Rating - R - Please note rating change Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss. Beta: TamSibling Pairings: J/R; M/I Back to chapter 3 Falling Without Gravity

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Precious Commodity

By Lattelady

Ch. 4 Flying Without Wings

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River skidded to a stop in the corridor ten feet from the entrance to the main lounge. With her head tilted she concentrated all her efforts on listening and feeling. She could hear Jayne’s deep masculine voice very near and he was clearly distressed. There was another person present, who spoke in hushed tones, which made it impossible for the girl to identify who it was.

Survival instinct sent her shivering back against the bulkhead. Her brain didn’t have to tell her fingers to disengage the safety on her gun. They did it of their own accord. Moving with stealth, she sniffed the air as she crept along until she was almost to the door. Jayne’s tone carried a message of danger, but her mind couldn’t feel any in the immediate area or near future. Self preservation won out as she readied for action. Seconds later she sprang and landed in a crouch, ready to fire at the unknown person who had dared come aboard Serenity uninvited.

“Easy there, girl,” Jayne called out as he quickly grabbed her wrist pointing her gun hand toward the deck. “It’s just Inara, come for a visit.” He wrestled the weapon from her fingers and glared at her. “And I thought I told ya to keep the damn safety on this thing!”

“Give me back my gun.” River shook with anger and embarrassment.

“You’ll get it back when it’s just you and me on this here boat.” He stuck the pistol in the back of his belt and dared her to challenge him. “I don’t want no accidents while we got company.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” The Companion stepped between the glaring pair. It was apparent the mercenary had been correct in his assessment. The girl was skittish and easily frightened. Though, the Captain’s rule of no touching guns had gone completely out the airlock, Inara was relieved to see Jayne was maintaining some semblance of control.

“You sounded upset,” River whispered. “And I heard a voice I couldn’t identify.” Her dark eyes sought Jayne’s.

“I figured as much, so I was listening for ya. You can be mighty quiet when you’ve a mind to be.” He frowned and handed her his cup of hot coffee. O’ course he was upset, he’d come damn close to kissin’ her moments earlier and he was a man who didn’t kiss, no matter how hard a woman made his blood pound. ‘What in the ruttin’ hell did she think? That he was made a’ stone or somethin’?' “Drink that. It’ll warm ya up some. ‘Nara brought a whole thermos so there’s plenty.”

Inara stood back and watched, unsure what to make of the interaction between Jayne and River: While the girl was eating, he brought her boots from the inner storage room; when their discussion of the Operative’s offer of help made River tremble, Jayne guarded the back of her chair, one of his large hands cupped each of her shoulders giving her support that she absorbed and unconsciously leaned into.

“Mal wanted you to know that the choice is yours.” Inara patted River’s hand.

“There is no choice,” the girl took a deep breath, glad for Jayne’s touch as it gave her courage. “Serenity must be saved.”

“River, you don’t gotta do this.” He crouched beside her, with one arm slung lightly around her back and the other holding her hand. “We’ll figure out someways off this rock.”

“It must be done,” she whispered.

“You sure?” Jayne squeezed her shoulder to be sure he had her complete attention. “I’ll back ya, whatever you decide.”

“I know,” she smiled gently, lost for a moment in the depth of his gaze. “I appreciate what you are offering, but no, it would be too costly.” With a slight shake of her head, she forced herself to concentrate on the Companion rather than the man beside her. “Inara, tell the Alliance man I have some conditions.” Now was the time to see if she was dealing from a place of strength or if this was all a ploy to get her back under Blue Sun control. “First, I will not speak with him until after Serenity and her crew are safely on Persephone. Second, until the time we dock there, I will not leave this ship and no one is to come aboard without my authorization.”

“River, you can’t stay aboard Serenity!” Inara cried out. “The ship has more hull breaches than a sieve. You’d die!”

“If the Operative wants to have a meeting with me, he must think of a way to accomplish the task of moving this ship in such a way that I do not cease to exist.” ……………………………

“Inara, wait a sec.” Jayne stopped as they approached the cargo bay door. He’d gone as far as he was gonna go. If River was gonna stay, so was he. “You tell Mal what’s goin’ on, I don’t want to leave the girl right now. She’s scared something awful.”

“Alright.” She let her eyes travel over the tough, hard man beside her and realized something was different. “You plan on staying with her during the transfer, don’t you?”

“Yup, I reckon I do.” He rubbed his hand against the back of his neck. “It don’t make no sense, but I don’t want her to be alone.”

“You’re a good man Jayne Cobb.” Inara smiled, earning a nasty look from the hulking mercenary. “Well you are.”

“No I ain’t and don’t you go sayin’ I am. It’ll ruin my reputation.”

“Well, we wouldn’t want that.” She rolled her eyes and grinned.

“Wait, there’s something else.” He shuffled his feet unsure how to say what needed to be said. He wasn’t a man known for tact, let alone delicacy and this was a matter that needed to be approached delicately. “The bridge’s an awful mess. And ahh…Wash, well his body…is stuck. If we tried movin’ the ship without takin care a’ him…we’d…a…rip him apart.” His last words come out on a whisper.

“Ohhh,” Inara sighed and took deep, even breaths. “I didn’t know. We have to do something about that. We can’t…just leave him.”

“It ain’t something I can do by myself. River is strong, but …” He shook his head, again faced with something he didn’t have words for. In the past his attitude would have been either the kid did her share or she got left behind. Now it was different. He didn’t know how or why, it just was.

“Jayne…” The Companion watched the big man carefully. There was something beneath the surface of his worry, something she couldn’t place. She knew if she weren’t so tired or worried about Mal, it would be clearer.

“It’s gonna be more than a two man job and ain’t no way we can have her workin’ side by side with them soldiers.” He made his voice sound as gruff as possible in an attempt to stop Inara from lookin’ at him funny.

“You’re most correct.” She shook her head and smiled. She must be more tired than she’d thought. For a moment there she had believed she’d seen deep concern in Jayne’s eyes. “I think River has just added another condition to her deal with the Alliance.” ‘Nara gave him a tight smile. “You keep an eye on her and once the Operative assigns a team to help us take care of…of…the body.” She bit her lip to keep from choking. It was hard to relegate Wash to nothing more than flesh and bones, but if she was going to do what needed to be done, it was necessary for her sanity. “I’ll be sure they take good care of what needs to be done on the bridge.”

“Thanks, ‘Nara.”

“You just be sure to keep River occupied and away from any guns while we’re working up there.”

……………………………..

River was as nervous as a cat while Alliance soldiers worked on the bridge under Inara’s watchful eye. Jayne did his best to keep her occupied, but there wasn’t much to do. Once they’d checked out the space suits they’d need to wear when the ship was moved, time dragged. It had taken them almost two hours to locate the EVA gear and then carefully inspect each seam, gather point and valve. Both knew that the pressurized outfits were going to be all that kept them breathing and alive once they left atmo.

It had driven Jayne nearly crazy to watch the girl as she worked. Every few minutes her body would freeze. She’d close her eyes and sniff the air as if she could smell the noise from above. Her lips would move and she’d mutter, “out of sight, out of mind.” Once she no longer had the task of helping to ready the suits, she retreated into a corner of the storage area with her gun in hand and shivered refusing to come out.

Jayne’s patience finally gave out and he grabbed her by the wrist. “You’re coming with me.” He was fully aware that if she truly didn’t want to come, she’d deck him and that would be that. It gladdened his heart and sore muscles that she gave only a token resistance.

“Out of sight, out of mind,” she shouted, as they left the lounge area and headed for the infirmary.

“You can just stop diggin’ in your heels and talkin’ that nonsense. I got orders from your brother to check out your wounds.” He pulled her along behind him. His long strides carried them further and further away from the work that was being done on the bridge. “I promised him I’d take care of you. So stop makin’ it so hard. ‘Sides he wants you to have a tetanus shot and somethin’ else. It says here you should be given a broad…spec…trum…ant-i-biotic.” He squinted at the hastily written note Inara had brought when she’d come with the work crew. “Ya, that’s it, a broad spectrum antibiotic.” Jayne wasn’t sure what that was, but he knew Simon would die before hurtin’ his sister. “He sent these here instructions.”

“No shots! Please, don’t make me sleep, not while they are aboard.”

“They ain’t that kinda shots and you know it. Just a tetanus innoc and this other thing so them Reaver bites don’t get infected.” He turned and saw how pale she’d become at the idea of more medication. “I’d never make you sleep with those hundans workin’ on the ship, even if ‘Nara is watchin’ em.” He reached out and brushed a lock of soft brown hair behind her ear. “Ya gotta trust me.”

“I do, but it’s hard,” she whispered.

“I guess I can understand that.”

The infirmary was a mess. It looked worse in the gray light of day than it had with only a flashlight the night before. Even with River’s help it took Jayne twenty minutes to locate everything they needed.

“You sure that’s the right stuff?” He frowned as he gently cleaned off an area on her upper arm with an antiseptic wipe.

“Yes, tetanus immune globulin,” she pointed to the small words on the sterile pre-dosed syringe of medication. “Must be given intramuscularly,” she nodded her chin to emphasize where Jayne rubbed at her skin.

“Okay, girl, hold real still,” he muttered as he gripped her arm with one hand and the syringe with the other.

“It will not hurt me,” she whispered. Blue eyes met brown ones from inches away. River was sitting on the treatment table in the corner so she was almost the same height as Jayne.

The Mercenary bit his lip in confusion. He’d killed men with ease and thought nothin’ of it, but the idea of stickin’ a needle in the moon-brained girl was eatin’ at his insides.

“It must be done,” River ran her fingers along his goatee to get his attention. “I could die, painfully, if the medication is needed and not administered. Do not be afraid.”

“I ain’t afraid of nothin’.” His eyes shot fire and his wrist moved quickly like he was throwin’ a dart, just as the Doc’s instructions had said for him to do. But he couldn’t help the groan that escaped his lips when the sharp needle broke through her delicate skin and deep into her muscle. It took all his effort to keep his hand from shaking as he slowly pushed the plunger to administer the injection.

“Now, one more to go.” River moved onto her side and hiked up her skirt.

“Whatcha doin’, girl?” Jayne blinked in shock as she calmly reclined, one shapely leg bare from hip to the top of her boot. The only concession to decency was a small white strip of cotton panties.

“You must give it to me in my hip. The medication is much thicker than the tetanus. My deltoid will not absorb it easily. It must be given in a bigger muscle.” She pointed to a triangular area on her hip, above her bikini panties, where her bottom flared out from below her waist. “Here. There are no major blood vessels or nerves in that area.”

“That ain’t right,” Jayne whispered, frozen in place. He couldn’t take his eyes off her creamy skin or the shapely toned muscle of her leg where it met a firm rounded cotton-covered butt that his hand itched to touch.

“Of course it is correct. It is the ventrogluteal muscle and very easy to find. You should place the heel of your hand on my femur…a…hip bone at the top of my thigh.” She reached for his left hand and began to place it on her body as she described the anatomical landmarks he should be feeling. “Point your thumb toward my groin, with your fingers pointing toward my head. Form a ‘V’ with your fingers by opening----”

“Stop!” Jayne shouted, interrupting her lecture and jumping back as if his hand were on fire. His head was spinnin’ at the sight of her rounded, partially clad bottom. He glared at her and had to keep his hands fisted at his sides to keep from touchin’ again what he knew he shouldn’t be seein’ let alone wantin’. “What you tryin’ to do, girl?” His words were sharp and harsh.

“I…” She looked over her shoulder at the grim-faced man and her breath caught in her throat. Suddenly she was surrounded by feelings and needs so strong they made her gasp. “I was…trying…to…help...” She carefully sat up as her words slowed. “Those were...the…words….from….Simon’s….textbooks…….” Shivering she pulled her skirt carefully over her knees and tucked her legs under her body. Her words ground to a halt. In her attempt to be cool and clinical, she’d inadvertently inflamed the man’s desires until they surrounded her. “I…I…didn’t mean…”

“I realize that, but ya gotta remember I ain’t your brother.” His eyes locked with hers telling far more than he realized, though he had complete control over his expression except for a small muscle, which twitched high on his cheek.

River’s eyes were huge and brown and didn’t show a hint of guile. Jayne knew he’d spent too much time around loose women and the girl in front of him needed protectin’, not seducin’. It took a moment to form the words. His heart was poundin’ so loud he was sure she could hear it. “Now,” he licked his lips and prayed for control. “I still gotta give ya this here shot, so why don’t you just point to the right spot.” He hoped his voice sounded calm, because he didn’t want to scare her anymore than necessary. “Alright,” she whispered as she slid onto her side and arranged her skirt so that only a small area of flesh was showing. “There.” She pointed to the middle of the exposed area. She bit her lip to keep from groaning as the viscous antibiotic was injected into her muscle. It hurt, but she didn’t want Jayne to know that.

“Glad that’s over with,” he sighed. “I sure ain’t cut out to be a doc.” He looked at his big hands and was surprised to see they were steady as a rock. On the inside it felt as if they was trembling somethin’ terrible. “Let me have a look at that bite on your shoulder and them scratch marks on your leg.” They had to get this over with quickly, or he knew he’d lose control. No matter how many times he told himself that she was too young and too crazy, his body wasn’t listenin’. The evidence of that was hard and throbbin’ and pushin’ to burst outta his cargo pants.

He couldn’t remember wantin’ anything this bad in his entire life. Usually he took what he wanted, and where women were concerned, he was mighty good at persuadin’, or just produced the credits and bought his way into their beds. A small part of him kept wanderin’ why River Tam was different. From what he’d experienced a while back, she’ was willin’. It didn’t make no sense that he was the one backin’ off.

“I can take care of my injuries, myself.” River moved carefully off the table and out of Jayne’s reach. The room was alive with electrical current that warmed her blood and frightened her. “I think it would be best if I cleaned them in the shower like last night.”

They looked at one another across the width of the infirmary. Jayne wanted to put some distance between them and it appeared as if she did as well. There was a pinched look around her eyes and mouth that the mercenary didn’t understand. Something about it made him take slow measured steps toward her, until she was only inches away.

“You sure ‘bout that, girl?” He looked down at her with heavy-lidded blue eyes. His hands were on his hips, thumbs stuck in his belt. “That water hasn’t warmed up any since last night.” He throbbed with sensuality and both were caught in its trap.

“I know, but it would be best,” she whispered. Something pounded against her skin and made her belly tighten until she began to tremble.

“Then you better git to it.” He nodded still watching her every expression. When she couldn’t tear her eyes from his, his face darkened and so did his voice. “Girl, if you’re gonna git, I suggest you do it right now.” Damn he wanted her and if she didn’t stop lookin’ at him like that, he was gonna take her. “I said git,” he growled.

With his last words, she turned and fled. As she moved through Serenity she was aware of Jayne following her with slow easy steps. When she reached the communal shower, she ran in and slammed the door. Once the water was turned on high, she curled on the floor beside it and wept. The shaft of feeling she’d received from him had been sudden and sharp. It made her dizzy and ache in places that only the Alliance had been able to control in the past. But instead of wanting to fight as they had trained her to do, she wanted something much more. She was left feeling cold and alone, throbbing with longings she didn’t know what to do with.

When he’d almost kissed her earlier, she’d promised herself that they would talk, but now she didn’t know where to start. She’d only been trying to help, not entice when he needed to give her the injection. It made no sense. Her body made no sense, and all she could do was cry. It didn’t help that she could feel his presence on the other side of the door, keeping watch, as he’d promised her last night he would. …………………………

It was full night when the work crew quietly left Serenity. The only signs that they’d been there were three body bags lined up in the hold. Two were modern Alliance models, the kind that preserved the body as well as stored it. One held Hoban Washburne, and another contained Mr. Universe. The third was of the older style, meant for short term transport. It was occupied by a tall lanky blonde Lovebot known as Lenore. Inara had instructed the soldiers to leave the bags at the base of the cargo ramp. Once she was alone, she’d carefully dragged them, one by one, onto the boat. Jayne and River had been nowhere in sight and had not answered her call for assistance. ……………………………….. In the dim light of the Med Tent Inara washed her hands. She was weary and nauseous. It had taken all of her considerable training as a Companion to stay emotionless while they’d worked to free Wash’s body from its prison on the bridge. It was a relief to be alone. With no prying eyes, it didn’t matter that her hands shook or her feelings were on display.

Out of habit, she brewed a cup of her special tea. She’d left a small tin of it in the trunk on Serenity and had been very glad to find it when she’d changed her clothes earlier in the day. Her hands were almost to unsteady to raise the cup to her lips without spilling, but she did it.

“‘Nara, where you been all day?” Mal got stiffly to his feet and limped out of earshot of his sleeping crew. After he’d relayed River’s message to the Operative, he’d fallen asleep waitin’ for Inara to join him for lunch. That had been sometime ‘round noon, now it was full dark. He’d awakened a number of times in the hours in between and each time he’d been surprised to see her missing from the tent. After what had passed between them in the last two days, he’d begun to think she’d changed. The cynical part of him sighed and shook his head. ‘Cat can’t change its spots.’ What had he expected?

“I…ah…had some things to do.” Her voice was hoarse with unshed tears, and she fought to regain her previous control. She knew he would believe it was his job as Captain to have taken care of Wash’s body. She also knew that Mal had lost a lot of blood the day before. His two verbal confrontations, with the Operative, one this morning in person, and one mid-morning by wireless, had drained him of any remaining strength.

“Well I hope them boys didn’t keep you too busy.” He wished she would turn around and look at him. All he could see was her standin’ there in a quilted gold robe, with her long dark hair hangin’ down her back. His hand shook from rememberin’ the feel of those soft curls as he’d ran his fingers through them when she’d woke in his arms that mornin’.

“And how exactly do you think I spent my day?” she whispered and took another swallow of tea in an attempt to appear nonchalant.

“Well given what you do for a livin’ and the abundance of lonely Alliance boys, I can only think one thing.” Mal realized he was fighting his own petty jealousies, the only way he knew how, by lashing out at her. But instead of fightin’ back, she just stood there with her hands tremblin’, grippin’ a tin cup as if her life depended on it. He regretted his words the second they were out of his mouth, but he couldn’t have stopped them anymore than the Alliance could stop the signal he’d sent out yesterday.

Inara gasped at the implication. He would have hurt her less if he’d slapped her across the face. No matter how much she wanted to hold onto her composure, his casual words ripped through walls that were shaken and crumbling from her afternoon on the bridge. Her stomach cramped and she gagged. Hot tea spilled everywhere as her cup fell from her suddenly cold, nerveless fingers. She grasped for the wash basin on the counter and almost dropped it, but at the last second her hand wrapped around its edge and she pulled it tightly to her chest as she threw-up.

Suddenly large warm hands were holding her hair back and she leaned against a body that was unsteady on its feet, but strong enough to hold her up as she lost the little bit of tea she’d had to drink and kept on retching, racked with dry heaves.

“Easy there, easy,” Mal soothed her by rubbing her back in slow gentle motions. He held her as best he could until her choking slowed and finally stopped. “I think you better tell me what you really did this afternoon.”

“I can’t,” she whispered and pulled away from him to dump the contents of the basin in the waste disposal unit. Leaning down she found her cup and filled it with clean cool water to rinse out her mouth. “I can’t talk about it.” “Yes, you can.” He was inches away and she could feel the heat from his body. “Just look at me and you can say anything.”

She shook her head, unable to form the words. All she wanted to do was lean back and let him hold her until she could free her mind of the horrors of all that she’d had to do. But he made her feel vulnerable and it confused her, so she refused to give into her needs. “I…” She tried again to speak as tears welled up once more. She hated that she was breaking down when he needed her to be strong, but her energy was gone.

“Come here and put that damn cup down!” With more strength than she realized he possessed, he turned her toward him. “’Nara!” he gasped when he saw her pale face. She wasn’t wearing a drop of make-up and even in the poor lighting of the Med Tent he could see freckles scattered across her nose. “What have they done to you?” A sudden sick feeling filled his belly when he thought what could happen to a woman alone among rough troops.

“No one did anything. No one except me!” In defeat, she leaned her head on his shoulder and burst into tears.

Mal wrapped his arms around her and rocked her gently. “Ya gotta talk to me, or I can’t make it better,” he whispered helplessly, knowing his words from moments ago had only made the situation worse. He used the last of his strength to slide them to the ground. Sitting he could support her weight and not have to worry about falling down.

Finally, her crying calmed and her breaths became jerky little hiccups. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have broken down like that.” She picked at a non-existent piece of lint on his collar, unable to meet his eyes.

“Look at me.” He tipped her chin upward. “I’m sorry for what I said.” Shaking his head at his own stupidity, he added, “I won’t insult you anymore.”

“Please Mal, don’t make promises you can’t keep.” She tried to smile but her attempt at levity fell flat. With a sigh she bit her lip, closed her eyes and for one of the first times in her life, voluntarily let him see and hear what she was really feeling. “I…I…took a crew of four Alliance soldiers to Serenity’s bridge and we…we…we had some work to do.”

“Wash?” He saw her body tremble and pulled her close again.

“I know you didn’t want him touched by them, but there was no one else. We…we… were careful. I couldn’t let them do it alone, they might have hurt him.” She knew she was crying, that her face was red and her eyes puffy, but she didn’t care. Her pain was too real and she knew that Malcolm Reynolds was the only person who could help her with it. “Oh God,” he whispered. “Oh God, Inara, forgive me, please forgive me.” He wasn’t sure which he was begging forgiveness for, accusing her of hunting up business or having to be the one to take care of the pilot’s body. All he knew was that she was hurting and he’d give his life to prevent it. “Hush now, hush.” He wrapped her hair around one of his hands until he held her head in his palm. “You’re so beautiful. No more tears.” His words were mixed with soft kisses as he kissed away the warm drops that ran down her face. “No more,” and with a sigh he gave free reign to his feelings and covered her full damp lips with his.

The couple held tightly to one another, kissing, touching and whispering private words. Though it was much less than either wanted, it was more than they had ever expected. Walls were down, fortresses were breached. The chaos and aftermath of the emotional war they’d fought for over a year was strewn around them and peace had finally been declared. …………………………………

When River stepped out of the shower room, Jayne was still standing guard, though his expression was stiff and his eyes dark. He ignored her chattering teeth and the blue tinge to her lips, ‘cause if he touched her, he wasn’t letting her go.

“I…a…I thought I’d take a turn,” he grunted and waved a handful of clean clothes he’d brought for himself, as he stepped past her.

“As you said yesterday, the water is colder than milk from a witch’s tit.” River pulled her blanket tighter around her shoulders. It was the one she’d used the night before and she’d left it hanging to dry on the large hook by the tub.

“If you can stand it, so can I.” He glared and handed over her large pistol. “Here’s your gun, now go git dressed.”

He hurried into the shower room and missed seeing her eyes fill with tears or hearing her mumbled words, “I’ll guard your door.”

The flashlight was just bright enough to allow him to shave without gettin’ cut too badly. It’d been a few days and his face was beginnin’ to itch. It wasn’t the only part of his body that itched, as he sniffed the damp air and caught a whiff ‘a female. “I will not think about that moon-brained girl,” he muttered to his reflection as his straight razor moved carefully around the outer edges of his goatee. But even as he said it, he knew he was in deep trouble. He hadn’t counted on the whole place smellin’ like her shampoo and that antiseptic soap she’d used the night before. He stood tremblin’, rememberin’ burying his nose in her neck, as she had slept in his arms. It made him want to bury all ‘a him deep inside her.

“Gorramnit!” he pulled off his clothes and ducked under cold water as he quickly bathed. All the while trying not to think about how ten minutes earlier she’d been standing naked exactly where he was standin’ now.

“Shit.” Jayne knew there was only one thing he could do if he was going to get any peace of mind before he handed River back to her brother when they reached Persephone. And since the freezing water hadn’t seemed to help, he was left with one option. Quickly finishing his wash, he left the water running and climbed outta the shower stall. He knew he’d have to go back in for a quick rinse later, but he was beyond caring.

Using an old towel he’d brought along, he removed the dripping water from his skin. As his hand moved lower on his body he let the towel drop. With his palm curled around the heavy hardness that just thinkin’ about the girl caused, he was thankful she was off hidin’ and not waitin’ for him as he had for her.

“Aaahhhh,” he moaned and leaned massive shoulders against the door while his hand moved and he let his mind fill with images of all kinds of sin. Alone in the dark, with only the sound of runnin’ water and his deep quick breathing, he could imagine anything he wanted. His lips parted in a hungry smile as his large calloused hands became her small delicate ones…moving….moving….moving “Ooohhh,” he bit his lip, to keep from crying out as every muscle began to tremble in pleasure. ………………………………

On the other side of the door River was crumpled in a small heap. She had dressed quickly and then had returned to stand guard for Jayne as he had for her. She’d been quietly leaning against the door when feelings and emotions flooded her soul.

Her breath came in huge, deep gasps as it felt like she was touching hard velvet flesh and large knowledgeable hands moved over her body. She looked around frantically, but no one was there. The Alliance had played with her mind hundreds of times, but this was the first time that they’d let her feel as if she was being touched. Always before, they would use their machines to send the message directly to her brain. It had been cold, clinical and there had been no escape.

Her gun clattered to the floor and soon she was sitting beside it. The hunger was filling her up until she wanted to howl and beg for relief. Experience had taught her that there was no such thing. The Blue Hands were experts at creating deep mental desires, and leaving her to dangle until she was willing to fight and kill to relieve it.

“No, no please,” she begged. “I will not fight. I will not kill. You can not make me.” She knew the only person around was Jayne and she would keep him safe no matter the cost to her. It made no sense, but since everyone thought she was crazy, it didn’t have to.

Suddenly she became aware that the water had turned off. Jayne would be out soon and she couldn’t let him see what the Blue Hands could do to her. Gripping the deck plating she pulled herself along, too confused to try to stand. She hadn’t made it more than ten feet when the door opened behind her and she froze afraid to draw attention to herself.

Jayne felt good, better than he would have imagined he would after a cold shower and a bit of quality time with his own body. It was the closest thing to sexin’ he’d had in a long time. He made note to remember that the shower was a much more satisfying place than his bunk. Maybe it was the smell of River’s soap that still clung to the air, but he coulda sworn it was almost as if she had been touchin’ him.

His smile and good mood lasted only as long as it took for his boot to bump against a large pistol on the deck. He dropped the t-shirt he’d been about to pull over his head as a shaft of fear shot through him. “River,” he cried out in panic and took three running steps until he almost tripped over her, shivering at his feet.

“No, please.” Her voice sounded strange and she refused to look at him.

“What happened, girl?” He knelt beside her and reached for her shoulder.

“Don’t, you can’t touch me!” She pulled back even as her entire body burned to be touched. “No one ever touches me. It is not allowed. Gloves, they always wear gloves. Blue Hands say no skin contact is allowed.”

“River, honey, they ain’t here.” Jayne spoke softly. She was frightening him. Her voice sounded old and tired. “Come ‘ere. It’s just me.” He reached for her, to pull her onto his lap as he’d done the night before when she was haunted by nightmares, but she wouldn’t let him.

“Please no,” she begged. “They want me to kill.” She had to make him understand that he wasn’t safe. “And the penalty for touching instead of doing is too much to bear.”

Her face was flushed and she could hardly control her breathing. If the big mercenary didn’t know better he’d swear he’d caught her in the middle of gettin’ sexed. “Shit,” he ground out as he looked over his shoulder and saw his shirt and her gun in front of the door he’d been leaning against while he’d been…. “Were you in my mind?” It was more an accusation than a question.

“No, the desire found me!” Tears rolled down her face and she bit her lip to keep it from quivering. “Please help me, Jayne.”

“What do you want me to do?” He was afraid he’d helped her alright. He’d helped her into a frantic state of arousal.

“I don’t know.” She brushed her fingers across his chest where she’d cut him. “They put these feelings in my head so I will do as they want. It is how they always do it.”

He captured her hand with his, and pressed it against his scar. “Is that why you cut me?” He remembered all too well what he’d been thinkin’ when cleaning his guns that afternoon before Ariel. He’s mind had been wanderin’ to whorin’ on a Core planet and it wasn’t only whores he’d been thinkin’ about. “Answer me, girl,” he grasped her shoulders to get her attention.

“Yes,” she whispered unable to take her eyes off his. “I felt the need curl in my stomach. I couldn’t drown it out so I reached for the knife and turned off the signal the only way I knew how.”

“Oh, baby doll,” he pulled her tightly against his bare chest and massaged her shoulders as her body pressed closer to his.

“Help me, please,” she whimpered. “I need, I need…it makes no sense.” With her cheek pressed against his skin, her body folded and every muscle went lax. “Always before when I felt like this it was the signal to kill.” She was being overpowered by the feel of flesh and it warmed her in places she didn’t know existed. “You make it different.”

“It ain’t me, you’re confusin’ the thoughts ya picked up from me with what they done to ya.” He tried to reason with her as his body reacted.

“No.” She shook her head knowing she was speaking the truth. “It’s always been different with you.” She gently kissed the bullet wound in his shoulder that still had some healing to do. “Close, but different,” as she spoke she kissed the tip of the slash mark her knife had made in his chest. “I fought to stop the feelings….or would fight and kill others.” Another kiss and she remembered the three men she’d killed when they’d rescued the Captain and the hours prior to that which Jayne had spent in his bunk, sending passion flying in all directions.

As her lips moved along his scar, Jayne lost all control. “Not here,” he growled. When he picked her up and carried her to their hideaway off the lounge, he knew he was gonna hate himself in the mornin’ and she probably would too, but it was too late, his body was roaring with a fierce need. But no matter how much his need drove him on, he swore he’d do his best not ta hurt her.

“River,” he called her name as he laid her on the mattress they’d shared the night before. “Look at me, girl.” Her chin was cupped in his big hand as he tilted her face so he could see her better in the dark. “You ever been with a man before?”

“No. Touching was not allowed,” she whispered. Her eyes were dilated as she ran her hands over his shoulders.

“Gorramnit,” he grounded his teeth. She’d never been with a man and he’d never been with a virgin; it didn’t bode well for the night. “You sure you want this?”

“Yes, but turn on the flashlight. I…I want to know it is really you and not them playing with my mind.”

Any doubt about what he was gonna do fled as she spoke. He reached for the light he’d left sittin’ beside Vera when he’d laid her down. “Oh Babe,” he whispered when he saw her pinched, desire-filled face in the shadowy light. “I’m gonna take this slow as I can. If you change your mind, holler out and I’ll try ta stop.” He lay over her, holding the weight of his upper body on his elbows, but let his groin press against hers. It felt so good he almost forgot to breathe. Slowly he reached for the tiny buttons to unfasten the top of her dress.

“Just touch me and make the need go away,” she cried out and arched her back, pressing her breasts against his wrists as he undid her buttons.

“I’m just gettin’ to that,” his voice broke as he pushed back the dainty material and exposed first one breast and then another. River’s skin was pale and smooth and the most perfect thing he’d ever seen.

One arm wrapped around her shoulders to pull her closer to his mouth, while the other slid down under her skirt to hook a finger in her panties and pull them free. All the while she was bucking her body against his and tiny moans escaped her lips.

He lost all sense of reason when his mouth covered her right nipple and he began to suck. The hand beneath her skirt grasped her knee to pull and separate her legs and then moved along a silky thigh until he found her center. She was warm and wet and quivering before he even touched her. When he buried one large finger deep in her, she jumped as if startled and cried out his name, part in pleasure and part in pain.

“I’m right here Babe. Did I hurt ya?” He felt the slight pop as he’d pushed too fast into a place that had never been entered before. He had a sick feeling he’d find blood on his finger when he withdrew it.

“Don’t stop.” River bucked against his hand needing whatever was at the end of this wonderful journey he was taking her on. She knew she could recite by memory the textbook explanations for what was happening to her. She could even predict what was coming next, but books and visions of the future were nothing compared to the real thing.

“Look at me,” Jayne ordered. “And know this is real.”

As she opened her eyes and looked into his, he moved his hand faster while rubbing his goatee over one taut, exposed nipple. River gasped as the world stopped and imploded causing lightning to shoot through her. She threw back her had and tried to scream out his name, but only whispers and moans escaped her lips. Then Jayne covered her mouth with his and kissed her like his life depended on it, while holding her tight to keep her from flying apart as her muscles contracted and her body bucked.

“Not them, it’s not them. It is all you, always you,” she shivered and muttered as she became aware of her surroundings once again.

“River…” Jayne’s mind went blank. He knew he should be askin’ her if she was okay, be sure he hadn’t hurt her none, but when she looked at him as if he was king of the ‘verse and her hands moved over his chest and face, he couldn’t string words together.

“Don’t stop,” she whispered. “I know there’s more. I can still feel the need.” Desperation gnawed at her belly at the idea that he might leave her with only one small taste of pleasure. She needed to drive out the specter of the Alliance once and for all. She ran her hands over his shoulders until her fingers pushed below the waist band of his cargo pants. “I want to feel all of you, skin to skin.”

“You sure you’re ready, Babe?” He cupped her wet face and pushed his hardness against her belly. “You feel that? If I take my pants off, I won’t be able to hold back none.” Jayne was a large man with large hungers and he knew it. Right now his appetite was for River Tam and it was growin’ stronger by the second, along with the idea that she was all he’d ever want for the rest of his life.

“You will not hurt me,” she whispered and kissed him again.

“How do you know?” He hated that she might be inside his head.

“I just do.”

“That ‘cause you’re a reader?” Jayne ran his hand through her hair, still unsure of his next move.

“No,” she reached between them to unfasten his pants. “There is no pain in feeling the release, only in being forced to endure the curling passion and left with nothing.”

“That what they did to you? They raped your mind and left your body to feel only hunger?” His eyes turned to blue slits when he thought of how badly she’d been treated.

“Yes.” Her voice cracked with pain that was quickly being healed by desire wrapped in warm emotions. Her fingers fumbled with his zipper but it was her turn to take the lead so he didn’t help her. Finally she reached for the warm hard bulk that was under her hands. “Make it end, please.”

Jayne’s heart filled until it was about to burst. It was a feeling he didn’t want to look at too carefully ‘cause it had very little to do with the way he shucked off his pants and pulled her free of her skirt. It had everything to do with the time he took to be sure she was ready for him and the gentle care he took while he entered her, despite her pleas that he hurry. But it burst through him like wildfire as she exploded around him two more times before he finally let himself follow her over the edge, crying out her name.

River felt profound joy. When Jayne had filled her he’d started a chain reaction. When she’d come apart over and over again, it added fuel to that reaction. When she’d come apart one last time and he’d finally joined her, the reaction was complete. It had been like there was a shift in their bodies on an atomic level. Where before, he’d had too many electrons in the outer shell of every atom in his body, she’d had too few. When their pleasures had exploded together, his extra electrons had jumped shells to join hers and stable almost unbreakable bonds had been formed between them.

To Chapter 5 - Pivot Points of Fate