Joss Holiday Message on Whedonesq!!! by Spookyjesus

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Joss Holiday Message on Whedonesq!!!

POSTED BY: SPOOKYJESUS
UPDATED: Sunday, January 2, 2005 15:26
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VIEWED: 1517
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Friday, December 31, 2004 3:28 AM

I stole tis from Whedonesq (A great web site I'm always stealing stuff from and posting here. I'm guilt free.)

http://whedonesque.com/?comments=5677#46902

Well, the great thing about nobody posting on comic book threads is now I can be first or nearfirst, and this can be like my own personal thread made up by me.

As the new year comes tumbling at us like a giant, heaving sack of meat, gristle and hoof-parts, making some kind of horrible screeching and staring at us with its one bloodsoaked eyeball, the joys of Christmas and family make one reflect mellowly on what we've learned in this year. I'd like to share a little of that with you all, unless you are under the age of eleven or between the ages of twenty four and twenty six. (These yuletide musings contain violence, partial nudity, and strong and often incoherent language.) (May contain peanuts.)

Movies: They're hard to make. You have to work for a long time and have a lot of thoughts. And you can't just make Tim do everything for you like before.

Flans: They keep us going. And they retain the shape of the ramekin when you turn them over, like jello does.

Stalin: Killed maybe twenty million people, but the last four million he was just phoning it in.

Compassion: It's the thing where other people talk and you care about their stuff or something -- my wife tried to explain it, but I was in and out.

Happiness: Nothing is more wonderful than the sight of your own baby in your arms. And nothing is more annoying than people who tell you that.

Kill Bill: Long.

J.J. Abrams: Mysterious. Has taken my writers but made no demands, not even a note. He did send me Drew's ear, but I just think Drew was finished with it.

Cheese popcorn: Still important.

Serenity: uhh... nothing comes to mind. Doesn't it mean, like, peacefulness or something?

April: Amazingly enough, actually IS the cruelest month.

Resolutions: Too many to tell, and some are federally incriminating. I'm not perfect (I'm prefectly PROPORTIONED, which is where that confusion comes in) and I've taken a cold hard look at my self in the wane of aught four. There's changes. Work to be done. I plan to be a better, more focussed person next year, and if at all possible, have a bionic arm.

I also resolve to write more. Not like, BENDIS more, but a lot. And maybe have some protien shakes, so my body stays in good enough shape to hold up my bionic arm, which will probably be heavy.

Santa Claus: A vicious lie. (But A Christmas Carol really did happen, with the ghosts and all.)

Wonder Woman: Hmmmm....

Well, kids, the fire is slowly dying, like my kidneys, so let's call it a night. Tomorrow I put on a little hat and raise a glass of champagne for another rotation around the sun. I may stay up till ten. Thank you all for a great year made greater by your community. And remember, stay in school. But after all, isn't the circus a kind of school? A school of life, with dwarfs and sweaty carnies and elephants instead of learning. Stay in school or at the circus. Or in a parking lot. Or somehwere with plants, and ferns. Please leave.

Happy holidays! -- The Remains of Joss Whedon.

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Friday, December 31, 2004 5:39 AM

ZOID

Thanks, SpookyJay (how's your brother, 'Silent', btw?) for The Cross-post to us poor relations of Whedonesque and various OBs.

Since Joss will obviously never read anything we say here on skid row, I've got some observations on his holiday greetings and well-wishes(?):

First, a definition from Merriam-Webster Online:
One entry found for ramekin.
Main Entry: ram·e·kin
Variant(s): also ram·e·quin /'ram-k&n, 'ra-mi-/
Function: noun
Etymology: French ramequin, from Low German ramken, diminutive of ram cream
1 : a preparation of cheese especially with bread crumbs or eggs baked in a mold or shell...

Jello with cheese, bread crumbs and eggs? Mmmm-ahhh-licious! On the other hand, I ain't so sure about that 'ram cream' thing. Remember 4-H'ers and FFA'ers: Animal husbandry's a fine calling, so long as you don't take it too literally.

Joss sed:

Quote:
...(May contain peanuts.)

Scat and Yuletide. And y'all thought I was crude! Is there any wonder I love this guy so much?

JW went on to posit:

Quote:
Stalin: Killed maybe twenty million people, but the last four million he was just phoning it in.

It's politically incorrect of me to add my own thoughts to his observations on 'GOB' Joe, but it's totally appropros for my particular idiom, so here goes: There may be other pretenders to the crown, like Pol Pot or S. Hussein; but does anyone really do mass murder of civilian countrymen as well -- as methodically -- as the Average White Idiot Male? I mean guys like Hitler and Stalin were not exactly geniuses, but they had hatred and viciousness in spades, and they managed to parlay those attributes into successful careers as monsters. Like I said, inhumanity does not belong to any particular race, creed or sex; but White Guys always seem to raise it to an art form, an industrial endeavor, a systematic exercise. (I'm a White Man, so be careful how you respond to this notion. I know where you live, where your family, friends, their friends and everyone who goes to your church lives. I've got a great tract of land picked out to move you onto, where we can keep you until we get the machinery running.)

JayDub gushed on:

Quote:
Compassion: It's the thing where other people talk and you care about their stuff or something -- my wife tried to explain it, but I was in and out.

Happiness: Nothing is more wonderful than the sight of your own baby in your arms. And nothing is more annoying than people who tell you that.

Ah, family life! Without it, we'd all go crazy. Or is it the other way around?

'Josh Wheadon' then added:

Quote:
Cheese popcorn: Still important.

God hath spoken. Note to self: Must petition local cinemas to vend cheese popcorn for October '05 (or November, or December, or January '06, or whatnot).

God then opined:

Quote:
April: Amazingly enough, actually IS the cruelest month.

But, honestly, only because the taxman cometh. I can wait until FY2006 for Serenity, or at least until July '05 when the final screener gets leaked onto ABM* NGs (with a nod in the general direction of the potted ficus in which PurpleBelly's hiding).

Joss went on to reveal:

Quote:
...I'm not perfect (I'm prefectly *sic?* PROPORTIONED, which is where that confusion comes in) and I've taken a cold hard look at my self in the wane of aught four. There's changes. Work to be done. I plan to be a better, more focussed *sic* person next year, and if at all possible, have a bionic arm.

I also resolve to write more. Not like, BENDIS more, but a lot. And maybe have some protien *sic* shakes, so my body stays in good enough shape to hold up my bionic arm, which will probably be heavy.

I predict a cameo for JW in the BDM, in which he is showering, ala Will Smith in "I, Robot". AT's involvement in this movie has obviously turned Joss on to the flick, to the point where having a bionic appendage seems desirable. If a robot can't be convicted of murder because it's not human, then would an autoerotic encounter with one's robotic hand...? Nevermind. (NB: It's a rare thrill to catch the Great One's spelling mistakes. *shivers ecstatically*)

Then Joss Whedon, the Papa, the Pope of FFFn, the OBs, Whedonesque, et al completed his wishes with:

Quote:
...Or somehwere with plants, and ferns...

Cujo? ...PurpleBelly?

Referentially,

zoid
_________________________________________________

"Burn the Poles and boil the Slavs, you can't take the Balkans from me." The Ballad of Josef S.

"Mud peoples r-r-r-roasting, on an open fire..." from Der Führer Sings the Christmas Classics!

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Sunday, January 2, 2005 5:01 AM

EMBERS

evidently JJ Abrams reads Whedonesque, he responded:

Quote:
JJ Abrams says:
(Sun Jan 2 08:29:38 2005) [Edit/Delete]

Weird about that Whedon thing. I guess he
never got the note. And do you know how
long it took me, cutting out all those letters
from newspaper advertisements?

Oh well. Guess I'll just have to KEEP THOSE WRITERS.

And Drew rarely listens anyway. One less ear
shouldn't mean much.

PS: Truth? They're all obviously insane-brilliant and I'm
beyond luck to get to work with them.

http://www.thefuselage.com/

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Sunday, January 2, 2005 7:17 AM

THEGREYJEDI

Ok, I understand the meaning of "flans" but not the origins. Was someone trying to say "Firefly fans" and misspoke or misspelled it into "Firefly flans?" I'm just curious, and etymology (the study of the origins of words) is a curiosity I indulge from time to time.

------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

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Sunday, January 2, 2005 8:08 AM

EMBERS

flan is food cooked in a mold called a ramekin
http://www.fabulousfoods.com/recipes/appetizers/apveg/garlicflan.html

but also

Quote:
Originally posted by Hjermsted:
Probably from the Dept. of No Duh, but...

Thanks to a recent red carpet interview gaff by none other than Nathan Fillion at a recent film premiere, "Flans" now also refers to Firefly Fans.

I was happy with Browncoats, but it seems Flans is spreading like wildfire.

(did Joss see Nathan's 'flan' gaff? Who can hope to understand the mind of Joss!)

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Sunday, January 2, 2005 3:26 PM

ZOID

TGJ:

Whilst being interviewed on the red carpet in his perfectly ridiculous black leather kilt, at the premiere of (some movie), Nathan mispoke when asked to pass along heartfelt greetings to Firefly Fans around the world. He said something like, "To all the Firefy Flans, er Firefly Fans... (double take, grabs camera lens in both hands) Listen up all you Flans", et cetera.

The rest is cinematic history. Kinda like the reporter who once said, "According to one White Horse souse," when he intended to say 'White House source." As a consequence of Nathan's gaffe, we are now Firefy Flans...

Alcohol abuse is a terrible thing. Why can't the BDMs lay off the sauce 'til after the show? What other reason could there be for misspeaking 'Firefly fans'? What other excuse could there be for the kilt, and the more-information-than-we-wanted details on airflow across the dangly bits that the kilt provided? It reminded me of the adolescent joke, the punchline of which was, "I tried to wring its neck; but, it spit in my eye, so I broke its eggs and burned its nest."

On the other hand, the man who walks down the street in that kilt -- wearing bowling shoes, no less -- people know he's not afraid of nothing.

Explanatorily,

zoid

P.S.
Girl: Your garage door's open.
Guy: Did'ja see the big red Cadillac parked in there?
Girl: No, but I did see the little pink Volkswagen with two flat tires up front.
_________________________________________________

"Burn the nest and boil the eggs, you can't take the sky from me." The Ballad of the Bird That Lives Under the Kilt

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