Disclaimer: Wait... you actually... you ACTUALLY think I own Firefly??? *rolls around laughing hysterically before wheezing and continuing* Okay, that was a good joke. I needed that. On with the story.

*****

“I'm leaving.” Her words hung in the air, the reverberations pounding in time with his heartbeat. A single, perfect tear trailed down her cheek. Mal could feel the shock traveling up his bloodstream to take over his face, leaving him wide-eyed and open-mouthed. He'd never... somehow, he'd just never thought she'd actually... well, go. She was staring at him, her eyes huge and glossed with nameless emotion. Why'd it have to be so gorram nameless? Why'd he have to be utterly talentless at reading other people's eyes? Inara watched her words hit Mal, and had to resist the urge to bite her lip. She stared at him reproachfully, begging him silently to ask her to stay. 'Ask me to stay. Don't let me walk away from you. Damn you, Mal, ask me to stay!' “I, uh...” He swallowed. Gathered himself. She could see him reeling himself in, closing himself off like he always did. “Oh.” He looked away, clearing his throat. “When?” He was looking out over the cargo bay now, his voice desolate. It wasn't much, but it was something. A question. Something to keep her here for another moment. She cleared her throat as well, unable to catch his gaze. Sighing, she turned and leaned her elbows against the railing. “I don't know. As soon as possible, I suppose.” “Where are you going to go?” Was that a thread of hope in his tone? She glanced at him warily, but he still wouldn't look at her. “I could go back to Sihnon. I would be welcomed at the House there.” “Oh.” Disappointed, Mal made a noise with his tongue and coughed. This was awkward. He hated being awkward, but he always was with Inara. “I could, uh, I could go to Persephone, too,” she offered. “You often have jobs there, right?” He looked at her quickly. Did that mean what he wanted it to mean? Her expression gave nothing away. “Yeah. I mean, sometimes, we do. You know, we go where the, where the, uh-” “The jobs are, yes, you do.” These sentences came out fast and tumbling, Inara finishing where Mal's brain blanked out. Once they were silent, a dull flush heated Mal's cheeks, and Inara looked at her feet. Inara was supremely uncomfortable, but she was oddly unwilling to turn around and leave him standing there. She wished she could just ask him to ask her not to go, because that would make it all so much easier. Only, even if she did, he probably wouldn't. Being Mal, and all. “I haven't decided when to tell the others,” Inara began after a long pause. “Oh?” “Mm-hmm.” Merciful Buddha, but this was pathetic. Why was it only Mal who reduced her to this? “We- uh, Kaylee's gonna miss you. Awfully.” “Yes. I'll miss you all as well.” She blatantly ignored his less-than-smooth correction, but didn't go so far as to omit the 'all' from her response. “So. That's it, then.” There was another pause, and then Inara turned to him, allowing a hint of exasperation into her tone. “You know, it doesn't have to be like this.” That was as close as she was willing to get. For once, Mal seemed to understand exactly what she was talking about. He ran a hand over his eyes and wiped it down the side of his face. “Yes, it does,” he told her. “Why?” “Don't you get it?” He faced her, and there was something burning in his eyes that was cold and harsh and despairing. It hadn't been there during the awkward conversation, but now it was clear and it was scary. “I'm the bad guy, here, 'Nara. I'm the monster. You're supposed to go off with some handsome prince like that Atherton pigu.” “You're not a monster, Mal,” Inara said firmly. “You never were.” The corner of his lip turned up bitterly. “You don't know that. You don't know what I've done.” “And you don't know what I've done! Do you think that, just because I'm a Companion now, my life has been perfect and beautiful? Well, you're wrong!” He gaped at her, startled by her outburst. “Inara, I-” Suddenly, his left hand was on her shoulder, his right on her cheek. She leaned into his palm, earnestly holding his gaze. “Everybody's the bad guy sometimes, Captain Reynolds,” she murmured. “But I forgive you for it.” He froze, mouth open. Again, looking shocked. Desperate, way past the point of no return, Inara grabbed the hand that was on her cheek and held it there before he could pull away. “I forgive you, Mal,” she said again. “Don't do that,” he whispered. “Be better for you to just go. You were right all along.” But she was laughing, now, a kind of fierce joy lighting her eyes. “Oh, no, I won't fall for that anymore! I forgive you what you've done, and you can't make me leave you now!” “Oh,” was all he managed before she kissed him. And, as he held her, the weight on his heart melting away, Mal couldn't help but feel a little smug. 'Guess I still have the old charm,' he thought with an inner smirk. 'Girl went from announcing that she was gonna leave to threatening me if I let her go.' Inara could feel what he was thinking, and rolled her eyes. She'd just have to put him straight. In a little while.