The traditional obligatory offering to Boss Joss. Love his work, got bored, and decided to to run with it!

This is a story co-written with a very good friend of mine, aka DeanWinchester here at FF.net. Humor, smut, jealousy, with just a dash of angst thrown in later chapters to make things interesting. ;-D Bask in the Mal/Inara-ness!

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The captain stepped into the bridge, taking a seat in the pilot’s chair as he began his time honored tradition of mocking Inara when she wasn't looking. Lifting up his hands, he turned them both into his little puppets. Mal raised his left hand dubbing that Inara and his right himself.

"I'm Inara and I think I'm just so pretty and graceful, but really I'm boring and I have bad hair." His voice went up high.

"I'm Mal and I'm just so ruggid and good looking sometimes its hard to keep the women off me." His voice went deep.

"Oh my God I picked the wrong pigheaded weirdo to sell my breasts too. Save me Mal!"

"Just this once, but later you will ah...uh...rub my feet!" He bellowed.

"Alright. Shoot him you manly man. You saved me!" With that he flung his left hand towards his right.

"No need to thank me. It's what I do. Since I'm so terrifically strong and brave." He backed his right hand up making it tense up.

"Oh your so hunky and I'm just so frumpy. Its hard to be me when I put on this act to be perfect. I really should fix my hair."

"That you should, that you should…"

Jayne, who had left the tranquility of his weight bench, deciding he didn't want to be alone with the whack job around a big set of weights, felt he'd have a word with Mal. Moving through the corridors, he purposely ignored the kitchen, knowing the lovey couple would be in there. Coming into the cockpit, he found Mal talking and making hand puppets. He stood for a couple minutes in the doorway watching him.

"If your goin' crazy, do I get the ship?" Jayne asked, stepping inside. Mal jerked and spun around facing the other man.

"Jayne if I died you still wouldn't get this ship. What'd ya need?" He asked, spinning back around in his chair as he crossed his arms purposefully.

"Wonderin' when we was gonna take to leaving? I hate being on leave when I can't get myself a proper girl."

Mal glanced back at the mercenary, confused. "You're idea of a proper girl is one who you gotta pay… and we can't leave till Inara's new boytoy decides to show." He grumbled, facing the controls again.

"Wha? We gotta wait on her now? That just ain't fair, Mal. We's always waiting on Inara and her boys." He protested almost looking like he was gonna stomp like a child.

"Won't be long. Go wait in the hold. Lift some weights....better yet you wanna be of some use, you wait down there and when this guy comes you use the com and tell me. I wanna see who's traipsing around on my ship." With that, the Captain gave a nod and Jayne left.

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Inara stepped along the catwalk, utterly steaming at the mere thought of Malcolm Reynolds. The nerve of that man! He infuriated her to no end. Staring hard ahead, she stomped across the walkway and up the small flight of steps to her shuttle entrance.

Stepping inside, she turned the corner, coming face to face with River. She bit back a scream, literally jumping back from the teenager. It took her a moment to get over the initial shock, but she took a deep breath, trying to relax herself.

“River, you startled me, honey,” Inara breathed out, raising a hand to her chest.

River stared at her blankly for a moment. “Gan yu meng xiang…” River said nonchalantly, bumping gently passed Inara as she made her way out of the room.

The Companion’s mouth dropped open in even more shock, knowing all too well what she was talking about. She’d almost hoped that River wasn’t the special young lady that she was. Reading minds was one of the talents that Inara found most unpleasant about the girl. Her face now beet red, she huffed as she slid the door harshly behind her to close herself in.

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Mal was quietly drumming his fingers on the front console. His legs on the ground having his feet gently push the chair rotating it, but stopping so he didn't fully turn. He heard Zoe before she was inside with him.

"Were not moving, just so you know." He said not bothering to look back at her. Zoe nodded and took up post next to Mal.

"What had you all steamed up and pouting in the kitchen?" She asked putting his hand on the captain’s seat.

"Nothing. I'd rather not talk about my behavior. If you wanna badger someone try Inara. 'Oh yeah Mal I forgot to tell you how I'm bringing one of my suck up cry baby clients onto your ship.’" He was mocking her again, yes. But it wasn't uncommon coming from Malcolm Reynolds.

"So you're not upset at all, I see." Zoe said rolling her eyes and backing up. She took a seat in the second chair and put her feet up on the console side glancing at Mal.

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Jayne was slow to move all the way through the ship. Coming back to the upper catwalks of the main hold, he heard a shuttle door close loudly. Turning towards the sound, he found it coming from Inara's shuttle and River coming his way. Something the girl had said must have upset her.

River smirked as the door to Inara’s shuttle slammed shut. That woman needed to get her cage rattled a bit, from what River observed. She knew that she unnerved people when she revealed that she knew what they dreamed. But Inara was just so obvious.

Jayne gave a snicker and passed River. He gave her a nudge with his elbow and took the stairs all the way down to the hold.

She caught the glimpse of Jayne traipsing down the stairs, and she followed him silently in bare feet.

Instead of taking a seat at the weight bench he plopped down on the bottom step. He pulled his knife from his boot and held it up in front of his eyes. He dug out his rag from his pocket and started the cleaning of it. He was watching for the pretty boy Mal mentioned.

As she reached the bottom of the stairs, River hopped over the railing, landing beside Jayne with only the metal standing between them. She glanced at the weights from the corner of her eye.

“Need a spotter?” she asked, leaning on the railing as she stared at Jayne questioningly. She seemed genuinely curious, as if she actually wanted to spend time with the burly mercenary.

Jayne was sharpening the blade on the railing when he heard River. He looked up and then back at his knife. Running the rag across the cold steel. Placing his knife bath in his boot he put the rag in his pocket. Standing up he eyed the girl. She did have some strength and some moves. It wouldn't hurt.

"If you drop it on me you better believe I'll hold your dear brother hostage." Jayne was smart enough to know he couldn't take her. He wasn't an idiot. Most days at least. Going over he plopped down his back to the weights and lay backwards. Moving directly under them he put his arms upward wrapping his hands around the steel bar. He waited on River to hover over head. Once he saw her face he removed the weight from the cradle and pushed it upwards. His muscles tightening.

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Little more than an hour later, River was now lying back on the bench, pressing a good 90 pounds on the bar. She counted silently to herself, now on number 23. She’d barely broken into a sweat. River was quite a tiny girl, but the tinkering with her brain by the Alliance had endowed her with a heightened endorphin releasing reaction in her brain, and well as enhanced adrenaline control in her brain. She could focus her mind enough to perform incredible feats for one so deceivingly fragile and weak. So, for a seventeen year old girl, she had the potential to get pretty ripped. She hit number 30, and lifted the bar up to its rack, letting it drop back down with a crash. River slid into a sitting position as she heard footsteps coming up Serenity’s ramp. Of course, she’d been aware of them for several minutes beforehand, now.

From the open hatch, a young man in his early twenties stepped into the cargo hold, hands in the pockets of his worn and rugged yet obviously costly leather jacket. Despite his clean appearance - hair short and styled neatly – the stranger still had the look of someone more in step with the crew’s lifestyle than say, Simon. He caught sight of Jayne and River bench pressing, and stepped up to them with a friendly wave.

“Excuse me,” he said with a polite smile, “I’m, uh, looking for Inara Serra? I was told she resided on this ship?”

Kaylee stepped out onto the catwalk, and apple clutched in her fingers as she munched away on it noisily. She’d left Simon, utterly worn out yet blissfully satisfied, sleeping in his bunk. She was still awfully hungry. Smiling with contentment, Kaylee took a large bite out of the fruit, glancing down at River and Jayne with interest. Seemed like they were getting along famously…in some disturbing way.

Her head perked up as the boy entered the cargo bay. She smirked, assuming that this could be none other than Inara’s mystery man that they’d heard rumbling off not too long ago.

Jayne had become quite impressed with the girls power and strength. She was a very tricky little girl. He was pretty stunned at the first five reps she did the rest he had gotten used to it. Without giving her a hand she had put it away and sat up. Jayne stood back with a smirk.

He was suddenly alerted of the man’s entrance. He jerked and dug the black walkie from his pocket he had been holding. Trying his best to clutch it he hurried and radioed Mal with his back to the man. Sliding it into his pocket he turned back around to face him.

"You must be her new boytoy." He moved past River putting on his best intimidating face he could muster. On his way over Jayne removed the knife from the sheath under the back of his shirt. Holding it up he stood close to the boy staring down at him. "What's your name?" He asked glaring down into his eyes.

“Listen, I…I don’t want any trouble,” The young man lifted his hands up in defense. River watched the scene with little interest.

“She’s been waiting for you,” River commented with a smirk. “But he’s been waiting for her much longer.” Her cryptic words were muted as River took a long drink from Jayne’s water bottle, wandering off towards the infirmary bay doors.

The young newcomer stared at her in confusion, a lost smile crossing his face. “Ok…” But Jayne’s proximity brought him back into a sense of danger. Maybe this wasn’t where Inara was…

Inara heard the familiar voice echoing through the hold, as well as the commotion outside, and she stood up from her settee, pushing her sliding door open with a little effort. She stepped out of her shuttle, noticing Mal and Kaylee out of the corner of her eye, but not entirely paying attention to them at the moment. Resting her hands on the ledge, she stared down at the young man with a shocked smile. She hadn’t’ seen him in so long, she almost didn’t recognize him.

“Feyden?”

The young man lifted his head, and smiled in relief. “Hello Inara,” he replied warmly.

Inara felt he huge burden of waiting lift from her as she ran her hand along the bar on the railing. “Feyden Karan, I never imagined to see you here.”

He followed her movements with reverent interest. “I heard you were planet side. Thought I’d stop by. Glad I caught you before your crew left.”

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Mal had almost fallen asleep up in the bridge, but the sound of Jayne's voice in his ear made him jerk awake. Zoe glanced back at the captain, confused. Jayne must have told him. She found it amusing, watching the captain leap from his chair and race out of the bridge.

Mal jumped the stairs down into the kitchen. He was moving fast for a man who usually took things slow. He slowed once he felt he was close enough to the main hold. He caught his breath and stood behind a corner.

He smoothed his shirt out and fixed his suspenders. Putting on his captainy look, he cleared his throat. He strolled out quietly and that’s when he noticed Kaylee. Taking up a post beside her, he leaned forward putting his elbows on the railing and letting his arms dangle out over the edge. He watched with a smile as Jayne stepped up to make the man nervous. A chuckle escaped him.

"That him?" He asked side glancing at Kaylee nervously. He didn't exactly want Jayne intimidating strangers who could pay them.

Kaylee heard rustling down the steps, but kept her eyes on the stranger who’d just come aboard. She smirked without looking at Mal as he tried to nonchalantly enter the catwalk.

“Seems so,” Kaylee nodded cheerfully. “He’s quite a looker, ain’t he?” She mused with another small bite of her apple. It was just an innocent observation. And besides, just cause she was spoken for didn’t mean she couldn’t admire.

Mal did a side long glare at Kaylee. "You know just cause you're a good mechanic don't mean I can't kick you off my boat."

Mal had no intention of doing that, but he wasn't about to hear about this guys good looks. Jayne seemed to back off some hearing Inara. Lord knew the bigger man hated her fits when she was upset with him. He slipped his knife into its sheath and went to his weight bench. Mal on the other hand stayed watching the two with a hint of dislike in his eyes. He was jealous, but the captain wasn't about to go telling everybody.

Rushing down the stairs in an uncharacteristic fashion, Inara trotted across the floor toward him. Feyden immediately opened his arms to the Companion, wrapping her in a big hug, which she accepted and returned with equal enthusiasm.

"He's not as good looking as me right?" He asked watching the two of them hug. She hugged him! Inara didn't hug like that. She was curtsey and be proper lady. Oh boy this was going to be the absolute worst day ever. Hell he was staying longer than that which irritated Mal more. He turned nudging Kaylee quite hard, but he didn't really notice.

Kaylee glanced sidelong at Mal as he ranted about Inara. Talk about paranoid. Kaylee rolled her eyes at Mal’s questioning, but decided to play it safe. “Of course not, Cap’n,” Kaylee humored him was a pat on the back. “You’re probably the damn near prettiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on…but sadly I’m already spoken for,” she teased, crunching on the apple piece floating in her mouth.

“Wu liu tian shi,” Feydan groaned with a chuckle as he held Inara in a tight embrace, lifting her off the ground for a moment. The Companion giggled softly, breaking out into full on, infectious laughter as she was placed back on the ground after a few spins in Feyden’s grasp. Removing his hands from around her waist, he lifted them to frame her face gently. “If it’s possible you look more radiant than ever.”

Her expression softened, raising a brow incredulously. “Xiao gui,” she muttered back teasingly, pulling him in to another affectionate hug. They kissed cheeks, and pulling back after a moment, Inara lifted a hand to trace the young man’s cheek in a loving manner. “How are you?” She asked with a quietly concerned expression.

Feydan placed his own hand delicately on top of hers. “Better…now.” He pulled away, offering his arm to her formally.

"She giggled." He protested in a low hiss. "She doesn't giggle. You think this is some companion gag? Maybe he gets all hot under the collar with this kind of attention..." He trailed off watching his eyes glued on the scene.

Below, Inara shook her head with a modest grin, hooking her arm into his. “Run-tse duh fwe-tzoo, what are you doing here? Last I heard, you were on Sihnon.”

He glanced up at the ship, politely studying it. “Well you know, plans change. Life goes on.”

“They do seem close now, don’t they,” Kaylee observed, not at all fazed by the implication that Inara had an old flame visit. It was an adorable change of pace for the usually cool and collection young lady.

"They're practically going through foreplay in my hold!" Mal yelped to Kaylee.

“Oh, don’t make such a fuss about it, Cap’n. They’re just bein’ friendly. Know that might be a foreign conept to ya…” Resting her chin on her free hand, Kaylee watched dreamily as Inara reunited with the mysterious Feyden. He seemed nice, she thought with a grin, but her thoughts were interrupted as Mal snatched her apple right out from her hand.

Reaching over he jerked her apple from her hand. "I need this more than you."

“Hey!” She complained, reaching out for the fruit, but it was too late.

The captain wasn't thinking as he launched his arm forward and sent the apple sailing towards the touchy couple. Reaching out, Kaylee caught empty air as it soared through the air, striking Feyden jacket shoulder. When Mal realized what he had done he turned to glare at Kaylee.

"Kaylee!" He said quite loudly. "I told you to throw away your trash I didn't mean that litterally!" He shouted shaking his head. "Sometimes..." He rounded her and went down the catwalk.

Kaylee stared hard at the Captain, her mouth wide in shock and insult. “Me? Why’d ya go and take my apple for…” Mal stalked off before she could finish, and in a huff, she crossed her arms, now glaring down as the Captain wandered off to introduce himself.

Feyden, feeling the soft impact, glanced down with a surprise chuckle and picked up the apple, glancing up at Kaylee. “You missed, wai maoer,” He waved the half-eaten fruit in her direction.

Inara’s expression was not quite as forgiving, catching Mal’s tone immediately as he tried to blame the hurling projectile on Kaylee. The Companion’s eyes were cold and furious, and she bore a hole through Malcolm Reynolds as he moved towards the stairs.

Mal took it easy as he went down them trying not to seem so eager. When he reached the floor of the main hold, he dusted his hands off on his pants, extending one to Feyden.

"Malcolm Reynolds...captain of this here ship." He added with a hint of a smile.

Feyden hadn’t noticed the expressions that the crew were exchanging, and graciously extended his hand to the Captain. “Pleasure to meet you Captain. I’m Feyden Karan.” He glanced over at Inara, the raging fire in her gaze clearly evident. Feyden coughed involuntarily. “I take it Inara’s never mentioned me before.”

Inara’s face remained stoic. “Never came up,” she mentioned coolly. The message behind her eyes was a mystery to all by Mal. It was one he’d seen many a time, easily read by him as, Don’t you even think of making a fool out of me, Malcolm Reynolds, or so help me, you will live to regret ever being conceived. But on the outside, Inara was the picture of calm.

Mal's concern wasn't upstairs towards Kaylee, but it was directed on this Feyden character. What kinda name was that anyways? Hell it wasn't a name. Sounded more like a planet or something dumb like that. Now Malcolm, that was a strong name. A real one. One people named their normal children. Maybe he wasn't normal…maybe he had a tail? Oh that'd be perfect.

He almost snapped, but his hand was being held by Feyden’s now. As they shook hands Mal added some pressure. Actually quite a bit. You could see obviously see the blood rush from the young mans hand. He stared hard into his eyes, but the entire time he had a smile on his face.

"Nice to meet you." He glanced at Inara and paid no mind to her evil eye. Mal didn't listen to her before, so why would that change now? "Not a peep from the old girl about you, I’m afraid. But our dear Inara was always a bit too busy with her clients and such. Running amuck with female senators and rich little men. You know. Having herself a ball." He let the man’s hand go and stood back. Putting his hands on his waists. "Right...let me introduce that big ole scary man who had the knife."

With that introduction Jayne's head lifted up from what he was currently occupying his time with. Getting up he strolled over putting his hands on his belt. Jayne just liked scaring new people. This wasn't him help get revenge with Mal it was just him being Jayne. He looked the kid up and down and sneered. "Looks real tiny. You think he'll go far?" He asked glancing to Mal.

"I don't know. You could get the cannon and we could try it out. You wanna play a game, Freyden?" He asked tilting his head.

"Nah Mal. I don't think he'll go more then ten yards. Too light. Now Jimmy he went far." Jayne stated reaching behind him to remove his weapon from the sheath. "You think if I cut that there right ear off we could get some money from Badger." Mal gave Jayne a swat to the stomach chuckling lightly.

"Down Jayne. You know we don't cut off body parts from folks...that is awake." He gave him a innocent smile and raised his eyebrows. "Now you two crazy kids have some fun. Inara by the way Zoe done got those sheets of yours cleaned up. That gook came right out, but the brown spot was a might bit of trouble you can hardly tell its there."

Jayne backed up and went off snickering holding his knife. Mal gave the two of them the brightest smile he could muster up. Boy, was he having a good time with this. He turned his back on them, but stopped spinning around his heels.

"Oh damn I almost forgot. 'Nara the doctor told me in the kitchen what you thought you caught from the big bald guy its not a problem. Theres itching, but otherwise your golden. Have fun." He gave his head a tilt and backed up.

As they made their way up the stairs, Inara tried her best to remain calm, but with Mal and Jayne’s comments, her mind steamed with all manner of unseemly curses in both Chinese and English and any other languages that she could muster up in silence. Inara had some tolerance when it came to Mal’s screwing around, honestly she did. But that ever diminishing amount of patience was about to run out.

About to? Hell, she’d been running on empty for the last twenty miles. At this point, she had a mind to ask Jayne how much it would cost to borrow his knife for a few minutes.

“I’m really sorry, Feyden. The Captain can be a bit of a…louse, I suppose would be the best term. Jayne… doubling so.” she scoffed, letting the mood lighten a bit. “Please don’t pay any attempt to the rabble rousers.”

Feyden laughed quietly, amused by how uncomfortable Inara was with all this. He liked to think of himself as a good judge of character, and he could sense friendly teasing when he heard it. “Relax, Inara, I don’t mind. They were just trying to rattle thing up a little, is all. I’m sure they’re nice guys once I get to know them.”

“Gou kou bu chu xiangya,” she hissed out as they reached the top of the stairs.

Kaylee trotted up from her spot against the railing, shooting her hand out energetically towards Feyden. “Name’s Kaylee,” she let out cheerily. Anxiously, she scratched the side of her neck as she tried to think of something else to say. “Sorry bout the apple,” she glared down at the captain subtly.

Feyden took her hand gently, kissing the top of her palm. Kaylee blushed to the roots of her hair. “Wonderful to meet you Kaylee.”

Inara was relieved to find at least one friendly voice on board. “Kaylee is a very dear friend of mine,” she explained with a warmer smile at the young mechanic. Kaylee beamed at her admission.

“Well, I’m even happier to meet you, then,” Feyden countered with a wide, shining grin.

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Simon had been blissfully asleep for most of the day. He was enjoying his rest after his "recreations" with Kaylee. He had to admit the girl had some stamina. Finally he rolled over to find that she wasn't in bed with him anymore.

Yawning, he sat up, his hair tussled and eyes bright and looking for his lover. Nothing. Reaching over onto the floor he found his shirt. Simon wasn't one to wear used clothes unless he had to. Picking it up the doctor folded it neatly and put it on his chair. He went to his clothes and plucked a fresh clean white shirt. He shrugged it on and buttoned it up. Quietly he smoothed it out and grabbed a vest.

Slinging that on, he buttoned it and straightened it. He took worn pants off the floor and slung it over the back of the chair. He grabbed a fresh pair and slipped them on. Tucking his shirt in, he buttoned and zipped. Changing his socks he pulled his shoes on. The doctor smoothed his hair down. Pushing it back with some water from the sink outside his room he smiled accepting himself. Better.

He checked the kitchen not finding her there. Putting his hands behind his back he checked the corridors and the engine room. Nothing. Next best place was the main hold. Strolling onto the catwalk he let his hands fall. There at the top of the stairs was Kaylee, Inara and a man. He wasn't intimidated or easily put in a pressure situation as Mal. He put on his best smile and made his way over. He showed no signs of worry. Just happiness and ease.

"New friend?" He asked glancing between the three.

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Mal was less than thrilled about this guy’s arrival. He stood in the main hold, watching them walk up hand and hand happy. Mal stuck his hands in his pockets and his face took on a sadder expression. He was more upset than he'd tell anyone. Looking down, he nodded. He was no dummy. He got the point. He was just feeling a bit upset about it all. He had been spending a lot of time with Inara since he was getting better from the wounds. He just got used to her company and such. He figured now it was time for her to return to her life.

Mal just wasn't feeling like himself anymore. No more bubbling. Sulking probably. Looking up once more there was Simon and Kaylee being nice to this guy. That was just enough. With a huff he went to the staircase. He was going to go whine to Zoe she'd listen and least then he didn't feel as bad about it.

He pushed passed the foursome and without so much as a look back or a glance the captain disappeared from sight. He was moving at a slow speed to the bridge. He wasn't sure he wanted to stick around and watch her make eyes at her new boy. He wanted to be as far away from whatever noise they'd be making as he could get.

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To be continued! Please R&R ..................................

Chinese Translation: wu liu tian shi = my lovely angel xiao gui = little demon [an endearment] Run-tse duh fwe-tzoo = Merciful Buddha* Gan yu meng xiang = Dare to dream wai maoer = mischievous child gou kou bu chu xiangyá = “Nice words won't come from a bad source.”

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