BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - DRAMA

VALERIEBEAN

Valley of the Shadow - Ch 8
Saturday, April 7, 2007

Ch 8: Back on the ship, running, still recovering. S/K have a major breakthrough.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2933    RATING: 8    SERIES: FIREFLY

CHAPTER 8

Zoë poked gingerly at the stitches on her arm, trying to itch them without ripping them out. She leaned against Serenity’s kitchen counter, waiting for the cappuccino maker to finish. It was a departure gift from Mama Reynolds, and had been well used over the past two days since they still had fresh ingredients. Jackson sat at the kitchen table, practicing his lettering, sporting a red, orange, and yellow knit hat that Kaylee had given him, claiming he was her personal hero. Jayne’s hat. Zoë recognized the silly article immediately, figuring it came out of the same closet where River had found Wash’s old dinosaur. Zoë needed to find this closet that seemed to be storing Serenity’s past. When she first came aboard, she thought the ship had been sterilized of those memories; now it seemed that little morsels of history could leak out of the bulkheads at will. And now, here was her son, sporting Jayne’s hat, already on his way to being a big damn hero at the age of eight. Jackson admired Serenity’s former merc too much, perhaps because he had only heard of all of Jayne’s virtues and none of the vices. If Jackson wanted to follow her into the crime business, he needed to practice his shot and learn to handle the long guns. And for the love of God, she’d make sure he had a decent education and a proper respect for womenfolk! Mal entered the room abruptly, stealing the first cup of cappuccino before Zoë could get at it, then giving it to her when she glared sternly at him. After pouring himself the second cup of the frothy beverage, he took a quick drink, giving himself a foam mustache. Jackson smothered a giggle in his hand and Zoë couldn’t help but smile. “What?” Mal asked, though he knew full well why they were smiling. “You look silly,” Jackson laughed. “Says the little man with the hat!”

*~*

For lack of a free weight, Simon had found a heavy wrench and put it in Kaylee’s hand, asking her to do bicep curls with it. Whatever had been hindering Kaylee’s healing before was now fueling her fiercely. He worried that once the intensity of the Qian Chung attack faded from her memory, she would regress. “There’s something you’re not telling me,” he said as delicately as possible. “And I think it’s slowing your healing.” “I can move just fine,” Kaylee retorted, switching from a curl to a lateral lift. “Why won’t you tell me?” Kaylee was silent a moment, concentrating on the new movement. Her arm wouldn’t comply, so she tried something else. Finally, she spoke. “We’re not married anymore, Simon. I don’t have to spill all my secrets to you.” “Okay, don’t talk to me,” Simon agreed diplomatically. He tried to busy himself, but kept getting distracted by the mystery. He couldn’t let this go. “Promise you’ll talk to someone soon. Please.” She shot him a glare, but that only fueled his worry and he continued, pleading gently at first, then getting more urgent. “Who do you want here? Inara? Mal? Tell me and I’ll bring them here right now. Tell me you want Almighty God and I’ll break down the doors of heaven to get him here.” “Wo de ma, Simon, back off!” Kaylee shouted, dropping the wrench. She fumed alternately at Simon and the fallen wrench, leaning heavily on her right side. Penitently, Simon picked up the wrench and offered it to Kaylee, but she didn’t take it. She just sat sideways on the bed, contemplating tien xiao de, her feet kicking slightly at the air. Something was wrong. He’d been too angry at her before to see it, but he saw it now. Kaylee had so many walls up around herself, he wasn’t sure he’d get through. He felt the words about to overflow his lips, and worried he’d end up with his foot in his mouth yet again, but was powerless to stop himself. “Kaylee, I don’t know if this means much right now, but I think it’s important for you to know. I love you. Absolutely, completely, totally, without reservation, with all my heart. To the end of the ‘verse, to the end of time. I love you.” Kaylee still stared at her knees, but he could see the tension leaving her face. Timidly, she peaked up at him with those soft hazel eyes, strands of chestnut hair falling across her cheek. “Unconditionally?” His heart nearly stopping, Simon nodded and swallowed hard. “Unconditionally.” Kaylee took a deep sigh and bit her lip, preparing for a confession. Simon shifted his weight in anticipation. “Simon, do you remember the first night after we separated?” Bitterness flared through his flesh, straight to his tongue. “Are you trying to make me angry?” There it was. Foot in mouth! Kaylee withdrew and fell silent. He’d blown it. After a moment, he ruefully reached out his hand and placed it on hers, not allowing her to retract. “I’m sorry, bao bei. Unconditionally.” Kaylee kept her eyes averted, and shivered in hesitation. “That night, I went to the bar with Captain and Cappy, and I didn’t come back till morning.” Simon could feel the resentment rising again, but held his tongue. The men had been tight-lipped, but he knew she’d stayed out with some barfly. He waited, but Kaylee had stopped talking. Maybe she needed a push to get over this bump in the story. “I know you slept with someone else,” he prompted, watching her response. Kaylee shook her head. “You didn’t sleep with someone?” Kaylee shuddered in frustration, finally blurting out, “It’s not like I planned it. One moment, I’m drinkin’, next thing I know I’m lyin’ there with a killer hangover, mostly naked…” She trailed off on the last word, misreading Simon’s horrified expression. He’d worked enough nights in the ER to recognize the story, even if she didn’t. “Bao bei, were you…” he breathed incredulously. Kaylee shook her head, her face covered with self-loathing. “I couldn’t believe I’d do such a thing to you. I didn’t think you’d ever forgive me.” “Do such – ? Kaylee, you weren’t…” What was she saying? Did she not realize? He could see the anger on her face, directed only at herself. “I went out lookin’ to ruin everything that night, and I did.” Simon’s breath hitched, wanting desperately to stop her from this horrible train wreck. “Oh, my love, no, that isn’t the way of it at all.” Kaylee’s head hung in defeat. Silently, she detangled her hand from Simon’s grasp. “Just walk away Simon. You deserve better than me.” He couldn’t stop the tears rushing down his cheeks, and could only sit in shock seeing Kaylee’s eyes dry with self-blame. “I can’t stand seeing how I hurt you so much,” she whispered, wiping the tears from his eyes using both her hands, the one trembling with effort, the other with misery. “Oh, no, my angel, my sweet love, you’re not hurting me,” he replied urgently, taking hold of her hands. “This… this terrible thing, it wasn’t your fault. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” “I was ashamed, Simon.” Suddenly she was distant, hands in her lap, looking at her knees again. “All I could see is I was unfaithful to you, and I hate myself for it.” “All you could see? What do you see now?” Kaylee shook her head. “Doesn’t matter.” “Yes, it does.” “I don’t know if it’s real,” she protested. “Tell me the dream, then. Please.” Kaylee shifted uncomfortably. Simon wanted to take her hand, but held back, not wanting to distract her. “I… I’m paralyzed. Worse than now, because it’s my whole body. He’s tied me up so tight, I can’t move. I try and scream, but I can’t make a sound. No one’s coming to help me.” Simon felt his heart breaking in a million and a half pieces as she spoke. She didn’t cry, she just sat there, hands in her lap, looking broken and defeated. “But it’s just and excuse – just a dream,” she whispered. Simon forced an ironic smile. “I’ve got a busted lip saying it’s real enough.” “That ain’t the worst of it,” Kaylee gushed, suddenly looking at him, her eyes begging for mercy. “Simon, even if you would forgive me for that first time… I’ve been whorin’ myself out ever since. I can’t tell you how many men… You see. You don’t want me. I’m just a rotten, low-down, filthy—” Simon put a finger to her lips before she could call herself ‘whore’. Completely drained, he took bother her hands, kissed her palms, then slid off the bed to face her. Not knowing what to say, he leaned his forehead against hers and they just stayed in that moment, listening to the sounds of the ship. “See, now I’ve told you and I still feel the same,” she harrumphed. Simon fought the urge to be a doctor or a counselor or even an ex-husband. With a sigh, he offered his advice as friend. “Kaylee, I think you should talk to Inara.” Kaylee’s head snapped up in alarm. “Oh, Simon I couldn’t. I’d be so mortified!” He couldn’t convince her of what happened. He couldn’t counsel her back to good health. He could barely hold himself up on his own two legs, he was so horrified by the truth she denied. So he just held her hands while she refused to cry.

*~*

Inara had not stopped crying since Kaylee told her. She’d seen the pain in Kaylee’s face, seen the agony. She had assumed she knew the cause of it, but would have never guessed this. Kaylee had kept it well-hidden, maybe even not realizing herself until the paralysis brought back the memory. Inara locked the door to Shuttle 1, lit the incense, and guided Kaylee to kneel on a pillow in the center of the room. Of all things, the companion cleansing ritual was the only thing she knew to wash away such pain. To get a harsh sentiment off your skin, off your spirit. She’d talked Kaylee through the ritual and offered her privacy, but Kaylee insisted she stay. Inara knelt nearby, coaching as Kaylee soaked the sponge in lukewarm water and brought it to her exposed skin. “Slower, mei mei. Take your time … No need to scrub so hard. It’s a memory, not engine grease.” Kaylee held her composure, stoically going through the motions and responding to Inara’s coaching. Finally, she washed off that last layer of resistance, and her resolve began to crack. Her face crumbling, Kaylee fell face down on the floor, buried her head in her hands, and wept. Tears fell like rain, and Inara ran to her friend, wrapped her in a blanket, and held her tight. “He raped me, didn’t he?” Kaylee sobbed, her voice just a whisper. “All this time… it wasn’t my fault.”

*~*

Go to Chapter 9... the Last one!!!

COMMENTS

Sunday, April 8, 2007 11:01 AM

LEIASKY


I'm a bit confused. I like the resolution with Kaylee, and the parallell between her being paralyzed to her remembering what really happened was nicely done.

But, did I miss something where you said why they separated? Because whatever those issues were that caused that, wouldn't just go away.

Do we know how long Simon was gone? Maybe I missed you mentioning it?

I'd have liked to have seen more with Kaylee's reaction when they got Simon loose. I like the idea of this but wished you had fleshed out the scenes and added some others!

Monday, April 9, 2007 9:22 AM

AMDOBELL


Like Leiasky I would like more explanation, perhaps in flashback format, just to help it all make sense. I do love how Simon put all his feelings for Kaylee on the line to bring her back from that dark place she retreated to. Perhaps now, the real healing can begin. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Friday, April 13, 2007 4:52 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Oh...this was some utterly brilliant stuff here, valeriebean! I especially gotta give you props for how you handled Simon and Kaylee's breakthrough moment about Kaylee's hidden trauma...though like Leiasky and AMDOBELL, I wanna find out what caused Silee to break apart until now!

And I am definitely glad you had Inara help Kaylee out. The rest of the crew would take the obvious road and hunt the hundan down so they could seek "justice." The Companion cleansing rituatl is definitely the right first step to get Kaylee back on the path of recovery. Just hope Simon can also step up in some manner...even as a friend, rather than a lover or ex-husband/huband/

BEB


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