A Modest Proposal by perfessergee

REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

A Modest Proposal

POSTED BY: PERFESSERGEE
UPDATED: Saturday, August 6, 2005 17:04
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VIEWED: 2096
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Tuesday, July 26, 2005 10:40 PM

Yowza, the RWED boards are alive with rhetoric the last few days. Could be inflated, might involve some trash, but definitely alive, so what's a discriminating thinker to .... er, uh, think? In the interest of trying to hit on some compromise territory, I want to make a small suggestion. Please note: I'm not talking below about events that have already occurred, my proposal speaks to the future.

Based on my reading of the boards today, it seems like one group of folk thinks that "those people" hate our culture and everything about us, and that therefore we (i.e., the US) would be righteous in invading "them". Can't let anybody trash-talk about us can we? Not to mention tolerate having them shoot back if we were so importunate as to shoot at them (we would only righteously shoot at them, of course).

Other folk seem to think that invasions based on demonstrated cultural dislike are just way over the top (even if they really, really don't like us and truly are likely someday to shoot at us before we shoot at them). We are just picking on poor unfortunates, and perhaps we should indulge them in a shot or two. It might make them feel better about us and cause them to leave us to our own devices. "They", of course, would only righteously shoot at us.

Pretty hard to reconcile these divergent viewpoints, ain't it? Well, perhaps we should just be fair about the whole thing, and in my view, fairness starts at home. Since we've already invaded two places that very clearly don't like us, it only makes sense to begin here at home.

So here's my proposal folks: We need to get serious, and invade everybody who hates our culture and thinks we need to clean up our act. So, let’s start by invading Northern Idaho and National Right to Life. We need to be scrupulously fair, so we might follow that by invading San Francisco and MoveOn.org. We could follow that with the Heritage Foundation and NPR, and I think by now that you get my drift.

Now the more overtly political among you must be thinking that we should also invade both the Democratic and Republican National Committees, but that would be a cheap shot. They are both fully capable of shooting themselves on any given day, so who are we to interfere? Besides, who in their right mind would want to get close enough to shoot either one?

And so we might proceed, fair and balanced (two by two, hands of blue………). Life would be so much better, wouldn’t it?

Just a Modest Proposal,

perfessergee

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Tuesday, July 26, 2005 11:34 PM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!

If all they do is 'trash talk' us and wave signs exclaiming how bad we are, I could live w/ that. In fact, I'd be happy. If that's ALL they did. We'll continue to send aid/ money / volunteers to countries where we ( The United States ) are hated the most. Not as a 'bribe' to get them to like us, but simply because we care about our fellow humans. Even if they don't reciprocate.

" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "

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Friday, July 29, 2005 12:36 AM

PERFESSERGEE

Hhrrummppff. I'm embarrassed to bump my own thread, but I'm wondering if the readers of the RWED threads either a) don't recognize satire (the immediately previous response suggests this might be the case), or b) think satire is not appropriate to the RWED threads.

Personally, I've always thought that much of the discussion on these threads has been satirical. Surely those who expound such extreme positions (be they of the right or left) are being devil's advocates, aren't they? Could they really be so humorless and pedantic? May the gods frown on those who can't laugh at themselves.

perfessergee

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Friday, July 29, 2005 2:08 AM

CITIZEN

Don't you trash talk about me...
I know where you live...
I have a monkey and I'm not afraid to use it...

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields

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Friday, July 29, 2005 2:34 AM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.

HAHAHAHA!!!! I harrumphed (with suppressed laughter) when I read your post. I think we should inavde Karl Rove's inner sanctum. Although we might find Jeff Gannon there...

OH GAWD!! Now I'm going to have to mind-wipe myself to get rid of that image!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHH.......!!!!

I jsut love trash talk- don't you?

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Friday, July 29, 2005 4:21 AM

SERGEANTX

I'm just relieved no one being eaten in your plan.

SergeantX

"Dream a little dream or you can live a little dream. I'd rather live it, cause dreamers always chase but never get it." Aesop Rock

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Friday, July 29, 2005 6:55 AM

SIGMANUNKI

Quote:
Originally posted by citizen:

I have a monkey and I'm not afraid to use it...

LOL

Quote:
Originally posted by SignyM:

Although we might find Jeff Gannon there...

Gannon!?!??! I thought Link and I took care of him over a decade ago...

----
"Canada being mad at you is like Mr. Rogers throwing a brick through your window." -Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

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Friday, July 29, 2005 9:29 AM

CONNORFLYNN

Quote:
Originally posted by Citizen:
Don't you trash talk about me...
I know where you live...
I have a monkey and I'm not afraid to use it...

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields

Michael? Is that you?

Bubbles doesn't like to be used in that way..you know

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Friday, July 29, 2005 9:33 AM

CITIZEN

No, bubbles likes to be used in ENTIERLY different ways.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields

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Friday, July 29, 2005 3:23 PM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!

Quote:
fair and balanced (two by two, hands of blue………).

How can I comment on this without seeming, uhm, partisan?

Nearly everything I know I learned by the grace of others.

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Saturday, July 30, 2005 11:38 PM

PERFESSERGEE

Quote:
Originally posted by SignyM:
HAHAHAHA!!!! I harrumphed (with suppressed laughter) when I read your post. I think we should inavde Karl Rove's inner sanctum. Although we might find Jeff Gannon there...

OH GAWD!! Now I'm going to have to mind-wipe myself to get rid of that image!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHH.......!!!!

I jsut love trash talk- don't you?

Great nominee for invasion, but in the spirit of this thread (you know, fair and balanced and all), I must insist that you complete the process. Who will be your balancing counterpart for righteous invasion? For example, one might suggest balancing the invasion of Karl Rove with that of Al Sharpton. Heaven only knows that Al would deserve it, but the choice must be yours. Who would you nominate? Inquiring minds await............

perfessergee

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Sunday, July 31, 2005 12:20 AM

PERFESSERGEE

Quote:
Originally posted by rue:
Quote:
fair and balanced (two by two, hands of blue………).
How can I comment on this without seeming, uhm, partisan?

Nearly everything I know I learned by the grace of others.

Ah, but Rue, this is your chance to demonstrate your non-partisanship to the world. All you have to do is to be fair and balanced and nominate alternative pairs of folk who hate our culture and think we need to clean up our act, so that we could then invade them. For example, one might nominate Ann Coulter and Al Franken as an appropriately balanced pair. Or perhaps North Korea and France. But be creative, don't you know somebody who needs to be invaded? All you need is a bit of balance.

perfessergee

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Sunday, July 31, 2005 5:05 AM

CITIZEN

I think we should invade wales (they have dubious attitudes toward sheep afterall) and erm Africa cause they have oil and won't put up much of a fight so...
Erm I mean they have a terrible human rights record, obviously.

Just leave the monkeys out of it, its not their fault.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields

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Sunday, July 31, 2005 5:42 AM

BECSTHEBEAST

i'm not sure whether this an invasion of randomness or an invasion of monkeys - although you are doing the two together - maybe its balanced

smile pretty and watch your back

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Friday, August 5, 2005 2:14 PM

CHRISISALL

We need only invade one place to strike at duelism: California!! We take out that Neo-Terminator who's runnin' it and all the crunchy new-agey Neo-Entertainer types, like Keanu Reeves, he's pretty Neo as far as I can tell!!!
Death to Neo-cons, Neo-libs, and Neo-neos!!!!

Anti-Neo Anything Chrisisall

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Friday, August 5, 2005 7:39 PM

PERFESSERGEE

Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:
We need only invade one place to strike at duelism: California!! We take out that Neo-Terminator who's runnin' it and all the crunchy new-agey Neo-Entertainer types, like Keanu Reeves, he's pretty Neo as far as I can tell!!!
Death to Neo-cons, Neo-libs, and Neo-neos!!!!

Anti-Neo Anything Chrisisall

Now wait just a gorram minute here Chrisisall, you're talkin' 'bout my home state. We not only got the Gropenfuehrer for a governator, we got San Francisco. And in addition to agribusiness bigger than all of Europe combined (literally true), we have LA.

Well damn, in the interest of "fair and balanced" I guess we do need to be invaded.

How unkind of you to point it out

.

perfessergee

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Saturday, August 6, 2005 9:20 AM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!

Quote:
fair and balanced (two by two, hands of blue………).

It's not that I have an issue with the idea itself, it's just that only one news source calls itself 'fair and balanced'. And then to equate the two: "fair and balanced' is like "two by two, hands of blue....", well, it causes me giggles.

Jutht being thilly. Pay no mind. Don't mean nuthin' by it.

Nearly everything I know I learned by the grace of others.

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Saturday, August 6, 2005 5:04 PM

CHRISISALL

No, I got it, invade the moon! Minimal resistance!!!

And acceptable losses, for once Chrisisall

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