Firefly poem for english class by jlin13

BLUE SUN ROOM

Firefly poem for english class

POSTED BY: JLIN13
UPDATED: Wednesday, January 10, 2007 15:30
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VIEWED: 2316
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007 1:40 PM

Serenity Valley will always be with me
You can’t take the sky from me
In a way, I never really left
You can’t take the sky from me
I lost friends... Too many friends
You can’t take the sky from me
Then I found this ship
You can’t take the sky from me
And in it, I have found...
You can’t take the sky from me
What I had lost those years before
You can’t take the sky from me
When I’m in it I know I’m home
For I am it and it is I

tell me what you think, i really need feed back because it's due tommorrow and i want it to be good

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Wednesday, January 10, 2007 2:09 PM

STOWEAWAY

Quote:
Originally posted by jlin13:

For I am it and it is I

Okay, I am in no way a literary expert. But as a layman reading this, I would change the last word to "me". I think it flows with the rest of the poem -- every other line ends with me. Unless you were using that as a "jolt" at the end -- in which case, never mind.
The poem sounds good to me.

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Wednesday, January 10, 2007 2:15 PM

JLIN13

Quote:
Okay, I am in no way a literary expert. But as a layman reading this, I would change the last word to "me". I think it flows with the rest of the poem -- every other line ends with me. Unless you were using that as a "jolt" at the end -- in which case, never mind.
The poem sounds good to me.

this is a chant poem where every other line is the same unless you want to change up the last line which i did

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Wednesday, January 10, 2007 3:30 PM

STOWEAWAY

See, not an expert. And apparently I've been out of English class too long too.

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