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Dear Mr. Lee,

Over the past six months, you have caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban you from the store. Our complaints against you, Mr. Lee, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. January 15: You took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. February 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. February 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. February 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. March 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. March 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. March 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.

8. March 23: When a clerk asked if they could help you, you began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. April 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while you picked his nose.

10. April 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, you
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. May 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. May 6: In the auto department, you practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. May 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. May 22: Made constant announcements over the loud speaker, '9/11 was an inside job, read Operation Northwoods!' The security staff all quit.

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. May 30: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the Staff passed out.

You may reinstate your store priveledges as soon as you start bringing your hot young female models with you.

That is all.

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