FIC SERIES TITLE = Pivotal Moments

This four-part story is the result of collaboration with my dear friend and soon to be roommate, Mike. The writing game is not new to Mike. It is to me. We’ve both been into Firefly for nearly a year now and both are huge fans of the fanfic. Mike doesn’t have an LJ account (yet), but has read over my shoulder for a long time. Anyway, this is a result of mutual brainstorming and rewrite sessions. We hope you enjoy.

Dedicated to Squish. Thanks for bugging me to write until I actually did it. Thanks also for your great beta work and the inspiration your own writing is. It’s been a treat working on this with you.

Jaylee. Set approximately three and a half years post BDM.

Background: After Miranda, Kaylee and Simon were involved seriously for approximately eighteen months. Their relationship, though not horrible, had been unable to live up to the build-up they had both given it in their minds. They parted peacefully and had remained very good friends. Nine months prior to this story, Kaylee’s long-time friendship with Jayne had taken a very sudden romantic turn. They fell quickly and easily into a relationship that has been humming along since….

Chapter Four: Homecomings

It’s the middle of the night on Serenity. The door to shuttle two hisses open. Zoe, standing ready just inside the door, takes a deep breath and a step forward. Her posture is perfect and her gaze is fixed dead ahead. She’s so focused on her goal that she nearly misses Mal coming from the side.

“Welcome home, Zoe. How’d it go?” Mal’s tone is casual, normal almost.

“Same as last year, Sir.” Zoe nods a polite reply and glances in the direction she was headed. She looks back at Mal. She’s about to make an excuse to leave but he speaks first.

“It’s gonna be fine. I talked to Jayne.” Mal looks Zoe in the eye for emphasis.

“Wasn’t Jayne I was ever worried about.” Zoe nods again and this time is gone before he can speak.

****

Kaylee had spent her evening talking with Inara and Simon. It felt good to spend time with other people. Good to laugh some. But now it’s the middle of the night again, and she’s alone. She’s startin’ to miss Jayne something fierce, and is surprised at how stubborn he is being. She has actually been thinking about giving in and going to him first, but Simon hadn’t been wrong. She’s a mite stubborn herself. Kaylee is sitting on her bed, stewing, when she hears a knock. A smile breaks out over her face. This time of night, it won’t be anybody but Jayne. He’s coming to her. That means he’s going to say sorry first. She wins. A smile breaks out across her face and she calls, “Come in!”

The hatch hisses open and Kaylee freezes as she sees tall, slender combat issue boots coming down the ladder. She wants to call out and tell Zoe to turn around, but she can’t find her voice. Zoe moves gracefully and a flash she’s standing at near attention in front of Kaylee.

“May I sit down?” Zoe motions to Kaylee’s bed as it’s the only place to sit down in the bunk.

“Oh. Sure.” Kaylee schooches over to her left and leaves more than half the bed for Zoe. Zoe sits close to the opposite end of the bed and they both turn in to face each other. Kaylee catches her lower lip with her teeth and waits. She has no idea what to say or do.

“Kaylee,” Zoe starts slowly, and Kaylee thinks she looks a little nervous. Zoe don’t look nervous often. Whatever it is, she’s uncomfortable. “I heard about what happened…”

“I ain’t got no problem with you, Zoe.” Kaylee volunteers this and though there is a harshness to her voice, it isn’t directed at Zoe. It’s obvious she’s been hurtin’. “This here’s ‘bout me and Jayne.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Zoe answers sincerely. Her voice has softened just a little and there is warmth in her eyes as her compassion for Kaylee quickly outweighs any fears she has. She asks gently, “Would it be alright if I just said a few things anyway?”

“Okay.” Kaylee shrugs. She is curious, after all. Plus, even with the current circumstances, Kaylee is finding she’s glad for Zoe’s company right about now.

Zoe nods, then looks down and pauses to collect her thoughts. She looks up, finds Kaylee’s eyes, and begins. “After Miranda, you started to get pretty serious with the doc…”

“Uh-huh,” Kaylee interjected, a little confused. What the hell does this have to do with Jayne keepin’ things from her? She didn’t ask that last part out loud, but it was like Zoe knew she was thinkin’ it.

“All I’m sayin’ is you may not have noticed.” There is a long pause as Kaylee sees Zoe thinking careful like again. She finally settles on “I wasn’t in a good place.”

Those words send Kaylee’s mind into a whirlwind of flashbacks. Zoe with sunken eyes. Dark circles. In those days she sort of drifted around the ship, looking not unlike a ghost herself. She barely spoke or ate for months. A twinge of pain hits Kaylee and it’s peppered with a little guilt. She ventures, “I guess I was pretty self-absorbed. Coulda been a better friend ‘an all. Plus, there I was, wavin’ Simon in front of your face. I’m real sorry, Zoe.”

Zoe’s face breaks into a full, warm smile now. In two minute’s time Kaylee has forgotten her own pain and is genuinely, sweetly, wrapped up in Zoe’s plight. It reminds Zoe of how much love Kaylee circulates through Serenity. Kaylee’s heart inspires Zoe, and she wonders if Kaylee knows how much hope she brings them all. Kaylee smiles back and relaxes some. “Don’t be sorry for anything, Kaylee. You were in love.” A pause. “I was just in pain, is all. That was a very different time for us. It wasn’t your course to help me out then. Turns out, it was Jayne’s.”

Kaylee’s eyes go wide at this, and something in her gut tells her she knows where this is going. Jayne had started to tell her, but he….well, they…Kaylee shakes her head a little as she finds she doesn’t want to think about how either one of them has been acting. Instead, she turns her thoughts back to the present. ”What do ya mean, Zoe?” “I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t sleep. For weeks, Kaylee.” Zoe is still looking right at Kaylee. She’s not staring or being threatening, but it’s clear she’s considered her words and wants to make a point. “One night, late, I was sitting on the bridge. Seems I did that regular awhile after Miranda. Out of nowhere, Jayne appeared with two mugs full of tea. Half an hour we just sat there, and then he spoke. He asked how long I planned to sleep on the bridge...”

“You was sleepin’ on the bridge?” Kaylee asks, a little confused. “Why? How come Jayne knew?”

“He knew because he pays attention.” Zoe explains and they both nod at that. “I was trying to sleep on the bridge because sitting where Wash sat…” Zoe’s voice catches a little and both women gracefully ignore it, “..brought me some comfort. But sleeping in our bed or even just being in our bunk…I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I spent as little time there as possible. All I’ve done and seen in my life, Kaylee, and I’ve never known pain like that.”

Kaylee considers this. She’s tried to mentally prepare herself (dozens of times) for Jayne’s premature death. Even in her imagination, it near shreds her. Kaylee feels her eyes well up with tears. “Oh Zoe, I really am so sorry. We all are.”

“I know, Kaylee.” Zoe’s voice is full-on warm and creamy now. Kaylee finds it downright soothing. She thinks it’s a ruttin’ shame Zoe and Wash never got to have babies as Zoe would’ve made a great mother. “I’m stronger now.” Zoe’s careful not to say ‘better.’ Doesn’t know if she’ll ever be that. “These days, I enjoy spending time in my bunk.”

“So, ah, about Jayne…” Kaylee, not real sure she wanted to hear this story when it began, now really wants to hear where it goes.

“So Jayne just flat out offered me his bunk.” Zoe interrupts. “He was very matter-of-fact about it. He offered to switch places entirely, or just switch sleeping but not possessions, whatever would help.” She stops and makes sure she has Kaylee’s eye. “I was the one who asked him if we could both just sleep in his bunk.”

“Because you didn’t wanna sleep alone.” Kaylee nods, understanding Zoe’s place and starting to think on how Jayne would react to this situation.

“Because I couldn’t sleep alone.” Zoe corrects. “He agreed, and we just fell into it. Kaylee, it was kind. He just comforted me, helped me sleep.”

At this point, silent tears start streaming down Kaylee’s face. Not because she’s hurt or mad, but because what she’s hearing moves her. She thinks about her own friendship with Jayne and how he looks out for those he cares for. “He’s good like that.” She whispers and suddenly every inch of her body is crying out for him.

Zoe has a few more things to say. “About a month or so in,” she begins, “we started having sex. It wasn’t much and it wasn’t often and we didn’t’ talk about that either. All I can tell you is that…well, it helped some.”

Kaylee wiped her eyes and smiled at Zoe. “Aw, Zoe, I get it. I do. I’m actually real glad he was there for you. Jayne really is a big ‘ol teddy bear that way. He’s a good friend. It’s just that this don’t change that he kept it all from me. Or that he wouldn’t even talk about it when I did find out. It’s those things as makes me so mad, not what y’all did or didn’t do back when he weren’t mine. Does that make sense?”

“That it does.” Zoe nods, “I may be able to help there, too. See, I swore Jayne to secrecy.”

“You made him promise not to tell. Still. Zoe, it’s me and it’s all this time later and he done shoulda…”

“Probably. He’s not the brightest man alive.” Zoe says dryly. “In this instance, I’m sure his intentions were good. Kaylee, I threatened his life and the life of anyone he cares about because I was embarrassed. To admit I couldn’t do it on my own…” Again, Zoe’s voices wavers a little so she pauses. “Jayne made it easy because he was so casual about it. Outside of the nights, we never once spoke on the way of things. Finally, the day came when I wanted to go ‘home’. I told Jayne we were done. I haven’t been in his bed since.”

“What about the necklace?” Kaylee asks softly. She wants to know, at least she’s pretty sure she wants to know.

Zoe nods, “I gave it to him that last morning. I was determined to get past my grief and move on. I was getting dressed it occurred to me I needed to stop wearing it. I tried to throw it away and Jayne stopped me. He said someday I would want it. I told him to keep it. Said to let it serve as thanks as well as a reminder for him to keep his mouth shut. He laughed and we shook on it and that was it.”

“Oh.” Kaylee digests the rest of what Zoe said. “Well then. That explains it, huh?”

“I was hoping it would. Kaylee, I’m sorry you found out the way you did…” “No, no Zoe.” Kaylee is now on her feet, standing in front of Zoe, “It’s fine. I done it to myself and you all and I’m the one who’s sorry for openin’ this can a worms. Now everyone knows and I’m real sorry about that too.” With that, Kaylee throws herself at Zoe and they share a long hug. Kaylee steps back and sighs, “He’s really somethin’, aint’ he?”

“That he is.” Zoe agrees, “Just don’t say it to him too often. It’ll go straight to his head.”

Kaylee giggles a little and Zoe smiles and the air feels suddenly clear.

“Well, little one” Zoe says affectionately, “I’ve had a long journey and I think it’s time I get myself into that bed we’ve been talkin’ about.”

“Oh my God, Zoe!” Kaylee puts her hand up over her half-open mouth, “I been so selfish! You just got back! I didn’t even…well, how did it go?”

“The same as last year.” Zoe’s armor is back up. She’s done more talking on sentiment these past two weeks than in the whole last year. “Thanks for askin’.”

**** The next morning, Jayne passes Zoe in the hallway of the crew dorms. She’s headed for the bridge and he’s headed for his weight bench. They pause in step and turn to face each other. He nods at her. Emotionless. “How’d it go?”

“Same as last year.” Zoe nods back in kind. With near synchronicity, they turn back and resume walking away from each other. Imperceptible to anyone else except River, they have just established ‘things are fine between us’ and, more importantly, ‘we’re not talking about any of it.’

***** As Jayne rounds the bottom of the stairs in the cargo bay, he sees Kaylee sitting cross-legged on his weight bench. She’s twirling some engine part around in her hands. It looks like she’s been waiting for him. Jayne is surprised when his heart skips a beat. “Mornin,’” he ventures.

Kaylee looks up and actually smiles at him. “G’mornin’ Jayne.” She says softly, sweetly. She looks so beautiful when she smiles. Jayne never stops loving that smile. He finds that all of a sudden he can’t recall why he’s supposed to be mad. He realizes Kaylee is speaking again. “I was hopin’ we could talk some.”

“Yeah, me too,” he says and straddles the weight bench before sitting to face her. Kaylee turns and mimics the way he’s sitting. She schooches forward some so her knees touch the inside of his thighs. She places her hands gently on top of them and sighs a little sigh as he reaches around her and snugs her in closer. Jayne’s eyes are soft as he looks down at her, “Listen Kaylee, I think we both…”

“Me first.” She’s got her hand on his chest and she’s interrupting him again, but this time she has a playful glint in her eye. “Jayne, I’m sorry, okay? I know I shouldn’t have gotten into that box. I’m real sorry an’ I mean it. But I want you to hear me out some.”

“Okay.” Jayne nods a quick agreement. “I’m listening.”

“See, that day, I wasn’t going through your things. I swear it. I was just fixin’ to go and I sat down and just looked around some at your bunk. Mostly how you put your things about.” She pauses and adds to be clear, “The ones that you have out, though. I was lookin’ all around on account of that stuff is a part of you an’ I was just thinkin’ sweet things is all.”

Kaylee pauses again and shrugs, suddenly feeling a little foolish. Her fear that he won’t understand is erased when she meets his gaze. He’s smiling at her now, and reaches out to tuck back a piece of stray hair. She continues, “I guess I started wandering around some and I saw the box and it seemed out of place and I just picked it up without thinkin’. It were the most natural thing in the ‘verse, promise. Then, it was so light and I got curious and ….that’s when it happened. It weren’t like I was tearing through stuff. And it made me REAL MAD when you acted like that was what I was doin.’ Like I purposely set out to snoop or somethin’.” There was a firmness in her voice with that last part.

“I was kind of a hou zi de pi gu about it, huh?” Jayne chuckles. “You may not have noticed, but I got a bit of a temper.”

“Naw, you?” Kaylee says is mock astonishment. They both grin. “I ain’t never noticed.”

“Sure you ain’t.” He winks at her, then continues. “Well, it’s not like I ain’t ever had a girfriend before, but it’s been a long damn time and I think I forget how some of this goes. I ain’t used to lettin’ people in, ya know? When I do, it’s ‘cause I really trust them. I trusted you, Kaylee, and it bothered me fierce thinkin’ I may have done wrong in that.”

“I know, and I am real sorry.” With this Kaylee leans up and quickly kisses his nose. “I am. I love ya so much, Jayne.”

“I know you are, babygirl, and I’m sorry too.” Jayne leans down and pecks at her chin in kind. “You know I love you, too. I shoulda handled this better. I shoulda told you before, mebbe.”

“Naw, you was just tryin’ to keep your word.” Kaylee reaches up and places her right hand softly against his left cheek. “Zoe told me everything, Jayne. You was tryin’ to do right by your word, an’ by her an’ Wash. You was real sweet to do all that for them. You’re a good man, Jayne Cobb.” The sincerity and tenderness in her voice melt clean through his heart.

“So, you ain’t mad at me no more?” Jayne asks, hope in his voice.

“Nope. You mad at me?” Kaylee’s voice has flirting tones to it.

“Nope.” Jayne leans down enough to catch Kaylee’s lips in a long, soft kiss. After a time, he murmurs, “Damn, I missed this.”

“Mmmmm, me too.” Kaylee agrees but then suddenly pulls back. She shoots a look at Jayne. It’s a look he don’t ever recall seeing before. Full of love and a little like she’s up to somethin.’ “So Jayne,” she can tell he’s a little confused and she’s enjoying drawing the moment out, “we’ve done had us a honest to goodness fight and made it through fine. If’n you ask me, I think that proves it. We really fit. Wouldn’t you say it’s time we think about the next step in our relationship? I don’t know ‘bout you, but I don’t need any more convincin.’ We could maybe swap to get bunks next to each other, an I could work with Serenity to knock down the wall in the middle and…”

“Huh?” Jayne had thought she was going to end up hinting at something sexual and this throws him some. Still, she looks just adorable beaming up at him. The light bulb goes on. Jayne smirks, a little proud of himself. “Kaylee, are you asking me to move in with you?”

“I’m askin’ ya ta marry me, ya big dope!” Kaylee giggles and kisses his nose again. She’s there and gone in a flash, her words still sinking in. His eyes are just huge.

“YOU are askin’ ME???” Jayne is clearly shocked, but in a flash he’s beaming from ear to ear. His hands tighten on her waist.

“Yeah, an’ if’n ya don’t answer me soon I’m gonna start ta worry.” Kaylee teases, prods him gently.

“Oh yeah, ‘course. Right then.” Jayne pauses for a fraction of second to consider arguing about chivalry then clears his throat and says, “Well, hell yes I’ll marry you woman! You shoulda knowed that.” His last words are drowned out by Kaylee’s scream and suddenly they aren’t sitting close enough. She pulls on his neck to scramble up and full-on straddle him.

*****

Hearing Kaylee shriek, Mal leans over the catwalk in the cargo bay to see what is going on. He shouts, “Hey! Get a room!” After a beat he adds, “And stay outta mine this time!” He gets no reaction from below. They are completely lost in each other. Mal shrugs and continues to walk down the catwalk; he nearly runs into River as he turns the corner. They stop and stand still. Mal motions down toward Jayne and Kaylee. “Show’s over, little albatross. Looks like the love birds are flying again.”

River smiles and nods slowly, emphatically. She stops and stares at Mal as if to consider something about him, then says, “The process of cloning is still scientifically questionable.” When Mal gives her a puzzled look, she nods down at the pair on the weight bench. “You can’t give the bride away, be the best man and perform the ceremony. Best decide which one you want to do most.”

Mal looks back at River. His mouth falls open. He points his index finger in the air, and kind of waves it around in River’s general direction. “You aren’t sayin’…. I mean, you don’t know anything, do you?”

River is beaming now, in part because she’s flustered Mal and in part because she can feel waves of emotion floating up from the cargo bay below. She winks at Mal, “Just make sure and tell them I’m too old to be a flower girl.”

“Flower girl,” Mal sniggers. He and River share a grin, then Mal looks back down at the pair below. He smiles. “Huh.”