is such a thing.

I'll always have the memory of the last time I saw her. I had my family over for a barbecue and it was the last time she saw her great-grand-daughter before she was in the hospital. I'll always be able to remember her smiling and holding my niece and giving her a kiss and hug when they left. We never said goodbye to each other. I never say "goodbye" to anyone. If I say anything I say "see you soon"....

I won't ever have to remember what she looked like emaciated on some hospital bed with tubes all up in her, which will sadly be the last memories anyone else in my family will have of her.

My brothers or my cousins don't know what's in store for them now, but they're all going to get a nice little gift from my Grams in the new year. Nothing earth shattering, but just another example of how she lived her life for her family.

She was the stay-at-home mom, and even though she was one of very few women who actually graduated college back in the 50's, she only ever worked about a year before marrying my Gramps and raising 5 kids as a stay at home mom. It could never be done today, but he raised 5 children as a manager at a grocery store, and they did quite well in the stock market later in life.

My brother told me that he told her to spend it all and have fun several times in the last 10 years, but I know better. There were 18 grand kids, and she wasn't uber rich when she went, but rather than blow that money on stupid shit you can't take with you, she saved a little something for all of us. I only know about it because she was helping me with my "teeth problem".

We would always laugh about the frivolity of her sister when they would go to some high-class malls in Lake Forest and she'd "shop" with her sister. My grams might buy a few minor things for herself or for her family while her sister would buy a $2,000 purse. Grams would then say that she remembers when her and my Gramps bought their first car that cost $2,000 bucks and how she had no idea how they would ever pay it off... :)

Of the 3 sisters, my Grams was basically screwed out of the "family fortune". Fortunately for her, she had reconciled with her mother and her sisters before any of them passed, but she was always the "black sheep" after marrying the dumb-poor-Polock. She could have been a Princess of pseudo-royalty, but she chose my Gramps instead. She never got any of the money handed down to her, and had to watch her sisters spend it all with wild abandon, but if money meant anything to her she never made it apparent to anyone, even to me.

The money she's handing down to her 18 grandchildren didn't come from that well. It was the money that she saved with her "worthless" Pollock husband. She could have easily blown that money in the last 10 years after my Gramps passed away, but she lived a comfortable life and had no desire for any material things beyond that.

The only time she ever asked for anything was when Facebook wasn't working for her and I could help her get her computer working right again so she could see what all of her grandkids were up to. That's all that mattered to her.

I love you Grams. :)

Thanks for the thoughts Jayneztown and Signey and Whozit and everyone else for hte kind words.

Do Right, Be Right. :)

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Sunday, December 27, 2015 12:39 AM

1KIKI

Goodbye, kind world (George Monbiot) - In common with all those generations which have contemplated catastrophe, we appear to be incapable of understanding what confronts us.

She sounds wonderful. No wonder she was so special to you.

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Sunday, December 27, 2015 1:08 AM

6IXSTRINGJACK

I hope Heaven got another angel when Grams passed.

Otherwise I was screwed out of a good friend for no reason at all :)

Do Right, Be Right. :)

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Sunday, January 10, 2016 11:36 AM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.

I found this online, and tho not particularly relevant to your grams, Jack, I thought it a fitting place to post ...

It is a gift to die in May—
An easy task to dig a grave,
And nightingales will sing their song
Inimitably, like their last.
In May, the thunder of storms supplants
A funerals’ dismal songs and sounds,
And rain that comes instead of tears
Dissolves the memories’ regret.
The shelt’ring barrow of the grave
Beneath the emerald of grass;
A cross is a redundant mark
Among a grove of weary birch.
Beneath the rustling newborn leaves,
With irrepresible thirst for life,
The sun has yet to burn the grass,
And every thing is animate.
It is a gift to die in May,
To stay behind in vernal dew.
And though I could not do it all,
There are no doubts where none remain…
It is a gift, to die in May…

--------------
You can't build a nation with bombs. You can't create a society with guns.

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