She's startled that River has come to her. Generally, the girl confides in - of all people - Mal. Two lost souls who found themselves.

So River hopping eagerly from one foot to the other in front of her shuttle door is surprising. It was usually Kaylee who came to her for 'girl time.' She lets River in.

And then she notices. Something of River's stance, the way she moves, gives it away.

'That flower's been plucked,' as her first House Mistress would say.

And it is then clear why River won't...can't talk to Mal about this. He'd hem and haw and turn red as a beet. And then likely threaten to toss her off the ship because he still sees her as she first was to him - a scared and scarred child with no notion of how to be normal.

Yet one of Kaylee's countless cousins from having just visited her homeworld would say otherwise.

She manages a few perfunctory questions about protection, just so that there won't be trouble with Simon or Mal. River gives her a brief 'I'm not that stupid' look.

Then burbles on about the act itself. It hurt just a bit and then she flew, and why didn't Inara tell her she could actually fly.

She barely hears what River is saying.

And then: 'Was it like that for you the first time?'

She sighs inwardly. Knew the question was coming.

He'd not been unpleasant to look at, really. Just...average. And in his own way, he tried to be as gentle as possible.

But he'd paid a premium for her and was bound and determined to get the most out of his money. When it was all done, and she could feel her own sticky blood mingled with his semen on her thighs, all she could do was roll away from him and silently cry until he fell asleep.

She blessed Buddha that he was a heavy sleeper as she slipped out of the bed and into the bathroom to clean up. And somehow found herself naked and hugging her knees, sitting in the full bathtub, watching her innocence stain the water a faint pink.

'Everyone's first time is different, mei-mei.'

As she wonders when she will have hers.