Just finished the original 190 page serenity script by DanielFyre

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Just finished the original 190 page serenity script

POSTED BY: DANIELFYRE
UPDATED: Wednesday, September 5, 2007 11:42
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VIEWED: 6769
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Thursday, August 30, 2007 5:55 PM

Hey there, I just finished the original 190 page script of Serenity that one of you so graciously gave me a link to. Thanks again. I just wanna know how other people felt about the script in relation to the end product that was the BDM. Personally I would have loved the 190 page script more. I love the BDM with every bit of me, but there was just more in the 190 page script. A page of script equals out to be approx. 1 minute of movie, thus a 190 page script would have translated to a 3 hr long Serenity movie. While yes I agree with some editing decisions. Mainly cutting out a lot of the Mr Universe dialogue as well as shortening the Fanty and Mingo exchange, I feel that the ultimate story suffered with the more drastic changes

****script spoliers****

I know many of you guys will probably say that you liked the script better because Wash and Book don't end up dying. That of course is the main change in the story. This in itself is enough for me to say this version should have been made, but its more for the character development in Mal that I say it should have been this version. The Mal and Inara relationship is delt with more directly. Yes, indirectness is their way, but their feelings for one another become more obvious in this version, while maintining that same dynamic. Also Mal's reactions to what's happening around him (him going into the empty Inara shuttle as well as him going to be alone to think and nearly crying realizing how much responsibility he has in taking care of his crew and now this mission to find and reveal the truth) is a huge plus to the whole experiece for me. These were vital scenes that were not included in the BDM that I feel are essential to the plot.

One thing I'm not sure of is Book being on the ship. It felt more effective to have him on Haven to begin with, but his wisdom and the lines which were supposed to be his that were ultimately given to other characters seem more appropriate and carry more weight when said by him, so this to me was a toss up. Also, having Book die would have served as a more obvious reason for Mal's rage and sudden discovery of belief and purpose. I'm sure he cared about the miners that perished but not the same way that he would have for Book.

And lastly, Wash. While watching Wash die was one of the most emotionally gutwrenching things I've seen in a movie, it almost feels needed. Wash is my favorite character, although for some reason the way Joss wrote him in the parts he wasn't in in the BDM sort of gave the story a weird flow. While I love Wash's jokes they seemed sickeningly inappropriate and misplaced toward the end of the script, leading me to belive Wash's death was in fact a necessity. I then, of course, remember that if it was written without those jokes it would have been just as adaquate.

Well now that I have pretty much said my piece in lengthy detail I'll leave others to comment.

-Daniel Fyre

"real men juggle geese"

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Thursday, August 30, 2007 6:12 PM

SUZFROMOZ

I would love to read this, but I couldnt get the links in the other thread to work - anyone got a current reliable link?

www.solarflarecreations.com.au

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Thursday, August 30, 2007 6:14 PM

DERANGEDMILK

Quote:
Originally posted by SuzFromOz:
I would love to read this, but I couldnt get the links in the other thread to work - anyone got a current reliable link?

www.solarflarecreations.com.au

diddo
-e

"Storms getting worse."
"We'll pass through it soon enough."

Vote for Firefly at http://richlabonte.net/tvvote/index.html

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Thursday, August 30, 2007 6:39 PM

MIRAMEL

i loved the 190 version, mostly for the little tidbits, mostly of humor, that just didn't make the cut. i felt like it gave it more the sort of feel the show had, a bit slower-paced and such. that having been said, i think cutting it down was the right call, given that the final product was infact a movie. mostly, i felt it gave a taste of what season 2 could have been- salt on the wound, but in a GOOD way. sorta.
i agree that book definitly needed to be off-ship- i felt like a lot of his lines in the 190 version were kinda throw-away lines, the sort of thing anyone could have said, they were just something for him to say (in fact, didn't otehr crew members end up getting most of those lines?)
anywho, thats my 2c

~~~~
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Thursday, August 30, 2007 8:23 PM

BROWNCOAT2007

OMGZ I'd LOVE a link to the original script... anyone... PLEASE??? I'll sell my innards which ain't my innards for it!?!?!?!

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Thursday, August 30, 2007 9:12 PM

MOOSE

This is the link from the other thread I got it from. It did take awhile on my dial-up, though. It's @9mb.

http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/8/25/1380756/fireflymovie.pdf

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Thursday, August 30, 2007 11:16 PM

BROWNCOAT2007

Yeah, hunted down the previous thread and grabbed the link from that... gotta say, probably wasn't the best idea to try and read it tonight, but I did, and now its 4:15 AM, and I gotta work at 10:45... *sighs* Firefly, how I love thee... yet at times I feel my love is borderline Un-Healthy obsession...

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Friday, August 31, 2007 3:56 AM

GWEK

For those who'd like to have their cake and eat it too, check out our project at www.stillflying.net. We've created a "virtual series" in the form of episode scripts (finishing out Season One and rolling right into Season Two). The premise with our second season is that we wanted to do the story of the movie over 22 episodes, as it might have been had it aired on television. We've scrupulously studied "The Kitchen Sink" (as we call the 190 pager) and incorporated--and even expanded on--many of the bits that Joss cut.

www.stillflying.net: "Here's how it might have been..."

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Friday, August 31, 2007 5:02 AM

THEONETRUEBIX

Quote:
Originally posted by GWEK:
We've scrupulously studied "The Kitchen Sink" (as we call the 190 pager)

I think you mean "as Joss calls the 190 pager".

-----

"I beat up a couple of false b!Xes earlier."
-- Joss, 28 June 2007

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Friday, August 31, 2007 6:05 AM

PIZMOBEACH

... fully loaded, safety off...

Quote:
Originally posted by theonetruebix:
Quote:
Originally posted by GWEK:
We've scrupulously studied "The Kitchen Sink" (as we call the 190 pager)

I think you mean "as Joss calls the 190 pager".

Hey! That's what I call it too! Ain't that weird?!

Moose - thx for the link - I can't wait to read it!

Scifi movie music + Firefly dialogue clips, 24 hours a day - http://www.scifiradio.com

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Friday, August 31, 2007 11:56 AM

NBZ

It is a good read. More a plot line for Firefly: Season 2 than the movie I feel.

It does not have the same gravity as the movie.

As a movie, I prefer what we got. As a series, that would have more scope. It sets up/explains a few other things quite nicely.

Mal is much darker in the BDM than here. I did like that Simon flinched when River approaches him on the bridge.

Oh, and go read the stuff at stillflying.net. Some of it is really good.

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Friday, August 31, 2007 12:08 PM

WYTCHCROFT

Quote:
Originally posted by nbz:
It is a good read. More a plot line for Firefly: Season 2 than the movie I feel. [QUOTE}

seconded.

Quote:
Oh, and go read the stuff at stillflying.net. Some of it is really good.

again - seconded - except that their re-mit is a little narrow. I wish the site would expand for pre-BDM work. (still a rewarding area for exploration)

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Friday, August 31, 2007 12:09 PM

WYTCHCROFT

Quote:
Originally posted by nbz:
It is a good read. More a plot line for Firefly: Season 2 than the movie I feel. [/QUOTE}

seconded.

Quote:
Oh, and go read the stuff at stillflying.net. Some of it is really good.

again - seconded - except that their re-mit is a little narrow. I wish the site would expand for pre-BDM work. (still a rewarding area for exploration)

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Friday, August 31, 2007 12:14 PM

NBZ

Quote:
Originally posted by wytchcroft:
again - seconded - except that their re-mit is a little narrow. I wish the site would expand for pre-BDM work. (still a rewarding area for exploration)

It is by no means perfect, (I love this role as armchair critic :D) but it does have some good vision.

Me personally, I am in a post-BDM frame of mind, so I want them to speed up. (but not too far - I lose interest in fic that is more than a small time after the BDM. Any fic that starts say a year later is losing interest from me. I like the exploration of the immediate aftermath of big events.)

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Saturday, September 1, 2007 1:14 PM

ROMANCEGURU

Thanks for the link, that was a very interesting read.

I have a question though, should the extra stuff be considered canon? I’m only asking because some of the scenes work, but others don’t seem to match up with the series.

I’ll give one example; The reference to Mal threatening Simon about laying his hands on Kaylee. While it does seem something Mal would do to get a rise out of him, I really don’t see Mal recognizing Simon as a threat in that manner in the first place. Also, his attitude towards them in Jaynestown did not seem overprotective at all.

I’m thinking that some things were edited (not just because of the time factor) but because Joss realized they didn’t work. Anybody have any other observations about the script that feels “off”?

Some of the stuff was repetitive, and some interesting. Things I liked;

*Mal’s inner struggle over River was much more apparent.

*Inara felt more like Inara. She feel more apart of the group. I loved when she goes to check on River and strokes her hair.

*Mal-Kaylee stuff, him calling her his peach.

And these bits of dialogue:

Quote:
Zoe: We crashing again?

Mal: Mule prepped?”

Zoe: Nearly. Thought I’d spent my last moments with my husband.

Mal: Don’t distract him.

Zoe: Wasn’t planning on making out.

---

Jayne: Hate given’ up my sidearm. Feel nekkid without it.

Wash: I have that too. Only with clothes.

---

Kaylee: I’m on it!

Wash: Work faster!

Kaylee: Fly better!

---

Jayne: Well that’s great! I’m warming up to the idea of spending our days helping out poor, defenseless whores!

Inara: (so many times) Companions

Jayne: Uh-huh. Point is, we’re heroes now. We faced down the Reaver’s, the mighty alliance, and opened the eyes of the world to injustice. If that don’t get me some quinny, I swear I’m turning eunuch like the Shepard over here.

Zoe: That was beautiful.

Wash: I have something in my eye.

---

Over all, the final draft is much more effective. Like the OP pointed out, Books death was a more convincing force to propel Mal into fighting for what was right. It’s neat to see how certain scenes and sequences of events were moved around and tidied up to make Serenity a much more poignant film.

Sorry for the long post, I just get excitable as to opinion.

*************************************************
“I have things to alphabetize.”

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Saturday, September 1, 2007 1:38 PM

NBZ

I pretty much agree.

I do thing the heist was cut down a little too much though. The final filmed version doesn't actually make sense.

Also near the end (paraphrased):

Someone: All hands accounted for.
Mal: Didn't I say that we would all survive?
Inara: You said we all were gonna die horribly.
Mal: Well I knew I said something.

Good lines that obviously no longer fit.

I felt there was less struggle within Mal in there though. In the final version "I could have left her. laying whole anchor" or something, that scene struck, as he did have a choice. But here, he was far more understanding. Even offered words of comfort when Simon flinched away from River. Far lighter.

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Saturday, September 1, 2007 2:44 PM

MERRYK

I liked it, but most of the parts that I liked that were cut from the final draft could be added later in some other way, and I don't think that it would have been as good a movie the way it was, so I don't mourn much.

I did like the 'Mal threatened Simon about Kaylee' bit, but took it to mean that he did that right after the Serenity pilot, when he was still unsure about Simon. Obviously later, especially by Jaynestown, he is much more easy with the situation, but I don't think Simon has realized that. I always thought after seeing the morning-after scene in Jaynestown that Mal had been protective of Kaylee in some way, to make Simon so hastily reassuring, so it was nice to see that Joss meant it that way.

I also loved the bit during the heist where Jayne complains that River's on "his side" of the mule...pure River and Jayne!

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Saturday, September 1, 2007 2:55 PM

NBZ

I always found that bit as a little "needs work" draft 1 thingie. A way to try to explain Simon and why they never hooked up, but it did not fit for me at all.

None of that is canon because it never made it in to the final product, but it shows the thought processes behind things, shows some plans and some of it can be "borrowed" quite easily for fan fic.

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Wednesday, September 5, 2007 6:43 AM

SLYC

I'd really like to read this script but can't get ANY links I've found to it to work... Can anyone provide a new/fresh one?

Politics is the showbiz of industry.

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Wednesday, September 5, 2007 7:49 AM

VIOLYNS

Really? I have plenty of bandwidth left. I guess it resets in 19 days (it tells me) so you could try then?

edit: Oh, and it's huge...so it takes awhile.

http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/8/25/1380756/fireflymovie.pdf

-----
~mia
"I will never cease to fly if held down."

Serenifly Costumes http://serenifly.tripod.com

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Wednesday, September 5, 2007 8:51 AM

STORYMARK

It took a few minutes (on a pretty fast connection), but the link worked for me.

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

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Wednesday, September 5, 2007 9:36 AM

SLYC

After it loads I get a "file has an error and cannot be fixed" message. Tried different links and browsers... ???

Politics is the showbiz of industry.

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Wednesday, September 5, 2007 9:53 AM

SCOUSERATHEART

I liked many of the script differences already noted here. Once facet of the 190 pager I didn't like was the differences in the operative's character. The actor who played the operative (I won't even try to spell it) was brilliant and I wonder how much of the difference between the 190 pg version of the character and the one we saw portrayed on screen was Joss's vision or the actors input.

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Wednesday, September 5, 2007 11:42 AM

WYTCHCROFT

have you read the OiS script?? it's interesting to compare Early and the Op. I wonder what early drafts of OiS would reveal?? Does Joss write - already knowing (from experience) that of a lot of characterisation will be 'filled' when a role is cast???

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