Originally written for ana_grrls Back to Firefly ficathon at Live Journal. Prompt #137 Lost without you. Warning : Character death. _____________________________________________

They stood in a loose group around the headstones, eerily reminiscent of long ago. Some things had changed however.

Mal and Inara hugged each other for comfort, two strong people who’d resolved their differences at last. Zoe stood strong and quiet, watching Wash’s headstone unblinkingly. Kaylee clung to Jayne and their daughter. And he – he stood alone.

Simon sank down beside the gravestone. “I’ll be lost without you mei mei. What am I going to do?”

He remembered the day his sister was born. How important he felt when he was allowed first into his mother’s room to see her. Beautiful River, face surrounded by a fuzz of brown hair, her wise baby eyes had regarded him steadily and he fell instantly in love, brotherly, protective.

That had never changed; their childhood had been punctuated by his attempts to either shield her from or prevent her causing trouble. He’d spent his entire life being alternately worried by, proud and protective of, his much loved sister.

It was natural for him, when River needed his help, to try immediately to solve the problem. Simon had given up his career, his position, his suddenly non-existent family to concentrate on River. First her rescue, then her recovery consumed all his interest.

He’d been so focused on River, her potential recovery, their salvation - that Simon in the end had pushed Kaylee away.

He regretted that, and mourned what they’d had. But as he watched the slowly growing relationship between the mechanic and mercenary he realised that Jayne gave Kaylee all his interest. Something Simon could never do, because his sister still needed him.

Much more stable since Miranda, she would never be wholly ‘better’. Simon still felt the overwhelming protectiveness for her he always had.

In the end River hadn’t been killed by the Blue hands, the Alliance, Reavers, or anything else that had terrified both of them. That manner of death, in a perverse way, would have made sense.

No, River had died in an accident and he hadn’t been there. All the time they spent together and he hadn’t been there. She wasn’t even supposed to be there. Flying Serenity grounded River, fighting didn’t. Despite her skills she rarely went on dangerous missions.

All she’d been doing was scouting the area before a job. Standing on a hill in the rain, an unexpected mudslide had swept his sister down the hillside, smothering her in mud. The others had nearly killed themselves digging her out, but it was too late.

They’d bought her back to the ship and despite knowing she was dead, he’d tried to revive her. He couldn’t.

For the second time in his life Simon had failed her and it hurt, it stung. His whole existence now was in question, a vital part of his life gone. He didn’t know what to do.

A large hand engulfed his elbow; Jayne as usual doing what the others couldn’t or wouldn’t and forcibly he was hauled to his feet and led back to Serenity; Jayne on one side, Kaylee on the other.

Silently he dropped onto the couch in the common room, acknowledging that their friends, their family, would want to look after him.

“Uncle Simon?” a small voice wavered and tear-filled eyes regarded him uncertainly.

“Trinty?” with Jayne’s dark hair and Kaylee’s hazel eyes, the little girl had often reminded him of a young River. When she wrapped her small arms round his neck, Simon buried his face in her hair – and cried.