[ I know, Yo se, Yo se, it’s filk but cute filk]

“I wouldn’t if I were you.” Captain Malcolm Reynolds cock the hammer on his pistol which he had pointed at the head of a guard reaching for his own weapon.

“Now, I have no hankering to kill no one today so if you would just kindly hand over that there box I will be on my way.” Just as the guard stepping out of the way, two more purple bellies came rushing through the door.

“Hold it right there!” Mal lowered his weapon.

“Well I guess you got me.” he tilted his head with a knowing smile just as Zoe and Jayne dropped on to the unsuspecting guards from up above.

Jayne looked up from his place on the floor on top of the guard. “They are so comfy, better than an easy chair.”

Malcolm turned back to the one conscious man. “Now how about that box.”

The guard bent to pick up the wooden crate. “Its to heavy, I can’t lift it.”

“I thought these guys were supposed to be the best and the brightest.” Mal motioned the man aside and bent to lift the parcel himself. He made a few grunts. “Um... Jayne can you give me hand?”

Jayne motion the guard to move over with his unconscious comrades so Zoe could keep them all at gun point. “Mal, sometimes I wonder why you are the leader.” Jayne made a few grunts and grows of his own.

“Come on lets just both try, I’m over here, you take that end.” Jayne and Mal clumsily tried to pick up the package. Finally getting it to move.

Zoe kicked the sleeping offices “Up, we’re moving!”

They slowly move the box outside where Serenity was waiting. When they finally got the crate up in to the cargo bay Mal turned to say a few words to the beaten officers.

“Now we are gonna leave you all here.....alive, but we got to make sure y’all don’t sound the alarm until after we are long gone so we’re gonna have to incapacitate you. It’s not as bad as it sounds.

All of a sudden a Zoe made a bad face. “Captain, Is it incredibly necessary that I be here for this?”

“What, what do you mean?” Mal shouted as Zoe ran of behind a nearby bush, where the sound of retching soon began to emanate.

Jayne proceeded to knock the guards out. When Zoe emerged looking kind of flushed she was greeted by a quizzical look from Mal.

“Nothing, I’m fine.” She boarded and went straight to the clinic.

“Do you take an inhaler?” Simon was taking Zoe’s pulse.

She was seated on the examining table and felt very uncomfortable. “Just Omoxipayne.”

Suddenly a voice came over the comm. “Zoe, You there?”

She glanced at Simon and walked over to the wall console by the door. “Yeah Wash, I’m here.”

“Jayne said you were sick, you okay?”

“I’m fine, just a bug or something.”

Simon hesitantly interjected, “Actually could you come down here .....and bring her Omoxi-inhaler”

Zoe glared at the floor. “It’s in the top dresser drawer by the Potany Oil.”

Wash obviously had no idea what was going on. “Okay....sure.”

Zoe went and sat back on the table but Simon stopped her. “Actually, if I could just have you put on a gown; you can find them in that locker over there.”

“Look, what do you think is wrong with me?”

“I honestly have no idea, that’s why you need to have a more extensive exam.”

Zoe turned her head in defeat and walk out to the locker. ______________________________________________________________________________ Wash enter with his cargo feeling very useful in an otherwise terrifying situation. Zoe was laying on the examination table in a thin gown looking strong which meant she was scared too. Simon was looking at a display intensely.

“I’ve got it” Wash said, a little to loud. Simon walk over and took the inhaler.

“How long have you been using this dose.” He sprayed a small amount into a container of clear liquid that quickly changed a deep blue.

Wash realized suddenly that he was unaware of what the inhaler was.

“Two Months.” Zoe answered.

“You might want to sit down.” Wash realized that Simon was talking to him. He moved over and leaned against the exam table by his wife.

Simon’s professional doctor face dissolved into a smile. “I’m sorry to say that you have been swindled. This is Limozeen, tastes just like Omoxipayne but is much cheaper to make and easier to store. It happens all the time.”

“Wait, so this thing is making my wife sick?” Wash jumped and stood in front of Simon.

“No,” Zoe’s voice came very softly. “I’m pregnant.”

The only other sound in the room was the large thump Wash made when he hit the floor. ______________________________________________________________________________ Wash slowly opened his eyes. Simon moved the smelling salts away from his face. Wash stood on shaky legs.

“Well, since everyone is conscious now, I think I will let you two talk a bit, just signal when you’re ready for me to come back in.” He turned and walked out, shutting the door behind himself.

The stunned couple watched him go. Zoe put her head between her hands. Wash slowly turned to her after Simon was out of sight. “ I..I .. Don’t understand. How did the inhaler thingy make you pregnant?”

Zoe parted her fingers in front of her eyes and sighed loudly. “It didn’t, you made me pregnant, it just didn’t prevent it.”

“Oh” Wash turned his back to her trying desperately understand the situation. Slowly comprehension came over his face.

He turned to Zoe, her face still in her hands. “We’re gonna have a baby.” he said quietly. He walked over and took her hands in his. He moved his face until it was right in front of hers. His smile was soft and calm. “We’re gonna have a Baby. You and Me.” Her face became a mirror of his.

“Yeah, we are.” He kissed her and they hugged. “And see how I could come to this conclusion with out passing out.” They both laughed.