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Ben Elton's Stark

POSTED BY: CITIZEN
UPDATED: Wednesday, June 7, 2006 14:37
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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 11:40 AM

CITIZEN


I'm currently reading Stark by Ben Elton and I've come across a number of quotes that are hilarious enough to be posted here:
Billionaires:
Quote:

One presumes that billionaires are not stupid people, they cannot be unaware of the paradox of their great wealth. 'Just what am I working for!' they must shout rhetorically at their art collections, full of art which they secretly don't like. They know the answer of course. They have long since exceeded any possibility of conventional satisfaction. They are working to fuck up the world for everyone else.

Cult leaders:
Quote:

Strangely, another person who found Yanyarooism a pretty surprising phenomenon was Yoga Fhagwash, Chief Guru of the Yanyaroo cult, whose picture it was hung on Karen's friends', Boogaloo's and Rhumtitty's, chests.

'I just don't understand it,' he would say to his aides and girlfriends. 'I tell all these middle-class white people to wear blue clothes and send me half their money...and they do!!!'

At first, the Yoga Fhagwash, unable to believe his luck, had tried to keep up appearences. Playing it all very spiritual, issuing poems and thoughts and mantras about enlightenment through denial. After a while, though, his confidence began to grow. He began to experiment with the credulity of his followers, suggesting for instance, that possessing twenty-five Rolls Royces was an intensely religious statement and what's more, not letting anyone else have a go in them maintained their purity and integrity.


Veterans of the Vietnam War:
Quote:

Zimmerman's intense dislike of weapons of war had come upon him quite suddenly - literally in a flash. One moment he was walking through the jungle not decided on the subject either way, the next moment his private parts were hanging off a nearby tree and he knew he didn't like bombs. The doctors had done wonders, they fixed his legs, sewed his guts back together, but, sad to say, all the wonders of microsurgery could not get his tackle down out of the tree.

A few months later Gough Whitlam brought the Australian Army home but it is said that for those who experienced the horrors, each one left a little piece of themselves out in Vietnam. In Zimmerman's case it was his lunch-box. Ever since then he had never felt himself a whole member of society and, of course, he wasn't, because he no longer had a whole member with which to be social.





More insane ramblings by the people who brought you beeeer milkshakes!
"I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall'." -- Eleanor Roosevelt.


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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 11:50 AM

OLDENGLANDDRY


Whoops, bit of politics there. My names OLDENGLANDDRY, good night.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 11:51 AM

CITIZEN


Quote:

Originally posted by oldenglanddry:
Whoops, bit of politics there. My names OLDENGLANDDRY, good night.

?



More insane ramblings by the people who brought you beeeer milkshakes!
"I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall'." -- Eleanor Roosevelt.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 11:59 AM

OLDENGLANDDRY


You dont remember Ben Elton's catch phrases then?

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 12:01 PM

CITIZEN


Ahh, I'm not slow on the uptake tonight which has nothing to do with being under a pile of php/mysql code.



More insane ramblings by the people who brought you beeeer milkshakes!
"I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall'." -- Eleanor Roosevelt.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 12:36 PM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!


"'I just don't understand it,' he would say to his aides and girlfriends. 'I tell all these middle-class white people to wear blue clothes and send me half their money...and they do!!!'"

We happen to have a guy here who looks just like a Europeanized Jesus H. One day he was standing in front of a (mostly black) monitor when another co-worker noticed his reflection in the screen. Person 2 said - I should take a picture of this and sent it into the Globe - Jesus appeared to me on a computer screen. It's a miracle!

For fun, we all figured out a way to use official letterhead to capitalize on 'the miracle', and the text would be, basically, "send money".

Too bad we're too ethical to take advantage. We could've made a ton.


Nearly everything I know I learned by the grace of others.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 1:11 PM

SIMONWHO


I can't see or hear the words "Ben Elton" without my hand curling involuntarily into a fist and an overwhelming desire to punch his smug, hypocritical, phoney face in.

Stark was probably the start of his plummet downwards from the success of The Young Ones (which he co-wrote), Blackadder (which he co-wrote) and Saturday Night (which he co-wrote) into the dreadfulness of The Thin Blue Line (which he wrote on his own), Inconceivable (which he wrote on his own) and Blessed (which he didn't so much write on his own as inflict on the world with malice aforethought).

I remember reading Stark when it came out and even though I was remarkably undiscerning at the time, it was such a heavy handed and simplistic diatribe about how the environment that I couldn't bear it.

Sorry, just had to rant against him. Can't stand the man.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006 2:37 PM

CITIZEN


I just think it's funny



More insane ramblings by the people who brought you beeeer milkshakes!
"I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall'." -- Eleanor Roosevelt.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

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