note: tee hee thought i'd hit every section of the bluesunroom with w/z stuff!

~~~

There are so many worlds, each different, each with their own sadness and joy. Should I describe the day when my world stopped turning?

We were all scared. We all thought it may be the end, but why him? Why not –

Sometimes it seems if I had known missing him would be such a part of my life, I would never have let him in. His last words ring in my head. I remember seeing his body judder as the stake pierced his heart. I remember the silence and the realisation that flooded me, burnt through my veins like acid. He was the sun in my day, the wind in my sky, the waves in my ocean and the beat in my heart. The day I lost him, I lost everything.

“Stars.”

Zoe’s head jerked around. She’d thought she was alone. River stood in the doorway to the bridge, her smile knowing and sad.

“Sometimes they are not stars, but openings in heaven. The love of our lost ones pours through and shines down on us. They want to let you know they are happy.”

Her words stung and Zoe turned away. “I’d like to be alone, River.”

“No. You’ve been too alone. You miss him when you’re lonely. You miss him when you’re sad. You miss him most when you’re happy though.”

Zoe frowned and couldn’t bring herself to look at the girl. “Well don’t worry, that won’t happen. Not today.”

River left and the ship was silent.

“Wash? Wash, I miss you. I didn’t believe I could miss you like I do, but now I know. It wasn’t into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It wasn’t my lips you kissed, but my soul. How can I live without my heart? How can I live without my soul? Where you used to be, there is a hole in the verse. I find myself walking around it all day and falling in it at night. But nothing I do will bring you back to me. Nothing I say will make you be here with me now. I wish you’d haunt me. I wish you’d be with me in any form for being driven mad is better than being left in this abyss where I just can’t find you. Everything in this boat is a cold reminder that you were here and that I have lost you. Wash? Wash, I miss you. I miss you more than I can bear.”

The stars only twinkled back at her.

“Mamma?”

Zoe spun around, sniffing and lifting the tear from her cheek with a rough hand. “Seph, why aren’t you in bed?”

The little girl stood with one hand clutching her blanket, the other holding a soft toy dinosaur that had been sucked out of recognition. “Couldn’t sleep, Mamma.”

Zoe sighed and held out her arms. “Come here, baby.”

Sephora pattered to the pilot seat and was lifted carefully into her Mother’s arms. “Don’t be sad, Mamma.”

Zoe stroked the wild head of dark hair, comforting herself as well as the child. Sometimes she wasn’t alone.