NRKANGEL'S BLOG

nRkangel

What Do You Do When An Echo Won't Answer?
Wednesday, August 4, 2004

57 days left...

Picked up a friend at the airport who was returning from Chicago this weekend. We waited for about 20mins at the baggage claim for luggage that never showed up. There were about 15 others in the same boat. After someone finally went to the airline baggage counter, we found out that the bags had been put on another flight that had already arrived and were sitting on the floor not far from the carousel we were waiting at.

I had to laugh about it because I've seen worse. (Like having my luggage arrive six days after I'd landed. My suitcase is better traveled than I am!).

Then this guy next to us starts loudly spouting off to his wife about the idiots who work at the airline and how they are incompetent and didn't give a damn about doing their jobs. There were just two employees behind the counter who looked at each other as if to say "Oh crap, here it comes," but the blowhard and his wife took their bags and walked away.

Now, I don't blame the guy for being ticked, (especially since the flight was over an hour and a half late to arrive), but just what did he expect out of these two people? There were over a hundred bags in front of their counter area from different flights. Personally I wanted to get in his face and tell him off , but the more I thought about it, the more it was obvious that the less said, the better. (Sometimes I have moments of clarity that astound even me.)

No point to that, I just wanted to remember the moment.

That said...I started this blog on the 29th of June, 2004 making this 8th entry in 36 days.

At the time I started, this was a way to pass time and plumb the depths of my internal dialogue for perspective on the world and my raison d'etre . Time had been fairly, and maddeningly, accomodating, seeming to plod on only if unwatched. Now, with a deadline, things are moving like that old clock you always see in the movies. The minute hand is beginning to sweep across the dial like some supercharged propeller winding up for take off(and devil take the poor little spring).

I'm in almost daily touch with my buddy Rod down south who has been working and researching the needs for our project. I feel somewhat guilty about still being here while he does the lion's share of the work, but from our conversations, I know that there will still be plenty for me to do once I get down there.

Speaking of which, in about three weeks, I'm heading south for a week's vacation in order to look at a couple of apartments and meet with some people he knows down there. Afterwards we're going to sequester ourselves away (his wife and daughter will be visiting her folks that week) and start really brainstorming and problem solving while getting some creative work done.

I keep thinking that I should be doing something now, but all I feel is empty and restless. It's 11pm and I haven't had dinner, but I'm not hungry. I'm actually still at work because I've been researching stuff on the net and paying bills and doing everything I could think of to avoid going home. (Why I chose to stay here , I really don't know...I'm certainly not going to miss this place that much.)

I'm here in a dark building sitting in a pool of light, listening to music and wondering why I feel no resonance, no echo returning my thoughts with thoughts of their own. I should leave now...should...something...

My spirit is sitting on a dock next to some dark mountain lake under a star-lit sky listening to crickets sing.

It's in shirtsleeves on a summer night bathing in drifting pockets of cool air that my feverish skin drinks like water.

It's on the top of a mountain overlooking a brightly-lit city wondering if a salve exists that might calm the ripples from my impatient heartbeat.

Wherever it is, it's not here. That part hurts a little, but I don't know why.


Why Can't I Breathe?
-Liz Phair

COMMENTS

Friday, August 6, 2004 3:24 AM

HASLINGER


I understand the plight. I feel as if my spirit left completely. I have no clue where it went, but away. I miss waking up in the mornings in a good mood. I don't arise depressed, just sort of here. I sit at work all day, trying to figure out what to do next. Sometimes its an onslaught of work, other times its an onslaught of boredom. My whole point is that I know EXACTLY how you feel. Just remember there's nothing you can't defeat; there's nothing you can't overcome;"there's no power in the verse that can stop you."
Besides bro, I got your back.


I am jacks sleepy drool.


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