Now if there was one thing in this whole God-forsaken ‘verse that Jayne did well it was remembering.

He remembered the first time Mariella took him in her daddy’s barn and let him do ungodly things to her. He remembered the day his Pa made him quit school to pull his weight on the farm. He remembered the long back breaking hours of plowing that left him sore for months. He remembered the smell of his Ma’s apple crumble in the kitchen. But he knew all these things he was so good at remembering weren’t him anymore. Now he was mean and untrustworthy. Now he was the disposable member of a crew he cared about, on a ship that felt more like home than home did. He was an irredeemable man. He was the one the captain would always leave behind.

The man he remembered was a farm boy through and through. A God-fearing boy with a heart that made up for the things he couldn’t learn as well as all the other good little God-fearing farm boys. His voice shook with fear as he told his Pa that he was shipping out. Taking the first job he had ever been offered. A chance to be anywhere but here. He remembered the last night he was home and the warm breath that blew across his ear as his Ma whispered the last bit of advice he would ever receive. He saw his Ma holding a screaming four year old as the ramp was pulled back into place and then they were gone. It wasn’t until they had broken atmo that Jayne realized the day he left home was the day he turned eighteen. He ain’t been back since.

He wasn’t the smartest one to leave that rock floating but he knew was a damn far sight smarter than some. The ones that headed out to the black with their naivety still in place. He knew his world weren’t a fair one and he doubted the rest of the verse was much different.

Still for all his dumbness he could still recognize perfection. He saw her sweetness, her coy little smile and had the good sense to make sure that perfection always had protection. So he played his part. Reminding himself that a man like him weren’t fit to touch a woman like her. Protecting her until she found the man that was worthy. And the rosy cheeked girl glowing in front of him played hers. The one that loved everyone she ever met. The one that almost made him feel like enough.

He saw her head tilt slightly sideways at his silent contemplation. She had asked him a simple question. One that any other day he would have made up some fantastical story to divert her attention and most likely cause that pretty little blush to pink her skin.

Today was her birthday and he was sitting across from her in a freshly pressed shirt in a restaurant that he had picked special for her. Silently asking her to lower herself enough for him to be worthy. Trying desperately to remember just why it was he didn’t kiss em on the mouth.

AN: Let me know what you think.