Special Guest appearances on Firefly: by biped

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Special Guest appearances on Firefly:

POSTED BY: BIPED
UPDATED: Friday, May 5, 2006 16:46
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Friday, May 5, 2006 12:51 PM

Special Guest appearances on Firefly:

Data (Brent Spiner from Star Trek Next Gen.)

River: They don't fall down...
Data: Given the specific gravity of the present conditions they may not have been able to fall down. Falling assumes a gravitational pull from--
River: Two by two hands of blue.
Data: That is an interesting use of Rhyme. Are you using it as a metaphor? I once wrote a haiku for my cat spot would you like to hear it?
River: Spot is dead. He didn't fall down either.
Data: Indeed. Falling assumes a specific draw of gravity. Spot was sucked through and air lock. In a most unfortunate turn of events the odds of which were considered 129,487,510 to one.
River: 129,487,511 to one. You got it wrong.
DATA: Let me do an internal diagnostic. No, I am correct, 129,487,510 to one.
River: You forgot to calculate Felton's law It's 129,487,511 to one. Dummy...
DATA: Dummy? You are incorrect. A dummy is a manequin usually designed to immulate human appearance. I am an artificial life form but fully capable of rational and independent thought.
River: Dummy,Dummy who's your mummy...
Mal: Okay, I now know it's possible to be both creepifyed and bored out of my skull all at once...

Starbuck from the new Battlestar Galactica.

Starbuck: What the Frack is that?
Jayne: I call her "Vera". (caresses gun lovingly)
Starbuck: Well you know what they say cowboy. It's not the "Size" of your gun that counts... (Grins in that Starbuck "I'm going to eat you alive" kind of way)
Jayne: What?
Starbuck: It's not the "Size"...(Rolls eyes) It's not the "size" of the gun you have it's "how" you use it.
Jayne: I knew that! Wait...we're talkin' about guns right?
(Starbuck grabs Vera tosses it over her shoulder and rips Jayne's shirt off. Jayne tosses Starbuck over his shoulder and races down corridor.)
JAYNE: I'll be in my bunk!

Yoda from Star Wars

Yoda: Hnnnh? I sense a distrubance in the force.
Mal: The what?
Yoda: The force, surrounds us it does, moving through us and around us.
Mal: Oh, no. That's just Jayne. He can be a might fragrant at times.
Yoda: Jayne strong in the force is not. In you strong the force I sense.
Mal: Now, no need to get all impolite little fella.
Yoda: (Closes eyes, extends hand palm outward to Mal) FEEL the force you must.
Mal: Whoa! (Jumps out of chair and backs up) I don't swing that way! Keep your hairy little swamp monkey hands to yourself!
Yoda: Fear the beginning of understanding is.
Mal: Yeah well fear this! (Mal grabs a folded newspaper off the table and smacks Yoda across the nose.)
Yoda: (Uses force to grab the paper and smack Mal up side the head) Two at this can play. HhnnnH?
Zoe: Want me to step on him captain?

Mal, Jayne and Simon pull up to the drive through of the Persephone Jack in the Box. Mal is driving, Jayne is riding shotgun and Simon is crouched low in the back trying to look as inconspicuous as he can bouncing around in the back of a hover craft.

JACK in the Box Speaker: Waarrom wrshso bjeombjksxx

Mal: What?

Speaker: Walco jackoomaBxxx

Jayne: That ain't Chinese. Wait! Maybe it's some kinda code...

Simon: A code for what? Secret sauce?

Mal: (Mal leans closer to the speaker and shouts)
I can't hear! Could you repeat that?

Jayne: (Jayne leans closer to Mal) I think he said it's for secret sauce.

Mal: No, not Simon, I'm trying to speak to the other big headed clown. Hey, You in there! (Mal taps on the speaker with the butt of his gun)

Speaker: WoodooolykeeChibadaOOooday?

Mal sighs and shoots out the speaker. He looks through the damaged menu sign and spys an elderly couple staring in shock at him from the front seat of their car. He grins and gives a little wave.
Mal: Afternoon folks! HEY, this speaker's got a hole in it! I think we'll drive up to the window.

Simon: Please, just hurry and get this over with.

Jayne: And get me one o' them monster tacos while we're here.

Mal pulls up to the window where a teenage cashier in a pointy, yellow, Jack in the Box hat grins a welcome to him.
Cashier: Welcome to Jack in the Box! Would you like try our new deep fried protein slab on fresh baked ciabatta bread?

Mal: Uh, tasty as that sounds we'll pass and just take all the money in your safe.

Jayne: Mal, don't forget my monster taco!
Mal: JAYNNNNNNNE,why oh, why, do you have to use MY name at every heist.

Jayne: Geez Mal, don't tell em MY name!

Simon: Good God, I'm going to get thrown in jail for aiding and abbetting a taco theif.

(Mal waves his gun warningly at the cashier)
Mal: Now, don't fret yourself none I haven't forgotten you. Just grab a bag and stuff all the money in it. I'd hate to aerate you son but I got a schedule to keep.

Cashier: Sir. (Cashier leans out window and points to sign) The sign says cashiers DON'T have the combination to the safe.

Mal: Number 1, It ain't your money kid. You don't want to leave work in a body bag protecting what ain't yours. Number 2... Jayne, show him number 2.
(Jayne hauls out Vera and blasts open a new entrance in the side of the store)

Cashier: Hold on. I think I remember the combination.

Mal: You're a smart kid. And throw in a case of those Jack in the Box bobbleheads.

Simon: What is with you and wobbly headed dolls? Didn't we already establish that there's not much of a market for hot bobbleheads?

Mal: I'm startin' a collection.

The serenity crew negotiating a job hauling Willy Wonka chocolate to various distribution points in the black.

WONKA: You're late.
MAL: Sorry about that, we had a problem gettin through that itty bitty door. Fortunately, Jayne brought a grenade. No extra charge, by the way, for installin' the new entry way.
WONKA: Oh...well... thank you. Welcome to my chocolate factory! We have the universes only chocolate mixed by waterfall!
MAL: Well ain't that shiny.
SIMON: Seems somewhat unsanitary.
JAYNE: Look Simon! We finally found someone who's both pompous AND crazy. You and your sister can go home now. Stay here-I'll get your bags!
WONKA: You're weird.
JAYNE: That's just all kinds of ironic coming from you, Willy.
WONKA: Jayne's a girls name.
JAYNE: Keep it up cream puff and you'll be eatin' grass!
WONKA: Yes, thank you! My grass is especially delicious!
JAYNE: Gorram crazy wanker!
MAL: Well, as congenial as this conversation is, how 'bout we just get down to business? We're here for business, right?
WONKA: Indeed, I want to ship my candy all over the universe!
MAL: Shiney! Serenity don't look like much but she flys true and can hold a lot of cargo... For them that can pay that is. You CAN pay?
WONKA: Certainly, in fact you can have as many cocoa beans as you like!
MAL: Cocoa beans?
WONKA: Yes, they're the preferred currency for my Oompa Loompas.
JAYNE: Oompa my muscular butt! Mal I ain't workin' for no lunatic who thinks beans is money!
MAL: Okay Wonka, as attractive an offer as that may seem...to YOU.... We're used gettin' paid with real cashee money.
WONKA: And of course, you can have a life time supply of my delicious chocolate.
ZOE, KAYLEE, INARA and RIVER: We're in!
JAYNE: Now, hold on a gorram minute!
WONKA: Uh, huh, chocolate is a most effective aphrodisiac.
JAYNE: I'm in!
MAL: Whoa - Let's not be hasty here. We're still negotiatin'!
RIVER: According to the NEKKEI index cocoa futures are expected to rise 63 points in the next five weeks.
MAL: We're in.
SIMON: Splendid, we are now smugglers of tooth decay.
WONKA: Tooth decay? Urk! Ack!
WONKA's LEFT EYE BEGINS TO TWITCH ALARMINGLY AS HE SUFFERS A TRAUMATIC FLASHBACK OF A RATHER CHILLING SCENE INVOLVING HIS FATHER THE ORTHODONTIST (Who oddly resembles a Sith Lord and a powerfully evil wizard named Saruman the White.)
JAYNE: Look at that twitch! He's a gorram lunatic! I say we bash him in the head while Zoe gets nekkid and we all make a run for the ship!
ZOE: Why do I have to get naked?
JAYNE: 'cuz it's MY plan.

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Friday, May 5, 2006 12:58 PM

BUK

lol I could think of one but Im just so damn tired right now.

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Friday, May 5, 2006 1:01 PM

FIRESTALKER

Hi~larious!!! I loved it

-------------------------------------------------
"You know what the definition of a hero is? Someone that gets other people killed."

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Friday, May 5, 2006 1:44 PM

SAMEERTIA

ROFLMAO!!!!!!
OUCHEEE!
Too funny!

I know. I know. I just said I don't read cross-overs, but these are just too good!

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Friday, May 5, 2006 2:17 PM

KHAZARA

Quote:
Originally posted by biped:
Special Guest appearances on Firefly:
Jamie Bamber - Starbuck from the new Battlestar Galactica.

Hahaha very good! But, the whole exchange got a might peculiar in my mind (images I hope get out soon), since Jamie Bamber plays Apollo, not Starbuck. Starbuck is played by Katee Sackhoff.

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Friday, May 5, 2006 2:37 PM

MOOSE

Quote:
Originally posted by Khazara:
But, the whole exchange got a might peculiar in my mind (images I hope get out soon), since Jamie Bamber plays Apollo, not Starbuck. Starbuck is played by Katee Sackhoff.

LOL, that does change the scene quite a bit...

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Friday, May 5, 2006 3:14 PM

BIPED

"Quantum Leap meets Firefly" movie.

SAM BECKETT LEAPS INTO MALCOLM REYNOLDS DURING A REAVER ATTACK
Wash: I'm a leaf on the wind watch me soar!
Mal/Sam: Oh boy! (Grabs the console and screams in panic)
Wash: Come on Cap you're blowing my cool! I'm a leaf! I'm a leaf!
Mal/Sam: AL! AL!! Oh, boy, oh boy! AL!
Wash: Captain, I'm trying to be a leaf here!
AL (a hologram that only Mal/Beckett can see) APPEARS NEXT TO WASH
AL: Hi Sam! Whoa! Jeez Sam you're going to crash!
Mal/Sam: I know! I know! What am I doing here?
Wash: What do you mean what are YOU doing here? This was your gorram "let's be all heros" idea!
Mal/Sam: Mine!??!! Yes, mine... uh... yes. Let's all be... "hero-like." ... Al what's Ziggy say and be quick!
AL: There's a ninety-nine percent chance you're here to save Hoban Washburne, the pilot. I'd say that's him Sam.
AL POINTS A CIGAR IN WASH's DIRECTION
Mal/Sam: How?
Wash: How?!!? Captain, I'm just here to drive the bus it's your job to not "FREAK OUT" during the crashing the ship scene and save all us lesser hero types. Now if you don't mind I'm trying not to die here. I'm a leaf. I'm a leaf. I'm a leaf.
AL: I don't know maybe something smashes into him when the ship lands. Is there an airbag or something?
Mal/Sam: An airbag?
Wash: It's not NICE to call the pilot an airbag when he's trying not to crash the ship, CAPTAIN!
AL: Maybe that's it, the ship crashes but the airbag doesn't deploy and he hits the windsheild. How about this: unhook his harness and drag him out of the seat as soon as the ship lands.
Mal/Sam: It's worth a try.
Wash: Brace yourselves! I'm a leaf. I'm a leaf!
MAL/SAM UNHOOKS WASH'S PILOT HARNESS. AND GRIPS ONTO HIS SHIRT
Wash: Are you crazy! Let go!
THE SHIP HITS THE LANDING STRIP HARD WASH AND MAL/BECKETT SLAM UP TO THE COCKPIT ROOF AND ARE THEN THROWN AROUND THE CABIN AS THE SHIP LANDS AND SKIDS INTO THE HATCHWAY. THE SHIP SETTLES TO A STOP.
Wash: Ow.
MAL/SAM SITS UP AND LOOKS AROUND . SUDDENLY A GIANT CLAW CRASHES THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD WHERE WASH WOULD HAVE BEEN.
AL: Say goodbye Sam.
SAM BECKETT LEAPS OUT OF MAL and ON TO HIS NEXT MISSION INVOLVING A DOG NAMED "OL' YELLER"

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Friday, May 5, 2006 4:46 PM

BIPED

Firefly meets Wizard of Oz

Serenity crash lands in Munchkinland on top of a house that has just dropped on top of a local witch. Mal, Jayne and Zoe and an overdressed fairy stand over the body. Jayne experimentally nudges the witches ruby slippered foot with the toe of his boot.

Mal mutters in chinese: I'm... I'm powerful sorry about this. We really didn't mean ta' smash yer witch.
Good Witch: She was a bad witch.
Mal: A bad witch huh? Was there... is there a....reward? Maybe?
Good Witch addresses Zoe: Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Zoe: I beg your pardon?
Good Witch: You are a witch are you not?
Zoe: What?!!? Hey! (Aims shotgun at the Good Witch) I'd watch my mouth if I were you sister!
Mal: Calm down, calm down!
Zoe: I didn't start this! You wanna take your sparkly little hiney outta my sight fairy girl before I club you so hard your grandma will feel it!
Mal: Zoe, stay with me here. So, about the reward...
Good Witch: The slippers are your reward.
Mal: The slippers huh. (looks down at squished witches feet) You know, they're mighty fancy but I was kind of thinking more in terms of like cashee money or trade goods er....
(Zoe screeches uncharacteristically as the Good fairy zaps the shoes off of the bad witch and on to Zoe. Zoe staggers a bit as she is thrown off balance from the change in altitude between combat boots and high heels.)
Zoe: Gorramit! What the spincter hell do you think you're doing!
Good Witch: The Ruby slippers are yours in payment for saving all of Munchkinland from the Bad Witch.
Mal: Ruby? RUBIES? Did you say Ruby? Real actual rubies or rubylike?
Zoe: Captain, I am going to shoot her.
Mal: Zoe, you're takin' this a might hard. Why don't you mosey back in to the ship with them fancy shoes before the big sparkly fairy changes her mind? So, them stripy socks she's wearin' worth anything?
Jayne: Hey, you got any Ruby shoes for guys?
Mal: Jaynnnne.
Jayn: I'm just askin'. I was in the ship what smashed the witch too! Why's Zoe get the shoes?
Mal: Jayne... You... in slippers...
Jayne: I'm just sayin....
Mal: (To the Good Witch as he shoves Jayne in front of him towards the ship) Well, we gotta go, things to do, other witches to squish...
Jayne: Mal, quit pushin'!
Mal: (Stage whisper) Keep movin' we're surrounded and out numbered. There are about a hundred crazy looking midgets sneaking out of the bushes and I don't don't aim to be lunch for a bunch of wacked out pygmies!
They dash into the ship and shut the cargo bay door just as the citizens of Munchkinland surround the ship staring and pointing.
Good Witch: Good bye! Good bye! (Waves to ship)

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