BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - DRAMA

JAZZFIC

Where it Ends
Tuesday, July 4, 2006

Mal and River. Lost in space. Reavers. Warning: implied character death. Originally posted on my LJ as a request for _angels_touch_


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1499    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

The point where it ends exists in a world far beyond your imagining. But you never imagined the end would be like this.

They're closin' in...River, gorramn it, get us outta here!

You aren't aware of danger--not in the way he is. He is a war-torn soldier, valiant and shrewd. He has seen death where you have only dreamt of it. He is your captain, your shadow, your strength. And you would follow him forever.

River, c'mon girl I said move! I can do it--

Well, it ain't enough. It ain't enough.

It is. You will always do enough--more, in fact. But here is the moment when fear runs unchecked, and it blinds you both like the darkness outside.

Please, Mal.

You didn't see it.

You didn't see it. That is what you cannot understand, why you and he have come to this point, why the end is so very near. Yes, it happened fast, but you are River Tam and you should have known they were there.

Mal is swinging around in his seat, using his eyes instead of the monitor. He probably thinks he is doing more this way, but you know the reasons, can both see and hear and smell the panic, the sweet rush of adrenaline, and the remarkable, terrible fear. The shuttle turns; too fast--too fast!--and the g-forces flatten you both until you are aching and trembling and crying inside.

I see them--

But it is not fast enough. They pursue and pursue again because you are human, Mal is human, and because they are Reavers, and do not know or care either way. It is what they do.

The air is heavy with tension, and when you hit the comm switch by accident and their screams fill the tiny cabin, Mal turns his whole body and stares you down, the look in his eyes a clear, unequivocal turn it OFF. You cannot know the blessed relief of silence as he can, but you think...you think it's a lost cause, that his reaction is small and petty. So you stare back, pull hard on the throttle and listen to the shuttle groan.

Not enough, it's not enough, we can't get away. Mal, I can't get us away...

There is an angry beep from the monitors--warnings blare out, a symphonic blanket smacked over your ears, and the shuttle jerks, stalls, and spins, spins slowly to a halt.

Silence. You don't speak, you can't. You stare through the viewscreen as the great, ugly ship creeps forward and then stops by the shuttle. It hovers, and you stare at the controls--useless now--and think malevolent beast, why didn't I see you? Questions, as useless as the shuttle, are your only escape.

Mal looks up. Shang di. You hear him murmur it, over and over. Shang di...liau tian ye, jiu wo men.

You touch the controls, gently, like a lover, and blink away tears. How long? you ask.

He looks over, face covered in shadow. Then he rips off the safety belt, drops from his seat and lunges at the underbelly of the steering panel. His breath comes hard and fast in the close air. River, he barks, help me. I gotta--

Before Mal can say any more you are on your knees, slipping belly down onto cold grating. His hands pull at wires, brow heavy with concentration, but despite it all he looks at you, quickly, and smiles.

What do you want me to do?

Your hand, he says. Put it here.

The hot wires tingle against your skin. Mal grits his teeth. You can see a line of sweat at his jaw, dark patches in his hair. Acrid smoke pinches your nostrils. Okay. He pulls you away, helps you stand. Try it again.

Nothing.

Again!

Nothing. You are a flailing vessel caught in the squall, dead in the water. In the deepest part of you, where Mal can't see, where the Reavers can't see, you know you won't live past this moment. Fear, hands of blue, Alliance secrets--they have been chasing you since the day you were born. From all this you have been running, and, in parallel, years ahead but in a life never more similar, so has Mal.

You look at him. You can no longer see him; you are suddenly shaking, sick to your stomach. You step back, hit the wall, and as the tears fall, so do you.

I'm sorry.

He steps over, drops silently to his knees. I know, he says. But it's okay. And he drags you forward, off the cold hard wall, and holds you against him. Weren't your fault, River. You blocked 'em out, you couldn't hear them, and they couldn't hear you. He presses his lips to your forehead, whispers in your ear. Can't be sorry. You got better, darlin'. Just got better.

You reach up, touch a finger to the sweat on his cheek. Warm, like he is. Slowly, you turn against him so you are looking into his eyes and his hands are clasped at your shoulders. You got better, yes, but too late for it to matter.

The Reavers are still watching. They don't care that you're better. It makes no difference.

Mal is watching, too. In his eyes you can see regret, and guilt, and sadness, all mixed together and all fighting for absolution. But there is something else. You think it might be faith. You wonder if it is clarity.

Thank you, you say. And you lean up, kiss him once, thinking it wrong to do any more. But he is faster and he catches you, and you can taste salt and bitter heat and Serenity--our Serenity--on his lips, and you are crying, because she is so very far away.

I love you.

I know.

Behind Mal you see a light blinking, but you can't see from where. The Reaver ship turns, edges closer. Something opens on the side of its hull. And you lean into your captain, and wait.

Where it ends, when it ends, you don't know. You never will. But it doesn't matter.

It's okay, Mal. I'm okay.

I'm better now.

COMMENTS

Thursday, July 6, 2006 5:47 AM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Oh....wow....this some powerful angsty fic! And you bump off both of them!?! Damn.....

Still..this is some amazing stuff here, jazzfic! Especially love how Mal can't rant or fling blame in his last moments with River....totally Mal:D

BEB

Monday, October 2, 2006 11:00 PM

BORNTOFLY


...Brilliant. It's that simple.


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