He couldn’t sleep.

But then that wasn’t unusual.

He hadn’t been able to sleep well since Miranda.

Though he found it oddly amusing that it wasn’t because of Miranda that he had trouble sleeping.

Kaylee was one extremely loud young woman.

And it surprised him that the doc was every bit as loud as she was.

Kinda creepy that.

‘Course it was creepier that he knew that….but still.

Up until five months ago Zoë’d been awful quiet.

Too quiet.

It’d worried him plenty, which is why he’d not moved into one of the bunks next door to Jayne.

He still remembered the day he’d first met Zoë.

He’d been a shiny new Sergeant, assigned to a new platoon, their old Sergeant not being so good as him at keeping bullets from hitting vital parts.

When they’d introduced her as his corporal he’d felt a shiver of fear run down his spine.

He smiled at the memory…may as well be honest if only with himself.

She’d scared the gos se out of him.

He’d been certain that she would kill him as soon as look at him.

She’d never smiled, laughed or spoke, except when it was necessary to do so.

He’d thought she was inhuman.

Heartless.

Sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he could have made it to the cover he’d been heading for.

He hadn’t though.

Instead he and Zoe’d spent a long night cramped up in a soggy hole.

He guessed she’d thought he was asleep when she started crying.

Weren’t real loud.

Wouldn’t have known she was crying if they hadn’t a been so squashed together.

But they were.

And he could feel her body shudder as she cried.

He’d had no idea what to do.

So he’d just waited for her body to stop shaking and then he’d given her his hanky.

She’d cried every now and then.

Not often that was for sure.

And less than he himself did.

She was still so strong that she scared him.

But after that, he couldn’t think of her as inhuman.

Heartless.

Since then he’d learned her ways.

Knew how she healed.

Had learned that if she cried silently she would be alright.

He guessed it was something of a release for her.

But when she sobbed, when he could hear her cry, that spelt trouble.

It meant that she’d held too much in.

Then she needed to be held, to be comforted.

It worried him that she hadn’t cried after Wash died.

And what she’d done with the Reavers terrified him.

She’d been pushed too far, wounded too deeply.

And he’d no idea how to heal her.

How to open her up and make her cry.

Once she cried she would be alright.

But she wouldn’t let herself.

He’d been relieved beyond all imagining when he’d heard her sobbing in her bunk.

Jealous that the Doc’d been the one to release the flow.

But relieved.

Course when he’d found out what the Doc had actually said to her….well that’d been a sleepless night for sure.

It’d taken him a while to get his mind wrapped around the idea that Zoë could become pregnant.

Couldn’t honestly say that he’d succeeded yet, all of five months and conception, later.

But he’d seen how much she needed this, and how much she wanted the baby.

So he’d done for her what she’d done for him more times than he could count.

Shut his mouth and stood beside her ready to face whatever consequences came along with her, no questions asked.

It’d certainly given him a new respect for her strength though.

It took a lot from him.

Sure but that contributed to the sleepless nights.

Mostly those were 'cause of the Doc and Kaylee though.

And Zoë.

She didn’t cry loudly.

But she threw up awfully loudly.

He was tempted to say that pregnancy didn’t agree with Zoë.

But that wasn’t precisely true.

Say rather that she wasn’t having an easy pregnancy.

She’d been throwing up for nearly five solid months.

At all hours of the day and the night.

Loudly.

He had been seriously been considering moving into one of the bunks next to Jayne.

River’d killed that idea though.

They’d been at the table arguing the course, when the sound of Zoë puking into her bucket had echoed down from the bridge.

He had decided that he would move his things that evening.

And River’d started laughing, and said “He’s louder”

She must have felt his confusion, because she made an obscene motion.

He’d raised an eyebrow, saying “Louder than your brother, Kaylee and Zoë combined?

She’d only nodded.

He’d started counting, four months, one week, three days, seven hours and thirty three minutes to go.

'Course then there'd be crying and such...he wondered if he'd ever get to sleep again.