The traditional obligatory offering to Boss Joss. Love the work, got bored, and decided to to run with it!

This is a story co-written with a very good friend of mine, aka DeanWinchester on here. Action, adventure, drama, sweet Kaylee/Simon stuff, and BIG DAMN hints of Mal/Inara.

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Inara was about to let out one of her typical Are you insane? comments on the captain, but she was halted as she realized the full gravity of what Mal had just asked. She opened her mouth to respond, but found herself unable to form words, only staring at Mal in disbelief.

“Why is it that I’m not as worried about your question as I am about the fact that you’ve asked it before?” she muttered, turning back around to scale the ladder. She doubted that he would ever understand the captain’s fixation.

"What? That was for a good cause. Of course that good cause had me getting married, but it had its good moments. Sides that was a bonnet." He called after her. He went up the ladder after she did and shut his hatch door. He followed behind her hands at his sides.

They walked towards the hall that would lead them down into the hangar bay, and passed it completely, leaving the captain more than a little perplexed.

“Wait, where we goin’?” Mal asked suddenly, pointing a thumb down the hall as she passed. “Your shuttle’s that way…”

“You honestly think I’d let you even touch one of mine?” she snapped back at him, making her way back towards the kitchen. “You really are mentally unstable, you know that?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She spun around, infuriated. “It means that while Kaylee is still being held hostage by a psychopath, you’re getting ready to play children’s games with him! Games that could get her killed!”

Mal saw the gawking face. "What?! I ain't seeing anyone else come up with some plans. This will work.”

Inara glared at him, unimpressed.

“…I think.”

Rolling her eyes, Inara wandered out of the hall and down onto the catwalk without waiting for him.

Mal followed close behind, struggling to prove himself to Inara. For whatever reason, he couldn’t guess. “No one would think Simon could bring River in without a fight. Those men know she won't be going willingly. Plus Draedon is gonna want her out cold. He doesn't want any complications and this way I can get in there with Simon and shoot some people. Jayne and Zoe come in behind us afterwards and handle the others."

They passed Zoe as they headed down the bunks. She was standing in front of Jayne's bunk hatch with a weapon ready to fire at him if he tried to get up there and hurt Simon and River.

Inara exhaled heavily as she let the plan sink in. He was more insane than she had initially thought. She had to will herself to close her mouth, changing their direction to the passenger dorms. As they entered River’s room, Inara quickly stepped over to the girl’s personal storage trunk, opening it with a sigh.

“There is no way you’ll be fitting into a single one of these,” she scoffed, pulling out the loosest article of clothing that she could find: a flowing short dress. “Here, try this on,” she winced, almost painfully.

Mal looked at the dress that she was holding for a long moment. "Oh pretty..." He said wistfully, reaching out. Once holding it, he cleared his throat nodding. "Sorry."

Mal looked at her like he was waiting on something. "Well? Turn around. Go on. I am just not that kinda man, Inara."

She scoffed as Mal implied that she’d wanted to watch him change. “Don’t flatter yourself,” she quipped, turning her back to him with a smirk. “Trust me; there is nothing in the known universe that would make me want to watch you put that dress on.” "Flatter myself? Yeah, you haven’t just been itching t’..." He was cut off with the struggling to get into the dress. For one he was a very large man. River she was extremely tiny. Almost paper thin. This was just awkward.

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There was only one ship.

River smirked, proud at her own discovery. Now that they would they were up against, there was a much higher chance that they could stop Draedon before he was able to hurt Kaylee any further. Suddenly, River’s smile disappeared and she shivered, her face going pale. A tremor was coursing through her.

“She’s afraid,” River stammered, the young mechanic’s own fear registering on the young girl’s face. Something was happening to Kaylee that was echoing through River’s awareness. They were going to hurt her.

Simon was finally getting some hope, but at River’s words, it was like he almost knew who she was talking about.

"Can you…do anything?" He asked desperately. Simon was grasping at straws, though. He knew his sister’s abilities didn't work that way, but Simon was a worrier by nature, and he was anxious as hell to rescue Kaylee from that madman. It was hard really. He didn't swear out loud, but at the moment, there were long lines of Chinese curses running through his mind. He wanted to make Draedon pay for hurting Kaylee, which was strange for Simon. Normally he didn't get this angry… Or this terrified.

River shook her head sadly, looking back at her brother with an apologetic frown. It didn’t work like that. As long as Kaylee was nearby, and River was attuned to her, she’d feel every emotion she was experiencing. But there was no way that River could reverse the process. She couldn’t ease the girl’s pain any more than she could tell the girl that they would stop at nothing to save her.

“She’s only scared…for now,” River clarified, explaining that they weren’t physically harming Kaylee just yet.

Simon felt an instant pang of relief and nodded looking down. "Thank God,” he visibly sighed, standing from his chair. “This will all be fixed soon, River, I promise. You're not going to go with that man, and we're getting Kaylee back. Mal, he'll come up with something. Whether its stealthy or barbaric, whatever the man does, we'll go along. It'll all turn out alright."

Was he convincing himself or River? Simon was hoping he had done both. He was still pretty worried, but he wasn't as freaked out as before. This was kind of easier than before. Before, it had been nonstop fear, fear, fear. Now it was fear, fear, worry. At least he was progressing.

River felt more assured with Simon pledging his loyalty to both of the women in his life. She nodded, humoring her brother as he tried to explain that everything would turn out alright. River had the distinct impression that things were about to get considerably more dangerous before they became “alright,” though.

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She crossed her arms, waiting patiently, if not a bit uncomfortably, as she heard clothing rustle as Mal forced his way into the dress. She coughed quietly, “And I’m insulted that you would assume that I would have wigs on hand. I’m a Companion, Mal, not a stripper.” She paused for a moment, and then stared up at the ceiling with a glare.

“And I’d appreciate it if you would cease whatever mental image you’re currently entertaining.” She fought the urge to glare at him, but decided against it. She certainly didn’t want to go down that road…again.

"Ew." He let out childishly, facing her back side. "Don't flatter yourself there 'nara,” he shot back at her, “You're a real nice girl, but not my type. For one, you light those things that make everything smell." He fixed the dress some and kicked his clothes to the side. Grabbing up his gun belt he held it at his side.

“For the last time, its incense!” she raged in annoyance. Men were impossible. Malcolm Reynolds, doubly so.

Mal ignored her annoyance, and studied himself in the mirror. "Hows it look?"

She spun around at Mal’s cue, and gnawed on her lower lip to keep herself composed. “It’s…convincing, I suppose…” she reached.

Across the ship, Zoe had suddenly left guarding Jayne's door. From she had gathered as Mal and Inara passed her, the Captain was talking about a plan. Moving through the ship, she followed their voices, until she came to River's room. Stepping inside, she bit back a smirk.

"Sir..." She trailed off, stiffening her posture mockingly. "You look lovely in your dress, sir." Mal nodded, almost satisfied by Zoe’s description.

Raising her hands, Inara tried to look as innocent as possible. “For the record, this was none of my idea.”

He glanced back at Inara with a pointed finger. Her comment about the wigs had suddenly registered with him. "And a whor…companion is a companion." He said cutting it close on the insult. He didn't want her pissed. He needed a few more things from her.

Inara rolled her eyes, although impressed by Mal’s save. Calling her a whore had been second nature to him for so long, and no matter how many times he insisted that it was out of disrespect for her line of work rather than for her, Inara couldn’t help but become infuriated whenever he sank so low to using the term.

"What? Sometimes men want a companion with blonde hair or something. Though for the life of me I don't see any man in his right man asking you to change who you is." He stopped abruptly realizing how that sounded. Ah now with the stupid gooky talk.

“Why Mal, that was dangerously close to being a compliment.” Inara accused, an amused smirk lighting her features.

"Come off it,” he muttered back. “That was no compliment. That was my big damn mouth talking without my permission. I better see to that." He frowned somewhat, and as he noticed the look on her face, he waved his hand at her dismissively.

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Anxiously, Simon made his way over to the hatch leading back to the main halls of the ship, opening it and peeking out into the crew hallway. He caught the last glimpses of Zoe standing over Jayne's hatch…with a gun trained on him? Not that he minded the thought of the ape under guard, but it seemed a bit extreme. Watching the woman wander off to other tasks, no doubt, Simon shut the door once more. He turned, pressing his back against it as he faced River once more.

"Zoe was guarding Jayne. That was…ah...well, a bit odd."

River smirked at the concept. “Jayne wouldn’t try to hurt me,” she insisted with a knowing glance to Simon. “He’d just end up unconscious again.” It was a matter of fact statement; the bumbling mercenary had tried more than once to get rid of her, to more than painful results to his person.

Simon took his seat in the chair again and raised an eyebrow. "He may not be able to hurt you, River, but I’m not exactly as limber or endowed in that department.” He said tugging at his collar some. “I'm pretty sure he could hurt me." Reaching up, Simon undid the top buttons of his shirt. He loosened his vest some and let out a slow easy sigh.

When her brother voiced his uneasiness about Jayne, River smirked. “I’ll protect you,” she teased, not at all worried about Simon’s safety, at least when it came to Jayne.

And speak of the devil, Jayne sauntered onto the bridge. River paid little mind to the burly man, content to spin back around and face the console.

Simon heard the door open and he spun around standing up in front of River's chair to face down Jayne. "It's not her fault." He insisted.

Jayne glared, eyeing the doctor up in down in annoyance. "I know that, ya idiot. Sit down I ain't gonna hurt ya. Hell I ain't even armed."

River was satisfied that at least he’d seemed to have calmed down considerably. “The man in black puffed himself up to scare us,” River then revealed to the thug, almost giddily. “But I knew better. If he were Alliance, he would too.” With this new information, River readjusted her search parameters, since now they were not looking for a legitimate Alliance vessel, per say.

Jayne gave River a confused look. There she went. Rattling on like a crazy person. He raised eyebrow and watched her suspiciously still. "You got some problems there." He said scratching his goatee. Turning to Simon he nudged him some, but enough so the doctor jerked. Sometimes Jayne didn't know his own strength around littler men like Simon.

Simon held his side where Jayne got him and glared. "What?" Jayne sneered and then found his words. "She saying this guy don't got no backup? That’s good, right? Easier for us, ‘n shittier for him."

River continued typing away at the main console, scanning the area for the correct size ship. Draedon wouldn’t be in some two-bit freighter, but he also wouldn’t have an Alliance frigate with him, either. Something midsize, with an altered ID signature to give the appearance of a legitimate Alliance ship.

“Found it,” she said abruptly, staring at the flashing emblem on the screen.

Well now they had their location, but there wasn’t much they could do except watch it orbit the far moon before the deal went down. It just occurred to her that they didn’t have a plan for dealing with this “bargain” that Draedon was offering Simon.

“The Captain should hear the news, Jayne,” she ordered sharply, not even condescending to look behind at the man.

Simon watched his sister work furiously. She was a force of nature. Just like that, she’d found the ship. Like a genius. He smiled in triumph and then she told Jayne to go tell the captain in her special way. Simon smiled proudly.

"You did it mei mei. I'm proud of you. Captain will love this."

Jayne grumbled and groaned as he went off to find the captain. Where was everyone?

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It took Inara a moment to sift through her belongings back at the shuttle, but not too long later, she emerged from her shuttle toting a black wool-knit shawl. She returned to River’s room, thrusting the cloth towards Mal. “I wash my hands of this whole idea,” she stated plainly, again finding it hard not to look away, and even harder not to laugh as the normally brutish and proud Captain Reynolds stood before her in a lilac colored dress.

She watched Mal curiously as he reached out, taking it. The Captain then set about the work of gently tying it around his face. He actually knew how to secure one of those, which was even scary to her.

Finally, Jayne got further into the ship to where he was in River's room. He stood awe struck at the site of Mal in a dress. "Ta ma duh!" He said throwing his hands in front of his eyes.

Mal put his arms at his sides and gave a smile. He looked down at himself groaning. "Man I am one ugly..." That when he saw Jayne in door frame. "Gorramit!" He said running to hide behind something. He didn't need Jayne making fun of him.

Inara stifled a giggle as Jayne appeared on the scene, and she shifted to a decidedly “you reap what you sow” expression. She lifted a hand to her mouth, turning around to offer a smirk to Zoe. This was getting more obscure by the moment.

Mal looked anxious and uncomfortable in this situation. He was planning on waltzing into the bridge and acting like he was ok with this, but they had surprised him. He just wasn't ready, damn it. The expressions coming off Zoe and Inara were enough. He rolled his eyes trying to hide somewhat behind, but not having any luck.

"Ai ya!" He shouted waving them off.

"River found the ship." Jayne nearly yelled, his eyes still masked from the terrible, nightmarish sight of Mal in a dress which ended at his gorram knees.

Stepping into sight, Mal glared at Jayne and then perked up at the things he had to say.

The mercenary’s sudden revelation made Inara spin around with shock. “She did?” the Companion exclaimed. “Thank God.” She exhaled deeply, as if she’d been holding it this entire time. Half the battle was already over.

“So what now, Captain?” Inara asked pointedly, almost pressingly. They knew where Kaylee was, and now it was up to Mal to save her.

River kept the sensors locked on the ship in question, orbiting just behind the horizon of the moon. But as she sensed the commotion back in her own room, the girl rushed off to meet them, leaving Simon behind. She stood at the doorway, her head cocking to one side as she stared at Mal, trying to hide from their gaze. It was odd to see the captain wearing one of her dresses…poorly.

Mal began pacing the room, rubbing at his face as the cogs turned in his mind. "Good, that’s very...River!" He said quite loudly looking to Inara.

“Shouldn’t Jayne be the girl?” she asked bluntly, studying the bulky man up and down curiously. Inara tried her best to block any and all mental images that the young girl’s comments sent to her.

Mal laughed out loud and looked at Jayne. "As much as that would be a lovely sight, but they ain't gotta no body to help us with the aftershock of seeing Jayne in one so I'm the one in the dress today."

Simon noted his sister running like a mad man out of the bridge. He looked around confused and got up following her. "River..." He called out after her. He was worried actually. Then like that he was staring at Malcolm Reynolds the renegade cowboy standing there in his little sisters dress. Gulping he put his hand against the wall to hold himself up.

"Oh my..." He said putting his hand to his mouth. He looked down hiding a smile. Stepping into the room more he looked away.

Mal growled under his breath. Oh, fucking great. The Doctor. He put his hand to his head and nodded. "Yes I'm in a dress. Everyone sit down I got a plan." He said reaching around behind him to pick at the fabric close to his rear.

Jayne, on the other hand, had found River’s joke less than amusing. Glaring at at the girl, he moved to jump her, but Zoe grabbed his arm pulling him back. "We're listenin' Mal."

.................................. To be continued! Please R&R! ..................................

Chinese Translation: mei mei – little sister Ta ma duh! – Dammit! ai ya! – Damn!

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