“Alright lets start at the top.”

“Hey!” Wash protested. “Do we have to do this now? I’m still getting used to the whole dead thing.”

The ‘man’ before him had coffee black skin and wore a startling white suit. Like everything here it wasn’t just white, it was purer than anything he had ever before seen and already his eyes ached. The ceiling was white, the floor and walls were white, even the two chairs that seated them where white.

“Do you have any idea how many people die every second?”

Wash shrugged. “Should I?”

“Let’s just say we are short for time.”

“Are you an angel?”

“Yes.”

Wash scoffed. “Prove it.”

The angel rolled his eyes. “Then the devil took Him into the holy city, and set Him on the pinnacle of the temple. The devil said to Him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down. For it is written, ‘He will give His angels charge over you; and upon their hands they will bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone’.” Jesus said to him, “It is written further, ‘You shall not tempt the Lord your God.’””

Wash had no idea what he was talking about. This was unreal. One moment he was flying like a God, the next he was in a small white room being told he had died. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t want to die. He wanted Zoë… It had struck him that this could be an elaborate hoax. “I thought St. Peter is the one who lets you into Heaven.”

“Look, he is a busy guy and I assure you, you are no where near Heaven right now.”

“I’m going to Hell?!”

“That all depends on the next few minutes. Alright,” the angel looked down at the white clipboard in his hand. “Sin number one: Luxuria.”

“Ok, I don’t even know what that means…”

“Lust. Fornication. Perversion.”

Wash shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Were angels supposed to look so accusing? “What kind of lust are we talking about here exactly…?”

The angel glanced wearily over his clipboard. “Depraved thought, unwholesome morality, desire for excitement, or need to be accepted or recognized by others. Obsessive, unlawful, or unnatural sexual desire, such as desiring sex with a person outside marriage or engaging in unnatural sexual appetites, for example beastiality. Extreme lust can be a mortal sin; examples of these are rape, adultery and sodomy. The punishment in hell for lust is being smothered in flame and brimstone.”

“What’s brimstone?”

“It comes from volcanoes. Point of interest, also a yellow butterfly, Gonepteryx rhamni.”

“Well, I assume I won’t be attacked by flaming butterflies in Hell. That would just be weird…”

“It wouldn’t be the only oddity that side of death. Just wait until we get to Greed.”

“I assume I have no choice about the waiting thing…”

“No.”

“So what now? You get to perve on all my instances of lust? Isn’t that a bit… odd?” Wash really didn’t want some angel getting to see all his premarital sex. Ok, so it wouldn’t take that long, but still, it was the principal of it!

“Well, like I said we are pushed for time so we will be looking at your worst instance of Lust and that will judge the severity of your sin.”

“But -”

Before Wash could complain further the angel had clicked his fingers, rather leisurely and undramatically, and all went black. Wash felt an odd floating feeling, before his feet seemed to touch the ground. His eyes blinked open to a familiar sight and a sinking feeling in his stomach. “Ai-yah…” This had been one of those moments you would never forget about and for all the right reasons!

He was in a toilet cubicle.

“Well, I have to say, you have class…”

Wash jumped and found the angel at his shoulder, grinning. “Hey! No laughing at my sins…” He glanced out of the cubicle door. The small bathroom was decorated with tiny sky blue tiles and even the ceiling was painted blue.

“Hm… blue symbolises lust,” the angel said, thoughtfully.

“How appropriate. Look, can you just close your eyes? I think it would be better for -” Wash hadn’t finished before the bathroom door was swung open and Zoë strode in, a smile on her face. She walked immediately over the sinks and peered at her reflection in the cracked mirror. “You know technically this can’t be lust… I love this woman!” Wash protested.

“Obsessive sexual desire? Sex with someone outside of marriage? Unlawful sex?” The angel looked significantly at him.

“Ok, point taken,” Wash submitted. The door was pushed open an inch and Wash saw his own face pocking around it. “This is so surreal…”

Seeing Zoë was alone memory-Wash entered, immediately finding her lips. She smiled, pulling away. “Don’t think someone will come in?”

Memory-Wash shrugged, pushing her against the tiled wall, one hand holding hers above her head. His kisses were ardent finding the skin of her neck, her breasts.

“Ok!” Wash cried. “Can we not watch this please? As much as I’d love to revisit this memory in private, this is just strange! STOP watching!!”

“I think we get the idea…” the angel agreed, unable to mask the slight look of disgust. He clicked his fingers once and, before Wash could take a last look at Zoë, the darkness descended.

Once they had returned to the stark white room, Wash look apprehensively at the angel who was pensively taking notes on the clipboard. “So?” he asked after a few moments of silence. “How’d I do? Will I be getting attacked by flaming butterflies?”

“Not finished your examination yet. Ready for your next sin?”

"...no."

To be continued...