CHAPTER 6

Simon watched through the medbay window as Kaylee flirted shamelessly with Cappy, feeling a mixture of jealousy and concern. He expected the jealousy, and her occasional stolen glances in his direction assured him that it was intentionally stirred. What concerned him was how little she used the left side of her body. At first, he had assumed she was keeping her injured leg immobile, but the more he watched, the deeper his concern became. Not even an involuntary wriggle of the fingers or scratch on the nose. Simon’s blood boiled as Kaylee placed her right hand affectionately on Cappy’s forearm. “I didn’t even feel him,” River whispered, making Simon jump. When had his little sister crept up behind him? “You what?” “I heard Kaylee scream, but Cappy was silent. I can never hear him,” she lamented, floating back up the stairs. As soon as Cappy left the Infirmary, Simon entered. Kaylee’s smile vanished and she left him to work without looking at him. A part of him was glad she resented his care as much as he resented giving it. But that part of him rapidly shrank when he took her left hand and she did not immediately yank it away. His lips parted to speak comfort, but instead, he became her doctor. “Kaylee, squeeze my hand.” “Qu ni de” “Kaylee…” She continued, her eyes still turned. “Bi zui, you zheng qi de gou— ” “Kaylee look at your hand,” Simon commanded. Finally she faced him, noticed her hand in his, and jerked her shoulder. Where once was rage, panic took control. “Simon,” she cried fearfully, her eyes widening, her breath shortening. “Calm down, Kaylee,” he soothed, but she did not. He feared her struggles would make the injury worse, but dared not dope her until he traced the extent of the damage. “Look at me, Kaylee. Calm. Breathe.” Her eyes wild, Kaylee slapped him across the face with her good hand. He fought the urge to recoil, grabbed her wrist, and held her down. “Bao bei, bao bei, bao bei,” he whispered until she stopped struggling. “Let me help you.” He’d never seen her look so frightened and … what was that in her eyes? Defeat? Brokenness? Stop, Simon! Be a doctor! “Can you wiggle your toes for me?” Kaylee complied, the toes on her right foot moving, the toes on her left not so much. She whimpered, trying again. “No, no,” Simon consoled. “Look at me. Look at me. We’re doing fine.” She closed her eyes and dropped her head against the pillow. Simon found a tissue to dab his lip where she’d busted it open. With an ironic chuckle, he told her, “At least we know your right hand is strong as ever.”

*~*

Zoë filtered through the weapons locker, seeking out her old stash of heavy artillery. Buried in the back, she saw Jayne’s old Callahan and a pang of guilt washed over her. Ignoring the rest, she reached for Vera, then found her tool kit, gun oil, and a fresh cloth on the shelf to the right. The weapon hadn’t been touched in years – probably since Jayne’s death. Sadly, she carried the gun to the dining table, cleared off a spot, and began to restore it. She had never liked Jayne all that much, and had often wished him gone. Always waiting for him to turn on the crew, fighting with him over the chain of command or who got the last biscuit. It wasn’t until he died that she realized how much like family the burly merc had become. When they were fighting the Reavers, she had lashed out in vengeance nearly getting herself killed. He had dragged her back to safety, risking his own self in the process. Where she wouldn’t have chosen life, Jayne chose it for her. But she didn’t have his back the way he had hers. Five months pregnant, armor busting at the seams, no way she was going out on the field. It was the first time she’d ever backed down from a job, and it was that time that Jayne didn’t come back. She couldn’t help but think … if only she’d been there, if only she’d gone. Jayne might still be alive. “Mommy, is this really the ship you and daddy flew on?” Jackson interrupted, stepping into the dining room and sitting next to her at the table. Zoë quickly dried the tears from her eyes. “Yeah, baby. I thought you were sleeping.” Jackson shrugged. “Were you scared to fly?” “Not with your daddy at the controls. No, it was different back then. That was before the Alliance fell. Before the shark ships took to shakin’ people around so much.” “But you still carried guns?” “We did. But I never had to worry about being shot. I had your Uncle Mal on one side of me, Jayne on the other.” “Jayne? The mud-statue man?” “Big strong man,” Zoë agreed, with a grin. “This was his gun. After your daddy died, he saved my life.” “Did daddy have a gun?” “Not usually,” Zoë answered. “Your daddy flew the ship. He got us where we needed to be and kept us out of places we didn’t want to be. No one flies like your daddy. He didn’t need a gun to keep us safe.” Jackson fingered the Callahan thoughtfully. “If he did have a gun, would he have lived?” Zoë’s hand went to her mouth, trying to hold in the sudden flood of grief. “No, baby. Guns don’t protect you from every kind of enemy. Sometimes you shoot, sometimes you fly away.” Jackson didn’t look at her, only at the giant gun she’d been cleaning on the table. He picked it up, turned it over in his hands, tested the weight, took aim. It worried her how natural the weapon looked in his little hands. “Mommy, why isn’t this scope lined up?”

*~*

Inara held Kaylee’s hand as her friend sobbed in agony. Kaylee lay on her side while Simon probed her skin inch by inch seeking the extent of the nerve damage. The local anesthetic that had been protecting Kaylee from the pain of the burn had worn off and Simon was hesitant to re-administer until he finished his tests. “Not much longer, now,” Inara consoled, stroking Kaylee’s hair. Simon had said only one thing since he’d called Inara in. “Kaylee, I need you to relax.” A sob shuddered through Kaylee’s body and Inara’s heart wrenched. With little idea of what else to do, Inara started to sing. It was a silly nursery rhyme – one she often sang to Emma after nightmares. As she sang, Kaylee’s tears subsided, her eyes becoming intent on their clasped hands. When she knew the words, the mechanic joined in, her voice tight from strain. While her right hand trembled in Inara’s, her left hung limp and cold. When they reached the end of the song, Kaylee whimpered, “Why is he here? I hate him.” Inara looked uncertainly at Simon who had graciously ignored the comment. “Don’t be selfish, mei mei. He’s here for the rest of us … because we love you.” Abruptly, Simon stopped his work, rolled Kaylee onto her back, and injected her with a pain killer. Neither met the other’s eye. With hardly a word, Simon downloaded his work onto a handheld and walked out, leaving Inara and Kaylee alone. It didn’t take companion training to catch the desperate longing in Kaylee’s eyes as she watched Simon go. “You still feel for him,” Inara said softly. Kaylee’s head lolled to the side, tears of regret brimming. “I feel… cold.”

*~*

River adjusted trajectory as they approached Santo, intending a very fast, but smooth landing. Cappy reclined in the copilot’s seat, fiddling with a Rubik’s cube – a puzzle he could solve one-handed and blindfolded. There was a trick to it, he’d showed her, but she had little interest in tricks. “Why can’t I see you?” River asked suddenly, the thought catching her off guard more than him. Cappy dropped his boots off the console. “I hope it’s because you’re watching where your going. You do notice how fast that planet’s coming up, right?” River furrowed her brow at the cryptic response. “No,” she explained. “You’re dark. If I didn’t know you were there, I wouldn’t know you … were there…” “You trying to sixth sense me, eh?” he laughed. “Hon, you are too reliant on that sense. You got five other senses to find me with. Use them.” “I know the shape of your face,” River nodded. “The smell of your soap. The sound of your footsteps...” “Seems you know good and well that I’m here.” River shivered a little. Coming or going? “Do you hide from me on purpose?” she asked. “What makes you think I’m hidin’? Could be there’s just nothin’ going on up there.” River laughed. “Where did they want me to land?” Cappy quickly punched up the coordinates of the rendezvous. River found a good hiding place nearby and set down there instead. Captain trusted Cappy. Kaylee trusted Cappy. But River worried about trusting anyone who was so hidden from her.

*~*

Chapter 7