As always everything belongs to Joss. All of these are written in chronological order, but can be read as stand alones (only vague references to other installments). Ratings are shiny, comments are shinier! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Intro -

It was strange. Surreal even, though she would never use that word. But it's true - nothing seemed real since Miranda, not yet anyway. There was just too much shock to deal with. Wash and Book gone. Just thinking that made the ache inside her swell to where she couldn't, or didn't want to breathe anymore. But even with that, she felt like she was betraying their memory by hurting more over the realization of what Reavers are. That made her sting in a way nothing else has. To do that to men, to really do that... it's simply outside the realm of her imagination. Oh, she knew there were bad men about in this 'verse. She just never knew they could be that bad.

But with all this hurting inside, playing tug-o-war with who got the most pain, what made it a dream is that she was still there to think on it. She didn't think she would make it, deep down she never really believed it until it was actually all over. Even then she doubted she had survived. When she thought on it, it filled her with awe at her own self. For just a moment she would swell with gratitude that she was alive. And that left a bitter taste of guilt in her mouth. It was funny, or not so funny, the way guilt tasted like bile.

The scene -

Three mornings after the Miranda singal went out, she caught herself doing something strange creating odd thoughts. She was walking around Serenity. Her eyes had filled up and emptied with slow regularity as she made an orbit around Serenity's battered body. Just taking this sight in was a challenge to her mind - it just never seemed possible for her girl to look so utterly crippled. And then it happened: she stopped trying to catalog all the damage down, stopped trying to think of what repairs should be made first. Kaylee just walked aimlessly around her beautiful, battered ship. Her eyes tried to touch the ship, carress her and tell her that she survived too. But it wasn't enough and she reached her hand out to touch the metal skin. Her hand stopped midway and she froze looking at it. The little hairs on the back of her hand, the veins, the pores. For just a moment it seemed alien and foreign. It scared her that a piece of herself no longer felt familiar. She stretched her hand out and touched the ship. Absorbed in the sensation of touch she focused on the boundary that defined her as separate from Serenity. The thought came to her: "Is this what it has been like for River? Is that why she had to always be touching the world around her... to remind her where she ended and everything else started?" With that thought she sobbed, leaning into Serenity, resting her head on her forearm.

The crying came in torrents, it flooded her, trying to take Serenity, the moon and the whole damn verse with it. Suddenly with a hiccup she stopped. Standing up straight she wiped her face with both hands spreading the tears around in an attempt to dry her face. Maybe it was the way light refracted through her tears, maybe it was the shadows, maybe she was still ringing with the events and her senses hadn't come quite down all the way. Whatever it was, she caught him watching her. A black man in black clothes standing in the shadows...

She turned, her back stiffened and heat flooded her head. The thoughts about River sank rapidly like water on parched sand. The images in her mind, ones that had been tormenting her nonstop vanished. Not knowing how she crossed the floor of the hanger, not remembering or even thinking of anything she was there suddenly. Her fists, which seemed so tiny, pounded against his black outfit. Strength she never knew she had (and may never possess again) pushed him back. Relentlessly she kept hitting. It didn't even register that she was screaming almost incoherently.

"You bastard! You gorram bastard! To do that...! To all those people! To MY FRIENDS! You soulless animal!" She couldn't see, wasn't thinking, choking on air and words.

Her fingers dug deep into his clothing, pulling the flesh of his freshly injured shoulders. She kicked him, twice very sharply on the knee. He fell to his good knee, his hands on the floor weakly stabalizing him. Howls of anguish reverberated through the hanger and soon the sound of footsteps heavy from one direction and only a couple from another advanced. Her knee came up meeting with his chin causing his head to snap back painfully. Her knee came up again, making contact with his chest, right at the sternum. He lost his balance and fell back on his shins. Stepping back she kicked him in the head with everything she had. He fell to his back and she sat on his chest, her hands swinging one after the other against his face and shoulders. Many of her punches glanced off of him, a few made painful connection. Not once did he attack her or even try to defend himself. He could feel her strength leaving her like steam escaping through the cracks.

The sounds of many boots on concrete grew louder. The sound of two sets of boots on gravel was impossible to hear over the din.

Witnesses on both sides -

Jayne and River had been experiencing a strange new level to their relationship. He could finally trust her and he wasn't sure where that put either of them. He knew he didn't deserve her trust, but a part of him hoped that he had earned a bit of it back. He was surprised to find that over the past two days, the clarity of her gaze unnerved him more than the twitching glances he'd grown accustomed to. River, for her part, knew better than any of them that it would take time - so much time for them to reestablish new bonds of friendship. As it was, she had been trying to spend time with each of them, quietly from the periphery hoping they would adjust to the newness of her. It was no surprise then that it was their feet who stood at the mouth of the hanger, watching Kaylee do to the Operative what she had never been capable of doing to anyone before. Kaylee was doing her best to beat the ever loving shit out of him... and she was doing it well.

River felt the wave of intention from deep in the hanger, past Kaylee and approaching quickly from behind Serenity. When she felt Jayne stiffen at the sight of the approaching Alliance soliders she placed her hand gently on his forearm. It hurt her, just a little bit, that Jayne flinched at the touch. It warmed her that he did not remove her hand.

The Operative, accepting just a taste of what he craved, could hear the soliders. His right eye just starting to swell he saw them break into a run to pull the crazed woman from him. "No." The word escaped weakly from his lips, then "NO" a bit louder. A small part of Kaylee's mind, the only part that was functioning above the seething anger, thought he was defying her, trying to escape her anger and redoubled her efforts. His injured shoulders screamed a painful complaint when he reached up and grabbed her wrists and tried to steady the struggling woman. His head turned on the concrete floor and for the second time he protected them by saying "stand down.... this is a fair fight."

Kaylee hiccuped and then just stopped. She looked over and saw them, a squad of Alliance standing menacingly nearby. She didn't even register the looks of confusion on their face. She didn't even care. She crawled off of him and stood upright, looking down at this man who was broken from skin to soul and felt nothing. Her eyes cleared, her breathing evened out and she realized that for one shining moment she felt nothing at all. Not looking at him again she walked away.

Conclusion -

She walked out into the open air. Jayne and River following quietly behind - both in awe of what they saw, but oddly not surprised by it. Kaylee stopped, closed her eyes, wrapped her arms tight around herself and took a deep, deep breath. She could feel Jayne nearby, the heat of protectiveness coming off of him. Even with her eyes closed she knew his eyes were sliding over the scenery, wondering where the next threat might come from. River stood closer, her head tilted slightly and stared intently at Kaylee. In the hanger, she could virtually see Kaylee's anger shooting out from her like tendrils as she was consumed with rage. Now the young girl saw her pulled in so tight within herself. She waited patiently for her jie jie to come back to the surface.

Kaylee lifted her face up to the sky, the light muted through her eyelids. Sighing she opened her eyes, let her arms fall from around her body. Lifting her hands she looked down and saw how the knuckles were battered and blood splattered. For a moment a ghost of a smile passed over her lips, but the frown that was in her eyes quickly settled over the rest of her features. She looked over to Jayne, then to River and nodded, thanking them silently for being with her. Looking back to the hanger she could make out the shadows of soliders clustered around the broken man on the floor.

"It don't matter, not really," she said sadly. River's eyes narrowed at this. River knew, always had known things she shouldn't. And she knew now that Kaylee wasn't talking about her moment of vented rage. Kaylee was talking about something deeper. She was trying to bury things that should never stay buried. And River knew how those things will always rise up like ghosts...

"Simon." It was all the girl said and all that needed to be said. Kaylee had always been the door for Simon to step through, so he could stop taking himself so seriously even for only a short while. And River knew that right now, maybe for the first time Simon was now a door for Kaylee. The sooner she stepped through, the sooner she'd accept that all manner of things in the 'verse still mattered. Even the painful things.

Jayne, not catching, only sensing the currents that ran deep around them chuckled. Both girls looked at him and watched his ears turn red. "Well, just remind me not to piss lil Kaylee off," he said looking to River. "Don't think I'd care to admit that both of ya beat the tar out of me." He paused, to look at Kaylee and his voice dropped when he spoke to her "We all feel it," he said, "just shamed is all... that you got the spunk to act on it. You did right and that matters to me." He didn't wait for her response, it made him uncomfortable to speak from deep down within himself. And though he didn't like to admit it, he was scared of how people would respond. It's just easier to breeze past it. "Let's go see how the others are doin'."

River slid her arm through Kaylee's and the two girls walked toward the MedCen where the rest of the crew were to be found. River leaned close to Kaylees head and whispered: "It's ok, I know where I end now and everything else begins." She smiled at Kaylee who took her arm away from River and wrapped it around the girl's shoulders giving her a squeeze. Not once did they look back to the hanger.

Jayne couldn't resist. He looked back once and chuckled with a hard look in his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~ jie jie - big sister