Fandom: Firefly Title: Choices Author: meimei42 (Dani) Pairing/Characters: Jayne/Kaylee Rating: PGish Disclaimer/claimer (if needed): Post BDM, I do not own any of it. Summary: when one is forced to choose... Word Count: 1341

Author's Note: special thanks to squish_67 for betating! This is a sequeal that follows after First Time, Apple, Belong & The Fight. I know I said (to some) there will be fluff, but I lied through my teeth because I don't think there is any fluff in here. Thanks to reenie1 for poking me into writing this. Enjoy!

Kaylee watched him from far off, her eyes trying to sense what he was thinking. Simon hadn’t talked to her since the fight he and Jayne had a few days earlier, but that didn’t stop her from wondering. Why had he fought Jayne in the first place? She had convinced Jayne to tell her everything that had happened. After she sorted out the slight enhancements from the story, she was down to one basic fact: the fight had started because Simon had confronted Jayne. Jayne had goaded him into the physical part of the fight, but it was Simon who started the confrontation.

Was the doctor just sore about how things had ended? Kaylee had never felt as miserable as the day Simon had found her and Jayne in her bunk. It seemed to be more than that though, more than just wounded pride. Simon didn’t sneer at her or make comments towards her; all of his anger was directed at Jayne. But she had been the one who cheated. He should hate her and yet he didn’t. It bewildered her.

Finding Simon alone was not normally so hard, but he was avoiding her. It took the better part of the day for her to catch him by himself. When she did he was standing in the infirmary, cataloguing the medicine he had in his inventory. Kaylee took a deep breath and stepped in the room. “Can we talk?” she asked quietly.

“I’d rather not,” Simon replied coolly, not even turning around.

“I deserve that,” she said, stepping closer to him. “I don’t get you, Simon Tam.”

“What is there to get?” he asked, finally turning around. His eyes were red and tired. Kaylee chewed on her lip, trying to decide what to do or say next.

“Everything--you’re so…confounding. I did wrong, I know I did wrong, but you ain’t ever said a harsh word to me ‘bout it. I don’t get why you ain’t mad at me,” she said.

“I am upset with you Kaylee, yes, but that doesn’t mean I should go around mistreating you,” Simon said as though the very idea of mistreating her was a vulgar thought.

“Why’d you fight Jayne?” There was a moment of palpable tension in the air and eventually Simon let out a breath.

“I don’t want to go down this road, Kaylee,” Simon sighed.

“There’s a road? I’m just tryin’ t’figure you out is all. When we were together you never seemed t’have ‘nough time for me an’ now that we’re apart you’re fightin’ the man I’m sleeping with. Don’t make sense t’me,” she crossed her arms over her chest.

“First, I don’t want to hear a word about what you and Jayne are doing, I’ve seen more than enough. Second, I had my reasons for fighting with Jayne and while I’m not happy about what happened between the two of us, you were not the most pressing reason to engage in a fight with him. Not everything is about you, Kaylee.” He turned away from her, started to catalogue his medication once more. Kaylee wasn’t dutr how to react to his last statement.

“I just thought maybe…”

“Maybe what?” he asked, placing both hands flat on the counter but not looking back at her.

“Maybe you cared, maybe I was wrong…I don’t know.” She blinked and felt her eyes water some.

“I did care. I don’t anymore.”

“You can’t just stop caring ‘bout someone. Feelings like that just don’t go ‘way, Simon,” she whispered. “You have t’care now or you never did.”

“Don’t say I never cared for you, Kaylee, don’t you dare say it,” Simon said, turning to face her again. His eyes were even more bloodshot than before. “I have been put through hell and back again because of what those psychopaths did to my sister. I wake up in the middle of the night to her screaming in terror and there is nothing I can do for her. Everything I have done has been for River and maybe I didn’t have enough time for you, but I wasn’t the one who pushed this relationship. I knew my limits and it was you who convinced me otherwise. You were the one, Kaylee who thought we could work this out. But it was you who gave up on us. Maybe I said the wrong thing, but you could have come and talked with me. Instead you slept with another man. You want me to care now, Kaylee? I can’t care; it hurts too much to care. So I choose to become numb to it all. If you wanted me to care, maybe you should have thought about that before you brought Jayne into your bed.”

Kaylee sniffled and wiped her nose, looking away and blinking back tears. “I deserve that, I deserve all of that. I should….I’m sorry I came here.” Kaylee turned and fled. She could hear Simon calling her name her, but she didn’t stop. She could see Jayne up ahead in the hallway and tried to think of a way to turn around without seeming obvious, but he was staring right at her.

“Yer cryin’,” Jayne said matter o’factly.

“Not now,” she said, trying to walk past him. He caught her arm and brought her back to look at him.

“That doc say somethin’ to upset you?” he asked.

“Ain’t Simon’s fault, he’s just layin’ down the truth of things,” Kaylee said, not daring to look at Jayne in the eyes.

“You wanted him back? That why you were talkin’ with him in there?” he grunted. Kayle didn’t say anything, she wasn’t even sure didn’t know what she wanted.

“It’s time t’decide, Kaylee girl. You either want the doc, or you want me. I ain’t playin’ this game with you no more.” Jayne looked down at her and she could feel his eyes burning into her skin.

“I ain’t ready, Jayne,” she said with a shake of her head

“Gorramit Kaylee, I’ve given you time. What the hell is it you want from me?” he growled.

“Don’t make me choose, Jayne,” she whispered.

“And if I did?”

“I’d choose Simon.”

He released her arm and Kaylee stood still as Jayne walked past her. Her vision blurred with tears and she hugged her arms tight to herself. Her throat tightened as she swallowed down a sob. She cared about Jayne, care about him something fierce, but her heart still belonged to Simon. That was something she hadn’t gotten back from him yet. Being with Jayne was like being free, like breathing fresh air, but Simon still held a piece of her and she couldn’t move on from that point until she had it back.

“Kaylee.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice breaking. Footsteps approached and an arm gently turned her, enveloping her in a hug.

“Kaylee…please don’t cry. I shouldn’t have spoken so harshly. Everything is forgiven, bao bei,” Simon whispered, kissing her forehead. Kaylee felt her stomach clench as she let out a soft cry. His hand rubbed up and down her back, trying to quiet her. “Let’s just try and befriends for now Kaylee; just start things fresh. River still needs me, but I don’t want to lose your friendship. How does that sound?”

“Sounds shiny,” she choked out, wiping the tears from her eyes.

“One ground rule though,” Simon said.

“What’s that?” she whispered.

“I don’t want to hear about anything having to do with Jayne or your sex life,” he said letting out a long breath and leaning back to look at her face. She smiled at him.

“Deal.” Kaylee held his eyes for a moment, a silence descending upon them. Kaylee didn’t know what is was she wanted anymore. “Guess you should get back t’the infirmary.”

“Guess so,” Simon nodded. He pulled her in for one more embrace and then pulled back to look at her. “You gonna be okay?” he asked. He gave a short nod and he nodded back before pulled out of her arms and heading down the corridor.