Kaylee always hated the late-night intrusions. The invasion of River. A grown woman crawling into bed with her brother! It seemed incestuous. It seemed wrong. And it made Kaylee insanely jealous. Not that she did it on a nightly basis, or even a monthly one. Never seemed freaked out when she came, just tired or sick, like she was past the worst of it and wanted Simon to know. When she was really bad, she didn’t come to their room. They could hear her screaming right through the walls and Simon would get out of bed and go to her. Didn’t matter what they were doing – when River cried, his attention was gone. And when River crawled into bed, Simon turned to her and at best, Kaylee could stare at his back or place a hand on his shoulder. Just as he’d tried to warn her so many times before, River was his life. River came first. This was why he’d kept Kaylee at a distance for so long. Why he kept making excuses. It had hurt like hell before, but now that Simon and Kaylee shared a bed, it hurt even worse. Much as Kaylee hoped she would come to understand, much as she hoped things would change, every time River appeared in their bunk, her heart sank lower. Every time she passed River in the hall, she was overwhelmed with awkward jealousy. She would never be first in Simon’s life. River was the cheeseburger, Kaylee was the fries. Just a little something extra on the side and when it came down to it, the fries never got the premium space on the dinner plate and always got left out of the doggie bag. A tear rolled down Kaylee’s cheek as she lay alone in the bed they shared. Simon had gone out with the others on this last job. They’d been gone two nights and would probably be gone two more. It was just Kaylee and River on the ship. For some reason, without Simon around, it was easier to talk to River in the day. But at night, alone in a bed meant for two, Kaylee couldn’t help but resent River. Because even on nights she shared this bed with Simon, he wasn’t fully there. She resented River because even with Simon gone, the bed didn’t feel any emptier than when he was there. Hearing the door slip open, Kaylee’s breath hitched, and her hand reached silently for a large wrench on the bedside table. Her hair stood on end as she listened again for the intruder. ‘Maybe just Simon come back early,’ she thought to herself, but the intruder didn’t smell like Simon. No. Smelled like River. Kaylee’s hand on the wrench loosened and she groaned in disbelief. She tipped on a light, chasing back the shadows, to reveal River, pale and frightened. “What is it River?” she asked, irritation lacing her voice. River didn’t seem to notice as her eyes flickered across the bed sheets and the ceiling tiles. “Simon?” River whispered tentatively, taking a few wobbly steps toward the bed. Despite the bitterness that had been clouding Kaylee’s thoughts, her heart went out to the girl. “He’s not here, sweetie,” Kaylee replied, her voice softening. She lifted the sheets, inviting River to lie down, just as she’d seen and resented Simon for doing a hundred times over. River crawled weakly into bed, looking like a sick child and Kaylee instinctively stroked her hair. Was River sick? Did she need medicine? River’s body glistened with sweat, her fingers trembling slightly as she kneaded the sheets. She murmured about ghosts of the past and the future. “Are Simon and the others in danger?” Kaylee asked suddenly, struck by the urgent thought. River shook her head, her eyes looking intently at the ceiling, her lips still muttering as if possessed by a spirit. Kaylee had fallen asleep countless times to the sound of River’s muttering, all the while radiating spiteful thoughts at Simon’s back. Only now, Simon wasn’t here and she saw what he had been seeing all this time – River. Trapped. Frightened. Sick from ghosts of memories that may not even be hers. Plagued by something that, Kaylee knew, medicine had no power over. And as she tried to soothe River, she felt gorram helpless. Kaylee was accustomed to feeling useless around the injured and infirmed, but not Simon. How maddening must it be for him to see his sister like this and not be able to help? How maddening? “Simon,” River whimpered again, and Kaylee pulled her into an embrace. “Just me here, sweetie,” Kaylee soothed, feeling powerless even as she said it. Maybe she should call the others and tell Simon to come back? But to what end? Medicine could not help here. Nothing could. River’s hand closed over hers, clinging tightly. Kaylee squeezed her friend, consoling, and after awhile, River’s trembling slowed. “Kaylee,” River whispered, her voice calmer, her breathing steadier. “I’m here,” Kaylee assured. As time slowed, paced out by pulses of Serenity’s engine, River’s murmurings stilled and she fell peacefully to dreams. Their embrace grew lax and for a moment, Kaylee just watched River rest. She closed her eyes with a sigh, feeling she’d done something right. Done something good. She had helped River fight off a demon – just one of the many that plagued her. Kaylee looked sadly at her friend, wondering when the next monster would strike. But when it did, she’d be there. Helpless as before, but there nonetheless. She understood a little better why Simon always turned to River, opening his arms whenever she cried. Maybe next time he did, she wouldn’t be so upset. Next time, she wouldn’t be so jealous. Or maybe she would be. After all, she still wanted to be first in Simon’s eyes. And though that may never happen, at least now, a little more than before, she understood.

*~* Comments always welcome.

By requests, a companion piece: Never Wished This