Serenity: New Beginnings

To James, on the anniversary of his 30th birthday. Thanks for the motivation for me to get off my butt and start writing. Or, actually, to get on my butt and start writing. Love, Carolyn

Chapter 1

There I was, savin’ the day again. Just surprised it was Zoe and not Mal who’d messed things up.

She can hold herself just fine in a fire fight, and she’s saved my skin a couple times, so don’t go telling anybody I said that.

But there we were, almost done with the job, new buyer, and it was a little tense. Always is dealing with new folk. Our reputation had pray-ceeded us, as Mal might say. Just one core-worlder (could tell by his shoes, just like the doc’s when he first came on board), and two guards. Could tell that the goons were relaxed, but the buyer was nervous as a Shepherd in a whorehouse. Beads of sweat on his forehead, and he kept going into his vest to look at his pocket watch, tryin’ to show off that he had a gun under there.

I figured, if fightin’ did break out, we could take ‘em. But it looked like there wouldn’t be the need.

“Pleasure doin’ business with you,” Mal said. The buyer and his goons moved aside to let us out the door.

Well that was easy, I thought to myself.

Things started to go wrong when Zoe retched all over the buyer.

He was so startled he let his trigger finger go, and blew a hole clean through his fancy shoes. His hired muscle started firin’ pretty soon after that.

I never thought someone throwin up would be good tactics, but since she was down on all fours, the bullets missed her completely.

“Zoe!”

That was Mal, rushing over to her. Mal was on her left, and I was on her right. I let Vera say a few words while Mal grabbed Zoe and dragged her back towards the table where we’d just completed the deal. Before he had a chance to, I kicked the table over to give us more cover. It was cover all right, but we were going the wrong way.

To top it all off, somehow, Mal had dropped the money. I picked it up with my free hand, and stuffed it into my pants. Aint no way the money was getting left this time.

Mal, of course, missed all this, ‘cause he was tending to Zoe. “You OK?” He asked. He looked really worried. He must have been really worried, because even when Mal’s plans go south, which they always do, at least he always knows where the money is.

“Will be shortly, sir,” Zoe replied, wiping her hand over her mouth. “Just your cookin’ from last night, is all,” she deadpanned. Mal smiled at that, and so did I. Nice to see she had a sense of humor about it, even though we was trapped in this room, on the wrong end of the exit.

Now Mal turned back to me. “Jayne, make a hole!” he yelled.

“Mei wen ti , cap’n,” I replied.

Now, I am always prepared in a firefight. Never run outta ammo, unless it’s Reavers, and they don’t fight fair, not layin’ down and all. I casually took one of the grenades off my belt, tossed it nice and slow over the cargo crates, and covered my ears.

Even though my ears was covered, I’m pretty sure I heard the pansy scream.

I’d done a pretty fine shot. Not only had my grenade cleared out the room, it also made another hole we could exit from.

“Let’s go,” Zoe said, staggering to her feet. She was walking OK by now, but still needed Mal’s left shoulder to help keep her upright.

Mal and I eased Zoe into the back seat of the mule, and Mal got into the pilot’s chair. He started the engines, and got her flying.

Once we were outta danger, and back on Serenity, I heard Mal say, “Zoe, best get yourself checked out by the doc.”

“Really, sir, I’m fine.”

“Well, the doc’s qualified to make sure now, isn’t he?’

“Yes, sir. Just give me some time to wash up.”

Yeah, that sounded like a good idea. In the rush, some of Zoe’s upchuck had gotten on my shoes.

Only then did Mal remember about the money.

“I’d better get a double share for this job,” I said to him as stuck my hand down my trousers and tossed him the money. “I’ll be in my bunk.”

Chapter 2 I could tell that we had left the planet’s atmosphere by the decrease in ambient noise. Also, the angle of the ship had leveled off.

As much as I enjoy my work, it’s better when none of the crew are under my knife. Only a doctor can truly understand the thrill and terror of having another’s life in your hands. But when you’re in close quarters with all of your patients, it is difficult to develop a detachment. It’s not the same here, when someone you’re close to, who you may even love, comes to your table.

Long brown tresses snaked their way around the doorway. River gave me a shy smile. “Course locked in for Regina,” she said confidently, then frowned. “Nothing for me to do now that inertia has taken over. A sphere of life in a womb. A bun in the black.”

She sat down on the counter of the infirmary. And waited. The silence was quite awkward, and I gave her a look, my eyes questioning. She gave me a look right back, but refused to initiate the conversation.

“What is it?” I asked.

She fidgeted again. “Too many secrets,” she mumbled. “Too many secrets and it’s not my place to tell.”

“Then don’t tell,” I said simply.

She huffed loudly and threw herself off of the counter. “You’re a Big help, Simon!” she yelled as she tried to push past me to the door.

I reached out for her arm, and patted her hand.. “Hold on, mei mei, wait.” I smiled at her. “I don’t read minds, so it’s hard to keep up,” I said in a joking tone. “I don’t know how you want me to help you.”

She thought about that, then continued. “She needs to tell.”

“Who needs to tell? And tell what?” I asked River.

“Can’t say. She needs to tell,” she stressed.

“Why,” I fumbled, “does she, need to tell?”

“Because she needs proper prenatal care!” River finally said, than gasped and covered her hand over her mouth. She broke free from my grasp, and ran from the infirmary faster than I could hope to catch her.

Chapter 3 I could hear Simon’s footsteps as he came into the engine room. His fancy shoes make a real pretty sound when they’re clinking on the deckplates.

I rolled myself out from under the panel I was workin’ on, and gave him a big smile.

“Hiya Simon!” My smile faded a bit when I looked at him. He was lookin’ stiff. Now, I thought I’d cured him of that mostly, but when he’s agitated about somethin’ he still goes back to his old ways. Well, if he wanted to talk, best to get it over with quickly. “What’s up?”

“How are you feeling?” he asked quietly.

“Shiny!” I said. “How ‘bout you?”

“River came to the infirmary today,” he said, using his ‘serious’ face.

“Oh my gosh, is she feelin OK?” I asked. That explained things, definitely. Simon’s always in a bad mood when River has one of her days. Though she has less of them now since Miranda.

“She’s fine,” he said. “It’s you she was worried about.”

“Me?” I said, confused. “Why? I’m fine.”

Simon sat down beside me, like he was talkin’ to a patient to tell ‘em bad news. He gently removed a wrench from my hand and held his hand in mine. “Kaylee, you know I care for you very much. If you want to get married…”

Now that came outta left field. “What?” I said.

“Some people in your, condition, prefer to be married.” He continued.

“And what condition might that be?” I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re actin’ like a got a life-threatening disease or something…” He considered that. “Well in most cases, pregnancy is not life threatening, but…”

My eyes went wide with shock. “Pregnant? I ain’t pregnant, Simon. Why would you think…” Simon’s the one who’s usually tongue-tied around me, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Why would he think I was pregnant?

“But River said…”

“And how would River know if I was pregnant?” I was yelling now. “Don’cha think I trust you enough to TELL you something like that, Simon?”

“Well, yes, but—“

“If you’re EVER gonna propose to me, Doctor Tam,” I yelled, getting up from my seat, “you do it because you want to, and not because you don’t want a bastard child!”

“Kaylee, that’s not…” he tried to say something else, but I pushed past him, brushing a hand to cover the tears in my eyes.

“qu ni de! ” I yelled as I ran out of the engine room.

Chapter 4 I waited as patiently for my ginger tea to brew. I prefer green tea, have ever since basic, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Suddenly, Kaylee stormed through the dining room with such force, my teapot nearly knocked over.

Just as she left, Simon came into the dining room from the other side. I stood up, and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “She needs some time to cool down, Doc,” I said. “Have some tea.” I gestured to the empty seat next to me.

Simon sat down with a heavy sigh. “I do not understand women,” he said gravely.

“Then maybe I’m not the person you want to be talkin’ to,” I said, deadpan. He smiled at that. I poured the tea. If he wanted to talk, I’d listen, but I wouldn’t push him. Besides, I knew I needed to talk to him. Later. I’d talk to him later. He was agitated about something, and I didn’t want to bother him with my situation until he was calmed down.

He related, haltingly, his two incidents with his sister and his girlfriend, absently sipping the tea.

Wrong girl, doc, I thought to myself ruefully. No use in delaying any further.

“Did River come out and say that it was Kaylee that was pregnant?” I asked.

“No,” he admitted. “I assumed, because Kaylee is the only logical choice. Inara surely has some form of birth control, and…” he trailed off, not sure how to proceed. He looked into his teacup, a look of intense concentration on his face. After a few moments, his face relaxed.

“This is ginger tea,” He said. He did not look up.

“Yep.”

“Ginger has often been used to calm nausea…” The boy may not be good with girls, but when it comes to medicine, you can’t get anything by him. “How long have you known?” He asked.

“Less than a month,” I said. “At first I thought it was just from stress,” I said. “It’s not the first time I’ve had trouble after a battle. But after being three weeks late, I was pretty sure.”

“I should do some blood tests,” Simon mused, then finally looked up from his tea. “Have you told the captain?”

“Been avodin’ tellin’ you, Doc. I surely have not yet told the captain.”

“There’s no sense in bothering the captain about this until we know for sure.”

That was thoughtful of him. A true gentleman. “Thanks, doc,” I smiled at him.

Simon moved to get up, but I gripped his forearm.

“But let’s finish our tea first.”

Chapter 5 That did not go well, I thought to myself as I rubbed the spot below my eye where Zoe punched me. Don’t go thinkin’ I didn’t deserve it. I guess I should have congratulated her before I asked her whether she was plannin’ on keepin’ the baby.

I hated to admit it, but I needed some advice. I found myself at Inara’s shuttle. Not wanting to rush to the inevitable, I knocked on the doorframe.

“Who is it?” she said.

“Mal.”

“You knocked? What radical shift in your world outlook and personal philosophy got you to do that?” she said sarcastically.

“Please, Inara, not today,” I said tersely.

“Just a moment.” She came to the door seconds later. She was wearing red. She smelled like jasmine tea and calligraphy.

Her eyes went wide when she saw my face. “Mal, what happened?” She said, and moved her hand to my cheek, then stopped suddenly. Her nails were cut short, done up in red nail polish. I could practically feel the softness of her fingertips. She was entirely distracting—just like always.

She moved her hand away, and I continued. “Never you mind about that. It’s not the important thing.” I took a deep breath and got to the point. “Zoe’s pregnant.”

“That’s wonderful!” Inara said, without hesitation. She was right; it was wonderful. I felt myself smile just a little.

“It’s also a pain in the neck,” I continued. “Why?”

“Well I obviously can’t let her go on the job,” I said.

“I don’t think it’s your decision, Mal,” Inara replied.

“That’s what she said,” I muttered.

“Well she’s right,” Inara said matter-of-factly. Her back was stiff, her posture rigid.

“I cannot handle another fight today, ‘Nara.” At that, I plopped down onto her cushions.

A wise man once said, ‘every so often, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your opponent.’ I guess he was right, because I was completely unprepared for what happened next.

Chapter 6 Mal’s shoulders were hunched over slightly like the weight of the world was upon him. Which, to a certain extent, it was. Being the captain of the ship, he is responsible for the well-being of everyone on Serenity. We’re very much alone out here, like a tiny moving planet in the ‘verse.

I was nevertheless surprised at his vulnerability. Miranda had changed him. All of us, really. He needed my help, but he wasn’t in a place where words alone could provide. I moved behind him on the cushions, and touched my hands to his shoulders, trying to knead the pain away.

“What are you doing?” He straightened up and tensed further.

“Just a massage. Relax, Mal.” I replied. After a few seconds, he started to relax, then tensed again suddenly.

“You do this for your clients?” He asked. There was the Mal I remembered. I dug a little more deeply into his flesh than I needed to, and he flinched a bit.

“Sometimes.” I resisted the urge to add, though they’re usually naked. If he was at least trying to be civil, I wasn’t going to take his bait, however intentional or unintentional it might have been offered.

Mal let the words flow out of him as the tension left his body. He told me that he was truly excited and happy for Zoe. That he was responsible for Wash’s death, and this was a way for Wash to live on. That he needed Zoe to go on jobs with him because she was the best. Once he had let go emotionally, he became quiet, and simply enjoyed the massage.

Normally, when I massage a client, I am detached. I can offer advice and play the counselor, or begin more intimate proceedings depending on what the client needs.

But Mal is not a client. He could never be just a client.

“Inara?” Mal said softly. It was then I realized that I had stopped rubbing his shoulders, but I had left my hands linger. I removed my hands immeadeately. I was blushing profusely. I was so angry at myself for my utter lack of control.

How on earth could I explain myself? My mind raced.

“This is tiring work,” I lied. “I’m sorry I can’t go any further tonight,” I realized the double entendre too late. Focus on the Pranayama, I thought. breathe, breathe—Breathe dammit! I’m blushing everywhere…

Mal stood up, somewhat awkwardly. “Well, I’d better go apologize to Zoe,” I stayed frozen in place. “Thank you, Inara,” he said.

“Don’t mention it,” I replied. But mal lingered.

“Not just for the massage,” he said. He moved towards me. I should have moved, should have run, should have shoved him out of my shuttle rudely and called it a night.

I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. I wanted him to kiss me. I was terrified that he would. He placed a gentle, tender kiss on my cheek. “Thank you for staying,” he said softly, and left my shuttle.

Chapter 7 River delivers her apology with poise, like she is in a forensics tournament.

“Simon, I’m sorry I made you think that Kaylee was pregnant,” she starts. “I was so overcome with the secret, and wanting to tell but not wanting to tell, once I told, I felt guilty about it, and didn’t even realize I wasn’t being clear. My messed up mind,” she finished.

“It’s air through the engine, River,” he replies.

“Thanks Simon,” she relaxes visibly. “Now that that’s settled…” River tugged on Simon’s shirtsleeve. She dances around the operating table.

“Come play with me.” She says. “Hide and seek.”

“Well, that’s hardly fair, since you can read my mind,” Simon says.

“I won’t cheat, I promise!” She pouts for effect.

“All right, I’ll play,” he says as River drags him towards the lounge area. “But you’re hiding first.”

He checks the bridge first. Not that there is much room to hide there, but it is River’s favorite part of the ship now that she’s the pilot.

As he walks up the stairs, he can hear voices.

“Roderick?” Mal says.

“Too formal,” was Zoe’s reply.

“Eunice?” Mal suggests again.

“Too old-fashioned,” Zoe shoots it down.

“I don’t why you don’t want to go with Jayne,” Jayne mutters. “That way you’re good if it’s a boy or a girl…”

“Perhas Sam,” Simon says, making his presence known. “Samantha if a girl, Samuel if a boy.”

“That’s not half bad, doc,” Zoe says. “I’ll have to think about that one.” The cold stares Simon gets from Mal and Jayne convince him to look for River in other parts of the ship.

Simon isn’t having much luck anywhere else. On his second trip around the ship, he starts to wonder if River hasn’t actually become the ship.

On his third time avoiding the engine room, Kaylee stops him at the door.

“What are you doing?” She says, one hand on her hips, the other menacingly holding a wrench. Well, somewhat menacingly. Kaylee looks so damn cute when she is angry and covered in axle grease.

“Hide and seek with River,” Simon shrugs. “Although I’m starting to think that this game of hide and seek is just an excuse to lure me out of the infirmary,” he says wearily, and sits down on some crates. Or make me apologize to Kaylee, he thinks.

“Hm,” she says nonchalantly. “Haven’t seen her.”

“Kaylee, come here,” he beckons. “Let’s talk.” Kaylee somewhat reluctantly comes over to Simon. He takes her hand, and kisses it.

She blushes a little and turns away. She always blushes for the little gestures, when he holds the door for her when leaving a room, lets her fill her plate before him at dinner.

“That’s not going to cut it, Doctor suave. I’m still mad at you.” Kaylee says, arms crossed, frowning.

“Kaylee, I’m so very sorry.”

“Good start. Keep goin,” she says.

“I shouldn’t have asked you to marry me just because I thought you were pregnant,” he says. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I trust you enough that you would tell me if something like that happened. I just wanted to do right by you.”

“How is it doing right by me if you get married not because you want to, but because you have to?” Kaylee asks.

Simon thinks about that for a moment. “It’s not,” Simon agrees. “But raising a child is a commitment, emotionally and financially. If you and I were to bring a child into the world, I would do everything in my power to make sure you and that child were provided for. From my upbringing,” he says, “That means marriage.”

“That’s awfully nice of you, when you put it that way,” Kaylee says slowly. “But we’re both new at this liking each other thing, and, kid or no, I’m not anywhere near ready to get married.”

“I know, bao bei.” Simon kisses her cheek gently. Kaylee smiles, and snuggles into his arms.

“Damn you, Simon Tam,” she says. “I can’t stay mad at you.” He smiles at that, and turns her towards him to kiss her. The kisses progress, and they lean back upon the crates.

“Now that that’s settled,” River says from underneath. Simon jumps up, as River overturns the crate. Kaylee yelps, and turns the color of a ripe strawberry.

Simon gives Kaylee one last kiss. “Be back in a moment, love.” Then he chases River all around the ship, all three of them laughing.

Chapter 8 I’m walking Serenity tonight. Can’t sleep. Listening to her womb.

Like a belly full of cargo that’s worn out its welcome. Like the cows and their cowpies. Taken to playing Tall Card with Jayne, or Checkers with Mal. Decorating the baby’s room with Kaylee and Inara. Light blue walls with white palm trees.

But not tonight. Tonight, she misses him too much to see. So tired. On the bridge, piloting. Alone.

Baby sleeps, perfectly safe in a perfect womb. Baby dreams, too. music, singing, sounds. Mother’s voice.

Labor ('lA-b&r)noun: The physical activities (such as dilation of the cervix and contraction of the uterus) involved in giving birth; also : the period of such labor. The average labor lasts 12-14 hours.

But generally, only 1-2 hours of labor is “hard labor.” The pushing, the real work.

Zoe knocks on Kaylee’s door. Simon answers groggily.

Towels and hot water. A fetal heart monitor, bought with Jayne’s poker winnings. He cheated. I helped him. Had to run after Jayne started gloating. It was fun. Don’t tell Simon.

Kaylee goes to tell the captain.

Mal goes to tell Inara. He doesn’t knock. She doesn’t mind.

If Wash were here, he’d see. Mal is shaving more regularly. Inara hasn’t had a client since Miranda. They stand too close together when they don’t need to. They still argue, though.

I’m already on the bridge by the time Mal gets there. I shoo him away.

Mal goes to find the doc. “I thought we was going to have this baby planetside!”

Zoe raises an eyebrow. “We?” she says, looking straight at him.

Jayne stumbles into the kitchen. He wonders where everybody is. Eventually makes it to the infirmary.

“Now that is not sexy at all.”

Zoe, legs spread, gives him a look that could put out a fire. “Don’t want the whole crew to see my woman parts, sir.” Mal blushes.

“Everybody not assisting in the birth, outside,” Simon says. “You too, Captain.” Mal pouts.

Simon puts a hand on Mal’s shoulder. “Mal, I’ve got this one,” Simon says confidently. Captain’s not good with girl stuff. Still hasn’t told Inara he loves her. Can’t find the right time.

Mal is restless. Paces the cargo bay. The engine room. The cockpit. I try to distract him. I sing a song, a lullaby his momma sang to him.

“You have a lovely voice,” he says, voice breaking. Didn’t mean to make him cry. Goes back to the infirmary. Their hands brush when no one is looking.

The contractions are getting closer now. Stronger. Time to push soon. Zoe grits her teeth but refuses to give in to the pain.

She yells instead. “I’ve been shot, stabbed, I’ve had bones broken, I’ll be damned if I’m going to let this childbirth thing get to me!”

If Wash were here, she’d say you did this to me! with flames coming out her ears, crushing his hand. She’d give anything for that. Starts to cry. Blames it on the pain.

The pain is so persistent. Comes in waves. With war wounds, it either dulls or you pass out. This is repetitive, brutal. Zoe moans.

Time to push. Inara and Kaylee, comforting with words and washcloths.

I want to see, but it’s too crowded there. And I mustn’t leave my post. It makes me a little sad. But then I remember that I am there, or, rather, they are all here.

It’s a girl! I jump up from the cockpit and dance and laugh and cry. All eyes are wet with joy. Even Jayne’s.

“Ain’t that a miracle,” Mal says. Inara nods, puts her head on his shoulder.