All characters property of Joss Whedon and associates. This is a not for profit endeavor.

Smooth Sailing

Scene 1 (Jazmine’s cabin)

JAZ: You know how I told you I was a lawyer’s widow? MAL: You lied? He was really a dog groomer? Zao gao! I’m so disillusioned. JAZ: Yes, he had such a flair with Pekingese. Seriously, I have some obligations to fulfill if I want to continue collecting the money I get from the firm. MAL: So you need a ride? JAZ: Basically. It would take you in pretty close to the Core compared to your usual haunts. MAL: That could get a mite uncomfortable. JAZ: I know. That’s why I was about to suggest that I could pick up another ride in and out, then meet up with Serenity somewhere a little less crowded. MAL: Embarrassed to be seen with her, or are you getting tired of us already? JAZ: Well she always has spinach in her teeth, and I just think I need some space. Really Mal, it’s no problem. I just don’t want to put everyone to trouble and have them run the risk of getting pinched is all. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. MAL: How will we know for sure? (kisses her) JAZ: I’ll leave my garlic here. MAL: Shan sheng de gao wan. You really are coming back! JAZ: I’d never desert my allium. You’re pretty OK too. MAL: I’ll see what the crew thinks. Maybe they’ll have some ideas about biding our time while we wait for you.

Scene 2 (chow)

MAL: So, any thoughts? KAYLEE: It’d be nice to get closer in for a little bit. See some sights, maybe pick up some passengers. ZOE: Might be able to find some work. A quick day trip or two? JAYNE: Getting close in’s a mite worrisome, staying out here’s a mite boring. SIMON: We can just stay on the ship . . RIVER: Qui ni de! SIMON: . . or take in some cultural enlightenment and find River a new dress. JAZ: I don’t want you all putting yourselves at risk over this. It’s really no bother for me to MAL: It’s settled, we’re your ride. JAZ: I warn you, if you come with me I’m liable to take you out on a date. JAYNE: So how much is this trip worth to you? JAZ: Nunya. JAYNE: Aw c’mon, what are we putting ourselves at risk for here? JAZ: A modest stipend which I invest annually to mature in anticipation of my old age. On the grand scale of things it’s niou fun, but it’s my niou fun. JAYNE: So we’re not talkin’ piles of gold here. JAZ: It keeps me in strings. JAYNE: Awright, change of scenery’s worth it anyway. MAL: Well we’d better get busy trying to find ways to occupy ourselves. We’ve only got a week. SIMON: Should I see if there are any good hospitals to knock over? MAL: Not likely on this trip. JAZ: You’d have better luck boosting product from a warehouse or factory anyway. SIMON: She’s right you know. MAL: Shen me? JAZ: I was joking. MAL: No, send that again. SIMON: Well you’ve got a lot more medical supplies in one place at the source. Security would probably be tighter, but there would be fewer people around. Maybe just doing a slight of hand with an entire shipment.. MAL: Jing cai. JAZ: You are out of your collective minds. ZOE: Mind, collective mind. JAZ: Make sure it’s something you can sell easily out yonder. Unless... MAL: Unless? JAZ: I used to know someone who always knew where to find things that had fallen off the pallet. You know the type, usually an orderly or stock clerk. Sometimes if the Charge Nurse was getting a hassle from Central Supply he’d just happen to have seen a spare whatever lying around. SIMON: Sometimes the whatever was a hard to obtain extra of controlled substance. JAZ: That’s the guy. He’d know where to send it locally. If he’s still at liberty. His cut wasn’t usually too painful. Traded in favors too. If you get hold of anything I’ll see if I can dig him up. MAL: You’re a lotus. JAZ: Rooted deep in mud and in up to my neck? Don’t think you’re getting out of that date so easily captain. MAL: Now we just need a plan.

Scene 3 (Table as war room)

ZOE: Not bad for three days of planning. MAL: Bless the seven headed pig of beauracracy. SIMON: The more complex the system is the easier it becomes to find a weak spot. RIVER: Facile. SIMON: The orbital warehouse is completely automated except for a token watchman. No live people to get greedy that way. All we have to do is key into the system a day in advance to create a delivery, convince the computer we’re the vehicle, the system loads it at the dock, and we drive off to the “hospital”. MAL: Smooth. ZOE: We might even be able to spare you for that date after all. JAYNE: Maybe everybody can get their scooters waxed this trip. KAYLEE: I don’t know what a scooter is and I sure don’t want to know if yours is waxed. MAL: Just keep focused on the job until we’re all together again and on our way. Jaz and I will take one shuttle down. Contact’s going to want to see my face. The other shuttle’s for you lot. W’e’ll take a day to get a feel for things and place our order. River’s already working on the access codes for Serenity. Soon as we’ve picked up our load I’ll meet with the contact to arrange drop-off. JAZ: I’ll be making a deposit automatically in a week. We can set up a dummy account at the bank to take your deposit. JAYNE: You’re just gonna to walk in and open up an account with my name on it? JAZ: I’m going to be an investor in a small business concern. JAYNE: What does being concerned about small businesses get you? JAZ: A gorram account to move your gorram payment through without arousing suspicion is what it gets me. I’ll take out the proceeds incrementally to look like it’s an operating budget. We’ll be able to use it again if we’re not too sloppy or greedy. ZOE: What is the name of this enterprise? RIVER: Lotus Leaf LLC MAL: Works for me. JAYNE: That’s a dumb name. MAL: I’m liking it more by the second. We’ve got two days to set up. JAZ: I’ve already make the hotel reservations. ZOE: Hotel? JAZ: Captain’s got to sleep somewhere, and I don't live there anymore. ZOE: Hotel together? KAYLEE: Single bunk does get a bit crowded with two. JAZ: I can see if they’ve got more rooms available, but you’ll have to act like tourists. MAL: Don’t get too comfy, we’re working remember. JAYNE: Everybody needs a little fun once in a while. MAL: Fun’s one thing, getting bound is another. Keep your wits about you. The less we’re seen the better.

Scene 4 (Hotel room, bubble bath for two)

JAZ: I kind of like this lying low. MAL: (sighs) Scrub my back woman. JAZ: Someone wants to drown? MAL: Please would you scrub my back, Ma’am? JAZ: That’s better young man. Now come on over here where I can get my hands on you. (laughter and splashing as fade to:)

Simon &Kaylee’s room: Rumpled sheets, smiling faces. Taking up as much space in bed as possible yet still remaining in contact. Jayne’s room: squeals from under covers, he is not alone. Zoe & River’s room: Single beds, Zoe has a towel on her head post bath, both are reading. Put books down. ZOE: Good night. (turns out light) RIVER: You don’t snore do you?

Scene 5 (Breakfast in hotel lobby)

MAL: Things look to be set. The account is open, order’s placed & will be ready for delivery tonight. Everybody but me and Jaz go back up after supper. Pickup at 11pm local time. Once you’ve got it you wave us and we’ll call you with the details. The rest of the day is yours. ZOE: Shopping? RIVER: Botanical garden. ZOE: Shopping? (indicating pants getting tight) RIVER: Both. JAZ: Get a pair of flip flops two sizes large, you’re going to need them later. ZOE: Great, bigger feet. KAYLEE: Aaawww...it’ll be cute. SIMON: Swollen ankles and a shotgun is cute? JAYNE: You could just go barefoot and keep to the kitchen. ZOE: Shotgun. MAL: All right, let’s go. Keep in touch. We’ll be at the hotel room. JAZ: Do we have to leave the ringer on? MAL: ‘Fraid so. I’ll read you poetry. JAZ: Ooh!

Scene 6 (Mal &Jaz’s Room, wave signal, lights go on)

ZOE: We’ve got it. MAL: Good, we’ll let the contact know. Everything went OK? ZOE: An quan. Rice wine all around. Jayne did drop a big crate on his foot. MAL: Once you catch your breath from laughing I’ll send the location for the shuttle to land. Jaz’s coming up in the other shuttle in a minute.

Scene 7 (unspecified rendezvous)

MAL: What do you mean you can’t take it all, Larry? LARRY: I mean we just can’t move that volume of goods right now. Supply exceeds demand as it is. The buyer said take it or leave it. JAYNE: Ta ma de hun dan! I say we shoot him. MAL: We shoot him we don’t get paid, but I’m sorely tempted. LARRY: Look, he’s still willing to pay top dollar in anticipation of scarcity later, but he just can’t take it all right now. Can you come back in a couple of weeks once he’s moved this? MAL: ‘Fraid not. We’ve got places to be. JAYNE: Places not here. ZOE: Looks like we’ll just have to take the offer and go Sir. MAL: Right. Get those pallets unloaded. LARRY: The credits will be in the account within five working days of the sale. Nice doing business with you folks. MAL: Right. Sheh sheh. Let’s go.

Scene 8 (Cargo hold catwalk)

MAL: Well, we can still sell it off the back of the mule. JAZ: Any ideas where to stash it or are you just going to lug it around? ZOE: It is kind of bulky, Sir. JAYNE: Didn’t seem like that much on the order screen. KAYLEE: Guess we got a little greedy. SIMON: It does boggle the mind a bit. RIVER: The volume is problematic. MAL: Doc, stock up the infirmary with whatever you can use. JAZ: At least we’ve got plenty of plasma expanders for the next time someone gets shot JAYNE: Don’t you mean if? JAZ: Not with this group. MAL: River, see if anyone’s laid claim to Haven again. Maybe our little company can come in useful after all. We only need one shaft, not the whole planet. ZOE: Maybe two shafts Sir. KAYLEE: Or three. We’ve still got salvage. (pan out to cargo bay full of crates, FULL) MAL: Now if we can just sell it all we can gold plate the engine. KAYLEE: You mei. ZOE: How about installing a tub? ALL FEMALES:....Oooooohhhh....

Scene 9 (Bridge, Jaz at com screen ending wave)

JAZ: Lotus Leaf LLC gets 3, the rest through the usual channels. Wave me when it’s done. (cuts call) RIVER: (enters) It’s an excellent purchase, adequate storage space. JAZ: (officially busted) That’s my hope. RIVER: You hold many large hopes, and even more fears. JAZ: Wind’s blowing in an unsettling direction again. Storm’s coming. I’m just trying to prepare as best I can and see as many safely through it as possible. RIVER: Secrets are better shared. JAZ: Not yet sweetie. I’m not quite ready yet. Can’t keep a secret from you though. RIVER: I can’t help it. JAZ: It’s not your fault. (hugs her) If I knew how to block you out I’d do it just to give you a moment’s peace. Better still I’d block out Jayne for you. RIVER: That would be a blessing. JAZ: Gifts with curses attached is a very old theme in Humanity’s collective unconscious. RIVER: You really don’t have a plan for me. JAZ: You are yours and no one else’s. Follow your heart little dancer, you won’t go far wrong. These are good people. Even Jayne has some redeeming qualities. RIVER: He’s getting better. JAZ: Everyone is. RIVER: When are you going to tell Mal? JAZ: When he needs it most, or when I have no choice. RIVER: And the others? JAZ: Probably not long after that. RIVER: Don’t feel badly about contingency planning. Your feelings are true,your heart’s right. Difficult decisions have to be planned for. Strategy saves lives, therefore getting the most use out of the materials at hand is simply intelligent. He won’t mind. Much. He’s not going to be happy with me for not telling him though. JAZ: Kuai qu hen yuan de di fang. RIVER: Won’t work. He never gives up. I’ll accept the spanking when it comes due. JAZ: Hard won wisdom for us all. If I can just give them a running start this time, water in the desert when it’s needed most. I just feel so.. RIVER: Duplicitous. (Jaz nods) Everyone has motives, usually more than one. At least you’re honest with yourself and recognize them. JAZ: Goodnight, and thank you for not skunking me out yet. (Hug) RIVER: You have an appropriate sense of timing. JAZ: Sweet dreams. RIVER: I hope so.