She never cried. Never. Not before the war, not during the war, not after the war. She thought she had been through every kind of pain there was. She was wrong.

********

"I'm a leaf on the wind. Watch how--" A harpoon came crashing through the window, right into Wash's chest. "Wash! Wash! Baby, get up! Get up, baby c'mon get up!" She shook her husband, trying to force him awake. Mal lunged at her. "Zoe!" The two fell onto the floor, harpoons crashing through the windows, nearly hitting them.

********

She was almost angry that Mal had saved her life. If he had just let her stand there, she would be with her Wash. Her husband. Her support, her comfort. Her love. Her life. She kept her mind busy for weeks helping to repair Serenity. She pretended that Wash was still alive and well. Even when Serenity was flying high again, she found useless things for her to do to keep her mind off Wash. She wasn't ready to mourn. She wasn't ready to believe Wash was dead. She was cleaning her already clean guns again in the dining area when Inara walked in. "Zoe, I think we should talk." Zoe didn't look up. "I'm listening." "No...I mean I think you should talk. Don't you need to talk to someone about Wash's death?" Zoe continued to polish her gun and didn't answer. "You need to wallow, Zoe. Cry it out, talk to someone. Mourn. It's natural to feel-" "I don't need to 'wallow'! I'm handling things fine." "Zoe, everyone needs to wallow after lose." Inara said calmly. Zoe picked up her guns and left the room, and called over her shoulder, "Stay out of my business."

********

"She'll be alright, Mal." Inara tried to comfort him. It was late at night and the two sat in their pajamas in the dining area drinking tea. Inara still hadn't decided if she was to stay or not, and it was driving Mal insane. "No. She won't. Zoe doesn't cry, 'Nara. Not ever." Mal looked at the floor, his hands balled into fists, trying to control his feelings. "That's why she cries so much now. Everyone has to have a good cry once and I while. I cry quite a lot. It's just something we all need to do. She'll come around. In a few day's she'll be back doing her job. She'll still cry a lot, probably won't smile too much, but she'll get better." "How do you know?" Mal snarled. "I'm trained to read people's body language. To help them emotionally. What Zoe needs is a little time to herself. I should know, I went through the same thing." Inara wondered why she was telling this to Mal. She had never told anyone. "Really? When?" Mal asked, genuine concern in his eyes, his anger forgotten. "When I was 14 years old, my grandmother passed away. I loved her, she was like a best friend." "Oh." Mal said, shocked that Inara was revealing some of her past to him. "I'm sorry." Inara sniffled in response. She had started to cry. Mal got up and walked over to her, sitting down next to her and picking her up, pulling her onto his lap. She cried on his shoulder. "I'm sorry." Inara sobbed. "Just so much has happened...Wash and Book gone...and after Miranda I just couldn't...and The Guild...I have no where to go." Mal looked at her. "What're ya talkin' about?" "The Guild took away my license after Miranda." Inara said, looking up at him. "I dont have a job - I can't afford the shuttle and I have no one to go to for help." "You're not a Companion any more?" Mal asked. He had only heard 4 words: took away her license. "No." "And you can't afford the shuttle?" "No." "But...you can't go." "Why not?" "Because...'Nara I need to tell you I can't...I don't know how to...I need..." Inara swallowed a laugh. How fun it was to watch Mal when he was nervous! "Aw, what the hell." Mal said, giving up trying to talk. He took Inara's chin in his hand and pulled her face towards his. Their lips crushed together and their tongues collided in a burst of passion that both had been holding back for so long. Inara's arms entwined around Mal's neck and Mal's hands travelled to her waist. They remained lip-locked until the heard a sniffle behind them. Both turned their heads to see Zoe standing in the doorway. She was wearing one of Wash's hawiian t-shirts and his blue boxer shorts, and she was clutching one of his dinosaurs. She was crying. "I'm ready to wallow." She sobbed.