BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - ADVENTURE

DAVE412294

A fresh start
Saturday, October 28, 2006

just put this togther let me know what you think and i might post more.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1120    RATING:     SERIES: FIREFLY

It the pax the g23 paxolon hydroclorate that we added to the to the air procuress, these are the words that shocked the verse it was hard to believe that six months ago Malcolm rendolds had shown everyone how bad the alliance could be. The alliance was regaining its full strength after there numbers had been depleted after a lot of the soldiers could not take working for such tyrants. For those on board the harbinger life was still pretty much the same. Nina sat in her bunk remembering how she came to be the captain of the harbinger and how she had meat her new family. The harbinger was a firefly class ship, for the captain Nina rook the harbinger was all she had left of her family. Nina had been bought up by her grandmother and her farther when he wasn't away doing a cargo run. It was when on one of these simple runs when his pilot decided he would make a better captain. In the ensuing battle on the bridge Nina farther was shot by the pilot. The rest of his crew managed to subdue him he is currently rotting in an alliance prison.

When Nina was 22 her grandmother passed away in her sleep, after the funeral Nina decided it was time to leave newfall and see the rest of the verse. Before she could leave she needed a crew she could trust. Nina went to see her father's old friend and war buddy Tommy fur. Tommy had suggested she stay on newfall as the verse is no place for a young women. Nina gave him a look that would turn a man to stone and told him she would do it with or without his help, Tommy could tell she was being serious and he owed to his old friend to keep an eye on his daughter besides he could do with getting of this rock before the boredom killed him. Tommy put together a crew as best he could. Rico was a good pilot he had chose to fight in the unification war where he discovered his incredible skill behind the wheel of a ship. Rico was assigned to be a bomber pilot, he was doing a great job until he was shot down by an alliance patrol. He was taken to a small isolated POW camp where the alliance proceeded to interrogate him for information. Once the alliance realized that they were not going to get anything out of the loyal solider they decided to upgrade there interrogation to torture. During one of his sessions with the men he had come to know as frank and ren a young alliance solider stepped into the tent he couldn't have been older than eighteen but his worn face looked as if had seen to much of this war torn planet. Frank seemed less than pleased by the interruption, frank walked over to the solider it was then Rico heard a large crack it sounded like a gun shot. Frank fell to his knees holding his chest frank looked at the solider "why" the gun was raised towards frank's head another loud crack echoed out and frank sloped to the floor. By now ren was raising his pistol but his reflex's where to slow by the time he had bought his gun level he had three bullets logged in his chest he felt a sharp pain then everything went black. The alliance solider approached Rico and proceeded to cut him loose "we ain't got long there will soon be seven men coming, there's a captured angel on the outer side of the base you think you can fly it" Of course i can, why are you helping me we are supposed to be enemies" "if i had a choice i wouldn't be here but sine i don't i sure as hell ain't going to let anyone be tortured now when we get out of the building you are going to run north and fly that angel out of here got it" "what about you there would be plenty of room" "i have to hold back the troops that are no doubt on there way and you know i ain going to welcome at a browncoat camp now get going before its to late" "thank you for your help and good luck". Rico ran for the angel that was waiting for him as he did he good her automatic weapons going off behind him. As he lifted the angel of the ground he saw his helper take a shot in the solider and go down. He checked the supply's on board he was carrying a full load he targeted the advancing troops and opened up with the mounted cannons and mowed down the troops. He hovered over where his helper was the solider slowly got to his feet he raised his hand and waved he then set of walking down the camp and that was the last Rico saw of the alliance solider. After the war Rico could not land much work the only jobs he was offered was working on the backwater moon of newfall transporting goods for local then he was approached by Tommy fur offering him a job flying a firefly class ship Rico nearly bit his hand of. Hanna was a great mechanic one of the best on newfall not that there were many ships that would travel to her frontier town. She had been a smart grill from the moment she was born and as she grew up she developed a love for machines. Hanna taught her self how a engine worked by taking apart her farthers machinery on his ranch much to his disapproval. It was when a transport ship landed on newfall with engine troubles that she had her first chance to work on a real engine which she found was not much different to her farthers machine. It was on board this ship that she meat Luke vont a doctor who was traveling to persphonie for a new job offer. The pair hit it off strait away and after many mouths of waves to each outer Luke left his job on persphonie and moved to newfall and within a few weeks the happy couple where married. It was then the unification war broke out and Luke volunteered to go to help out alliance in any way he could much to Hanna's disapproval. After the war had ended Luke returned a changed man. He was no longer the kind caring man he was when Hanna tried to comfort him or talk about what had happened he would simply stare blankly at space and say "i don't wish to talk about it". After a couple of weeks she finally got him to open and revel the horrible truths of what had happened during his time away. Despite what she had been told Hanna loved her husband and was prepared to stand by him. It was a stroke of luck then that a tall stocky man by the name of Tommy ren called on her to offer her a job as a mechanic aboard a firefly class ship. Hanna agreed to the job on the condition that Luke was taken on as well Tommy knew he would struggle to get another mechanic at such short notice and besides a doc could come in handy.

COMMENTS

Monday, October 30, 2006 8:41 AM

WASHPILOT


Lots of good information, but a tad bit boring to read. Try seperating them into paragraphs and work on the fleshing out of the story a bit more. Like I said, you've got good information, but it's just too short of a "story" to do anything with it. Also, you tend to mix up your tenses a lot. Make sure to capitalize important names like Alliance. Here's an example with what you can do with the first paragraph:

-----------

"It was the PAX. The g23 paxolon hydroclorate that we added to the air procuress."

These were the words that shocked the verse. It was hard to believe that six months ago, Malcolm Reynolds had shown everyone how bad the Alliance could be.

A lot of the soldiers couldn't take working for such tyrants, and as such, the Alliance numbers had been depleted. But they were regaining their full strength again.

However, for those on board the Harbinger, life was still pretty much the same. Nina sat in her bunk, remembering how she came to be the captain of the Harbinger, and how she had meet her new family.

The Harbinger was a Firefly class ship, and for Nina Rook, the Harbinger was all she had left of her family. Nina had been bought up by her grandmother and her father when he wasn't away doing a cargo run. It was when on one of these simple runs when his pilot decided he would make a better captain. In the ensuing battle on the bridge, Nina father was shot by the pilot. The rest of his crew managed to subdue him, and he was now rotting away in an Alliance prison.

------------

See, it makes it a bit easier to read. I hope this helps. :D


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A fresh start
just put this togther let me know what you think and i might post more.