BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - ROMANCE

WINGEDRAKSHA

Forgive
Friday, January 5, 2007

This is basically pointless fluff, mes amis. I'm sick with the flu and trying to cheer myself up. It's what SHOULD have happened when Inara told Mal that she was leaving.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3135    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

Disclaimer: Wait... you actually... you ACTUALLY think I own Firefly??? *rolls around laughing hysterically before wheezing and continuing* Okay, that was a good joke. I needed that. On with the story.

*****

“I'm leaving.” Her words hung in the air, the reverberations pounding in time with his heartbeat. A single, perfect tear trailed down her cheek. Mal could feel the shock traveling up his bloodstream to take over his face, leaving him wide-eyed and open-mouthed. He'd never... somehow, he'd just never thought she'd actually... well, go. She was staring at him, her eyes huge and glossed with nameless emotion. Why'd it have to be so gorram nameless? Why'd he have to be utterly talentless at reading other people's eyes? Inara watched her words hit Mal, and had to resist the urge to bite her lip. She stared at him reproachfully, begging him silently to ask her to stay. 'Ask me to stay. Don't let me walk away from you. Damn you, Mal, ask me to stay!' “I, uh...” He swallowed. Gathered himself. She could see him reeling himself in, closing himself off like he always did. “Oh.” He looked away, clearing his throat. “When?” He was looking out over the cargo bay now, his voice desolate. It wasn't much, but it was something. A question. Something to keep her here for another moment. She cleared her throat as well, unable to catch his gaze. Sighing, she turned and leaned her elbows against the railing. “I don't know. As soon as possible, I suppose.” “Where are you going to go?” Was that a thread of hope in his tone? She glanced at him warily, but he still wouldn't look at her. “I could go back to Sihnon. I would be welcomed at the House there.” “Oh.” Disappointed, Mal made a noise with his tongue and coughed. This was awkward. He hated being awkward, but he always was with Inara. “I could, uh, I could go to Persephone, too,” she offered. “You often have jobs there, right?” He looked at her quickly. Did that mean what he wanted it to mean? Her expression gave nothing away. “Yeah. I mean, sometimes, we do. You know, we go where the, where the, uh-” “The jobs are, yes, you do.” These sentences came out fast and tumbling, Inara finishing where Mal's brain blanked out. Once they were silent, a dull flush heated Mal's cheeks, and Inara looked at her feet. Inara was supremely uncomfortable, but she was oddly unwilling to turn around and leave him standing there. She wished she could just ask him to ask her not to go, because that would make it all so much easier. Only, even if she did, he probably wouldn't. Being Mal, and all. “I haven't decided when to tell the others,” Inara began after a long pause. “Oh?” “Mm-hmm.” Merciful Buddha, but this was pathetic. Why was it only Mal who reduced her to this? “We- uh, Kaylee's gonna miss you. Awfully.” “Yes. I'll miss you all as well.” She blatantly ignored his less-than-smooth correction, but didn't go so far as to omit the 'all' from her response. “So. That's it, then.” There was another pause, and then Inara turned to him, allowing a hint of exasperation into her tone. “You know, it doesn't have to be like this.” That was as close as she was willing to get. For once, Mal seemed to understand exactly what she was talking about. He ran a hand over his eyes and wiped it down the side of his face. “Yes, it does,” he told her. “Why?” “Don't you get it?” He faced her, and there was something burning in his eyes that was cold and harsh and despairing. It hadn't been there during the awkward conversation, but now it was clear and it was scary. “I'm the bad guy, here, 'Nara. I'm the monster. You're supposed to go off with some handsome prince like that Atherton pigu.” “You're not a monster, Mal,” Inara said firmly. “You never were.” The corner of his lip turned up bitterly. “You don't know that. You don't know what I've done.” “And you don't know what I've done! Do you think that, just because I'm a Companion now, my life has been perfect and beautiful? Well, you're wrong!” He gaped at her, startled by her outburst. “Inara, I-” Suddenly, his left hand was on her shoulder, his right on her cheek. She leaned into his palm, earnestly holding his gaze. “Everybody's the bad guy sometimes, Captain Reynolds,” she murmured. “But I forgive you for it.” He froze, mouth open. Again, looking shocked. Desperate, way past the point of no return, Inara grabbed the hand that was on her cheek and held it there before he could pull away. “I forgive you, Mal,” she said again. “Don't do that,” he whispered. “Be better for you to just go. You were right all along.” But she was laughing, now, a kind of fierce joy lighting her eyes. “Oh, no, I won't fall for that anymore! I forgive you what you've done, and you can't make me leave you now!” “Oh,” was all he managed before she kissed him. And, as he held her, the weight on his heart melting away, Mal couldn't help but feel a little smug. 'Guess I still have the old charm,' he thought with an inner smirk. 'Girl went from announcing that she was gonna leave to threatening me if I let her go.' Inara could feel what he was thinking, and rolled her eyes. She'd just have to put him straight. In a little while.

COMMENTS

Friday, January 5, 2007 9:14 AM

PHYRELIGHT


That's what SHOULD have happened, but alas....

Friday, January 5, 2007 1:21 PM

AMDOBELL


That was fun but since when has Inara become a Reader? Yep, this is what should have happened. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Friday, January 5, 2007 1:35 PM

N60505


I agree, that's what should have happened. What we wanted to see. The 'verse is less than perfect for us all. Sigh... we all want some more. you can't take the sky from me

Friday, January 5, 2007 2:13 PM

WINGEDRAKSHA


To answer you, AMDOBELL, Inara's not a Reader. She just knows Mal fairly well, and come on. Of course he'd be thinking something like that :)

Friday, January 5, 2007 9:28 PM

TAMSIBLING


If only ... I would have loved to have seen a "showdown" like this between Mal and Inara when she told him her decision.

I think you captured this AU moment beautifully. I especially loved Mal's "I'm the bad guy" bit - that's a great way to look at it!

Sunday, January 7, 2007 4:33 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Honestly was completely grooving with the AU setup here till you had Inara forgive Mal. Cuz unless you changed the outcome of the showdown at the Heart of Gold between Burgess & his men and White Hats (BDHs, Nandi and her "family"), Inara would have to be really saintly to let pass the fact Mal just gave a night of pure pleasure - something she's been wanting from him for a long while by this point - to her best friend!

Still...this was mighty brilliant fluff and I salute your efforts;D

BEB

Monday, January 8, 2007 1:03 PM

WINGEDRAKSHA


In response to BEB and anyone reading these comments who agrees-

Now that I look over it, I can see what you're saying. But I wasn't saying she forgave him for Nandi. In my mind, neither of them were talking about what happened in the Heart of Gold epi. They were just talking about how, in general, Mal has done a lot of painful, ugly things in order to survive. Sorry for the confusion!


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