Coming Out Day by Kwicko

REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

Coming Out Day

POSTED BY: KWICKO
UPDATED: Thursday, October 18, 2012 03:16
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Monday, October 15, 2012 10:59 AM

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)

So apparently one day last week was pegged as "National Coming Out Day". I'd never heard of such a thing, but I was informed of it when the daughter of a close friend posted it on facebook - along with the news that she likes girls.

I was taken aback a bit, not because I was disgusted with the idea of it or anything, but only because I hadn't seen the girl in question in a few years, since she was in high school, and now she's nearly finished with college.

And I was reading this first thing in the A.M., upon waking up and just getting my coffee... and wondering how her mom was going to take it. Her mom is a close friend, an old friend whom I used to work for back in the day. She's feisty, fiery, quick to anger and sometimes quick to judgment, so I was concerned.

What followed was one of the greatest acts of grace I've ever witnessed. I hit "like" on her post (it was only up for a couple minutes at that point), and then her mom posted. "Oh baby, who ever knew? I'm so proud of you, honey. I love you!"

And then it struck me. If everyone reacted that way, there would never be any need for a "coming out day", because it would just never be an issue for anybody.

I'm thunderstruck by the courage of this young girl, and by the grace of her mother. They are my everyday heroes. And I'm angered that it takes that much courage to just come out and be what you are. I say that with the full memory of losing my best friend that I ever had in this world because he couldn't let anyone know he was gay until he wrote it in the note they found with his body after he blew his brains out.

I don't know how I'd have reacted to finding out my best friend was gay, but I would have loved to have the chance to see. I bet my reaction wouldn't have been near as bad as it was to finding out he was dead.

Everybody dies alone. Nobody has to live that way.

"I supported Bush in 2000 and 2004 and intellegence [sic] had very little to do with that decision." - Hero

"I was wrong" - Hero, 2012

Mitt Romney, introducing his running mate: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States, Paul Ryan!"

Rappy's response? "You're lying, gullible ( believing in some BS you heard on msnbc ) or hard of hearing."

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Monday, October 15, 2012 11:20 AM

OONJERAH

accept, Accept, ACCEPT!

We don't have to be mean.

We don't have to be mean!

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Monday, October 15, 2012 11:27 AM

KWICKO

Indeed. Hatred and bigotry are learned behaviors. They are a choice.

I like the meme going around facebook:

"It's not homophobia. You are not afraid. You are just an asshole."

and another one:

"Homosexuality is found in thousands of species; homophobia is found in only one."

"I supported Bush in 2000 and 2004 and intellegence [sic] had very little to do with that decision." - Hero

"I was wrong" - Hero, 2012

Mitt Romney, introducing his running mate: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States, Paul Ryan!"

Rappy's response? "You're lying, gullible ( believing in some BS you heard on msnbc ) or hard of hearing."

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Monday, October 15, 2012 12:28 PM

OONJERAH

My education at home about sexuality and many other things was
severely lacking.
I didn't know homosexual people existed until I was about 14; a
friend told me; and I didn't know I was supposed to hate them.
When I was about 25, I became very curious about them, went to
a gay bar a few times.
It's only been the last few years that I knew many of them have
a terrible battle for self-acceptance. They have a high rate of
suicide.

Very sad.

=========================
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. ~Charles R Swindoll

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Monday, October 15, 2012 12:29 PM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...

I'm impressed, too, Mike, and touched by what you read. If only we could clone that attitude!

I also reeeely like "Homosexuality is found in thousands of species; homophobia is found in only one". Most accurate. Most excellent.

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Monday, October 15, 2012 1:44 PM

BYTEMITE

I was mocked for being a lesbian when I was six, by another six-year-old. Turns out I was neither. I imagine that attitude doesn't make things easy for kids who actually are gay though.

I know a lot of people who are bisexual and gay. They are good people.

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Monday, October 15, 2012 2:42 PM

KWICKO

In the last seven years, I've known three friends/coworkers who've come out as gay or bi, and three who were already out and proud. I only wish my best friend had realized that there was never going to be a problem with his sexuality as far as I was concerned. He wasn't my straight friend or my gay friend; he was my BEST friend.

That was all that ever mattered to me.

And it pisses me off, because I could have introduced him to some really cute guys!

But mostly, I'm pissed at myself, because I was never "out" as someone who was fine with people being gay, as far as he was concerned. I worked with gay people; I had gay friends, but I never made clear my feelings on the matter. I had never expressed to him that I was fine with whoever being whatever. And for that, I'll never forgive myself, because I'll never know for sure if I could have saved his life just by being there and being supportive, just by being a friend when he needed one the most. I never got that chance because I never took the time.

That's my cross to bear. That's my guilt. It haunts me, every day. And it never goes away. Someone is dead, and I might have changed that.

And that's why I never miss a chance to support gay rights now, and to tell everyone I know that I love them for who they are, not for who they love. I've already lost too much, and others have lost everything. Don't let it happen to you.

"I supported Bush in 2000 and 2004 and intellegence [sic] had very little to do with that decision." - Hero

"I was wrong" - Hero, 2012

Mitt Romney, introducing his running mate: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States, Paul Ryan!"

Rappy's response? "You're lying, gullible ( believing in some BS you heard on msnbc ) or hard of hearing."

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Monday, October 15, 2012 2:50 PM

KWICKO

Quote:
Originally posted by Niki2:
I'm impressed, too, Mike, and touched by what you read. If only we could clone that attitude!

It was not an attitude I was raised around, or grew up around. But like so many things from my childhood and hometown, I just had to take a good look at it and ask, "Why? Why is this this way? What purpose is served by feeling this way, acting this way, being this way?" And when I could find no good reason to hate gay or bisexual people, that was that. And so it's gone, on through my life. I can't find a valid reason to hate blacks, or hispanics, or Asians, or gays, or...

... and so I don't.

It's only done through reflection, through thinking things through, thinking about them objectively. Boring down to key truths, the core of the issues, by asking, always, "Why? Why do you feel that? Why do you believe that?"

Such has been my path. Toward what, I don't know. Enlightenment? Peace? Serenity? Joy? Love?

I'll know when I arrive.

"I supported Bush in 2000 and 2004 and intellegence [sic] had very little to do with that decision." - Hero

"I was wrong" - Hero, 2012

Mitt Romney, introducing his running mate: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States, Paul Ryan!"

Rappy's response? "You're lying, gullible ( believing in some BS you heard on msnbc ) or hard of hearing."

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

Monday, October 15, 2012 2:51 PM

MAL4PREZ

My school did an excellent exercise on coming out day, and did it without explaining what it was about until the very end.

Get a piece of paper. Write down 5 things that make you who you are. Take your time and think about it. You won't have to share it. The five things that, deep down, define you as a person.

Now you get partnered with someone you don't know well. Talk to them for two minutes. They aren't allowed to respond much, so you have to do all the talking. Tell them who you are. But you can't refer in any way to the five things you wrote down.

This is how closeted people live. They cannot talk about something that defines them. It is central in their mind because they must avoid it. It makes for some damned stilted awkward conversation.

I think it was an incredibly eye opening experience.

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Monday, October 15, 2012 6:03 PM

OONJERAH

I am sorry you lost your friend, Mike. Very sorry.

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Tuesday, October 16, 2012 7:36 AM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...

Mike,

Quote:
It's only done through reflection, through thinking things through, thinking about them objectively. Boring down to key truths, the core of the issues, by asking, always, "Why? Why do you feel that? Why do you believe that?"

Such has been my path. Toward what, I don't know. Enlightenment? Peace? Serenity? Joy? Love?

I'll know when I arrive.

First of all, you'll never arrive (going by my own beliefs), but each time you ask the question, find no reason for feeling the way you do and reject those feelings/beliefs, you've MOVED on your path, moved forward, and that in itself might be a bit of the "arrival", a bit of peace, serenity, enlightenment if you will. And a bit of acceptance of all people.

Second, you should be in the thread I just left by Oonj 'cuz what you wrote is exactly one of the roads to self-awareness, which I think would go a long ways toward curing the whole world, if everyone tried to achieve it.

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Wednesday, October 17, 2012 2:23 AM

GEEZER

Keep the Shiny side up

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
I was mocked for being a lesbian when I was six, by another six-year-old. Turns out I was neither. I imagine that attitude doesn't make things easy for kids who actually are gay though.

I know a lot of people who are bisexual and gay. They are good people.

When I talked to my cousin about this after he came out (after years of being in the closet, including getting married), he said that the most hurtful thing when he was still covering up was when he was with his straight friends and they'd use gay references as insults, e.g. "Watch where you're going, you fag", or "Man, that dude's such a queer."

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Thursday, October 18, 2012 3:16 AM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!

Quote:
Originally posted by Geezer:

...gay references as insults, e.g. "Watch where you're going, you fag", or "Man, that dude's such a queer."

In HS, such insults were the lowest forms of put down one could throw at another.

Looking back, it was the ignorance of youth, along w/ the idea that, like Ahmadinejad still seems to think , it was outlandish to even think that anyone could really BE that way.

It certainly wasn't based in any REAL knowledge of, or negative interactions with any homosexuals. There were a few which, clearly everyone HAD to know were gay, but just let it slide. It wasn't talked about, but no one ever harassed them, not openly that I ever saw, about it. They most likely were, I suppose. Had they flatly 'come out', I don't know how it would have been viewed. Probably not too well.

" I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend. "

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