Male and Female Imponderables--The Troubles are Past by Tristan

Okay so I'm way behind~
First kids~I do want children but I'm way too nice to pass on my crappy genetics. Obesity, alcholism, depression, and a complete inabilty to keep it in your pants! Sorry but neither of my parents could and aprently I can't either.

To MSG-It's and IPod! For cying out loud I've lost my engagment ring, my bio electic shield pendent and my 3rd anversary bracelet! Well I guess if you have the kind of secrets I do those wouldn't seem very big either. Also those are the only 3 jewlery gifts given to me by FSO. I say kick him in the shins and say get over it! Wow I make everything about me! Yuck! And now for some more stuff about me............!

My Problem~FSO gave me a lift to and from work today. We work for the same company and it was the weekly manditory meeting at 8am although I don't actually work untill 4:30pm! Yuck slight detour I went to work at 8am I get off at 9pm but I only actually work for 6.5 hrs! So back to the subject at hand....when we got to my apartment he came in to grab some stuff he left here. I cried on him and he held me for something like 10 minutes. I wanted to kiss him so very much but I fought it. My problem? I want to kiss him and touch him and wake up in his arms again! What the hell? I hated the four years we were together but now all I can see is the kindness in his eyes and the good times! Where is my anger? My rage? Where did it go?

An I carried such a torch

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 7:44 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I feel you Copilot. Enough that I'm going to stay up to respond.
There is a hole in my life. Yes, I said it. My Ex of Doom lied to me, he is incapable (it seems) of actually walking his talk, he has no staying power (it seems) and I know - I KNOW - that getting back with him or even talking to him again would be the worst possible thing I could do. But there is still a hole in my life that was formerly filled by him. It has his exact shape and scent and voice and it hurts.
That hole, I believe, is called "intimacy" and it's something we all crave.
The problem, the reason it would be a huge mistake to try again with him, is that he can no longer fill that hole, because intimacy requires trust. It might feel okay for awhile, but I know I can't really trust him and it would all fall down around my ears.
I've written so many letters to him and never sent them. I've gotten all the way through dialing his number and hung up before it rang. I've wanted so badly to come home and see him standing there waiting for me, to live like nothing had changed.
What you have to remember is that things did change, and will not change back. Relationships are like people; once they die, they only come back as shades of their former selves.
Be strong, darling. We have to be strong so we can continue to respect ourselves. We have to be strong for the sake of true happiness.

On that note, I need to go to bed. I have work tonight.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 7:52 AM

Thank you

An I carried such a torch

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 7:54 AM

Anger can carry a person only so far. Its alot like a makeshift raft. Sure, it'll carry you across the river, but how long can it really last? It seems as if your grieving has reached a middle. Usually it means that your grasp on the person is loosening ever so slightly. That's good. It gives you the chance to look back and see the good things you hope for in the future.

Ain't it funny how human behavior works in steps or stages? Maybe not funny. Sad really. We suck!

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 7:54 AM

Copilot, you don't need the ex...you have us!
Ok, so maybe that's not much help, but I tried...

______________________________________

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:01 AM

'tis awsome to have the likes of you in my life! I love you all! I guess it has more to do with the fact that I actually woke up alone in my bed. Not that I've been having sex latly just having friends stay over and keep me occupied untill I just plain crash. Last night was an exception I fell alseep alone woke up alone and needed to cry. Love SFO with all my heart but I know it's not ever going to be right between us. We're way too different and way too similar at the same time.

An I carried such a torch

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:09 AM

We love our little COPILOT.

I've got a bowl of strawberries and cherries that I bought at the weekly farmers market last night. Wish to share them with all of you.
They sure made my low morning a bit more tolerable.
Fresh fruit and Sublime's acoustic version of Pool Shark. Just need some drinks, friends, and a white sand beach. Any takers.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:13 AM

I'd be there in 12 seconds if I could!!!!!!!!!!

An I carried such a torch

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:29 AM

Think we oughta start a special 'Sublime and Strawberries' thread...

Wanna? Cause I've been feeling the need for some shoulder-crying.

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'I don't know. He seems kind of peculiar.'

'Maybe he's Canadian!'

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:34 AM

Awwww 13 honey what happened? Or did I completely miss it?
*hug*

An I carried such a torch

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:39 AM

PENGUIN

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
Copilot, you don't need the ex...you have us!
Ok, so maybe that's not much help, but I tried...

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:46 AM

Miss it you did not. My petty, teen-angsty troubles are a little less problematic and heartwrenching than some I've heard here, but I'll say it anyway.

Yesterday, the last day of school at the fine Byemoor Elementary & Junior High, I had convinced myself that I would sort out some business that's been unfinished and unspoken of 'till now.

It's about a girl.

Quite the girl, too. I won't go into detail, but she was probably the best friend I've ever had. I loved her, and every second I wasn't with her (or you guys) was like getting a toothpick driven into an open blister.

Since she was leaving the school that day, permanently, for the bigger lights of Stettler High, (filthy school, BTW) I had vowed to tell her exactly what I felt, even if I knew nothing would come of it, as I'd never see her again.

Spineless and weak-hearted I am, I also promised to tell her at the end of the day, for some odd reason. Cowardice? Probably.

But, because I delayed for so many fucking years, she never knew anything about it, and actually left in 5th period, notably before school ends.

And since I'm leaving this town to live with my dad next year, I am completely sure I will never see her again.

Teen-angsty it is, but that is what happened.

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'I don't know. He seems kind of peculiar.'

'Maybe he's Canadian!'

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:57 AM

13- Chances are you weren't ment to tell her a gorram thing. You should just give up on it and never try.
And chances are you should just man up and do it. What do you have to lose? A friend? If you are moving away and she's going to a different, albeit dirtier school, what are the chances of really dating her anyhow?
At the very least telling her how you feel is the most important thing. There doesn't always has to be a measurable result, just the satisfaction of knowing that you tried. We are only given a short span to do all that we can.
Push ahead and find out what happens.

Failure is only failure if we accept it as such.

P.S. Love is not a petty thing. Denying it sometimes is.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:01 AM

Think I might, Cagey...think I might.

Tellya what, boys and girls. Tomorrow morning, I'll jump on my quad, drive down to her place, and get confessiony.

You are right, Cagey. In every aspect.

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'I don't know. He seems kind of peculiar.'

'Maybe he's Canadian!'

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:19 AM

LYSANDER

Tristan,
You don't need to worry about prying. Sometimes it is good to talk about things with friends. And right now, you guys are pretty much all the friends I have. But, I don't think this is the place for this discussion and I don't think people would like my hijacking of this thread.

Simon: What if he(Mal) tells you to kill me?
Zoe: (without hesitation) I kill you.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:25 AM

RUGBUG

Quote:
Originally posted by 13:

Tellya what, boys and girls. Tomorrow morning, I'll jump on my quad, drive down to her place, and get confessiony.

That's the ticket! Tell her. It may be awkward. It may lead to nothing. But you will gain two very important things:

1) You will have exhibited the courage to put yourself out there. That courage is no small thing and will be handy to have throughout life.

2) When you're older you won't have the regret of not telling this girl how you felt. Living with regret sucks.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:29 AM

Lysander, I understand. I feel the same way about y'all being the only friends I have. All of you understand, all of you feel the same (or let us know if you don't

). I don't think it would be a hijacking if you needed to talk.

______________________________________

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:29 AM

We're rootin' for ya. Just try not to let that feeling langiush.

Dang kid, I don't even have a quad.

Oh, and I've had this handle almost as long as you've been kickin'. I wish I looked as good as Nick Cage.

He can keep the hairline.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:45 AM

Mind you, it's a Baja 500, goes about 30 if you really push it, and the suspension is murderous. I might not even make it to her house on it...

Oh well. I'll still have my pedal-bike!

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'I don't know. He seems kind of peculiar.'

'Maybe he's Canadian!'

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:48 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

spill to us O Lysander and we will commiserate and offer um some advice

(Please not I made no assurance as to the "good"nessness of the advice) But we have weapons and are not afraid to use them!

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:49 AM

Thanks for fixing the rose, Penguin!

______________________________________

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:54 AM

SERYN

Safe - Oh, i know that! I'm told all the time by blokes how their always just very happy to see them, and short of their being green or something, any size or shape will do.

Cool, i'm happy, or was happy, to let an SO see me.

I'm just talking about how I feel about them, from an aesthetic 'convenience' point of view. I'm sick of feeling I have to monitor them all the time. Plus dancing with abandon (one of my all time favorite things to do) is an absolute no no, as in anything less than a granny style sports bra, they just fly right out. (overshare alert!)

As for children, If I did have a desire to have them, I still wouldn't have them until I had two things -financial stability and a support network (three husbands say...

)
I know everyone says 'oh, you just find a way to make it work' but I've watched my sister attempt to raise her daughter with out those things - persecuted by the government for being on benefits, forced to remain in a house thats making them sick next door to drug dealers and violent alchoholics and with no visible means of escape. I've also seen how the lack of a support network - a father and his family or decent friends - has made every situation, from going to the hospital to trying to go and see a film, incredibly difficult.

So without them, no way in hell. With them, i'd never say never. I'm scared to death of actually having to be pregnant, but i'd get over it sharpish, should it ever happen, and i know, despite my protests, that I'd be a damnsite better at being a mother than the majority of women I see. (apart from the all therapy they'd need, they'd be great kids)

But I don't see my life changing anytime soon, so its all just academic.

What did piss me off was the other day some woman in work was telling me how every woman should be having kids - something about the number of intelligent people having less children while the stupid people are breeding like flies - and how in twenty years time the country is going to be over run, and run by total idiots.

I asked her if she'd seen the American president recently, and how could she convince people to subject a person they supposedly love to that kind of life anyway, but what I really wanted to do was grab her head and squish it hard into the till keys.

Ah well.

As for the lying thing. Exactly what FMF said!
And if it helps MSG, I probably would have made an even bigger mess of the situation.

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:59 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 10:07 AM

Yowza.

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'I don't know. He seems kind of peculiar.'

'Maybe he's Canadian!'

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 10:16 AM

SERYN

on a happier note. I have a friend sending me pictures of my boss when he was younger (he's a memeber of a fairly successful band) Its hilarious, so funny.

I wish i could share the joke with you all.

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 10:29 AM

EMMARIGBY

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:

Emma- it must be nice to be all tall and amazon like and with as pretty as you are I bet you have a really big stick to beat the guys off with:)

Aaah! That's so sweet! Very very wrong, but sweet none the less!!

I don't have a lot of time to post tonight, soooo much to do. Still I had to stop by to send vitual hugs to all my firends who are going through bad times. Copilot, PR, 13 and FMF I know you are at various stages of getting over relationships, couldhavebeen relationships and being married to the devil relationships but you all should know that it was all necessary to make room in your life for the most fantastic person ever that you are just about to meet! (Not sure why I'm feeling so optimistic at the moment but I have to believe this)

Talk to you all soon.

___________________

Hissssssssss!

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 10:31 AM

13- Wheels are wheels unless you ain't got them.

LYSANDER- Always glad to hear from you. We're always here to listen.

FMF- A bit of hostility in that post. May need to visit the Strawberries and Sublime thread being birthed in the near future.

TRISTAN: Howdy.

MSG: Yet again, DANG.

SERYN: Hate to be vulgar, but I feel the need.
Look at it from a guy like me's perspective:
All you need is a handful!

I'm gonna be out for a few hours. Hope I hear from y'all soon.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 11:04 AM

Seryn, on the threat of having my head removed, you and I may have to dance at DragonCon...

Sorry, channeling the inner caveman for a moment, there...

______________________________________

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 11:21 AM

MSG

Hey guys- I'm babysitting so I'll be brief..Thanks for the support and HUGS to all
NV- See I knew you are the perfect guy:)
13- hon does she have no phone, no email..is she cut off from civilization entirely...try an email. It could be a lot easier to spill your guts and still tell her what you want with less trauma...Copilot- I repeat my offer to beat him up, but why are you so sure it won't work?
OOOOPs best get back to kidlet Wyatt ( 9 month old nephew) but I will ba back in a few hours:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 11:59 AM

SERYN

You may want to dance, but you do remember that your wife is actually fully capable of removing your head (and mine!) don't you?

Yes, well there are two full hanfuls there (just to get into the spirit of vulgarity - like i said, no issues with boob talk) all the correct componants and nice skin to boot. Any man would be more than happy. And if he isn't well he would just get kicked to the floor.

But thats not to say that if 3,000 quid just fell in my lap I wouldn't be seriously considering it. (i'd be more likely to buy a car, but it'd be close!)

Oh, btw, thank you for the giggle Penguin, and the squid emoticon's!

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 1:51 PM

I'm going crazy! Or maybe I'm just normal. Can't get the prettier of the two sexes out of my head. Gave the girl at Blockbuster a big grin and said nothing as I walked out, (all she said was to have a nice afternoon). Flirted with her before but she makes me a bit uncomfortable for some reason. Attractive, yes. But the Spidey senses tingle something fierce when I do talk with her. I like the attention and all, but there is just something that tells me to keep a good distance. Farmers market last night was terrible. So many cute females and so little time. Need closure on the Ms. Questionable issue. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 2:27 PM

PENGUIN

Quote:
Originally posted by nvghostrider:
But the Spidey senses tingle something fierce when I do talk with her.

Oh, so that's what you call it!

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 2:42 PM

I call it my compass. When it points North, I follow.

Anyway, it's not as if she's cut off, but:

A) I hate talking to people over the phone.
B) I have to say it to her face, despite possible consequences, and
C) I talk much better than I type, although my silver tongue will be put to the test.

Can it tie into a quadruple knot? I'll find out tomorrow!

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'I don't know. He seems kind of peculiar.'

'Maybe he's Canadian!'

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 2:53 PM

Spidey sense tingle is not a good thing. Means that there is immediate danger, duck and cover, shoot first or die. That kinda stuff.

Big ups to 13 on the communication factor. At least call/messange her and let her know that you'll be over. Sucks when a plan is screwed up because of bad timing. I'm sure you don't want an audience or an absent friend.
Kudos on the courage factor. Important things are best said in person.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 3:00 PM

Alright, ambiguous message it is!

She's the curious type.

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'I don't know. He seems kind of peculiar.'

'Maybe he's Canadian!'

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 3:07 PM

MSG

13- way to go!! It's great to see a guy with guts go for it:) we're rooting for you
NV- stay away from the spidey sense girl...she's probably a psycho!!!since Ms. Indecisive didn't set off your spidey sense then this girl must be serious trouble...I mean do you really know how many times she was watched Misery, the Crush, and Fatal Attraction back to back??
HUGS and boy was baby time fun!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 4:00 PM

Thats the thing that bugs me about Ms. Questionable. Why hadn't the spidey sense tingled? Most of the data at hand tells me that it should have but didn't. I don't get how I could possibly be so open with someone that has made little attempt to chase after me. Not that I am chased often, if ever. I just don't get it.
My only guess is that I am the available pick up man or fall guy. Pick up man meaning capable of moving stuff and easy to reach. Fall guy meaning available for dumping a load of crap onto but still willing to be around as a friend.
Don't know. I really don't know.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 4:05 PM

MSG

It could just be that your spidey sense likes her...sometime my spidey sense fails too:) HUGS I don't think she doesn't like you/isn't attracted to you. I think she doesn't know her own mind well enough to know what she wants and her indecsision both paralyses and embarrasses her because she feels like she should know why and what she's doing...so being embarrased she does what we all do, avoids the situation:( so she sucks...bap her one ( metaphorically) and then find yourself the hot, fun, wild, sweet, loyal babe you deserve!!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 4:38 PM

CALIFORNIAKAYLEE

Hello all!

I'm new to the boards, and still trying to wrap my head around this conversation, lol. So if I overstep my bounds, please let me know! ;)

That said, I just had to reply to the boob issue. I feel your pain! I'm 5'2" and wear a size 30FF bra. Dressing so they *aren't* the center of attention is a challenge! My two sisters wear the same size I do, and our 79 year old grandmother is a 34K (yes, as in kangaroo), so we figure we're pretty much just stuck with it, though I'm betting we'll each get a reduction once we're done having kids.

Seryn, if you haven't already, you should definitely be professionally fit in a specialty shop. I was wearing a 36C with a sports bra *over* it before I got professionally fit, because, like you said, things would randomly just start flying out, lol. Something like 90% of women are wearing the wrong size bra, so a professional fitting (and not at Nordstrom, they don't carry anything lower than a 32 band size, and will always tell you a bigger band size than you need) is something every woman should look into, I think. (And if you live near Austin, TX, I can even recommend a good little shop!)

As far as guys and boobs, I think we're far more critical of our own (and others'!) than guys will ever be, heh. I detest dealing with mine (I haven't been able to pass the "pencil test" since I was 12, btw), hate having to buy specialty bras, having to *sew* my own swimsuits and dresses because they won't fit into anything storebought, gah! But I've only ever gotten positive feedback from the male sex, lol. If only they knew what a hassle boobs are!

Anyhow, I'll return y'all to the originally scheduled conversation. Which was about what, now? Relationships? Use of a swhat?

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 5:32 PM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

to CaliforniaKaylee!
Size K??? Wow, I thought the woman I used to know what huge. Knew her at Rocky Horror; we used to call her Boobzilla. She was a size... 45 I if I remember right. Not sure where she got her bras and other assorted lingerie, but she always had the nicest stuff! I always wondered what well-endowed women were talking about when they said they couldn't find pretty bras, just because I knew her. But she probably went to a specialty shop now that I think abut it. I certainly saw very few nice bras for big women in regular stores; at least not until Curves came out. boobzilla was always very proud of her build, though, and it suited her. She actually had something close to the frame for it, though they still looked huge. Well, they were huge. She used to talk quite blithely about how much each one weighed; she was a hoot and a half.
There was more important stuff to talk about, but what can I say? Boobs are distracting.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 6:40 PM

MSG- Like I said before, just need the closure. I hate games. If she were to see me with other women I could guarantee she would have either a huge jealousy streak or most likely a big fit of questioning and masochistic reflection. In any case, I just want to be free of any second thoughts. Even if, and heaven forbid, she decides to be with me, I don't want any second guessing or indecision. What I see as my biggest fault is my ego. I will not compete with anyone for the affections of a woman. Not kids, dogs, cats, family, or especially another man. I will be loved for being myself and no other reason. I expect these conditions for myself and expect no less for the recipiant of my affections. Must stop the ranting and raving. Gotta redirect angst.

CK- Big welcome from a former lurker. Sorry to hear of the size issue. Shouldn't there be a donor program. I can donate my organs if I die, why can't you donate some if you live. Sorry, getting tired. Again, welcome!

PR- As if Rocky Horror isn't enough of a freakshow. Boobzilla huh.
I must agree. Boobs (of all types) are distracting.

Well, goodnight all. Finally get to go home after a 13 hour day. See ya'll in the morning.

ADD: I notice that my jaw has been clenched for over a solid week, (ever since I left the message on Ms. Questionables phone). Don't know if I can take much more of this.

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 2:51 AM